December 2018 Babies - Thread #5 - The Births

[MagicalCreatures]

Hi girls.
Here’s the new thread.
I’ll upload the spreadsheet again too.
Let’s get these baby’s out.
😘

Belated 'hello' from Amber Edith, who arrived at 41+4 weeks via assisted delivery. She's 4 weeks old now and very healthy apart from a little reflux.
It's all still very strange and new! Love her to bits xxx

@raysan1 she is beautiful congratulations hun 😍💜
I was 40+4 with Oliver and also had an assisted delivery, he's 3 weeks old today... it's such a life changing experience isn't it.. they are so worth all the sleep deprivation... Oliver weed on me today and it went in my mouth 😂😂 I'm sure he aims it on purpose

Congratulations @raysan1 she is gorgeous!

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling. It’s so hard sometimes. I’ve had a tough week myself as it was my husband’s first week back at work and I’ve had my 2 babies to look after all alone 😱 (my older one is only 19 months) it wasn’t terrible just really tiring and a bit stressful and had loads of mum guilt about not giving either of them enough attention and using CBeebies far too much but what can you do?! Hopefully we will find our own rhythm soon.

@magicalcreatures do not worry about formula feeding. I had similar with my first where I planned to breastfeed and couldn’t and panicked as I knew nothing about formula feeding. It honestly becomes second nature very quickly and there are easy ways to prepare it when you are out and about. I’m going to drop you a pm with what we do if that helps at all. I ended up being really happy with formula feeding so much so I decided to do it from the start with my second! You’ll be fine xx

@December2018, thanks! Yes, hard work but she has started to smile at us now and it is all forgotten!

We are mixed feeding and have been since hospital - didn't listen to people who suggest waiting 4 weeks so baby doesn't get confused... she takes to both equally well. It is absolutely perfect for us, and Amber is putting on weight amazingly well.

Have also started on reusable nappies hired from a local 'nappy library'!

@raysan1 Congratulations. She's so beautiful. Love her hair!
@December2018 Ha ha, little tinker! Casper loves to wee on me as well, all over my jeans yesterday that I'd just put on. Gotta love boys!🤣

@raysan1 congratulations. She is a little cutie.

Will someone else please tell me that they are struggling with all of this. So that I don’t feel like an absolute failure as a mother.
1- I never thought I’d miss my bump. And it’s not the bump I miss. It’s gonna sound stupid because obviously my little Bean is actually here in the flesh but I miss my little bean and our bond with him in my belly. I’m finding it so weird that he’s not in there anymore and it’s like I’m actually mourning him.
2- 11 days old and I cry every day still. Feeling like I can’t cope with the 2 hourly feeds and then the nappy change and then the feed again before Ive even brushed my hair. I’m yet to leave this god damn house.
3- how come when I visited my friends 1 week after giving birth, they had everything under control whereas I feel like I’m a total wreck. My life has changed forever and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
4- my baby screams from 10pm to 1am and doesn’t let us put him down. My back aches and I’m exhausted. He’s now on Nutramigen formula for a suspected cows milk protein allergy coz he was throwing up most feeds and has an awful nappy rash from having constant diarrhoea. Like 15 times a day.
God my head is screwed up x

@MagicalCreatures just offering you a handhold and a squish!
You sound just like me I'm on day 25 and I'm only just starting to find my groove, I went out for the first time yesterday (with baby) I was really anxious but it wasn't too bad, will your OH watch little one while you go and get your hair cut or nails done or just go for a walk... a bit of me time goes a long way I reckon
Have you got any family or friends that would be willing to help you out a little?
Never be too proud to accept help is what I've had to learn pretty quickly xx

Ohh and I still cry all the time too, and I really miss my bump, I put my maternity clothes away today and got very upset

@MagicalCreatures considering our due dates were so similar and difficult births, it seems we’re keeping up with the similarities! Without sounding horrible I actually felt better when I read your post - I’m Day 12 and also have cried every single day and am really struggling. I can 100% relate to the bump feeling, I cried because I wasn’t pregnant anymore and couldn’t feel her inside me and that special bond that was just for us. I love her to pieces but I do really miss her being in my tummy! She also doesn’t sleep and we’ve had numerous nights of being up from 11pm-6am onwards where she totally refuses to be put down. My house is a tip, I’m actually embarrassed when the midwives visit but I physically can’t do anything about it as I can’t put baby down or she screams for more food! I’ve had no appetite since having her so I think my milk quality is just a bit crap as she’s still not regained birth weight and has actually starting loosing again, so I’ve been put on instructions to eat more when that’s the last thing I want to do! I’m sleep deprived to the extreme, worrying about her and also feeling like everything has totally changed and I have no control over it.

