May 2017 #13 the lucky thread

[Rustler74]

Just thought I'd get the next thread ready. Let them babies arrive!

@SanitysSake I was the same when I first found out I was pregnant, but now my attitude is just it's gonna have to come out somehow 😂 and everyone tells me how worth it it will be, so hoping that will get me through it

@beanturnipandspud gutted to hear about your delayed move as well! Have they told you why the delay has happened? It's good you still have a rough idea though, it's the waiting that's really doing my head in! Other half is convinced I'll go massively overdue, as he thinks I won't relax until we move. In my mind though I've kind of resigned myself to moving after baby comes now!

@Nurse15 she's gorgeous, so pleased for you and I'm smiling at the thought of you lying awake watching her! It must be an amazing feeling! 💞

@RasperryInAMelon excellent news, glad you're on track to get the birth you wanted!

@SanitysSake like @FoxMulder said your body knows what to do. I'd recommend the Katherine Graves hypnobirthing book even if you're not into the hypnobirthing aspects the book gives you confidence that your body and your baby know what to do. (OK I admit it Pregnancy has turned me into a total hippy!!)

I bought one book, as a first timer I have no clue what I'm doing. The book I bought doesn't give you routines or anything but gives you an idea of what to expect from baby and from you... so e.g. In week 0 baby may only sleep on you. Baby will sleep for anything up to 16 hrs a day and feed every 2. I liked because it gave me a guide as to what "normal" is. After that I'm hoping instinct (and common sense if I have any left) will kick in!

I had a bit of a minor meltdown yesterday, over emptying the dishwasher of all things! I'd been packing some of the food cupboards because the door can't go into storage and I just got so frustrated at how f#%^ long everything takes when you have to sit down every 5 minutes and really guilty about all the work DH has been doing on his own (emptying the loft, dismantling the workshop contents etc etc) when I'm just about useless. So I think I'm definitely ready for this to be my last day. Although I seem to have no work to do I don't believe I have been that efficient!!

Birth skills book is also excellent.

Yeah I like that book too 1004

Re birth - fearful is the worst thing you can be. You've grown a baby, you'll get the baby out :) It's what your bits are made for! If you're scared, you'll feel the contractions more painfully as you'll be tensing up for each one and dreading the next one. Remember pain is a link between your nerves (which are effectively going 'got something going on here, do you want to have a look at it') and your brain (which is going 'oh, yeah, that's OK' or 'WTF - PANIC'). If you can persuade your brain to remember that contractions are normal and all that's happening is you're getting close to meeting your baby it should be less painful. Of course if the baby is in a bad position, or if there are other complications, it can be properly painful irrespective of what your mental state is, and that's what pain relief is there for.

Ina May (now there's hippy fox ;) ) has a comment in one of her books where she compares the ahem male organ to the female and says that no-one is surprised when they see how much bigger/smaller a male organ can be in the correct conditions and the vagina can do the same if you let it. But you need to be calm, relaxed, not afraid or with adrenaline coursing (think of what would happen to the equivalent male organ if the male was afraid?).

There are also two sets of muscles in your uterus, one which go across (loosely speaking) and one which go down. They need to work in harmony to make the baby-delivery thing work. Problem is if you're tensing up, they start fighting eachother and then it's like when you tense a muscle too long - it will start complaining and being painful.

Re books/routines/whatever, read as much as you like, realise that most of the views conflict, and pick whatever you think might work for you - except if you're breastfeeding it's very important to feed on demand for the first few weeks to establish your supply. If baby is sleepy or prem you may need to feed more often than the baby wants. We never did a routine with our now 4yo, but I think we were fairly lucky that if he was tired he just fell asleep and tended to stay that way (waking only for milk and then going back to sleep).
Every baby is different, every parent is different, and we all have different lives / needs / wants etc that we need to fit in.

(worth noting though that practically every book even the ones where they're really hippy agree on the 'ring of fire' when baby is crowning, don't panic, it's normal, and it's apparently soon over....)

@FoxMulder - I am hoping with every fabric of my being that my labour goes the same way. I have already thought that doing it on my hands and knees might be much better for me. Had a meeting with a consultant anaesthetist yesterday - so feel more confident on the pain management stakes.

