July 2019 (thread 9): shame me about my bump, and I'll shame you about your complete lack of manners

[RooKangaroo]

Honestly, I go to catch up on the thread after a few days and you guys have filled it up! Love this chatty group.

How is everyone this morning?

The baby doesn't seem to like me sleeping on my left side, I mostly sleep on my right side or she'd wriggle all night. It's a real pain not being able to get comfortable at night!

Giraffe on the 4D scan, this isn't scientific at all, but I had my weekly coffee and a doughnut before we went and the baby was moving a fair bit as a result. I think it probably helped the sonograoher get a better range of pictures as she wasn't stuck in one position. When we had the 20 week scan at the hospital she wasn't budging for anyone! 🙈 Could of course be a coincidence but I thought I'd share.

Glad I'm not alone on being super veiny!

I've always been a side sleeper, but always alternated. I tried being on my left every night but I ended up with awful back ache and rib pain so now alternate between left and right to help balance things out. Also another one whose baby seems to kick more when I'm on my right side more than left!

Very impressed with all the walking! We went to my friends little boy's first birthday yesterday - I was on my feet for an hour or so tops but my back seized up massively. By the time we got home (having also done a trip to Mothercare/Boots/B&Q on the way), I was in agony and spent the rest of the evening on the sofa! So I well and truly doff my hat to you ladies!

Wow all that walking is impressive. My back can only do 15min max.

@cravingmilkshake - Yes I'm in Surrey, in Guildford area.

Re sleeping on sides. I've been told and recommended same as @Becky. If I sleep too much on the left weirdly my ear starts hurting and also, the baby wiggles so much like you said @stargazydrifter . Sometimes I'm afraid I'm squashing him 🙈

We had two sets of visitors this weekend. Abs knackered and have a dinner tonight. Trying to get see people in May so I can just not do anything in June.

Well I managed 3 miles yesterday and my hips have paid the price overnight! Think I’m going to try a chiropractor as I had read and heard they can help with pgp and in general birth readiness. I think my works health insurance might cover it. Worth a shot!

Ha thanks for that @stargazydrifter, I shall have something sugary before the scan. Definitely want baby to be moving and in good positions x

@blueeyedviking it’s funny you should say that about your ear hurting. My ears have hurt when I sleep for about 10 weeks. I’ve had to resort to sleeping with my head half off the pillow so that my ears aren’t actually on it! Never had it before! X

Urgh my cold is just getting worse and I've woken up with what I think is conjunctivitis. Not had that since I was a child.

blueeyedviking I completely get seeing people in May, we've been trying to do the same and it's all a bit exhausting. I keep thinking it's better this way than in the first couple of months after the baby is born, when it'll be a different kind of visit and conversation, and we'd want to see fewer people initially anyway as we get used to it all. I also want to have as clear a June as possible.

Kentishgal you seem to have had all the colds this pregnancy. ☹️ Hope it's a mild one and that both things clear soon. Everything seems to be so much more hard-going in the third trimester. Sending you big hugs.

Giraffe one more thing I remembered overnight - I was 32+0 exactly yesterday, by ovulation and NHS scans, but this 4D one placed the baby at 33+4. We didn't read the notes until after we got home so there wasn't the chance to ask if the sonigrapher therefore thought she might be over a week early due to size/readiness. Or whether it just means she's big. In the end, babies will do what they will do, but you might want to ask if you get similar. The two terms are EDD and EDD(AUA) - the second one means something like as per 4D scan.

Motivation to do anything is zero today. I'm going to try and press on or I'll have stuff hanging over me all week. Happy Monday!

Thank you stargazydrifter - I have had so many colds! I think baby is zapping all my strength this pregnancy! I have finally been getting organised this weekend and think I'm almost there on things for hospital bags. I had a dream last night that I had the baby and she weighed 2lb19oz (I appreciate that isn't an actual weight but, in my dream, they definitely said 19oz!!) - I was crying hysterically. All very odd! Yes agree re getting the visits over sooner rather than later - my husband has invited his dad and step mum to stay for 4 days over bank holiday - am dreading it!!