If you ever need to talk please PM me as sounds like we’re both having a rough time of it, but hopefully things will turn round soon for us ❤️

Another one struggling here, I'm so comforted to know I'm not the only one. If that makes sense. My boy will not be put down at all and often refuses to nap so he's awake all day long and then is so overtired at night that he screams and screams. It does feel like being in a black hole sometimes doesnt it?! Dh is still sleeping in the spare room and I find the long nights lonely and often sit and cry! My boobs are sore from all the feeding. X

Oh girls. I actually love you all so much and I’ve never even met you. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you all. And being able to be honest about my feelings to people makes such a difference. Especially when (sorry for you all though) you all admit your the same. It has instantly made me feel better. As like I said, my friends seem to put on such a good act and make it all look so easy.
@December2018 my DH is fantastic. And my family are amazing. Especially my mum who has rallied around after me. I’m very lucky to have the help but I don’t nap easily in the day so it’s the sleep deprivation that’s getting to me coz Brady is awake so much through the night. And it’s making me super emotional.
@PickettBowtruckles I really think we all need to be honest about our feelings and I’m glad that me saying mine has helped some of you. I love this little man so so much. I only wanna do right by him. And that makes the emotions so much worse when I think I’m doing stuff wrong or when I get angry coz he won’t sleep. The guilt rages through me the next morning when I remember that I passed him to my husband saying the words ‘I give up’.
@Athers666 it’s so hard isn’t it. I wouldn’t change him for the world but I wish he was abit more settled. The health visitor said today that he’s just being a little pickle and needs to get a routine. Which won’t happen for a couple of months. I then feel guilty for wishing he could have been an easier baby coz I wouldn’t want a different baby if it was offered to me. But I feel like because of all of this, I’m not really enjoying the time with him and making the most of him and his littleness. I don’t wanna look back in a few months and regret anything x

Ohh @MagicalCreatures I totally completely get the sleep deprivation, I can't sleep in the daytime either, I can get as little as an hour through the night and I'll still plod on in daytime (with help from my bestie...coffee)
I seem to get super emotional as the night time draws in... it's sort of like I start dreading the hours to come and I start to struggle, the last couple of days does seem to be a little easier, he seems to be starting to settle, a little bit anyway lol
I also love you bunch of lovely mummas!
You lot have helped me more than you could know

@magicalcreatures, i totally get where you are at. I had issues with drinking enough, not enough milk to fill her up (hence unsettled and not sleeping). Missing bump so much i cried... and pregnancy, where i got so much love & affection and still had independence... and many more reasons for crying that i hope u don't have to suffer!!

It definitely gets better - can someone do a couple of nights for you?

One day, out of the blue, Amber slept 6 or 7 hours in her moses basket with one feed in the middle. They do learn, so see if you can get help.
ignore advice not to use bottles or dummies- it's perfectly safe and just keep an eye on their latch while breastfeeding. Makes a huge difference to my mental health

Lots of love xxx

Hugs everyone. Casper is fussing again tonight. He's tired but fighting it! Just want to cry sometimes when he's having a screaming session!

Oliver is fussing tonight too, wants his bottle, then changed his mind, give him his dummy, then he wants his bottle, cries... cries and cries some more he only settles when he's on me, I love his cuddles but I can't even go for a wee from the hours of 5am and 3pm when my OH gets home from work, it's exhausting and I can't keep on top of the washing & cleaning and my house feels dirty, which in turn makes me feel like a bad mum because I want my boy to have a clean environment (that probably sounds so stupid).... and my OH is bloody useless with housework, in fact it's him that makes all the bloody mess... sorry I just need to offload before I explode

Brady has been hard work again the last few days. He had one good night where he only woke twice for feeds and went down quite nicely.
Then for the last 2 days all he has done is cry all day. He feeds every 2 hours even through the night so I’m only grabbing an hour here and there. I’m at my wits end with the screaming. Nothing settles him.
Why is this so hard. I just envisioned him being a content baby.
I love him so much but I’m scared it’s making me detached from him. Thoughts keep popping in my head that I’ve made a mistake. Its horrible and I feel so guilty but I don’t see an end to it. I just see my life being a constant battle of screams and dirty nappies. Sleepless nights and tantrums.
I have panic attacks when I realise that at some point I’m going to have to do shopping and house work. But I have no idea how I’m going to do it. X

Hang in there guys.

