Hello all.
I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to get on here and catch up with you all. Believe me, I have really missed you all but dragging my sorry, poorly-nippled, sleep-deprived self to the computer has proved to be a task too much.
Firstly and most importantly thank you all of you lovely, kind, generous and wonderful women for the cards, pressies and good wishes. I will be harrassing each of you individually to profess my gratitude but with the same lethargy that I seem to approach everything atm. I have been so touched by all of your gifts and have been thinking of you all in the last two weeks. I am entirely serious when I tell you that I would not have managed this pregnancy and especially this most recent bit without your kind thoughts.
I could absolutely bore you to death with tales about Mathilda. I am indescribably besotted with her. Life as I know it has changed comprehensively. I can often be found at 4am, with DH discussing the contents/consistency/colour of her nappy wondering if it's normal, all the time failing to recognise that what is in fact abnormal is the amount of time we spend poring over said frankly disgusting nappies. She has had her first growth spurt. Creena, I fully sympathise. She fed almost constantly, draining me on both sides for three days straight. The heat did not help. I can safely say that my supply adjusted itself accordingly and she is thriving. She's a whopping 9lb now, having weighed 7lb 12oz at birth. The midwife is horrified but I did explain that she is indeed 97% gingerbread and therefore a doughy little biffa. DH is completely in love with her and if you sneak up on him you will see him crying over her. Me, I'm in the kitchen crying over the fricking teabags because I'm a hormonal wreck, but that's not endearing, you really should go and watch DH being a devoted father. Extremely sweet. He's been amazing for these two weeks. Not only has he done all of the housework and cooking, he has baked, shopped, bought flowers, held my hand and let me fall apart on the odd occasion. He went back to work today and I have been a bit wobbly, but I'm sure all will be fine.
I don't know how I feel about the birth yet. I was inconsolable for a while, convinced that I had let myself down and failed Mathilda in some way. And the postnatal care was shocking. When I have regained my ability to string a sentence together I'm going to write a strongly worded letter about precisely why a woman who has just had an emergency cs shouldn't be left on a ward with the buzzer out of reach and no pain killers for 12hrs. And why the answer to 'can you help me with breastfeeding?' isn't 'do you want SMA Gold or Cow and Gate?' Furthermore, the woman who changes the beds shouldn't have had to help me with breastfeeding out of the kindness of her heart while the midwife shot me a cursory glance and barked 'we don't have the staff to sit with you and show you how to feed'. I am also going to point out that I read my notes and I know what lies they wrote in them about levels of care. You did not offer me morphine, I never at any point said I didn't want help with feeding and you didn't take my catheter out in the morning, I dragged myself up the ward as the bag was about to sodding burst at 3pm and asked you to empty it, change it or take the damn thing out.
And relax... sorry to rant but I was horrified by the treatment in hospital. There were 8 of us on that ward and I was the only one who refused formula and persevered with breastfeeding. And only because of the woman who changed the beds. Every other post-op woman on that ward ended up with formula whether they started with it or not. Nothing wrong with formula but I didn't see any of them offered an alternative, no guidance and no support. I was livid. And they wouldn't let me have tea and toast. Bah humbug.
I've decided to write a book while on maternity leave. It won't ever be published and will probably be unintelligable but I've always wanted to do it and I've decided that I'm going to have a go at it. So, you must nag me incessantly to get on with it or I will sit around drinking tea.
Ooh Mathilda's making milky noises. Congratulations to all of you with babies and I'm hoping for a swift onset of labour for the final few. I'm going to have my left nipple chewed off by my voraciously appetited daughter.
Love,
ShowOfHandsTheDairyCow