Thanks for that @stargazydrifter. Interesting to know and I’ll definitely look out for it. I’m going to ask the sonographer where my placenta is (was low lying at 20wks), I’m hoping they’ll tell me? X

Kentishgal four days is waaaaay too long even under normal circumstances, let alone in the third trimester and with another little one in your own home. Then again, I am deeply anti-social at heart and love my own space. Maybe you could absent-mindedly book into a spa for one of those days? Or you could come and hang out at ours in peace, we'll be at NCT mostly. 😉

Giraffe yes they can definitely tell you about the placenta and that was the first thing they said to us. Mine was anterior high, which she said was good (although ELCS here so doesn't matter as much). Yours could definitely have moved up since 20 weeks so worth asking.

Ha thanks stargazydrifter unfortunately no spa as I have my daughter to look after too - they invited themselves and they expect to be waited on hand and foot. Last time they arrived 4 weeks after I gave birth and stayed for 4 days - bearing in mind I'd had an emcs, uterine rupture, blood transfusions, infection etc - and I could barely stand - so I was holding onto the worktop to keep myself upright whilst trying to cook them a sodding roast. And all the while they criticise everything. Grhh, as you can tell, they wind me up sooo much. I'm putting my foot down this time about visits after birth. I think you have to be strict sometimes for your own health and sanity. Aww 4d scans sound great - we had one last time.

I totally get the in-laws thing, Kentishgal. Mine wind me up as well, they are quite selfish and make their own tiny concerns/needs a big problem for everyone to solve. Apparently always have been, but seems to be getting more so with age. Since we've been married, DH and I have more or less figured out a good way of handling them, and a broadly arms-length kind of relationship without it being cold or distant. Definitely helped by the fact that we live in London and do the relentless young(ish!) professional thing and they live in a posh green bubble and already have grandchildren nearby.

However, there seems to be a new thing emerging since I've been pregnant where MIL talks at length about her family history, "genetics" from their side and the right ways to do things. The implication being that my view of things is merely tolerable and whatever expectations/approach I have in mind are fine if they don't contradict "the plan" as she sees it. It's more draining than actually being a problem at this stage, and DH and I laugh about it. But essentially I need to curb my "mertapolital liberalism" if the baby is to grow up right. 😂 We will be restricting early visits too or I will probably lose my shit.

Ha ha oh God stargazydrifter they sound just like mine!! And it gets worse after they're born! My mil (who has since passed away) and my fil would both go on about how they are just like every family member of their family and they are the spitting image of my husband, his sister, his niece etc. And if there was anything that didn't fit with that, they would say, well I don't know where on earth they get that from! Erm maybe from my side of the gene pool. And I was told how ridiculous I was for saying I had to sleep on my left hand side and was categorically told I was wrong when I put baby to sleep on her back! And the criticism I got when weaning was absurd..."why do youe insist on feeding her all these strange foods"...erm because three years later on she has really adventurous tastebuds which I love! And now when she is naughty (heaven forbid - not like a three yr old has ever been naughty before) they tell me off! So, put your foot down early on and save yourself....it's clearly too late for me!! 😂 fortunately they're a good 6 hr drive away!!!

😂 this all sounds painfully familiar! We shall continue to put our foot down. It's excellent that your DD is an adventurous eater! I bet she's a lovely, outgoing little thing.

She has her moments stargazydrifter!

@giraffe888 I'm sleeping with my hand under my ear, kinda lifting the pressure of. So odd!

@kentishgal I hope you get rid of the cold soon. I'm sure you have tried it, but the mint stick (which you inhale) and chest cream helped me sleep when I had my cold.

And omg, agree on MIL! We used to see them 3-4 times a year as lived abroad. But my lovely FIL passed away in December and since then it's been 2-3 times a month... as my MIL isn't very independent. I'm more than happy to help but get so annoyed when all she does is says negative things e.g wow You have gained weight (6kg at that point) and wow what's happened to your face... I responded by saying 'yes it's called a baby..

What are you guys doing re hospital visits once baby is here? I'm tempted to wait with visits until we get home as would like some us only time.

Woahhh I can’t believe the distances you guys are able to walk! I’d love to just be able to walk round Tesco but spd means I can’t do That without crutches now. Only 7ish weeks to go though and 11 working days woo hoo!!

Kentish god fatigued is the word. I'm buggered.

The last few days have been a real struggle, I'm finding it hard to climb a flight of stairs. I have a feeling my iron has dipped as I'm washed out, pale, short of breath, getting weird palpitations and just so so wiped out! Seeing midwife tomorrow and will ask for another blood test and prescription iron as this is really hard and horrible.