@teainbed - I do love reading books, but some of the snippets I read were so prescriptive, I found them a bit intimidating, to be honest. I wish with every fabric of my being that there was some sort of baby bible. The scripture according to puking/pooing/crying things!

@beanturnipandspud - 13 years old? Holy cow. I can see how that might have crystallised your thoughts and made you more determined. I’ve heard that Lavender oil is the way to go afterwards. I shall be procuring some of that for sure! Maybe I shouldn’t have watched too many ‘one born every minute’. That programme has singularly scared me witless…

@Tickyboovicki - I hear the same.. But I also hear that there is a little bit of a conspiracy of silence between mothers where they don’t actually say how awful it is so as not to scare. I am proper scared!

@1004Rise - lol at ‘hippy’. That’s not a bad thing. I am completely the opposite. Freaking out and feeling more than a bit disassociated is my order of the day right now! Maybe I need to buy at least one book on what to expect day by day. Just to hopefully allay some fears. I’m still in the hell of ‘do I need a monitor if the baby is sleeping next to me? Do I need to have the nursery finished? How important is this versus that?

My head is a mess. No tears because of the utter exhaustion and physical incapacity, but definitely due to not having a bloody clue what takes priority over what…

Ugh.

Deep breaths sanity.

Re nursery - we didn't have one finished for baby last time and we don't have one ready this time. Baby will be in with us for at least 6 months (probably a lot longer!) and napped downstairs last time during the day - in fact had we had one ready it would have been a complete waste of time / money, as he moved straight into a single bed in the end! Changing table was set up in a different room last time - so I suppose you could call that the 'nursery', this time it's in our room too. That's the sum total of what we have. I still need to get a nursing chair for downstairs, but that's it. (Downstairs so I can watch stuff on the computer while feeding if needed, but I have bought a tablet this time too).

Re how birth is - it's not a walk in the park (or at least it wasn't for me last time, but in hindsight baby was badly positioned and it wasn't ideal) but you have fantastic hormones coursing through your veins helping you get through it. I had this time-compression thing going on - amazing (it looks a bit less amazing to any third party watching though, they don't have the high you have!). Active birth is definitely a plus too, I couldn't stand being on my back and spent a lot of time kneeling and leaning forward. You do need to step away from the OBEM though. I did find a good one from a few years back (here, but the video isn't working for me now) heatherfrancesca.wordpress.com/category/one-born-every-minute/ and there are some fantastic home hypno waterbirths on youtube (can't recall if I linked to them here or not)

Oh nurse she is gorgeous, I can't wait to lie starting at my baby with a soppy grin thanks for sharing your experience!

bean I hope turnip is ok, lots of change for a nipper to deal with but the one thing she can clearly count on is cuddles with you both

Off to a wedding today, thinking as I'm 39+2 the hospital bag should come too. The plan for the weekend is the midwifes prescription of very hot curry, baths, sex and rest. She's keen to see if I can get things going to have best possible chance of getting to midwife led unit for the birth. DP also keen on this, the unit is quite rural but (for the foodies out there) it's in the home of pork pies and stilton cheese so labour snacks guaranteed to be tasty

@savage I have watched OBEM for years and I have to agree that is probably the only really positive birth story. She seemed to make very light work of it. I think about it when I'm starting to panic

I'm worried that because I have had such a straight forward pregnancy and seem to be carrying on basically exactly as normal (touch wood it continues) that somehow the birth is going to be even worse. What if it's a bad thing I haven't had any back or hip pain?! I guess I still have a week or so for things to change...!

@savagehk

Thank you for your calming words. I'm in the same boat. Snoozepod by the bed, changing table in our room. That's pretty much it. We have all the clothes and nappies and stuff (all in plastic bags and disorganised), but it is the simple things like 'what if my boobs don't work?' 'What do I put the baby in for bed?' Do I just lie down with the baby beside me and wait for it to do something? Or should I be checking its nappy every 5 minutes and waking it up to feed?

