February 2019 - babies babies babies

[Since2016]

New thread ladies! The final few weeks!

@babyp160 hope you and baby are all OK. We have started calling my feet John Ham and Michael Gammon. I have some urine sticks at home so double checked I was protein free this morning. Next midwife appointment not until Thursday so anxious to keep any eye on things.

@Notquiteagandt I've been nervous about labour and stressing about how we'll cope with a baby but you've just reminded me why we're doing this

Not to put a downer on it... but I was pretty gutted after my first two labours, as I’d been promised that ‘rush of love’ and I didn’t get it.. not everyone does.

I love them to bits now obviously.. but initially, they were just babies I didn’t know yet. I also had PND.

I just don’t want people to think that feeling is guaranteed.. I thought it was, and was a bit disappointed.

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking - I do know what you mean. I had a tough labour my first time and didn't get to see him straight away or hold him like I wanted and really felt I'd missed out.

This baby though was totally different, I got to see her straight away and we cuddled for ages while I was in recovery - it was everything I had wanted with my first.

It doesn't happen for everyone but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't xx

@notquiteagandt so pleased for you. Hope you start to feel better soon, you have had a really rough 9 months!!

What does PGP feel like? I never had it in my first pregnancy and nothing like it so far this time. The last week or two I've noticed a sharp twinge in my lower back just left of my spine but I'd been ignoring it. It was only when I twisted a certain way or walked fast. The last few days to a week I feel like I've pulled a muscle in my groin on the right hand side. I don't feel it all the time but notice if my legs aren't together while I'm doing something. It's definitely got worse over the last couple of days too. I don't think I'd do much about it now at 39 weeks but curious to see if it sounds like PGP.

@Yakadee I didn’t beat myself up, but in hindsight... everyone had gone on about this rush of euphoria you get, and instant love.. that I just thought it was a given.

My first labour wasn’t traumatic in any way, it was just long... 58 hours, with an hour and a half of pushing. I was knackered and I think my body went into shock.

My second labour went much easier, still long (27 hours) but the pushing stage was much better, three easy pushes and he was out. I still didn’t get that overwhelming feeling though. I didn’t want to hold my babies... I just wanted to get cleaned up and normal feeling again!

I felt guilty for a while, but I’m ok with it all now. I’m fully expecting to want them to pass this one straight to his dad too, whilst I get myself sorted a bit.

Initially though, I did wonder if something was wrong with me 😬

What does PGP feel like?

It probably varies but for me it started at about 14 weeks with pain in the top of my inner thighs, as if I’d been working out in the gym the day before and hurt when I walk! As my pregnancy as progressed it became more of a general pain in the pubic bone / pelvic area, tops of thighs and a little in the buttocks. Hurts mostly when I walk, stand on one leg (eg putting trousers or shoes on), when turning over in bed and getting in and out of the car. Over the last few weeks I’ve had a sharp feeling in the left hand side of my groin as if I’ve pulled a muscle (sounds similar to what you describe) which doesn’t last long but has come and gone maybe once a day but not sure if this is related to the PGP or not 🤷‍♀️

Just calling in to update- I had my little girl, Maisie! She was born on the 27th January (39 +1) via emcs due to brow presentation. It wasn't the most straightforward birth (was sent home 12h before having to go back to hospital, didn't cope with the pain well at all at home so I was in hysterics by the time we made it back to the hospital, I was encouraged out of the immediate epidural I wanted to use remi instead (which was a waste of time ultimately because I still ended up getting an epidural a few h later), and then after labouring for nearly 12 hours, needed a c section regardless). Then, after all that, I ended up with an infection which needed treated with antibiotics (so they also had to treat baby, too), and she also needed light therapy. All in all, in hospital for 4 days. Absolutely hated it. Hated the ward, some of the midwives were awful and I just wanted to cry every night my partner had to leave at 10pm. I didn't get much support on the ward (although there were a few midwives who were great, especially the one who was with me for most of my early labour!)

I'm so happy to have her here and my section scar is healing up quite well so I'm starting to get around easier now, but I've really been put off having another kid for a long time. A lot of things would have to change for next time (paying for a private room in the hospital, having an epidural when requested, etc), because I don't think I could mentally handle the same experience another time.

You can’t book the private rooms in our hospital... it’s just luck if they’re available 🤷🏻‍♀️

Congrats on baby!

@chocpop congratulations on your little girl. Hope you recover soon and sorry it was so traumatic for you.

Congratulations @chocpop. I’m sorry that you didn’t have the best experience. Glad that you are recovering. Enjoy your baby girl! 😍 xx

@chocpop - so glad to hear you're on the mend, what a rough time you've had! Congratulations on your little girl. Try and put it behind you, look after yourself and enjoy your little one x

Congratulations @chocpop. I'm sorry you had such a bad time but glad that you're both home now. Hope you heal quickly.

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking - I’m really worried I won’t feel it, and then I think that perhaps simply because I’m anxious about it not happening will make it a self fulfilling prophecy... I’m sure in the moment that if it was going to happen my stupid brain wouldn’t have time to get in the way in amongst the pain and intensity of the experience but the worry is still there. I haven’t been desperate to be a mum all my life, would have been very happy without kids AND it all happened quite quickly (I’d miscarried before and for some reason just thought it wouldn’t happen) so I’m aware my ‘journey’ (bleugh) isn’t the same as other people. I’m still amazed there’s a baby in there and then will occasionally get really overwhelmed that it’s real... I just cannot foresee/comprehend how I’m going to feel when I see her.

