Due in Sept '07 - part 5 - '.... Half Way to Heaven......?'

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Hope you all don't mind about the new thread. We've been AGONISING over the name

chattyhan - I think your reaction is totally understandable - I feel that if I find out the sex I'll be dissapointed either way... But ultimately you are right, a healthy baby is the most important thing, and it sounds like that's what you've got! So congratulations!
Also, I have 2 brothers and they are both very close to my mum - my older one talks through problems with her and everything (including some quite intimate stuff!) so you can still have a close relationship with your boys, I'm sure.

Thanks rin. My head is saying pull yourself together. But there's this lump in my throat that won't go away. a couple of people have asked the results and i just keep bursting into tears.

It's probably not helped by those crazy pregnancy hormones, damn them!

Hey all,

Welcome to the club Rhubarb!

Congrats on your scans Tink and Nicki and ggod luck Canadianmum - I have my fingers crossed for you. Chatty honey it sounds like you had the edge taken off yours a bit but you're cooking a healthy little baby in there so congratulations also.

Rin - I have to ask. What's freebirthing? It makes it sound like some scary extreme sport.

Glad to hear of all the retail expeditions - I'be bought loads of baby clothes but no "hardware" yet. Sprakly I sympathise with you re superstitious MIL - mine said that having the cot in the house too early is bad luck? God knows where she got that from. Mind you she also says you shouldn't have the baby in the same room as you at all to sleep even in the first few weeks so I think we can all work out what I'm going to do with that particular pearl of wisdom.

Thank you to you all for your kind words and advice re the issues I'm having with bleeding/rhesus neg stuff etc. I did some research on Mumsnet and found old conversation threads with Mears on them who, frankly, has taught me more on the subject than any of my GP/midwife/hospital collective. Mumsnet rocks.

Thought I'd post again to you Chatty. I can understand why you might be disappointed but I bet once things have settled down a bit in a few days you'll be happy again. Bloody hormones have a lot to answer for.

What makes it worse is when you feel guilty for not being really happy all the time - I've had a few hormone fuelled doses of that one myself so I sympathise 100%.

Big hugs to you xx

Freebirthing is when you give birth alone, with no one to assist you - the women who do it feel that giving birth is just too personal an experience to share.
If this link works you can read it here - I'm afraid I just had to laugh at some bits, but maybe I'm just a wimp!

Thanks Penny - i feel so pathetic and ungrateful but i just can't help it. I don't think it helps that all the families i've worked for with 2 boys have been hectic, messy and have mums at the end of their tether. I don't want my family to be like that. I'm quite a girly person and i'd love a girl to dress up, take to ballet and become my bestfriend. I'm really close to my mum and my brothers don't respect her at all. My dp doesn't talk to his mum either. Why can't i stop crying

Chattyhan - can you have a relaxing bath or something to just take in the news alone?
Also, there is no reason that you won't be close to your sons just because your brothers/ your DP aren't close to their mums - your relationship will be unique to you! And your sons could well end up adoring their glam mum who they want to take advice from and look up to... Plus there's no guarantee you'd have a close relationship with a daughter anyway - we all know how complex us gals can be! And think how disappointing that would be?
Hope you feel better soon.

Chattyhan, I can totally understand how you are feeling. I do have a girl but know that I would have initially felt really disappointed were I to only have boys. However, firstly, sonographers can be wrong and it may yet be a girlie you are cooking away! Secondly, I know loads of mums who desperately wanted girls but had boys instead and not one single one of them now feels sad about it, so I'm sure the very second that a ds was born you'd fall instantly in love with it and couldn't imagine swapping him for a girl for anything. Besides, I think mothers and sons have a really special relationship - girls go off and marry someone and have their own lives but a boy will always love his mummy the best... Oh and one of my dh's friends is a male ballet dancer too, so you needn't even miss out on the ballet lessons Hugs to you!

You can't stop crying because you are probably still trying to take it all in. It takes time to absorb something like this if you haven't prepared for it so give yourself some time to feel sorry for yourself.

Remember though that just because your brothers and your DP don't respect their Mums it doesn't mean your boys will follow suit. You are the one that can change that. I can understand why you'd like a girl and I have felt all the same things myself but when I thought I might have lost the baby a few weeks ago when all this bleeding malarkey started I realised that I really didn't mind what flavour mine turned out to be as long as it was ok. I'm sure once its had a chance to sink in with you and your dp you'll both feel the same xx

Rin - I've just finished reading that article. Bit lost for words really. Each to their own and all that but personally I would like a little bit of help on the big day!! The following was truly special.

