July 2019 (thread 9): shame me about my bump, and I'll shame you about your complete lack of manners

[RooKangaroo]

Honestly, I go to catch up on the thread after a few days and you guys have filled it up! Love this chatty group.

How is everyone this morning?

@Yukka I feel exactly the same way as @BeckyButterfly re:pain relief and birth! In an ideal situation will be a water birth in the midwife led unit, with just gas and air, but I know birth can be far from an ideal situation so will try to just go with the flow!
Before getting pregnant I was always adamant I'd take an epidural because why wouldn't you, but now I am pregnant and have actually researched it and the increase in interventions/slowing of labour I would much rather try without!

I'm hoping to give birth in the MLU but it's attached to the hospital so I can be transferred to a delivery suite if needed. Ideally I would have a water birth with gas and air but again, open to any possibilities! Like someone else said, I find the thought of the epidural scarier than the pain so would like to avoid it if need be. I had a very big head when I was born, as my mum constantly reminds me, and she needed forceps. Birth can be so unpredictable but I'm hoping the hypnobirthing techniques will help me feel prepared for anything.

Haha @thedust the big head comment made me chuckle!

I think the best thing to do is to have a plan of what you want but always be open to the idea that things may change. My mother-in-law had to have an emergency c section when my husband was born and needed to be put under general anaesthetic which is pretty much my worst nightmare but she just keeps telling me that women in labour are the most enduring and super human people who can make it through anything for our babies. She is a real confidence booster 🙂

Thanks ladies good to get your thoughts. I think my worry is knowing I’ll be induced and the impact this can have on duration and pain, I also don’t like the idea of pumping myself full of drugs between induction and pain relief. Since I’ve researched epidural it makes me think to not have it because then you can’t feel anything at all and I think that would be worse for me. Opium drugs make me a bit crazy too. I think I’ll plan for gas and air plus the morphine one that only last in 15sec boosts for contractions, and perhaps with that plan just see what happens and go with the flow once it starts. Plus the hypnobirthing.

@Yukka that sounds like a good plan. Like you say, anything can happen and you can’t rule anything out.

My friend just had her baby this morning and it is making me really excited for July even though it still seems like such a way off! She was induced at 3pm yesterday and gave birth at 6:30am today. She’s had a beautiful little girl 🙂

Erm, so I have a bit of a dilemma. Appreciate it's very trivial however. I've just found out through a mutual friend that one of my best friends is planning on throwing me a baby shower. Whilst I really appreciate the thought, it's really not my thing at all. The friend who has given me the heads up knows this and is trying to dial it down to just a get together with friends with no games/decorations/presents but it's falling on deaf ears. Whilst I love this girl to bits, we are very different people and she's always liked going the full shebang with things like this, whereas I'm much happier with things being fairly low-key. As it happens, the proposed date clashes with a family event on DH's side so I'm hoping at some point she's going to message him about it and he can tell her that it's not my thing etc etc. I completely get it's trivial but I don't want people to go out of their way to be involved in something I'm not keen on myself and I'm quite hurt that she seems to be carrying on and ignoring others because it's what she wants to do. I don't want to upset her or seem ungrateful (as I think it's very sweet and kind of her given she has a 10month old of her own!!) But I feel incredibly stressed by the thought of it all. Not sure I'm looking for advice but DH is away and I'm rattling around the house with all this whirring through my head!

@Jxtina86 that’s not trivial, I would feel the same. I’m just having afternoon tea at the start of July to avoid any baby shower shinanigans. I’ve been lucky and people have asked me if I want them to organise a shower for me and I’ve just said definitely not! It’s really not my thing at all either.
If I were you, I would probably come straight out and tell her that you’d heard rumblings that she was planning something and that it really isn’t what you want. Maybe suggest doing something low key like going for lunch with a few close friends/family or something like that.

Checking in!

Jxtina I would have a kind and discrete word with the friend, and sooner rather than later, it's not fair on either of you for this to continue. You've also got to put your peace of mind first here. I'd hate a shower as well.

JSCRJ good luck at the doctor's on Monday. I think there are relatively more organs on the right that they can check, that's what they told me anyway.

Trying2bemum thank you, they've not found what it is and don't seem very keen to get to the bottom of it. Just pushing painkillers. Agree the rib pain is really tricky.

I've spent the day in bed feeling very sorry for myself, but it seems to have helped a bit. Just all feels a bit relentless. I want to be full of the joys of spring, perhaps next week!

@Jxtina86 it’s not trivial I have a similar dilemma and it’s really stressing me out! I mentioned it on the last thread but basically my friend has said she is throwing me a baby shower, won’t tell me where or when, and won’t invite anyone I want to!! I’ve tried telling her who I’d like to be there and she just said “no not inviting them.”

Does sound silly but I have no idea what to do.

Thank ladies - reassuring that I'm not alone thinking this way! I gave DH a heads up and he has reiterated what others have said on my behalf and she has started to back down on it being a full blown baby shower. The thing is that I know she wasn't doing it maliciously, it's just that she only works on one level lol. The problem now is that funnily enough I have quite a few things planned in May and June as I knew it would be last chance to do anything for me for a while so DH told her all the dates I can't do and she's said they might now struggle to fit in around that... so might not happen anyway. This is why people shouldn't plan surprises...!

