Due in April 2007 - Men Beware ....... !!?

[CaptainDippy]

I got there 1st!

Tee! Hee!

How are we all? I've been trying to get online all day, but computer is playing up - Grrrr!

Anyway, better late than never .....

Will be there BBCFK - be patient as we're running a bit late and will take us an hour and half to get there - 11 to 11.30ish so should still have time for a play and lunch?

Oh I feel very hormonal this morning. I am so annoyed with dh and I know it's unjustified but hey, I'm pregnant and it's how I feel so I'm going with it...

He plays in a band and they rehearse 3 times a week on fixed days. So 3 nights a week I don't see him at all until 12am. Fine. But these are fixed days and although sometimes I get annoyed about how our timetable is dictated by the band I live with it, it's his thing, it makes him happy, yadda yadda yadda. So last night was night off, tonight is band night, tomorrow is our night. Except his sister just called to say that as his mother is having an eye operation today. One which, to try and detract somewhat from me being a heartless bitch, is completely routine, takes about 30mins, and which she has had done various times before. It is being done this morning and tomorrow she will be home.

Well apparently he has to go and stay the night, in the hospital, with her. Why? WHY? She's in the HOSPITAL. Where they will take care of her. She will be home TOMORROW. So I said, okay, well whatever, it's close to where you practice so you can just go straight after you've done your band thing. And he says, oh no, I'll go there about 8pm and stay the night, I've changed band to tomorrow.

Cue extremely icy silence from me.

Now I KNOW I am being hormonal but I don't think he realises that to me this reads as:

Order of Priority in my (dh's) life: 1. Band 2. Mum 3. dw

On top of this, he is using a week of his annual leave. Yes, 25% of it, to do a band thing. In the year we are having a baby and might just need some extra time together, I don't know, even a holiday later on?? But THAT'S FINE. Because on the whole I'm pretty cool with this kind of stuff but sometimes it just really gets to me.

Maveta, I am not surprised you are a tad cross. It seems that the goal posts have moved re band nights being fixed then!!??

CONCLUSION

Men do not think!

My dh is the same. I thought the fact that we have a dd already would make him realise that he has responsibilities and can't go gadding off at the drop of the hat.... but no... still carrying on regardless.

Don't know what to suggest really, although I think I would speak to him, as otherwise these things fester and will drive you insane.

Good luck.
xx

Morning all

Katy you could get a telephone consultation with GP about lozenges if it gets worse again. My surgery do this and I always feel better about a phone call rather than face to face. I agree throat lozenges do not really require an appointment.

Maveta - Glad it's hormonal thing with you, because I would generally be annoyed with DH for doing things like that. Sounds like you're very understanding normally. Make him feel guilty then make him grovel.

Enjoy the meet up today those of you that are going. Can't wait to see photos.

Ellie - as if this thread wasn't long enough and hard enough to keep up with you've now given us another huge thread to try and read!

Angeg - thank you, Im trying not to! Im actually not really a worrier, in fact ive been reassuring other people about it all more than worrying myself. Its just now its getting close theres these few little doubts creeping in. And this is the only place i can voice my worries as in RL Im still having to reassure everyone else, well dp, his family and my mum!

Have no idea about all maternity leave as i will get none!! Because I've not worked for so long im not entitled to anything when dp moves in so gonna have to work when baby just a few months old so am busy now trying to get myself registered as a childminder so dont have to leave my little bubba. Little bit worried how my big stupid dog gonna fit into it all but should be ok if i can get him to calm down when grown ups come to the house, he's great with kids but might jump up and scare the parents!!

Glitterkitty - am at your reaction to sanctuary stuff, must have been awful. I always think of their stuff being fancy pampering stuff.

Oh maveta honey - [[[hugs]] I can totally understand your upset and frustration at your DH's lack of prioritisation. I don't know what else to say, except that I hope that this baby is a MASSIVE smack in the face for him when it comes to managing his time - Believe me, when this little one comes into your lives, it will compeletely consume you both and he will have to sit up and pay attention and re-order the way he does things cos if he doesn't, I can tell you that life will be v.miserable. (Don't mean that in a horrid scary way, but you both need to help care for this child to make sure it work best for you both.) I really hope this little one makes all the difference to you honey, but I am sorry you are having to go through all of this right now. I would be cross too. [hugs] by the bucketload. xxxxx

I also have a sore throat - yuk. I am sucking throat lonzenges and having hot lemony / honey drinks - Didn't know lozenges were a problem, have used them in all my PG's. Hoping this cold doesn't get any worse, poor DD's are pretty bad and DH was feeling pretty rough this morning. Bugger.

@ reaction to Sanctuary stuff glitterkitty - hope the redness/ soreness has subsided now - You skin certainly does some v.funny stuff when you are PG.

Mmmmmmmmm......

Anyway, going to get some bits and pieces done this morning while DD1 is at Pre-School and DD2 is sleeping it off; then off out to a friends this afternoon....

PS. Lots of health foody type shops do lozenges made out of 100% natural stuff and I am sure they would be absolutely fine to have during pregnancy - So if you're really worried, you could always invest on some of them??