"I'd always planned to have children but I could never imagine giving birth in a hospital, or with any kind of official in attendance. The only way I had ever been able to picture myself giving birth was alone, or with an old crone in silent attendance. At night in the woods by a stream was my preference, but my own front room and bath was, when my time came, the best available option."

PMSL

Pregnancy hormones certainly have a lot to answer for. I have just watched the series finale of Greys Anatomy and I can't stop crying

My best friend has two grown up boys from her first marriage, and went on to have two miscarriages with her new partner, they were desperate for a girl and were overjoyed when she got pregnant, they didn't find out the sex beforehand but she was fairly certain she was going to have a girl, she had a boy... the disappointment didn't last long, she was just glad to have a healthy baby

I am actually quite partial to having another boy, guess I'll find out tomorrow hopefully.

Give yourself a couple of days and I am sure the excitement will start to mount again, with the fact you are going to have another healthy baby boy, who will love his mummy forever.

Thanks for all your great advice and support. Unfortunately a bath is out as i'm nannying a 4yr old boy with my ds!
This was just the reason we wanted to find out now because i knew i'd need time to get my head round it! Just worried my DP is going to bury his head and be convinced the sonographer was wrong!

I keep telling myself i'm so lucky to be expecting a second, healthy child and thats what matters!

Pennypops - I agree. Thanks for quoting that, you just gave me a second chuckle!

Chattyhan - congratulations on 2 lovely boys - hopefully they will have loads on common and be good mates when they grow up - and always love their mummy best..... I have one boy already and am only planning 2 dc so know where you are coming from about not having a girl. (mine is still a suprise) I want to do girly things with her like shopping and be mother of the bride but who knows if she would tolerate shopping with me or ever get married. We get who we get and I am sure that you, and I, will be thrilled with whoever comes along and wouldn't change it for the world.

Free birthing - wow - bit crazy sounding to me but then I am medically brainwashed. The statistics don't look good though do they. Can't believe the woman didn't know she was having twins until 1 hour before the birth....... I can see what they are saying about birth being a personal thing though .... maybe.... but then most people (obviously not these people) want some reassurance from someone who has seen it before that progress is being made.

Hi everyone, lovely to catch up with all your news.

I've got my 20 week scan tomorrow. I really can't wait. I need that bubble I've been carrying around to turn into a bubble of excitment and not the anxious bubble its been for a while now.

Once I know it's all ok I can start telling DD1, and DD2 fwiw!

I've got a rotten cold at the moment and had a terrible nights sleep last night. Caght it working on the bouncy castle all day on Saturday at my DD1's school fair.

Anyone love to you all. xx

Chatty,

Was so sad to read your post... It's funny, because I am having a boy too (first baby) and when I first found out I was sort of upset too, not really, but a bit like 'Er, who am I going to share my designer shoe collection with now? Who can I dress in pink?' that sort of thing. But then I got really excited too because actually - my DH has a fab relationship with his Mum and I think that a lot of men have very close mother-son relationships.

I know this means you are having two boys but there is something quite cool about that I think - I'd really like to have 2 boys now so that DH and my sons can be known as 'my boys' and in a funny way I wouldn't want to share them with a girl at all! (er, they are MY men, thanks very much!)

I think your DP is being unfair by storming off though. But ultimately you need to make your own peace with things. There are loads of fab things about having a boy which I have thought of in the last few days since having my boy confirmed. Try to make a list! Take care. xxx

Also, boys tend to be far more cuddly and affectionate with their mothers and girls are more independent and strong-willed. I'd kind of like a boy this time round just so as I might actually be allowed to cuddle my child without getting told to leave her alone!! Common sense says that this is just a stereotype, but every boy and girl I know fits into this pattern!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're so disappointed, Chatty. When my DS (now aged 5) was born I had a momentary sadness that he wasn't a girl which disappeared as soon as I held him and fell completely in love. I know it's different for you since you already have one son whom you probably felt that for, but after the initial disappointment fades, you can just look forward to having another gorgeous son to adore and who will adore you. Good luck to you and I hope you're soon feeling better.

I still have no idea whether to book a sexing scan and pay £50 to find out. I think I'm supposed to book it at my 20 week one tomorrow so I suppose I ought to make up my mind...