Thank you for the links. I shall see if they work for me. I could do with some positive birth visuals... x

Sanity I wonder if a word with your midwife might be in order to try and address some of your anxious feelings? For the record, it doesn't matter if the nursery is finished and you won't need a monitor for a while yet until the baby moves into her own room.

There's no way I'm would ever be considered a hippy, but I love Ina May's book. I really enjoyed giving birth the first time. It does hurt, but gas and air is amazing, as are the hormones.

I'm a muddle througher rather than a book follower. But I am pretty convinced that most babies find their own routines without much intervention from us.

nurse15 congratulations on your beautiful baby girl!!!

newbie I love that quote!! I too was planning on just seeing how everything goes and what my baby is like, what we are like as parents and just go from there. In my experience (nanny not mummy so v different) a natural routine comes in time anyway..... someone please remind me of these words when I'm on here in bits not coping!!!

Aaaaaaand brrreeeeethe sanity..... it's a whole new ball game for some of us and one big huge unknown. I've never heard myself say "I don't know" so much as I have since I've been pregnant!! I'm guessing it's good practise for being a parent for the first time and feeling my way through
I too would say have an honest chat with your midwife and see if she can help with any of your concerns. Would you consider listening to hypnobirthing type visualisation tracks off YouTube? I find that kind of thing very helpful and even if you don't "believe" it still gets into your subconscious mind :)

Have a great time dream!! Are you wearing your maxi dress?

Thanks Newbi.

Congratulations nurse!

Oh dream - my sister is considering labouring there in August (if I've picked up your clues right) so I'd be interested to know your thoughts when you've had your time. x

I laboured over the back of the bed this time so almost upright, contractions were def more intense and hurt more when I was sat or lying down.

@SanitysSake someone I work with said her labour wasn't painful. Uncomfortable, yes, but no where near as bad as some people say. I think the mums who are more silent about their births tend to be the ones who don't have "horror" stories to tell - they don't want to rub it in or make other people who experienced more painful labours feel like they didn't cope. I'm scared of the pain and tearing too, but I think it's because it's fear of the unknown and knowing how we will cope with the pain.

Morning everyone. I didn't get a great nights sleep as usual, woke at 5am and was in too much pain to get back to sleep so got up. Managed to get back to sleep on the sofa from about 7-10.30 so I'm happy with that 😊

@Nurse15 congratulations on your beautiful little girl, she is gorgeous. Hope you're feeling ok.

@SanitysSake You are not the only one feeling like this. I can barely believe that I have a nearly full grown baby inside this bump let alone how it's going to get out. I am worrying about the birth quite a lot but like @FoxMulder said, our bodies have managed to grow these babies so far (which I am completely amazed by) so they should know how to get them out!

I'm also starting to worry a bit about how we will cope post birth. I've barely even held a baby before and have no clue how to take care of one.
I haven't read any of the baby books I ordered yet 🙈 and also how it will affect our relationship. It's going to be a big adjustment and will just have to take it one day at a time.

@EsmesBees - Talking with my midwife sadly won’t achieve much. Lets just say, this part of the journey has been a bit of a ‘low point’. Better reading a book!

@Badgerbird - Yes, I do need to breathe! A lot! Watching the videos of those hypnobirths, it does look very relaxed. I just know what I’m like though. I’ll probably be on the ceiling, waiting to be peeled off it!

@Barnes79 - That’s good to hear and you’re right, it is totally the fear of the unknown. I guess it’s because I never saw myself as EVER becoming a mum and maybe on some level I haven’t totally reconciled myself with this fact yet.

@ClaireSunflower - we’re definitely in the same boat. I have never held a newborn. Closest I’ve got to a baby is a 7 month old and that lasted about 2 minutes until it started crying. I think one day at a time is about all I can manage. I just hope my husband won’t look to me for all the answers - as I certainly won’t have any!

@SanitysSake @ClaireSunflower held a baby, how do you do that?! Closest I've got to a newborn is holding my friends 4 day old about 6 weeks ago for a whole half an hour sitting in a chair while she slept (easy bit) I didn't even have the confidence to stand up to pass her to my DH, beyond that I've stayed as far away from babies as possible if I think about it too much it's terrifying that a tiny thing will rely on me for everything! So I don't think about it because worrying about it now is not going to help me when baby actually turns up. I have to believe that instinct will take over.

