December 2018 Babies - Thread #5 - The Births

[MagicalCreatures]

Hi girls.
Here’s the new thread.
I’ll upload the spreadsheet again too.
Let’s get these baby’s out.
😘

I cried myself to sleep last night!
In the daytime I can deal with everything I cope really really well but night time is horrendous! I go from really happy to extremely miserable in the flick of a switch... I'm finding things very hard, but I'm so very grateful I have you lot to vent too, and I know I'm not totally alone
My mum had a relapse last weekend too (alcoholic) she's not drank for a good few months, she had to get her dog put to sleep, she ended up getting arrested and now social services are involved, so I have my 15 year old sister living with me and refusing to go to school... I think I just have so much going on I feel suffocated if that makes sense, sorry for the rant I just need somebody to talk to, my OH is brilliant but I feel like I'm just moaning all the time and he's sick of me lol

Ohh @MagicalCreatures your post really resonated with me. I remember with my first just sobbing and saying I wasn't cut out to be a Mum - these thoughts make you feel guilty I know but they are normal, and you're doing the right thing telling someone you're struggling. You had a traumatic birth too which will still be taking it's toll on you both mentally and physically. At the moment you only need to focus on what's happening right now - the supermarket trips etc will happen but when you're ready. You need some time to heal and process, and on top of that you're looking after someone who needs you 24/7. All the advice from the other girls is solid - a sling especially.

@Athers666 mine is a month old today and has a dummy if he won't settle - he's combination fed but hasn't had any difficulty switching between boob and dummy / bottle and tends to spit the dummy out if he is looking for anything other than comfort. Totally agree with you and @AGirlinLondon re the naps - my first slept really well and this one refuses to nap for long periods (though thankfully is only up once at night so I will not complain)

Have got an avent dummy today to try later...will report back how it goes! Thank you everyone. I'm so grateful to be able to post here x

Ours is breastfed (with a formula top up because he is a greedy guts) and he is doing fine with a dummy. I was resistant at first but his feeding seems to be completely unaffected by it.

Dummy update...he quite likes it! He is so much calmer now! Still lets me know when he wants to feed by crying and thrashing about but he can still jump on the boob ok and didn't seem confuzzled. He still hasn't napped and has been up all day again but at least he hasn't been screaming blue murder constantly😂

@December2018 You have so much on your plate, really feel for you! Keep posting here whenever you need to vent if it helps. X

@mrsmaggiemistletoe - thanks for sharing advice and welcome out from lurking

@December2018
This is an unbelievable amount of stuff on your plate. Hope your mum is back on track very soon. Don't overly worry about your sister - probably half the ladies on this thread have had a rebellious teenage phase and look at us all now! As for the baby... things will get easier. I was just with some other parents of slightly older babies and they all said there's a huge developmental change at 6 weeks (next sunday for me!) And at 3 months. Roll on

Great news @Athers!!

The dummy has been a great help overnight! He slept for 3 hours before waking to be fed, much longer than his usual 3 seconds! Boobs are less sore now as well after a little break from the suckling so we're both a lot happier. He's having a good long feed now and his latch on has actually improved as he's opening his mouth much wider now so less painful for me. Phew!

@December2018 I could have written your exact post when I had my first baby. As much as I loved my little boy I struggled with how much my life had changed and dealing with a newborn on top of recovering from a difficult birth. Honestly love I know it seems like a never ending cycle of feeding and changing now but this shitty bit doesn’t last. It’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel right now but in a couple of months the baby will be a lot more settled and life will be much easier. Take it day by day right now, hour by hour, minute by minute. You can do this. You did the last hour. You did the last minute

Thanks guys my mums not drank again since her blip but she's still very unstable (mental health problems) so I'm watching her like a hawk, I've had to put all of her meds in my house and have to go round and administer them myself so I know what she's had and when...
On a plus my sister has agreed to go to school tomorrow I sat her down and told her I have enough to deal with at the moment and then bribed her with an iTunes gift card if she goes in for the rest of the week lol
Oliver is keeping me going! I kind of feel like he's been sent from heaven because If he weren't around keeping me so busy I don't think I would be able to cope!
Anyway enough of my miserable shite!
How's all my mummas and babbas doing today xx

We’ve had a slightly better few nights thankfully. I’m not convinced it’ll continue and have a bad feeling about tonight as she’s been quite unsettled this afternoon, but the last three nights we’ve managed at least a couple of hours sleep overnight which is much more bearable than the no sleep of previous! We’ve also started to be able to stretch our her feeds to every 2-4 hours depending on how well she sleeps (previously she was attached to me as often as every 30 mins!). She still won’t go down in her cot or the Moses basket but the sling has been magic and a game changer in that she’s had 2-3 hour naps in it on Daddy which has meant I can finally have daytime naps!

