June 2019 - Part 7!

[Kescilly]

Hi ladies! Picking names, packing hospital bags - third trimester here we come!

I thought I'd start out with the stats this time and I'll post the updated name list in a bit. I've just included the data that I have, since a lot of people are missing bits (or quite possibly I've missed their posts). We come from all over, so I'll put that bit in another post later as well.

Our average age at estimated due date is 33! That should help some of us who are feeling older.

And that's not just because we're all second-timers! In fact, most of us are having our first baby this year.

Baby #1 - 31
Baby #2 - 26
Baby #3 - 9
Baby #4 - 1
Babies 1&2 together! - 1

Fifteen of us are expecting lovely little boys, nineteen of us are expecting darling little girls, and at least sixteen of us are waiting to be surprised!

The average due date is June 13th, and the most popular due date is June 24th. We don't have anyone expecting on the 15th, 23rd, 27th, or 30th as far as I can tell.

And if you happen to have a baby on my birthday (June 16th), your baby will be born on Father's Day this year!

Loving the chat on names - we are REALLY struggling. We had a boy name sorted by week 9 and were a bit 'meh' about girl names. Then we found out she was not a he, and since then cannot find a girl name we like. None of us are passionate about any girl names, so it isn't event just a case of one of us compromising...we're also double-barrelling, but I want her to have a middle name, but worried her name will end up like a shopping list! Argh!

Re the bra chat - my boobs literally have barely changed (this is not a good thing in my opinion) so I'm still wearing an A cup! Think I'll wait til the last minute to buy nursing bras, because I'm assuming they might fill out more once my milk comes in? Who knows. I think I'm the most flat chested pregnant lady on the planet!

Oh, and I'm expecting my baby box in the next few weeks! Can't wait!

Baby box arrived, can't believe how much stuff you get with it. Everything from clothes, to a digital ear thermometer, to condoms 😂 attached some pics

Oh wow @fee1234 I can't wait to get mine! That's brilliant!

@napssavelives I didn’t want to read and run. I am sorry you’re having a shit time of it - hell, I’m in a mood and all fed up now and I’ve not got half the stuff on that you have. One day at a time. Holidays are always the worst at times like this.

Blimey @fee1234 that’s a serious heap of stuff! So if we DO end up getting on we may just ditch the Moses outright (we have it in the loft rn, needs a new mattress) and use the box instead.

Thoughts?

Had my birth matters appointment yesterday to discuss my request for a ELCS. Appointment was really positive (and emotional) and the midwife said she completely understood, she could tell I had given it a lot of though and she would support it. Last time I had an induction, forceps and episiotomy and recovery took almost a year and required physio. The idea of giving birth vaginally terrifies me! Just need to speak to the consultant at my next appointment to be it signed off but she wrote a lovely supporting letter with a birth plan attached. This included access to breastfeeding support (due to issues last time) and a side room if possible (due to my anxiety on the ward last time) - and also because I went batshit when she said partners were allowed on the ward all night. I had a total meltdown! Accompanied by hysterical laughter, tears and a hot flush. I wanted to kill everyone on the ward last time. It was so loud and busy. After 3 days they opened up transitional care and I had a 6 bed ward to myself as they could see I was about to blow. Night time was the only let up. I never slept but it was quiet. The idea of there being partners there all night is one that fills me with dread and panic.
Does anyone elses hospital trust do this? And how do people feel about it?

@napssavelives such a shitty situation, hope you can rest and have a peaceful time for the next couple of days at least ❤️

Pig that’s crazy, it must’ve been so noisy! Fwiw when I had dd it was in an nhs hospital with 100% own en suite rooms, yet even then partners weren’t allowed to stay! Apparently now they can, but I get that as you have your own room so it makes sense and probably helps the nurses out as tings like I couldn’t get out of bed to pick up dd for feeds at night as I’d had a csection so I had to buzz for them to help every time when dh could’ve done it. On a ward though is different I think and much as I would have liked dh the option of staying I wouldn’t expect it to be allowed on a ward. Single room yes, ward no. I hope you get a side room and have a short stay.

Fee I spent ages doing all the questions for that baby box only to find I had to go all the way to London to collect so I’m not going to bother. It’s annoying but it’s not worth it despite the great free stuff.

Have another sore throat again, I am constantly ill. And it makes the neverending nausea so much worse. Hurry up June!

@reastie
Yes I can see how it is helpful but I don’t think it’s appropriate on a ward. Women are at their most vulnerable and don’t want to be surrounded by strange men. Even if they were all as silent as mice (which the won’t be!). Wards are too crowded as it is. We live in a very multicultural city and a lot of cultures (the 20+ Muslim women I work with were horrified) would be very uneasy with it. The next city over has all single rooms which I have no problems with partners staying in private rooms.

Partners can’t stay on wards in my local hospital but they can in private rooms. With my first I had a private room and DH did stay which made a world of difference for me post c-section. Especially while I still had the catheter in and then when I first got dressed and realised I couldn’t pull my own knickers up! Room was en suite so he didn’t go near anyone else other than to the breakfast station to get me some toast in the morning. He had to wear a bracelet to show he was approved to be there and sign an agreement.

I can’t see how you could possibly have partners out on a ward though. Just wouldn’t be fair and it’s hard enough to be on a ward as it is.