Hi CaptainDippy
Thanks, I might do that! Was worried in particular about these because they are antiseptic and local anaesthetic ones. Might try to find some natural ones.

grrrr at your dh Maveta. I would be annoyed about that. Are the hospitals there like in Italy where family has to feed/care/generally do any non-medical looking after of the patient? Is that why he needs to go?

at allergic reaction GK! That sounds scary!

Right, I am going to do some work today, but just want to ring up about preg yoga 1st!

Oh, and chopped fresh ginger in hot water is amazing for sore throats all you bunged up winter sufferers out there!

So hungreeeeeee and Bump is kicking like mad - must galvanise myself into action ......

Can send BigOnion round with a sandwich if you like!

Okay, well I'm glad to know it isn't just me. I can't be arsed talking to him about it just now. Besides, we normally talk tons on the phone during the day so the complete radio silence will be speaking volumes.

Eca - no, not at all. It is not necessary at all for him to stay. I was so confused when he first mentioned it, I thought maybe it was like that too. I was like 'hold on, but WHY do you need to go? Is it the hospital that says you have to go?' He in turn didn't understand why I didn't get it. It's another instance of why I should be grateful I have a dh that comes from such a caring family. They really do all chip in and just do things like this for their Mum all the time, which is so sweet but sometimes it's like..SHE'LL BE FINE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! It's like they totally fall over each other to pamper her all the time, I don't know why it drives me crazy. I guess in my family we're a lot more matter of fact and 'get on with it' even though we love each other and care about each other just as much. My mum has never encouraged us to mollycoddle or look for it from other people and I find it quite odd.

I keep telling him he's going to have a huge wake up call when the baby comes but can't say anymore than that, he'll see. His sisters asked if I was going to stop him rehearsing when the baby comes. I said I'll never stop him doing anything, I'm sure it will be more than obvious! He's in for a shock.

Pesha your comment about 'could we BE more pregnant' cracked me up. It is so true. I feel like I have entered the 7th month with a really obvious BANG. Suddenly I feel so pregnant.

And weeonion I kept forgetting to say, your comment before you fainted had me giggling to myself aswell. How you can be so funny when you are about to faint is really commendable!

Don't know about throat lozenges as I don't use them normally anyway. Can't stand things that have soft centres that then 'drool' down my throat or the full on menthol flavours of many of them. Lemon and honey works for me everytime.

Maveta, it must be something about mother in laws/family that are not British. Dh's mum is Slovenian, and they are very mollycoddling, and it drives me mad. It actually makes me claustrophobic. My family are of from the "get on with it" clan, although if I ask for help, or anyone asks for help, then of course we get it and people rally round.

I am and have always been very independent, and I hate it when mil sticks her oar in and tries to mollycoddle me and dd. Hugs to you.

Ooooh, a Big Sandwich would be yummy - Not a Big Onion Sandwich thoguh -

Glad you acknowledge the big Wake up Call your DH is going to get Maveta - Just sit back, relax and watch ....

Good luck Maveta- agree that going completely silent works brilliantly- far better than a shouty row. If you can keep it up! Good luck!

i cant see yr mesages - all i get is this box!

SOL - I guess that is what it is which is why I don't fight it, the family thing. It's a cultural thing and it's the way they are, and the way I am and I guess if you come from different cultures there are some things you just have to accept. Like we have lunch at his mum's with ALL the family EVERY saturday. That took SO SO SO much getting used to.

Anyway, the silence didn't last that long (who are we kidding, who can REALLY do the silent thing for that long??! lol) but it wasn't all shouty, I just said how I felt and that I felt he was trying to dole himself out to too many people/things i.e. band and ends up exhausted and no one involved is happy because he gives too little to too many. So he said he agrees and that he will leave the band after they've done this disc thing next month. That bit was a bit shouty but I do think he feels frustrated trying to do everything and still always having everyone moan at him. And I think he knows it's been coming for a while so feels a bit fed up/tired of it all.

Right - catching up:
I thought lying on your back was a blood flow thing too - either to our heart or better 'flow' to our kidneys & placentas if lying on Left. That said, i can only do lying on my side at the moment if I've got pillow firmly stuffed between legs & under bump - almost as though I'm lying on top of bump at times!
Glitterkitty - I thought it was just my sensitive eczema-type skin that meant I had a horrid reaction to the snctuary stuff I was given as a works Xmas pressie a couple of years back {Hang on, WHY is it still in my cupboard at all??}
I loved the Libby Purves book too - gave 'permission' to not be perfect in the first weeks and plenty of tips and ideas (must re-read it sometime)and our Sunday morning lie-ins (ahh I remember those!)were spent reading the current week in the "Rough Guide". She-who-must-not-be-named will also be left uncommented on as someone else said
Been remarkably blase about this pregnancy - have had vague chats with dh about birth plan (arranging child-care able to get here in roughly 20 mins being important!) but some of the prompts on MNet have been timely - dealing with the 'what-if's' that we simply did not have time to go through first time.

Well done Maveta for getting a sort of resolution. You have my sympathy - I've been through this with my DH about golf, hockey, cricket commitments on weekends when I had been at home all week by myself with a small infant! He has found it hard to give up (or sacrifice in his view) all of his hobbies and interests for me and DS. Caused massive rows at the time as he didn't think i was sacrificing anything by having the baby as I had no interests before bloody cheek!