As a complete off the wall suggestion has anyone read/listened to The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters. He explains that you brain has a chimp, a human and a computer part. Put simply Chimp = emotion, Human = rational thought, Computer = stuff you do automatically. Your chimp is the part of your brain that will run away with the fear and anxiety that birth will be really painful and you won't cope.... but only if you let it. There are ways to keep your chimp happy in its cage by feeding it bananas and then let the human and the computer get on with delivering your baby. I read it long before I was pregnant and found it a really good insight into how your mind works and realising at 2 am that it's your chimp that's taken over when you're panicking about stuff makes a huge difference because then you know it's not you going mad.

Congratulations Nurse, she's beautiful! X

So I had a total meltdown at Drs earlier. Went to get my whooping cough jab (I know it's cutting it fine, don't ask) when I burst into tears worrying about what if it hurts my baby etc etc.... nurse was lovely, talked and listened to my concerns, gave me some leaflets and I'm going back to have it done on tues.
I've called in sick to work as I'm overtired and hormonal today after a long busy week and weekend coming up. F*#k the money. My baby and my sanity are more important..... I'm def due a nap!!
I made that sound like I made that decision on my own, in reality I blubbed down phone to bf then DH who both told me to not go in and go for a sleep. Love em.*

I think my chimp has taken over today rise! *

sanity* I meant to listen to them now to help with anxiety rather than actually during labour :)

Sorry for all the bold??!

Hi all, just catching up after a busy few days. Congratulations on the beautiful new arrivals, so exciting! Hope you are all feeling well and recovering swiftly.

beanturnipandspud so sorry to hear about your grandad. Must be such a tough time for you.

Great news from the consultant on your birthing plan raspberry. I had a similar experience on Weds - had a repeat growth scan where she is not as big as they thought (measuring 8lb0 at 38+2), and the consultant was not at all worried about my bloods, and apologetic I'd been brought in for monitoring and bloods every other day! He's put me back to low risk & I can be on the midwife led unit (and in water if available). Phew!

Hope those of you feeling anxious feel better soon. It is an awful feeling, and this can be such an unsettling time - huge life change + crazy amounts of hormones are not a good mix!

@Badgerbird and calling in sick is a perfect example of feeding your chimp a banana, going for a nap is another. Chimp isn't a bad thing (hence the paradox) you need him (no idea why I think my chimp is a he) to get you through stuff.... He provides the oxytocin as well as the adrenaline. You just need to recognise when he needs fed

Hooray for nice nurses, friends and DHs that talk sense into us!

@FoxMulder totally with you on the intuition, and I don't plan on losing out on cuddles. Nor do I want my Oh to miss out on cuddles. It's such a short time that they are so small and snuggling! I think they grow up so fast.

@beanturnipandspud I've not been called genius before haha! But thanks x I'm also totally buzzed about having a big announcement 5 months into your relationship ! My OH and I will be together for 2 years in June so I thought we were PDQ with our bubs! We conceived 3 months after moving in together which I was sooooo happy about, mainly because of our age and my medical history (thyroid stuff) . Also on board with your philosophy on how to bring them up.

@RasperryInAMelon so pleased about your being signed off for the MLU! Great news although less so about the useless consultant appointment !

@SanitysSake don't freak out! I'm told it's easier than Planning a wedding  but I agree to talk through your fears so you may be able to relax a little bit more?

Wow ladies the fastest moving thread on MN? Only today I found once again how nice we all are to each other! When I read other MN threads and some fb public posts I am appalled at the vile and bigoted hateful comments there! This thread is very very unlike that. We are just a fabulous bunch of mummies (to be)

@1004Rise and @PeachIcedT Yay for maternity leave! It was my last day today and I'm home already after having blood test at hospital for next weeks consultant appointment. Had a full lunch at the pub with colleagues but yeah I'm hungry again!

Going out for dinner tonight to celebrate wedding anniversary. First time since having DS. Might be the last time for another 3 years

Any ideas for the next thread name? I think we'll need one before the end of the day...