It’s still early days but I’m very grateful for the small progress we’ve started to make and it’s made it a lot easier to know we’ll have good days as well as bad now.

There’s some great advice and support on here. Thankyou so much.
And @December2018 sorry to hear about your mums relapse. That’s shite for you. Keep strong.

Update from us..... not a lot has changed. We think Brady has colic and have just started him on dentinox.
I’ve left the house a few times. Not by myself though except to walk to our midwife discharge appt which is just across the road. I still have panic attacks when someone mentions me going out somewhere to meet them or do something.
My emotions are just getting worse with each day. Everyday that we don’t have a great day sets me back.
I feel more guilt then ever realising that I’ve spent the first 2 weeks of his life crying and moaning and wishing he was different. When he is perfect and it’s not him that’s the problem, it’s me.
The most precious 2 weeks that I’ll never get back. And then I cry again. I don’t think I’m good enough for him. He deserves so much better.
I’ve finally started having some visitors. I feel bad for that too because we are so lucky that we have so many friends and wonderful family that have been dying to meet him, that have spoilt him and I’ve just not been in contact with anyone and making them not feel welcome.
I’m holding the love back from him that he should be getting from everyone else.

I just in general feel like I have coped the least out of everyone in the entire world that ever had a baby.
And then I have moments where I think that I just always expect too much off myself and end up disappointed.
I prepared myself as much as I could for motherhood, but obviously not in the right way. Oh how wrong I was about everything.

@MagicalCreatures please don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m being the exact same with myself but reading your post all I can think is you’re being the best mummy you can be right now and that’s enough for Brady, he doesn’t need perfection he just needs you, his mummy, and as I was thinking that I was thinking that’s what DH keeps saying to me and I don’t listen so I know you probably won’t either but honestly, we’re doing our best ❤️

As expected we had a bad night, DH finally took her out the bedroom at 5am to get me a couple hours sleep which I was grateful for. After a better few days (I didn’t cry yesterday!!!) I’ve massively crashed and burned today - day 17 and we’re still below birth weight, and still loosing weight. Loosing minimal (25g in 5 days!) but it’s a loss not a gain. I’m convinced my milk supply isn’t good enough and it seems the midwives think that too as we now have to give formula top ups at every feed. After over two weeks of battling with breastfeeding, crying in the night because I’m the only one who can feed and therefore settle her, and extremely sore nipples all I can think is how gutted I am that we’ve gone through all that for me to not even be able to nourish her enough to gain weight!! I’m going to continue breastfeeding and giving the bottle top ups in the hope that my supply will sort itself out and we can go back to just breast but honestly think I’m fighting a loosing battle here.

So had a bit of a backwards step today, excuse my pity party. I just want you to know you’re not feeling alone, as I feel like I’m a pretty crap Mum right now too. I don’t think there is any real preparation for what it’ll be like but we’re doing our best and that’s what matters.

I know its easy to say but it is worth repeating
IT DOES GET BETTER
We are at week 5 and been topping up daily with formula. Its so worth it to see Amber healthy. There are still shit days but nowhere near as bad as the first two weeks. They sleep longer, can pass wind easier and give back more in terms of interaction
What i have learned: baby needs changing and feeding three times as much as feels reasonable. Sometimes she cries and all i can do is be there for her and distract her (e.g. when she wees and poos) and that is ok - also ok to leave her a minute or 2 crying while i get water or have a wee. Last, the 5 S's:
www.babycenter.com/0_harvey-karps-happiest-baby-method-for-baby-sleep-and-soothin_10373838.bc

Hugs to everyone! Especially those who are struggling at the moment.
@MagicalCreatures you're doing great, you really are. Just look at beautiful Brady. You made him! And he loves you and of course you're good enough for him. You've got this xx
I was so tired pacing the house with Casper at 2am I was in tears again. Ugh, I hate the nights so much! But, he now has a longer morning nap which means I can shower, stick laundry on and and do my hair before he's ready for feeding so progress! Before I would get in the shower and he'd wake instantly and scream until I picked him up.