I'm actually the most comfortable in bed at the moment. I've got a big pregnancy pillow with support either side. I'm a keen side sleeper so it suits me. But yes to having to wake up to change sides and move belly over!! Is anyone else struggling with sitting? I can't get comfy on the sofa. If I lean back I feel a bit sick. When I curl feet up to the side I end up getting rib cage pain. Also struggling to sit on office chairs.

Honestly what a monumental moan!!

Blueeyed I've had ear pain too from sleeping on my side!

Good idea to keep June quite free. For me July too as EDD is 24th July and it would be like me to forget and agree to all sorts of things and then regret it.

Bloody hell these MIL comments!! My in laws are pretty full on, and live a good four hour drive away so will want to come and stay. We have a two bedroom flat in north London so I'm nervous about this - really I want to say they can't stay here but not sure what DH will think. MIL was crazy competitive when my SIL gave birth last month - she actually said to me "SIL's mum is going to win" as she was worried she'd get to meet the baby first 🙄

I struggle with the sofa now too - the rib pain is the worst! Thinking of getting a yoga ball to sit on instead as imagine it's better for posture and will hopefully be handy later on for early labour.

My MIL is pretty much house bound these days due to MS and a bout of sepsis last year which just made things worse. They're about 2 hours away from us (using tube & train) but as we don't have a car, DH has already told them that we're unlikely to visit them until 4-6 weeks after the birth and they seemed fine with that. My own parents live even further away so doubt we'll end up with any visits in hospital unless we end up in there longer than usual for any reason.

On hospital visits, we weren't planning on having anyone visit that soon. Would be nice to just take it all in with just DH and the baby. I'm really worried about bonding and also, because of antenatal depression, I have a high risk of PND and maybe it's irrelevant but I think starting off slowly would help all of this. By the sound of things, it's only 24-48 hours in hospital anyway, even with ELCS. Unless there are complications, but then we would also want some space.

Definitely agree about the sofa, also uncomfortable. I've been sitting on the floor to watch tv lately, in a fortress of cushions. Though that's only marginally better. The best place I've found is the bath.

And my MIL is also obsessed with weight. When we first told them the news, she took me to one side and said isn't it "disgusting" how fat we get in pregnancy and how really that's the worst part. I was too shocked to say anything then. Then I've ended up having hyperemesis this whole pregnancy and haven't put on enough weight still, which is not great despite eating lots. MIL keeps telling me how "amazing" this is and how I look way better than SIL (her daughter!) who looked [insert all sorts of ridiculous stuff]. I keep saying to her I'd have much rather put on any amount than be sick multiple times a day, dehydrated, fatigued, dropping balls at work from week 5 and having icky tablets and all this worry, but she always waits very patiently for me to finish and then says "but you look good though". DH thinks she's got some sort of undiagnosed body issues herself. We'll have to be super strict on what she says to our child as she grows up. That's not something to pass on.

It's ridiculous isn't it - I may look like the size of a small community but would rather have that than suffer with hyperemesis! What is it with MiLs?! tryingtobemum that competitive attitude is crazy - my MiL was very similar. Last time my sister came to the hospital but mostly because we were in for a week and she travelled from Wales before we knew we'd be staying in - we didn't invite the in laws. This time (and I know this sounds awful) we have lied to everyone (except work) about the due date so that nobody will be expecting the baby for another week. Then hopefully we'll be home before anyone can think about visiting. I just don't want the pressure and expectation on me when going in for the ELCS - I am nervous enough so want to keep it low key and hopefully enjoy it a bit more.

Kentishgal we have also, kind of, lied by omission. Everyone assumes that, because EDD is 7/7 and it's a first baby she won't be here until around 10/7 at the earliest. In truth we are looking at 2/7 or 3/7 for ELCS. We haven't put anyone right about their assumptions to create some space, as you say.

I see on the news today that 80 hospitals are going to trial the group B strep test - will have to see if our hospitals are included and how soon it is being introduced.

When we last saw my mum she asked if we’d let her know when I’m in labour then her and my Dad would come and sit in the corridor waiting ready for coming in to see us once baby is born 😳 Needless to say both DH and I don’t want this! I don’t think we’re going to be able to avoid having parents to hospital (depending how long we’re in) but I certainly don’t want anyone sat there waiting to come in straightaway! I want that initial time to be for the 3 of us.

I’m debating not telling my Mum when I go into labour in case she turns up anyway but I’d feel bad not telling her. Just need to make sure she’s aware how strongly I feel that I don’t want them there waiting!

I don’t have any issues with her and she’s not interfering, she just loves children and is genuinely so excited! X