Babies due in November 2016 #4

[FuzzyOwl]

New thread for us to chat and if anyone else also wants to join the secret Facebook group just send me a private message with the email address that you use to login and I will send you a link.

I had my scan yesterday and all was healthy...and it's a girl! It took about 30 minutes because we had a student in with us, baby was in a really good position for them to see what they needed to so he got a lot of practice in!

We got to see her drinking, sticking her tongue out, opening her mouth wide...it was amazing! DP was so emotional coming home because it seemed 'much more like a baby'

latinata - I very nearly blacked out- turns out the lying on your back thing is true!

God, isn't?! I had dental work the other day, the baby hated it and kicked up a storm the whole way through, and then it took me 5 minutes to stop feeling dizzy when I finally sat back up again!

Thurlow I'm glad your appointment was positive (despite the DH induced tears!).

I have mentioned how I feel to my DH but nobody else, Feeling this way makes me feel really uncomfortable, like it's not "normal" and I'm scared of vocalising my feelings. Ridiculous really, as I don't feel that way about how you feel nor would I if a friend confided in me! I think part of the problem is that my two closest friends who I would ordinarily chat things through with are going through their own stuff at the moment so I don't want to burden them with this. I'm seeing the midwife in a week or so and I will discuss it with her then.

I'm really glad you have a plan in place with your GP and a few possible options. Are you going away anywhere on your holiday?

Welcome to the newbies!

Sorry, things have moved on quite a bit now, I've been trying to post that last message for the last 2 days but the app wouldn't let me.

Good luck to anyone with scans today

Cake, it is nice in a weird way to hear someone else talk about this. It doesn't feel normal, does it? Like I said before, I can almost feel this happening to me and that's what makes it so uncomfortable and, sometimes, double upsetting. And talking to people who haven't been through it feels hard because it seems such a horrible thing to say.

Please do bring it up with the midwife though. They've been very supportive with me and I think antenatal depression is on everyone's radar at the moment.

We're off to Norfolk for a week with friends for a quiet one, I'm hoping that a change of scenery and no nursery/commute routine will perk me up a bit.

Hope you start to feel a bit better soon x

Have a nice time away thurlow

Anyone suffering with sciatica? I got it when I was pregnant with my youngest two years ago, and even after she was born it stayed with me, but lately I'm in agony the pain is horrendous I'm hobbling around like a right idiot! I'm

Afternoon everyone, so very positive scan and all is looking healthy and exactly as it should. Also found out we are having a little girl - which totally floored me.

I feel awful saying this but I've been in floods of tears and cannot stop thinking about the boy "I've lost"

I was convinced it was a boy, been referring to baby as "him" for weeks. I rationally knew it could be a girl and was always saying "or girl" when anyone said they thought it was a boy - which everyone did! So feeling like this has come as a huge shock.

My DH is worried about me and so am I! We went to Next afterwards to get a few clothes as we did after the 12 week scan, just something for us to buy and that set me off again. I hate pink/glittery/tutus just wanted to pick up the dinosaur all in ones and run the other way.

Please can those who suffered a little with gender disappointment let me know what this gets better? Is it just the shock/re-adjustment?

We bought 9 all in ones which are as close to gender neutral all possible, all white with grey/yellow on and one packet of pink socks to introduce the idea slowly.

What is wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you, fedup, nothing at all

You've just explained it yourself - you feel like you've "lost" a boy. When you have a strong image in your head then it really can feel like you are losing something. There's quite a few of us on this thread that have said similar things. I'm still adjusting myself to having a boy, not another daughter shall we swap?

It's really pretty common and very normal. Be kind to yourself, don't stress about it, it will be ok x

Oh Fedup, I'm so sorry you're upset There is nothing to say your little girl won't be a complete tom-boy, or that you need to parent her any differently than you would a boy. I know it's not the same though. For right now can you just focus on the fact that she's healthy? Give yourself time and I'm sure in a few months/years you wouldn't be able to imagine your life without her

I'm having a lot of stretching pains today around my midsection, in the roughly 5cms below my belly button. Quite achey and my muscles feel very tense/sore/crampy. I'm hoping it is just stretching pains because it feels like muscle fatigue and nothing more.

Hi everyone! Pleased to hear all the positive scan news! I have been so busy with work so the last few weeks have flown by! I have felt the baby move but have that anterior placenta so DH has only felt one kick.

