May 2017 #13 the lucky thread

[Rustler74]

Just thought I'd get the next thread ready. Let them babies arrive!

Nurse Roman-Ace is terrible! Groan.

Esmes that sounds like a good session, hope you are feeling better now. Sending hugs.

Sanity congratulations! And definitely share photos!

Rabbity it drives me mad. I hate how people feel that it's ok to discuss your shape and size. My parents' friends have been the worst I think, but colleagues do it too. All the unwanted advice as well - mum is getting really bad at passing on 'tips' at the moment.

Oh Peas that sounds rubbish. I do find the feeding thing so frustrating because it's so polarising. At our BF class they went on about how many people in the UK use formula and how formula companies are so powerful. Really annoyed me. I think it's so irresponsible that there's no support for things like how much formula you should use.

@1004Rise @Rabbitykins55 YES!!! This is what winds me up! Every time I make an FB post like off out for lunch with DH, off to the movies... someone pipes up YOU WONT BE ABLE TO DO THAT ONCE BUB GETS HERE. Oh do piss off!!! I'm not an idiot!!! I made a status about having an afternoon nap and it was full of "get sleep while you can!" Yes, because I can store sleep up in cansisters like in monsters inc.

nurse you've just grown a whole new person - why on earth won't you produce enough milk?! (And yes, sleep while you can is the most USELESS piece of advice ever).

@nursebickypegs I just figure I'll express what I can, and top up with formula when needed. BF some feeds and bottle feed some feeds, that way DH and the Grannies can get some feeds in too. I've bought the Minbie teats this time which are supposed to mimic the breast but we won't know until we try. In my mind, some breast milk is better than none at all!

Nurse being able to store sleep would be the best!

It's rubbish that you had no support peas. I do think there needs to be more honesty about how hard bfeeding can be and what to expect during the first few weeks. I'd really recommend the (stupidly named) book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

I mixed fed from about 6 weeks to 10 months, with periods of exclusive breastfeeding in between. So she had one feed a day from a bottle (either expressed or formula) and I got a break (it was the midnight feed which DH would stay up to do). It worked well for us.

Ah I feel so much better for knowing I'm not alone!

One of my friends I've not seen in a while told me that her and another friend had been discussing me and wondering how big I'd got and demanded a photo. Er piss off. I have struggled with the change in body shape and haven't taken any photos. If I had they certainly wouldn't be for other people's pleasure!

I'm another one who loves an online shop to avoid people!

Oh my god the cat washing thread 😂😂 thanks for that made my day! I survived as Ken is ancient and has no teeth (ex-stray).

Sanity lovely to see you back, congratulations!

Peas that's rubbish that you feel like that, things have just gone too far when they are making people feel rubbish.

Nurse Rise Rabbity totally agree!! I did go into this aware of the consequences! There's someone at my work who's due within 2 weeks of me and people were constantly comparing our bump sizes, I'm sure it pissed both of us off.

@Barnes79 yay well done FurryBarnes! And good for you for being so proactive with him, lucky dog.

Afternoon and welcome back to @SanitysSake and @nursebickypegs glad to see you both!

I had a really grim night with BabyTea. He fed constantly between 10pm and 3am before sleeping for a couple of hours and then I fed him again and DH took him at 5.30am so I had a couple more hours then.  It's so normal yet so tiring! @nursebickypegs at those moments it's so tempting to think 'I've not got enough milk' when actually that's the time you need to keep feeding and push through in 'this too will pass' mode.

That was what annoyed me about the feeding class we went to as well, rather than telling us how breast is best (WE KNOW!!!) 20 times over how about - Breastfeeding is hard, you will struggle at some points, if you find it difficult here are some strategies to help you continue. AND it's not for everyone, some people don't have a choice. We're told everywhere else that your baby and you are unique why when it comes to breastfeeding are we supposed to become robots Surely the way to increase bf rates is by providing strategies that enable us to do it for as long as possible/we want, not the "you will be struck down by a lightning strike if you don't spend 24 hrs a day with your baby attached to your boob!"

Our HV was good (I think because it was only us in the class) she really emphasised that fed is best and that if you need a break for more sleep or if it's just too sore then feeding baby with formula a couple of times that day is perfectly fine!

Yeay for fur baby @Barnes79 I'm impressed, definitely deserves a cuddle and a biscuit for being brave!

Our littlest fur baby is at the vet today to get spayed so I'm expecting to get a grumpy pup back later!

@peasandquiet that sounds so hard. You tried and you and your baby struggled, there's no shame in that. 

@Rabbitykins55 completely normal, just go with it. I'm the same and it's protective I think.

@EsmesBees sounds like a good appointment and lots to get out, hope you're feeling ok this afternoon.

@WishIWasSleeping hope you're home and settled in ok. Lovely picture!

@WishIWasSleeping such a handsome boy. My two had lots of hair too, I suffered with heartburn throughout both their pregnancies. I haven't suffered at all with this one so I think spud maybe bald 👶🏼🥔

@EsmesBees hope your afternoon has been a help to you. 😘 sending you a huge virtual hug 😘😘😘

@nursebickypegs I'm glad you're back, but really sad of the bad time you have been having. We're here if you need us. This is my third time and my last minute nerves have started to kick in this last couple of days. I think it's normal 
As for bathing baby, i didn't know how to do this. When Bean was 3 days old I remember ringing the midwives and crying down the phone because I didn't know how to keep my baby alive, told her I could keep a dog alive and a litter of puppies but this baby I'm struggling with. I was first on her list that morning and she helped me keep him alive/ reassured me that there was no right & wrong we can parent how we want. When it came to bathing I ditched the lovely baby bath quite quickly, the kitchen sink was a much better height for bathing and I also enjoyed skin to skin in my baths with my babies.