Chatty, I was exactly the same as you after my 20 week scan with DS2. I was so so desperate for a girl, this was fuelled by the recent loss of my dear grandmother who I adored, she was sure DS1 was going to be a girl, so I felt that it would be fitting that my second would be a girl, she died when I was 13 weeks pregnant, I was devastated. When they told me at the scan that the baby was a boy I was SO upset. But it only took me a day or two to actually come round to the idea of having my two boys. I know it's easy to think about the relationship your brother's have with your Mum, but these boys could be so different. Boys have a special place in their hearts for their Mum. My DS1 is totally different to DS2, they really are individuals.

I think Holly's suggestion about making a list of positives is very sound advice, that'll make you feel loads better.

PS Chatty, just think, you've got a whole 18 weeks to turn yourself around. You'll be really looking forward to meeting your lovely little boy. x x x

Hello everyone, had my scan today and all is well. We got a gorgeous 4D image of the babe and he/she is incredibly cute if I do say it myself!! The scan seemed to take ages and at one point I felt very faint and had to get up and move around before I fell off the table, DH was very worried but I am fine. We told the sonographer that we didn't want to know the sex but after the scan DH told me that he had seen the sex entered on the computer (he has hawk eyes!). He hasn't told me yet, but is convinced he knows what we are having. I have told my friends that I didn't find out the sex, which is true, but I really don't think I am going to be able to let DH keep this secret. AAAAARGH! Anyway, he probably saw it wrong anyway so I will take what he tells me with a large pinch of salt.

Chatty - When I found out I was pregnant the first time I really wanted a girl and was convinced I was having one. At the 12 week scan they told me it was 2 boys. I literally cried for 3 days and kept hoping they were wrong, right up to the birth. Now my boys are 4.5 and I cannot imagine one of them being a girl. You will get over this disappointment - I promise! And our house is not chaotic at all, boys can be more boisterous but are also very affectionate, and mine are actually quite tidy (most of the time). Oh and my brother is a heck of a lot closer to my crazy mother than I am . It's funny but this time I don't really care what I have - having one is such a novelty in itself!!

Well, I am clearly going to have to get on here more often to have any chance of keeping up with all the news!
Hi to Rhubarb, you seem to have got into the swing of this alot better than I have!

Very sad to see bad news from poppy, sounds very distressing for her

Chattyhan sorry to hear you are feeling so disappointed to find out you're having a boy. If it is any consolation dh is the younger of 2 boys and he and his mother get on really, really well - probably better
than I get on with my mother, and MIL never had to put up with all the girlie teenage tantrums thrown by my sisters and I! Hope you can get your head round it and start to feel better soon.

Very impressed by those of you organised enough to have started shopping, I did venture into john lewis nursery section once a few weeks ago, but only lasted about 5 minutes of looking at all the "stuff" before freaking out and having to go and admire the lovely summer dresses that I won't be able to fit into this summer! My mother has offered us the cot she had when we were all small, hmmm not sure what kind of state that's going to be in when it is finally pulled from the attic...

congrats to all those with good scan news and best wishes to MrsFish, Thomcat,GiveMeMoreMash,rhubarb & others with their scans coming up soon.
ours went fine, didn't find out what it is though, waiting for a surprise...

Hello all, looking forward to hearing the news on the scans for this week! Thinking of you all Also, really great to hear of the recent good scans, how reassuring!

chattyhan - I can help you start a list if you like of pro's and con's of boys and girls! I have one of each and although they are totally different, I can honestly say I seem to be much closer to my son at this stage in his life and my daughter is more of a daddies girl. Also, on a practical note, it takes about 10-15 minutes to do her hair in the morning whereas you don't have that problem with boys! DD is a bit of a tomboy really so I don't get the whole girly thing with her - its not guaranteed My SIL has got 3 boys and they are so gorgeous and very different - she also has a strong bond with them. Give yourself a few days to get your head around it and don't be too hard on yourself xx

I went on ebay this evening and found a lovely bundle of newborn clothes but got outbid at the last minute - could it have been you sprakly lol!

I am beginning to think we need to start getting the supplies in and I'm planning to stock up on things like nappies and wipes when we go shopping. I still have DS's cotbed (now 13!) which we used for DD1 too so we just need to get a mattress. Did I mention we've got a purple buggy already!? It's from 6 months so just need to fill the gap really!

LOL - just checked and I won that bundle after all - the other bidder retracted their bid!! So, I've got a whole load of newborn clothes for the grand total of £5.50 plus postage - yay!!!!!!