The Scottish baby box looks amazing! What a wonderful thing. You can get a free one in England with the Baby Box University by doing their online course but you just get the box and a pack of Lidl nappies and wipes and some vouchers/leaflets.

Men are allowed to stay at my local hospital which I’m not happy about. I’ve got a history of sexual trauma and feel very unsafe around men I don’t know so for me I would struggle to have a man I didn’t know behind the next curtain. Would cause a lot of anxiety.

@imtakingabath I know what you mean! I’ve found H&M has some more affordable nursing bras, and Figleaves is quite reasonable but I think they’re online only. I resent how much bras cost!!

I have a ridiculously small back size normally and have spent a small fortune on bras in a hard to find size and now they’re all obsolete and I’m fuming!

The bra thing is driving me mad too! I got one new one which I'm wearing ALL the time. I couldn't do the old ones because the underwires were digging into me. I got a nursing one, as it was the same price and I'm hoping it might just fit post-baby. But I'm thinking of going for another fitting around week 38.

I went a bit mad today and bought a trendy (and way too expensive) changing bag. But I figured I wouldn't spend much once the baby is here .

ugh I'm dreading having to stay in hospital - I don't sleep well if at all in unfamiliar environments and with 4 beds on ward at my hospital plus partners and visitors I think it will be intense. Not that two babies will allow me to sleep anyway ha! I am planning to transfer to my local MLU afterwards as they have a postnatal ward for extra support.

I may have to ask mum or DP to do a night shift with me to pass me babies to feed if I end up having a c section. If I try for vaginal birth there is a 1:25 chance I will need a c sec for twin 2 once twin 1 is out! eeek. But I'd rather attempt natural if twins are in favourable position than go straight for ELCS.

The Scottish baby box looks amazing! Shame they don't do similar in England - baby box co looks a bit naff in comparison!

Our hospital allows partners to stay overnight but I’m really glad about it as Id find it very stressful if I had baby in the afternoon and my partner had to go home a few hours later. I’d really like him to stay with me the whole time as I am a bit anxious about being on a ward! At my hospital they spread everyone out so one person in each ward first of all and then they position people diagonally so they are as far apart as possible. I might pay for a private room if it’s an option though as would much prefer separate space. When I did the hospital tour though one ward was completely empty so hoping it won’t be too crowded on the day!

@Naps If you tell your midwife about that I’m sure they would prioritise you for a private room if there are any available at your hospital

One of the reasons I chose my hospital is because they have only private rooms.... It's not the closest one to me but it seemed much better than either of my local ones. Although they might try to jam a second bed into a room if every woman in the borough goes into labor at the same time!

@naps I agree with above - do mention this to your MW!

I had to stay on my own on the ward when I gave birth to DS as partners weren't allowed to stay and to be honest it's the most horrendous memory I have of giving birth/post labour. I was a FTM, terrified, didn't know what to do with a baby and was petrified all alone all night until DH was allowed back the next morning at 8am that I didn't sleep a wink. I absolutely hated being alone. On the other hand I can totally understand the points raised about feeling unsafe around strange men and funnily enough feel the same way too despite my experience last time. Partners can actually stay at my hospital this time round but to me the compromise is we're going to pay for a private room for the duration of our stay. Not sure what we'd do if that wasn't an option though 🧐

Men are allowed to stay at our hospital and I was personally relieved by that as I was dreading being left on my own. I’d much rather have a private room and pay for it, but we don’t even have that option here.

In terms of bras, I've got a 2 pack of cheap, ugly stretchy ones. I bought proper one while pregnant last time but when my milk came in my boobs doubled in size (very painful and red!), they reduced again after a week or so but not to original size.
The comfy ones are much easier in the early days anyway and they're useful for holding pads in place over night if you decide to go to proper ones again during the day.

I feel like I’ve had a big surge of hormones, so bloody emotional and tired the last couple of days. Had to take a nap after I went food shopping this morning. I’m hoping it’s just a blip as still have a while to go

We've just arrived in France for a last break before the baby is here...
the weather is lovely and people are going for a dip in the sea later. I was wondering if it would be safe for me to join in? Water is obviously very cold and I wouldn't stay in long at all but I'd love to go in, I'm usually fine with cold water but I wondered if there's any potential dangers for the baby if I did? What do you think?

@annihall Can't imagine it will do any harm - just be prepared for a reaction. My mother went swimming off the Irish coast when pregnant with me and she said it felt like I was trying to climb up into her rib cage to get out of the cold water!

@2countries1bump thank you x That's what I thought... I can't imagine it doing any harm as baby won't get cold in there but not sure how I feel about baby trying to crawl into my rib cage haha

I know I need to buy baby stuff, really I do but I can’t. In terrified something is going to happen to him, after all the stress and everything in the last few months I can’t see him arriving safely. I’ve spent the morning googling still birth risk factors and prevention and I know that there is no real risk factors but what if something happens. What if after all this something happens to the baby and in left with all this stuff

@Napssavelives I have bought precisely one onesie to go in my hospital bag. That's it. Otherwise I've bought nothing.

I haven't had as horrible a time as you, but I'm also very anxious about giving birth, and sort of horrified that something so massive has to come out of me unscathed. I'm also very worried about the baby dying and having to come home to an apartment full of baby stuff with no baby. Then I feel bad, because what if I die, and then DH has a baby and no things for it?

I don't have any suggestions, just sympathy.