Hey @pickett and @magical I feel for you both so much. I hate and dread the nights, and the first two weeks, while magical and special, were genuinely the hardest of my life. I don’t know how me and OH havent killed each other. Like @raysan says it does get better - slowly, almost unnoticeable at the time, but it does. We had a terrible night two nights ago and I was back crying on the couch. But at least we all know that even though it’s shit it’s completely normal

Ladies don’t beat yourself up about breastfeeding. Give yourself permission to mix feed, top up, hell - switch fully to formula if it makes you feel more human. I am dealing with oversupply at the moment which sounds like a nice problem to have but actually isn’t - it comes out so fast he won’t drink it and screams the place down. The solution is (you guessed it) more breastfeeding. Great.

@athers666 I actually find ours likes the sound of the shower so I bring him into the bathroom in his bouncer 😂

Wow I'm totally being kept sane by you guys! Great to know I'm not the only one on this emotional roller coaster. Some days I could run away but then something like seeing his cute teeny toes reminds me that he's so worth all the stress x

AGirlInLondon I had oversupply/fast letdown with my first two. Have got it sorted this time. Things that helped -
Get a muslin ready before you feed, then let the fast milk spray into the muslin as soon as he pops off from the force of it. Once it’s back to a steadier drip latch him back on. If you get several let downs during the course of a feed then you might have to do this a few times.
Feed in as upright a position as possible - I generally feed this little guy with him sitting up. Gravity is not your friend!
DON’T be tempted to express to ‘empty’ your breasts - your body will just make more milk and it will exacerbate the problem. I did this loads with my first, big mistake! Breasts can’t empty anyway, there is always more milk.

For those dealing with worries about lack of supply, this post might be useful. It’s a long one but very worth reading www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/low-milk-supply-101

MagicalCreatures a big hug for you. Brady has no idea what’s going through your head right now, all he knows is that he’s fed, safe, held, warm. Look at him sleeping happily on your chest in your picture - that is a baby whose needs and wants are all being met. (Plus you look like you have clean hair and clothes, win!)
Don’t feel any guilt towards others - visitors can wait. But if you feel able then use them - let them cuddle him and go for a nap if you could do that, if not then a shower by yourself or even just a few moments alone to decompress.
Have you had panic attacks before? Do you like and trust your midwife/HV and could chat to them about all this? X

Thank you so much @missmaggie - I have been doing the catching letdown trick today. It really does come out with a lot of force, poor little creature trying to drink that!!

I was also falling into the trap of expressing a lot and then even worse, feeding him that expressed milk, which of course was all foremilk and it was making him horribly windy with explosive poos. So the expressing has totally stopped and I am doing a bit of block feeding too. Today we had he first ‘normal’ poo for a week - and he also slept for five hours straight last night for the first time ever...so I think we are making progress!

Never thought I would be so excited to examine a poo....🙈

Ah great news about the 5 hour stretch! I hope you were also sleeping during those hours and not waking up worrying that he hadn’t woken up yet

@mrsmaggiemistletoe I woke up feeling weirdly rested and realised I must have slept for hours!!!

Awful night last night. I cried lots. Feel ok today though! He napped this morning for two hours and instead of rushing around trying to do housework I joined him. Much needed! I just hate the nights so much. Shudder.

Thanks for all your lovely words of support.
I honestly believe the only reason I am still ‘partly’ sane is because of you all.
As much as I wish some of you weren’t having the problems your having, it does reassure me that what I’m experiencing is normal.
As much as people in my life tell me it is and that it gets better, when I see them with their content 8 week old baby, I just don’t believe them.
Anyway, things are looking up.
Brady has been sleeping better. I’m now getting at least 6 hours of sleep. He’s doing a 4 hour, a 3 hour then a 2 hour between his feeds through the evening to the morning.
Yes he’s feeds are still very irregular. He’s cluster feeding I’ve been told which is apparently normal for some babies. Especially ones which are still quite small and had a troubled start.
He’s 3 weeks old Sunday and still not even 8lb.
He is definitely not a morning person though and screams all morning which means it’s a huge struggle for me to get out the house but strangely I’ve managed it quite abit. I’m starting to get my own routine together and have become rapidly quick at doing stuff like making the bed 😂
He really doesn’t like to be put down between the hours of 7am and 12pm but I grab little 5 minutes here and there when I put him in his bouncer and race back to rock it quickly when he starts screaming. I then get atleast another 5 minutes.
WINNING!!!!
I’m starting to feel a lot more in control and managed a Nando’s with DH for his birthday yesterday. God this kid has a set of lungs on him 😂 he didn’t cry but I’ve never eaten my wrap so quickly.
He definitely does have colic and it’s awful. We’re using Dentinox at the moment but have been prescribed infant Gaviscon to try next week.
So yes it does get better or maybe we just learn to cope with it. Whichever, all I know is I love this Boy so much. I still can’t believe I cooked up such a perfect creation. X