When the baby moves about it doesn't feel like pressure, it's that normal? When it's kicking it feels like bubbles!

Just booked to go & see my dad in Cyprus in September I will be 30weeks! He has not seen me pregnant so it will be strange for him!!xx

Woody I'm glad to hear you'll also be flying quite late on. I've got a 14 hour flight back to Argentina at 32 weeks to make a family holiday which was booked a year and a half ago. Providing I don't become high-risk for any reason my doctor says it's fine.

I'm getting really tired of people making jokes about me going into labour on the plane!! As if I wasn't already paranoid about that!!

Thanks Thurlow and Smells

It's such a bizarre feeling. After my previous MC I thought I'd be over the moon either way so this is totally unexpected.

I'm absolutely trying to focus on the fact that she is healthy and seems quite happy in there. Went out for dinner tonight and everyone is over the moon it's a girl and I just kind of sat there thinking "well at least they're happy"

I've spent a little time on Pinterest looking at neutral girls nursery decor and clothes and feel a little better, like it's manageable somehow but feel so overwhelmed when I see the mountains of pink and floral. I sound so ungrateful but I'm literally dreading anyone buying us anything as there is a 99% chance I'll hate it and burst into tears.

My mil also hasn't helped with comments (by text) like "I knew it" "I knew I was right" "she'll be a daddy's girl" like the baby is nothing to do with me anymore. We have a bit of an awkward relationship as I find her really overbearing and intrusive and I'm dreading the "don't be ungrateful" as she hands over mountains of pink "for her grandchild"

I'm lying here awake at 3.30 with all of this swirling around in my head.

God I sound like a monster. I'm really not I promise!

Oh Fedup, I really feel for you. I love girly stuff but hate pink/purple/glittery/princessy crap too. When you feel ready to buy clothes I think Zara has a good range of not-girly stuff, like this t-shirt and denim dress, which are both in the baby-girls section. Zara also usually have some good dungarees for girls too, sensible stuff they can play in easily. I think our little one will be wearing white/cream cotton blouses with grey/pastel yellow shorts. I'm already dreading the hand-me-downs from my SIL cause it's all pink Disney t-shirts covered in glitter and I also understand the weirdness around people being like 'CONGRATULATIONS' over a girl I know they'd say it no matter the sex, but my goal was a healthy baby and it feels weird to be congratulated for it, but it's just what people say I guess.

(Sorry for the photo spam everyone!)

Loooooove those Zara pieces, smells!

Fedup I'm exactly the same with girls' clothing - I hate glitter/pink/Disney/tutu stuff! I've bought a few bits from La Redoute which I'd never have thought to look at but they've got a great baby range and it's all very gender neutral/French chic.

My friend had twin girls earlier this year and was given SO MUCH girly clothing, but even at 5 months you can tell they're not girly girls at all. So they just don't wear it! They wear cool printed leggings with slogan tees... she has a few cute dresses but says it just doesn't feel right to dress them in those because they really don't suit them, and it makes total sense!

Oh those are lovely Smells I didn't realise Zara did baby clothes, thank you!

After a long sleep (may have only been up about 20 minutes ) I am feeling much better. Still weird but better than yesterday.

I think I just imagined a house full of boys but I'll just have to work on adjusting that picture I guess. I'm quite girly myself in that I like hair/nails/make up etc but my style is very much jeans and tops, tailored clothes no patterns lots of black/white/navy. Very classic. I don't think I have owned anything pink for about 20 years!

Ended up having a lovely chat with my DH about 4am this morning and he has suggested we kind of gently let close family/friends know that pink stuff is really not on our radar as and when we see them from now to hopefully reduce the flow a bit and he will keep his mum in check!

Fedup, I felt the same but was a lot better after a few days. The main reasons for the disappointment were:

1. felt guilty for being more concerned that she wasn't a boy rather than she was just healthy
2. concerned that I wouldn't be able to bond with a girl and that my extreme reaction might be the start of pre/post natal depression
3. Was a lot happier with boys names than girls names
4. Just knowing what girls have to go through to be heard - I work in a heavily male dominated industry - and even the thought of people saying what a beautiful girl rather than a clever girl pissed me off!
5. Fear of needing to protect her more which I realise is totally sexist but I'm just saying it was my immediate reaction.
6. Upset that I should have just been happy and instead I had a crazy emotional reaction. We had quite a 'struggle' to get to this stage as well.