We are six weeks on Tuesday and it IS getting easier - very slowly but surely. He slept 11-5 last night for the first time which two weeks ago I would have sold my house for seriously!

Allergies and colic aside, which are more serious complaints I know - I think it’s just time. our baby will now be put down and self soothes BUT it has taken a lot of tricks:

first your own sanity: sometimes you gotta let them cry for 30 seconds. We bought a swing which quite frankly he hates but it has a harness so I can strap him in safely. Doesn’t stop the crying BUT i know he is safe, can go to the loo or just walk away and take a minute to myself then come back.

Sleep. God I thought I was going to die the first two weeks. We did evening shifts for the first four weeks. DH did 7-11 and I do the rest so I have at least had a block of sleep before the late night started. We still sleep in separate rooms so he isn’t ruined for work as our baby is a bloody noisy sleeper. We always use Earplugs as I find the slightest sniffles were waking me up.

Baby loves time without a nappy on in the evening and this often stops the crying - dangerous but worth it! 😂

Bath time at night was actually winding him up so we bath in the morning now

Soft material sling for the witching hour (between 7-10pm in our house) - so I’m not trapped on the couch. I can also breastfeed in it now which was tricky at first but is a godsend now! Two hands and I can wander around!

Leave the house every day around lunchtime even if you only walk around the block. Even if it’s the last thing you want to do. It is often the last thing I want to do. The light and fresh air definitely makes him sleep more.

Dummy - we have just introduced it and it’s working a treat.

@magical I can totally relate to everything you have said. Keep accepting all the help you can get - I know my relationship with my mum is totally transformed now she has been a godsend. And don’t be afraid to walk away just for two minutes to breathe x

Oh and we have the wonder weeks app - some people think it’s rubbish but it seems to explain his periods of crying and bad moods. After the four week leap he was a different baby.

@agirlinlondon Very helpful posts. Will try some of those things. Had a horrible witching hour (hours!) last night where he just screamed and fussed. If he misses his naps then he gets in a state later on, but often he just refuses to nap! He stays awake for days sometimes. I thought newborns were meant to sleep loads. Mine does not!

Haha @athers totally agree - when are these hour long daytime naps?!

I’m only just getting used to what ‘overtired’ looks like - that is a new one but very useful. Sometimes he won’t nap all day 🤔

Considering a dummy for evenings...are they ok for breastfed babies? He loves suckling for hours even after his feeds so he might like one. But I'm scared it will mess up the breastfeeding and confuse him?

Hi ladies, I hope you don’t me chipping in. I had DC3 on Dec 13th and lurked on this thread occasionally but felt compelled to chip in now.

I completely agree with AGirlInLondon - particularly, you ladies ALL need slings! You can get a second hand moby or Hana wrap for about £15 and they’re honestly worth their weight in gold. Someone mentioned upthread they couldn’t get anything done because babe won’t be put down - I hear you, my first was the same for the first three months of her life. She lived in the sling. You will feel like superwoman when you get your baby to nap cuddled up to you while you do laundry, cook and eat a hot meal.. I promise!

Also completely agree that getting out daily is SO important. Again if your baby doesn’t like the pram (two of mine didn’t, haven’t even tried this one in it) then a sling is brilliant. They will nap for so much longer outdoors - sometimes I get two or three hours while out and about. You will feel less stressed and so will they. Find a cafe that where you feel comfortable feeding and go and have a slice of cake. Often the background noise will help baby sleep.

Birth balls are brilliant for settling babies during witching hour (or anytime). Again, baby in sling or arms, bounce on the birth ball, once baby drops off put on your favourite box set and just keep bouncing gently.

Last one - if you can afford it, book onto a class like baby massage. It will force you out the house and you will meet other Mums in exactly the same position as you. Baby groups can also be fab - thy can also be shit - but find the right one for you. If you go to one and the Mums are cliquey or talk about how easy their babies are, don’t go back. If you go to one and someone offers you a biccie and a friendly smile, that might be your future BFF. I know you’re not all breastfeeding but for those that are, I found my local bf support group by far the friendliest group I went to and a total godsend on some lonely days.

I hope I don’t sound patronising. Sending you all hugs. You can do this. BUT also please remember that PND is a very real thing and if you ever feel like you might be suffering, have a chat with your HV.

Athers- they generally recommend leaving it to 6 weeks before introducing a dummy for bf babies. But as long as you keep an eye on not missing feeding cues then why not try. The comfort suckling does help build supply so it plays a role, but you could always offer the dummy when you feel desperately in need of a break and see how it goes. Lots of bf babies have dummies so the two are not incompatible!