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking my NCT antenatal course was really good in explaining that not everyone gets that sudden rush and that it’s fairly normal for love to be gradual. I hope I do feel immediate euphoria but it was really reassuring to know that not everybody does and it’s ok if I don’t.

I know it’s not the same thing but I remember when I got my kitten I brought her home and just thought ‘what if I don’t love you? What if i’m not good at looking after you?’ because adorable as she was I didn’t immediately love her. Now of course I love her to pieces. I imagine it’s possible I will feel the same about my baby, though I hope I just immediately besotted.

Congratulations @chocpop , the main thing is she's here! Enjoy your little bundle 😊 and I wish you a speedy recovery xxx

So off topic but I have to tell someone. Had baby on Tues and hadn't been to the loo (I'm never never normally that long) and I was dreading it - it was OK! I am so relieved I had to share - sorry! X

Re all the posts about the rush of love/bonding: I worried loads about bonding with my son when he was born 3 years ago. I had a planned c section (breech) which was amazingly straightforward but utterly surreal and quite unemotional and then he struggled to breastfeed which completely floored me. I remember saying to my husband that I may as well go back to work as I was good at that and since I could neither birth nor feed my baby there wasn’t much point in me being the one off work. I was mainly terrified as I felt a lot of pressure for this magic maternal bond to develop and it didn’t really. BUT I wish I’d had more faith in myself and my son and husband. With the help of LOTS of baby wearing, cuddles, skin to skin, intimate bottle feeds and focusing on doing lovely things with my baby (and eating lovely food), I realised that a bond is about much more than the initial supposed rush of love or even the feeding in the first few weeks. I have a lovely relationship with my son and we are very close, as is he to his dad.

So to first time mums, go easy on yourself: there’s a lot of nonsense spouted about the magical qualities of birth/feeding/newborn bonding. And for many people that’s probably true, but for many others it’s hard work and takes time (like a lot of things when you’re a parent!)

Congratulations to those of you who have had babies already! Am in awe of you all! 39+5 here and no real signs yet...

Oh and well done on the shit @yakadee 😂

Totally agree with all everyones said.

I think my initial rush came from such a dramatic birth and seeing she was ok on the end. Made me realise how much she meant to me.

But I didnt meet her for the first 4 hours of her life and she was still perfectly happy when we met.

But things happen differant for everyone I guess. Havent felt any pressure from the mw etc.

I have had 3 debriefs on labour though from various people and been offered counciling on it. So I guess thats them trying to help with bonding and understanding why things happend that way.

Hormones are a bitch too. Id be lying if ai said I hadnt spent alot of time the last 2 days in floods of tears and not knowing why. For me thats been the biggest shock. That I felt is downplayed a bit.

@chocpop congratulations on maisie!! Hope youre on mend soon

The hormones and crying - definitely! I found it was the worst at about three or four days last time. Everything made me cry - feeding, tiredness, loving my baby, feeling inadequate, people being nice, dh making me a cheese sandwich,... People talked about this time being emotional but at the time everything felt 'real' rather than because hormones were haywire. It might not happen but be prepared for a lot of tears in the first few weeks even if you don't have pnd. You may not even know why you're crying.

Congratulations @Yakadee. You made me chuckle with the use of "relief". 😂

Congratulations @maxiflump1 he is GORGEOUS! Happy to hear babies arrived safely albeit with some drama @notquiteagandt and @chocpop - EMCS are scary, and I’m really sorry you’ve had a rubbish experience @chocpop - unfortunately it sounds par for the course re post natal wards as they’re chronically understaffed. It’s probably the trauma of it all as well that’s made it feel worse.

For those who want to BF personally I really would recommend against taking formula with. If you actually can’t BF the hospital will provide it, but it can take a little while to get the technique etc right. Obviously a v personal decision but I didn’t last time and wouldn’t again, despite some early difficulties as I was / am determined to BF.

I’m feeling great still - amazing in comparison to my last pregnancy. Although after a v busy few days - lots of full on days out inc. tube etc with DD and then all day yesterday followed by a lovely evening out with DH I’m feeling it today. I’ve promised both my mum and DH I will take it easy for the next few days ahead of last janes scheduled arrival on Thursday!

I’m also starting to scare the general public who keep asking me when I’m due 😂

Sorry for those struggling - this last bit can be v tough - I’m just so much better in comparison to last time I’m maximising it all - just need to make sure I rest enough!

Thanks to all sharing their rush of love/or not stories, it's really refreshing to hear both positive and negative experiences and to know it's completely normal!

As a first time mum it definitely scares me a bit and I really don't think it's hit me that I will have a baby in the next few weeks!!

Congratulations @chocpop with your little girl, sorry it wasn't the experience you'd hoped for!

And the ‘rush’ isn’t there for everyone. I had an awful time last time, an EMCS, 4 days of labour and then DD was in NICU several floors away for a week. I struggled to BF and tbh surviving each day was enough. But it does happen just not instantly for everyone - it’s a massive shock for so many people! So don’t worry if you feel like you’re ‘going through the motions’ at the beginning. It will come !

It definitely comes.. you will love your child unconditionally whether you feel it straight away, or a few weeks down the line..

You will also be more aware of your own mortality than you have ever been before! (I am now a shitbag with anything that involves any kind of risk 😂).

I definitely agree that whether the bond is instant, or takes time... it is unbreakable once it’s there.