@SanitysSake congratulations Mrs whale 🐳 although I doubt very much you are at all a whale.
I'm sick to death of people asking me how many babies I'm growing, or am
I sure of my dates 😡👊🏼

With regards to breasfeeding ... I fed bean for 3 days ... the meltdown I describe above was around the same time I completely gave up. I thought unless I get milk into this beansprout he's not going to survive ... this I must point out was completely irrational ... he had hardly lost any of his birth weight I was just emotional, over tired and overwhelmed. Switched to formula. Struggled with that as I had no reading material on how to make a bottle etc. Anyway midwife and hv helped and he was much happier and so was I.
With turnip I had an exam scheduled when she was 6weeks old so DH did all night feeds. I had been fed with knowledge that you cannot do both bottle & breast. So I she had 24hours of colostrum then I switched her to formula.
Which leaves spud ... who I am adamant I will breastfeed, I have found lots of breastfeeding support groups locally already, and I am confident enough in my ability as a mum to ask for help. I think this was a huge thing when I was barely 21 with bean, I felt everyone was judging and if I admitted I needed help it would be another "young mum , kids having kids comment" which I really didn't want.

In other news, I am really emotional today. I had a huge cry on my way to work whilst having my daily in car phone call with my dad. Mainly as mum not in picture, my dad had bipolar and anxiety, so I don't have much support from my parents as I am about to embark on parenthood with my third and final child. Got all too much.
Met with DH for lunch, and cried again.
Come home to wfh this afternoon and can't concentrate. Having lots of BH too, which are not hurting but seem to be stronger somehow. Hoping my emotional meltdowns don't set our labour off ... 35+5 today. I haven't moved house, or been bridesmaid, or packed any kind of bag. 😩🙈💙

@savagehk I KNOW I AM SILLY. I said this worry to the breastfeeding champion and she was like "yeah it does happen". I can't hear that! Tell me I'll have loads of milk!

Agree with@EsmesBees, that book is excellent.

@beanturnipandspud I've got the cosatto easi peasi changing table which is also a bath, but I've read reviews that people's babies grew out of it very quickly. I think we are going to "baby dunk" in the bath.

She's right, it does happen, but very very rarely. You'll be fantastic! And you know where to go for help.

I feel really supported with BF now, esp with compared to how I was a few months ago. I've got a BF group literally on my doorstep, a BF support worker and DH saying he will help in any way he can. I am blessed!

Your all very very kind. I'll be giving it my best shot that's for sure, just worry I won't cope with another failure.

peas it wasn't a failure, you have a happy and healthy boy! Hopefully there's better support for you to continue as long as you want to this time. Have you got contact details for support groups in your local area and any peer supporters etc?

I really want to bf but I'm not letting myself phrase this as 'I want to bf exclusively' or 'for x months' etc. I'm telling myself I want to do SOME bf and anything from a little bit to a lot counts as success... I am an anxious person so this is how I'm trying not to be too hard on myself!

Also, the nct lady said if it hurts you are doing it wrong, but on here lots of people say it can hurt at first and then it settles down? Any views?

... it never hurt for me. Nor for another of our (small) NCT group. However, I know others have struggled a lot at first with sore nipples etc. hence my personal view that if it hurts get help, and soon!

Let down does feel odd though and I can imagine that hurts for some women. To me it was like when you clench a muscle really tightly, but that only happens at the start of each feed when your milk starts to flow (and if you bf for a long time, it will stop too, I stopped getting that feeling entirely a few months in).

I am slightly worried about the pressure to breastfeed, mostly because I honestly don't know anyone IRL who has bottle fed. My siblings and I were all breastfed, all of my friends who have had babies have breastfed and all of my nieces and nephews were breastfed. My understanding is that it is very rare to find a medical reason as to why its not working and most other problems are either due to the latch / positioning etc which presumably can be rectified?! This makes me feel a little reassured.
The lactation consultant at the hospital session I went to said resist temptation to 'top up' with a formula feed. The nature of breastfeeding is that it is supply and demand - if the baby feeds less, less milk will be produced. I guess that's hard if you feel worried that the baby isn't getting enough milk though?? Urgh minefield!

@Rockyroad17 I'm the opposite; all my friends who are nurses (!!) bottle feed and won't entertain BF.

Erm what do braxton hicks feel like? I know someone asked earlier on this thread but I can't find it. The top of my bump is really hard, tight and sore feels like someone squeezing from the outside.... bottom is tight but not sore. Not felt this before

Savage, yes today's course was run by an indie BF councillor and she does 2 support groups a week as well as private consultations she will be first call at and sign of it going tit up again!

Interesting re let down. I don't yet understand what that actually is. I think in my head the milk ducts are like hamster bottles that gradually fill up with the good stuff between each feed!
Have a date in diary for hospital bfing class and a recommendation for a lactation consultant, so fingers crossed.

I totally understand the pressure, felt it with my first and I guess that and the fact I felt I had to stop is giving me the confidence to make my own choices about how I feed my baby this time. My DD is completely amazing and the guilt that I wasn't BFing, feeling judged when I got the bottle out (even tho people had no clue whether it was expressed milk in there I might add) annoy me now. She is a happy healthy little person, who isn't obese or any of the other things they say formula does!

I hope it works out for everyone that wants to do it, but if it doesn't, remember that you tried your hardest to do one of the hardest things I've ever experienced (harder than labour for me anyway!) and happy mum = happy baby, so don't beat yourself up with guilt. It's one of my biggest regrets of those first few weeks.