June 2018 #3

[ClareB83]

Just restarting the thread as we're close to 1000 posts

June 2018 babies #2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3059704-June-2018-babies-2

Thanks @Heregoeseverything. I am genuinely excited about all those benefits of twins too, especially if it means two kids for one shorter pregnancy.

I've been told I don't have much of a poker face so I suspect they'll get a clue soon from my dagger eyes!

Oh and OH finally got to feel a kick yesterday! Was so lovely as I've been feeling them for ages. He got a kick off twin 1 and a wriggle off twin 2. 😍

Probably a very dumb question but @clareB83 how can you tell which one is wriggling? Just from which side it is coming from? I was hoping for twins as DP has them in his family but no luck

20 week scan tomorrow and getting nervous

Yes on the scan we were told twin 1 is head down on the left and twin two head down on the right. I don't think there's enough room anymore to do a total swap. Plus you can feel from the outside that twin 1 is still head down (and at the moment bottom out!). So some kicks/moves are obviously one or the other, but stuff in the middle is harder to tell.

And good luck for the scan @Northernbeachbum.

Ah that’s lovely @ClareB83.

Good luck with your scan @Northernbeachbum!

I had a routine appointment at the hospital earlier and the midwife did a quick scan just for my benefit. She said “he’s still breech!”, I had no idea he was breech. I’m panicking now but I’m sure there’s plenty of time to turn over the next 19ish weeks??!

Yes doesn't matter at all at 19 weeks @ElizabethLemon. Most of my friends babies were Breech until a few weeks beforehand when they all turned.

Just had a rubbish 16 week appointment. Unexpectedly it was with a male midwife, not my assigned midwife (had I been asked in advance I would have said I only wanted a female midwife, but ultimately his personality was the main issue, albeit I wasn't exactly comfortable with him cleaning the Doppler fluid off my bare abdomen). He was really patronising and unhelpful throughout, and spoke to me as if I was 8 years old. He answered a random non-urgent phone call while I was in the middle of speaking to him, and he began to speak about the next patient to his colleague while I was still there.

The best bit was when I asked him to do the Doppler. He did a head tilt and patronising, "Oh but I don't want you to be worried if I can't find the heartbeat!" I told him I was aware it was difficult to find it but that I was feeling worried anyway - if he tried and found it he would assuage my worry, if he didn't try I would remain just as worried as if he tried and failed. His response was to say, "You have to realise that you have absolutely no control in pregnancy, and anything can happen. Even if I find a heartbeat today, that doesn't mean the baby will be okay tomorrow." Amazing bedside manner, really assuaged my worry!

He tried for roughly 40 seconds in two different positions before giving up.

Wow that is crap @Heregoeseverything.

It really was, I feel deflated and anxious! My DH thankfully came along and was great, he thought the midwife's manner was utterly bizarre.

Midwife was also saying that once I've had kids like he has I won't be worrying about what might be going on in my womb because I'll be too busy running around after my other kids to care, and that basically it's only sweet naive first time mums who even think at all about what's going on in there (Hmm). It's not like I went in there a gibbering wreck demanding to know the exact coordinates of my child, I literally just told him that I was finding it a bit stressful not being able to see or feel anything and could do with some reassurance.

Hmmm the more I hear the more I feel like a complaint should be lodged. What a condescending twat.

Definitely complain or he will continue to be a twat to other patients he needs a reality check, one of his main roles is to be able to communicate and reassure patients and sounds like he is failing miserably! I am a third time mum and I am still anxious about my unborn bub probably moreso than I was with my first as I had a lovely uncomplicated first time pregnancy.

Sorry you had such a crap appt xxx

Oh my god, definitely complain. What a prick.

I've got my 20 week scan tomorrow, can't wait. Had my flu jab and whooping cough vaccine today too, one in each arm, ouch! No problems though. In and out in 5 mins. Feel pleased to have got those out the way knowing what's going round at the minute.

I agree with the others, I think you should complain and ask not to see him again Heregoes. What a load of crap about it only being first time mums worrying about what’s going on inside - I’m on my second pregnancy and currently slightly anxious as I’ve not had my 20 week scan yet and I’m not feeling many movements yet. There’s always that slight worry about how the baby is doing, surely? What a patronising twat. How dare he speak on behalf of women like that!

Thanks so much for the support everyone, really do appreciate it!

Felt quite rubbish earlier but now that I've calmed down I am really quite cross. I will certainly ask not to see him again, and I think I will explain why I don't want to see him. I don't feel he was malicious, but it's still really not okay. And on reflection, it is totally ridiculous that he was trying to condescend to me so arrogantly about how I should or shouldn't feel in circumstances where he has never been pregnant himself.