Its not quite true of course because as his job has got more senior he's been unable to commit to teams (i.e. hockey and cricket) as he can never do the mid week practises etc anyway regardless of DS. Anyway he has eventually accepted the occasional game of golf as a compromise and he's got more into his windsurfing (sports freak, can you tell!!!). That works out as a nice day at the beach for all 3 of us so I don't feel abandoned!

So Maveta - I'm sure you will get there in the end and once the LO arrives it will be all DH can do to tear himself away!

Maveta - glad you were able to tell DH a bit about how you are feeling honey - Let's hope some of it sinks in, eh!!?

Just about to go and get DD1 from Pre-School, so thought I'd pop in quickly first and say hi. Feeling increasingly rough, cold really setting in now - very tired and achey too. To top things off, it is raining really hard and I've got to walk down to my friend's place half an hour away.

See you later (I'll be the "Drippy One" ) .....

Captain Drippy it is then - hope you feel better. Seems like we are almost passing this virus around between us 'virtually'!! I've not got it yet so no one breathe on me!

Hotlips, god that all sounds so familiar. To his credit, and to my luck, I think he is really reaching the point of giving it up on his own. He is starting to realise that it knackers him out more than it ever used to and that it's just too much of an obligation given all his other obligations i.e. work, me, his family. I would hate him to give up his music completely as he loves it so much but he is talking about doing lessons and practicing more at home (he plays the drums but its fine, they have muffle pads on them so it's not particularly noisy).

The funny thing is, I've always been able to be perfectly obliging because I don't have hobbies as such so am pretty flexible, like you hotlips. I'm always able to adjust to his schedule and be home when he is home etc etc but that will also change when we have the baby and I can imagine him feeling like roles have been reversed when he gives us the band to be with me more and then all my time is absorbed by the baby!!

Maveta - to your DH but glad that you seem to have got your point accross to him.

GK - at your allergic reaction. I have to be careful what I use cos a lot of stuff makes me itch but I can't imagine what it must have been like for you.

Well heard yesterday that I will get Maternity Allowance starting this week. I've asked for it to be paid every 4 weeks tho so not sure when the first payment will be made. Makes it seem so much closer - can't believe it's only 11 weeks until due date! I'm 29 weeks tomorrow where did the time go!

Have been feeling more uncomfy in bed, stomach muscles hurt when I turn on my side or from one side to the other. Midwife told me to roll onto my side before I get up from lying down but it's so difficult! Think DH might have to swap sides with me cos I think it's easier getting out of his side of the bed!

Cot and dresser coming on Monday, yay! I'll have to start washing the baby stuff we've bought. I really need to start getting organised. Have pretty much given up on housework already!!! Just can't be bothered with it at the moment. I keep hoping DH will do it poor thing.

Oh and have discovered I can no longer cut my toenails....which meant I had to let DH do it last night. I hate people touching my feet and was terrified! I kept shouting "don't cut my toe off", "don't cut the skin" in between bouts of laughter at how terrified I was! Now I have to decide whether I trust him to trim my bikini line

CD - i got soaked this morning taking dc to school, 5 mins ago the sun was out and shining and was looking lovely but now is all grey again so prob will have just started to rain again when time to pick dd up! And sorry but i pmsl at your post to maveta earlier, on first read i thought it said 'i hope this baby is MASSIVE'! I thought blimey thats not very friendly is it, what happened to us all being lovely to each other!! Am giggling again to myself now and ds is telling me off cos he's sitting on me and im waking him up apparently wish he would still sleep in the afternoon.

Maveta - think id find his family stuff very difficult to deal with aswell, in fact it would annoy the hell out of me! And when i met dp he played football sat and sun, had training 2 nights a week, helped out with local cubs on a wed evening and played skittles on a fri night and everything always involved a stop in the pub with mates afterwards! And then in the summer it was cricket sat and sun which is even worse cos it goes on for hours. But since having ds and him waking up to his responsibilities he's cut it down to football on a sat with training once a week although dont know what will happen with cricket this year. But he's got no cartiledge (sp) left in his knee and his cruciate ligament is hanging on by a thread apparently, he's already had one operation on his knee, so he's prob only got afew years left before he cant play anymore anyway so he wants to make the most of it which is fair enough.

GWB - glad its not just me who likes the lazy er i mean laid back attitude to parenting Think i too really need to start preparing myself for birth and thinking about the what ifs. And try and remember what i need in my hospital bags. If this baby comes early we will be um blame pg brain but cant think of any way of putting it other than buggered! Everythings in the loft, nothings bought, planned, ready or even really thought about much! Baby is thought about obviously but none of the practicalities are very much. Ok really need to pull my finger out now and stop spending all day on MN!

Is this the longest these threads have been inactive - apart from possibly on Christmas day? Over 2 hours now!

I was thinking that- am having a total exhaustion moment and cannot think of anything logical to say.

Has anyone been on the bf threads? Scary! I'm intending to bf, but its proper militant over there!