What made me come to terms and feel better were talking about how I felt and so many people both in real life and here who said they had the same thing. Also sleeping on it and making myself call her 'she' slowly. I haven't been looking at clothes as I'm not quite ready yet but it's getting better and I'm feeling a whole lot happier about it now than last week. The sonographer said "don't worry, you'll probably end up having 5 girls" oh the helpful things people say... Anyway, it's normal, give it time and talk to people. Good luck!

Hi Latinata if it makes you feel any better my friend flew home to NZ at 35 weeks to have her baby and it was absolutely fine.

I say enjoy your holiday, on such a long flight make sure you have your flight socks and maybe an aisle seat or even better try and swing an upgrade. (Sounds dreamy). x x

Bolly and fedup sorry you are both still dealing with the conflicting emotions after finding out you are having girls. I am still struggling too, despite having known for a month now.

Please can I have a vent here? I'm sorry that this is quite sensitive, and I really hope I don't upset anyone, I just don't know where else to turn to. I haven't told anyone (not even DH) how I feel. So here goes...... I'm not sure that I want this baby, in fact I feel like I don't. I have tears streaming down my face writing this. I never never never thought in a million years I would ever feel this way, especially after losing my son almost 4 years ago. I feel so ungrateful and just bloody awful. I wasn't sure I wanted another baby before we started trying, I felt complete with DS, but had always imagined having 2 children at home and my DH wanted another one so we decided to start trying because I felt like we were "running of time". We were lucky that it only took 2 months of trying, which shocked me after trying for 9 months with DS. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I never had an urge to have another baby and didn't even really have time to get my head around it before getting pregnant and now I just feel like I don't want the baby. I'm not finding pregnancy easy, I feel like it's been problem/hassle after problem and I am so so worried about the baby having a negative impact on DS's life. I'm worried that because I feel this way I won't bond with the baby once it is born and I will resent it for taking time away from DS. The baby deserves more than that, I feel like I'm failing already. Add into the mix my complicated feelings over gender and overall I feel pretty messed up at the moment. I feel ungrateful, stupid, lonely, and scared.

I visited a friend this afternoon with a 2 month old, I was holding the baby whole friend made tea and DS decided to empty a flower pot of earth over his head-que a frenzy of activity from me and generally stressed out-ness. Friend just laughed and said "it'll be good practice for when number 2 arrives". I could have cried.

I am hoping beyond hope that I will miraculously feel better and bonded and overwhelming love when baby arrives, but what if I don't?

I'm sorry for the massive self indulgent post and again, I really really hope I haven't upset anyone. I know how unbelievably lucky I am to be pregnant, and in a way that makes how I'm feeling seem all the worse.

Ps-sorry for any typos,

Really aching today. Has anyone else started to feel the aches as their joints soften? I was working on art projects with the children in my class all afternoon and although I really enjoyed it I am suffering now

And now of course I feel like if something bad happens to the baby it will by all my fault for feeling this way.

Oh cake I posted at about the same time and didn't see what you'd written. You are allowed to feel all kinds of emotions and the fact that you are acknowledging them is such a positive thing. Have you been to speak to anyone? It is so much easier to talk frankly with someone who is not involved. I feel guilty when I get excited about this baby after losing my daughter at the start of last year but speaking to my support group allows me to appreciate that I can feel joy and sadness at the same time and that loving one child in no way negates the loved I had for my little girl. My situation is quite different I think to yours so please don't think I'm drawing comparisons. It's more trying to explain how talking about what had happened to our family helped me to change my perspective on my life and my decision to try again .

I hope you can find support. I am more than happy to be a friendly ear here if you feel it helps.

Sorry to everyone who is struggling. I think gender disappointment is a real thing that too many people don't speak up about for fear of what others will say.

Hugs Cake and sorry you are feeling this way. Is there a counsellor or someone you can have an impartial chat with so that you don't feel like you are bottling everything up? I had prenatal depression last pregnancy and I also wasn't sure I wanted a child at all. When DD was born I felt completely detached from it all and it took many months before I felt we had bonded. Now, she is my favourite person in the world and I am worried about how she will feel when another child comes along.

Sorry it always seems to be me that starts the new thread but we have run out of space again.

Thread five is here