Frankly, despite having been surrounded by pregnant women and newborns for years, I don't think I really "got" pregnancy, the trauma of miscarriage, pregnancy anxiety etc etc before now. There is no experience like being the life support system for such precious cargo, in circumstances where you can't see or feel the cargo for long periods to see whether everything is okay!

@heregoes i would consider complain, that's a terrible attitude on his part and he is clearly in the wrong job if he thinks thats Ok! Someone who is more nervous may come out of an appt with him in tears with that bedside manner

@heregoeseverything - what an idiot. I’d have snapped and actually said I was reporting him to his face. It’s his job to make you feel reassured about your pregnancy!

I’m a second time mum and worry constant about baby. Just because you’ve had one pregnancy doesn’t mean that you don’t care about your others!

I’ve been so tired today - I’m not sleeping great and having a pregnancy pillow is not helping me I want to sleeeeeeep! We felt a proper kick yesterday as well, such a lovely feeling .

Yes @Northernbeachbum , I'm not a big crier but I think I might have cried if DH hadn't been there! I know that the risks are very low, but hearing a medical professional assure me that the baby could randomly die at any time was... unhelpful!

@Shutupanddance1 Yes, I can't imagine being pregnant and "not giving the baby a second thought" as he put it! I'm also baffled by his inconsistency - I'm a silly little girl to worry when more experienced mothers wouldn't, but I am also silly to want to hear the heartbeat because the baby could die soon afterwards. "Stop worrying, silly! Your baby could be dead in the next 24 hours!"

I remember nearly losing it with an out of hours midwife on the phone when I had a small bleed at 24 weeks she was warbling on about my womb being a blossoming flower and “is this your first pregnancy? Yes it is oh I seeeeee” and all this bollocks “um I have a low lying placenta it is covering the os and I am bleeding it isn’t just discharge you fucking moron

What an idiot @Heregoeseverything! Sounds like he needs some retraining.

As others have said I’m on my 2nd baby and in all honesty I think I’m more anxious this time (see my stupid post earlier about “breech baby” 🙄). Even if you had 15 children and were running around all day after them would you not be concerned about your unborn child? Don’t think so!

Also I’ve always been given paper to wipe my own stomach after scans/Doppler so that would annoy me too.

@Cookie1831 "Blossoming flower"?! You must have been raging. The infantilisation of pregnant women is so odd. The story about Serena Williams being ignored when she complained about her symptoms after giving birth struck fear into me - if the doctors were brushing her off, how much respect would they give the average woman in that position?

@ElizabethLemon Yes it was a bit odd, every other time, always with women, I have been immediately handed a generous amount of paper to wipe myself. Whereas this time he took out a small piece of paper, wiped the Doppler, seemed to go to put that paper in the bin, realised that I was lying there covered in fluid and looking around for paper to dry myself, then came back and without asking wiped my tummy with the same (now damp) small piece of paper he'd just used to wipe off the Doppler. I wasn't properly dry but he didn't offer any more paper, I didn't want to say anything to him in case it prompted further condescension and I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I just wiped the rest of it off with my hand then left! I didn't see it as sinister, just another example of his lack of empathy/emotional intelligence! If women know enough to allow other women to wipe themselves, you'd think a man would be conscious of it...

@Heregoeseverything I am really paranoid about not being taken seriously regarding my health. I think women are often dismissed as overacting or even being hysterical.

I was 21 when I had my son and was constantly told “you’re young so don’t need to worry about that”. I ended up having complications and my son was born with a low birthweight and I believe if I hadn’t gone into labour when I did there may have been a more serious outcome. I don’t think I was monitored closely enough because I wasn’t perceived to be high risk enough.

It’s not only in pregnancy either. I had an ongoing issue with my ears and was eventually referred to ENT. I was totally dismissed by an older male doctor who told me again that I was young and my problems weren’t that bad. He advised me to get some fresh air and to open my windows wide then I would be fine. I was in agony with recurring infections and becoming unwell because of constant antibiotics!

Sorry I’m off on a tangent but it depresses me that I have to make a conscious effort to make myself heard instead of being taken seriously from the offset. Also I’m lucky to be able to stand up for myself but more vulnerable people may not feel able to do that.

It's partly this that is making me think it would be a good idea to have my mum at the birth. I won't be in the best place to stand up for myself and she'll advocate for us leaving my OH free to be with me.

Although I'm not sure it's as important if I end up having an elcs.

Although not all doctors all bad some are nice normal biscuit loving people...

Poor @Cookie1831 - we know there are lots of good eggs too!