Oh @Chinks123 that sounds even worse than my situation! Why won't she invite people you want there?! Do you know any of the people she is inviting? Surely if you don't they must find it a bit odd too...? If she's not listening to you, can you get someone else to have a word?

@Jxtina86 I know the girls she’s invited but they’re not my friends, they’re hers!! I imagine they’re wondering why on earth they’ve been invited, I feel embarrassed. She won’t invite who I want because she doesn’t like them..I don’t think she’s grasped it’s supposed to be my baby shower.

Dp wanted to have a word, but he’s very hot headed and I’m trying to avoid an argument. I didn’t even ask for a baby shower

@Chinks123 I really feel for you, especially if you didn't want one in the first place! That's ridiculous why she won't invite people you want- like you say, it's your shower not hers! Also how on earth can she tell you it's happening but not the date?! Bit presumptuous that you will be free!

@Jxtina86 haha Thankyou, I’m meeting her this week for tea so I’ll have to get a bit tougher and put my foot down I think. I’m such a wimp but I really don’t want anything to spoil my pregnancy. She’s a good friend but a bit self absorbed. Wish me luck!!

@Chinks123 I think I must be hot headed like your other half because I would’ve told her to bugger off by now 😂

@Chinks123 totally with you, hate confrontation. I've felt on edge ever since this all came out this afternoon and I hate it! Fingers crossed she listens to you once and for all!

@BeckyButterfly I think it’s better to be a little hotheaded rather than a pushover like me!

Unfortunately he tends to lose his temper as he feels she “takes the absolute piss” and wants to tell her ‘once and for all’

Thankyou @Jxtina86 hope you get yours sorted aswell and we can enjoy relaxing pregnancies. And maybe relaxing baby showers if we end up having them

@Chinks123 I'll raise a glass of non-alcoholic something to that!!

I'm planning in an epidural but I do feel a biy conflicted. My view is that the correlation is likely to be due to women with complicated or lengthy births are more likely to request epidurals and this has influenced the data. A good epidural should give you enough sensation to know when to push, and I like that it would come with extra monitoring from docs. If I can make it less likely to be in severe pain why wouldn't I?

But then I do feel like the ideal birth would be with gas & air only and over with quickly. But I feel like it's a lottery for who gets the quick and uncomplicated labour, and sods law that's a lottery I wouldn't win!

Well done for managing to swerve the big baby shower Jxtina. Good luck confronting your friend Chinks. I really wish we could have a kind of relaxed British baby shower as standard with just lots of cake and unashamedly baby focused talk

@SerenaOverjoyed it’s totally a personal choice. I know several people who’ve had epidurals and not one of them has had a problem. I think it is just whatever feels right for you 🙂

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted in this group before ... but reading thread with great interest! I’m due early July. I wondered if anyone has experience of induction? I had a meeting with consultant and she said I would be induced around due date but wasn’t entirely clear why... hinted she might have lost a baby by not inducing an IVF birth previously so I just thought yes I should do what she says. I have IVF pregnancy but just due to same sex relationship... no probs at all so far...I’ve looked up induced births and got scared as it says there can be complications, bleeding, longer more painful labour and no clear info about why it’d be needed for IVF pregnancy...maybe I’ll be on time/ early anyway ... but wondering if I need to say no to induction (unless for standard reasons etc)...?

Hi @gaymummy! It’s lovely to meet you 🙂

I don’t have any experience with induction or any birthing relating things because this is my first baby but I would say that you are well within your right to ask why induction is necessary. Especially to plan it this early on when you’ve had no complications. Perhaps just have the conversation with your consultant or midwife and see what they say.

Hola, didn’t realise I’d been offline for so long until I started catching up on the chat!
@Regina congratulations, that’s lovely news 💍🥳
@Stargazy my belly button is stuck at cats bottom phase, so still unattractive 😂
Re chat re rib pain, I get it a lot on my left hand side but it comes & goes. I think it’s worse when no2 is head up rather than feet up.
Re bras, I went from 32G to 34G - cup size didn’t increase, they just come out from under my charmpits now so Debenhams & Mothercare are ok for now but still not tried nursing bras. I have been warned that they’ll get bigger 😱 when milk comes in so thanks for that tip re fig leaves.
So re talk about bump sizes I had my 24wk scan last week & it turns out my 2 are on the small side & I haven’t put enough weight on either. Folk kept telling me how neat I was which started to make me paranoid but apparently I’m not. The thing I can’t get my head round is they’re both charting within the mid & min lines, just not increased in the same trajectory. So back again on 01/04 to check they’re still growing. Consultants should never use the phrase failing to thrive when dealing with women who have a history of missed miscarriages. I’ve spent most of the week worrying & trying to eat up. Yesterday I said fuck it & decided to buy a wee pack is size 1 newborn nappies for positive thinking/actions. Apart from pram & car seats which are being held by the shop this is the first thing I’ve bought as I’ve been too superstitious.