babies and bumps mixed thread -May babies are coming!

[cantbelieveImquittingcoffee]

Here's the new thread, for bumps and babies before we all graduate together!

Grouchy - MIL doesn't actually help and just makes me feel more stressed I completely relate to this! I find "help" to be so stressful. I'm so used to doing everything (a certain way!) I find having to explain it all more hassle than it's worth. Also it just makes me feel like shit admitting to what I haven't managed. MIL brought a pinny and cleaning gloves when baby was born, my bottle of Milton was virtually emptied as she cleaned everything that stayed still. It was meant as a support but felt like a judgement, like she'd been waiting for months, staring at my skirting boards, just desperately waiting for me to go into labour so she could scrub them. She ironed all the laundry including my massive comfy bloomer pants that stretched over my 40 week bump, oooooh the indignity (that's one for the Thomas Tank fans!) She is so lovely but sharing space is very hard, especially after having a baby. Also, she riles up my toddler and his behaviour deteriorates and I feel I can't discipline him/talk to him how I normally would.

About your other children - again I can totally relate - the lack of sleep makes all the small things that you'd normally calmly deal with seem so much worse. im trying to be really mindful but yesterday I was really cross with my wee boy. He could argue black was white and he was grabbing something from me and he went into a full tantrum when I removed it. He stormed into my room and randomly pulled my clothes down from the hangers. Normally I'd talk to him/pick him up and move away from the problem but I was holding the baby so I held his arm firmly and steered him away while ranting. Anyway, my elbow somehow clipped his ear and he ran away crying. I felt like a complete shit. All forgotten about after we'd read a story.

That's the thing Grouchy - They forget quickly, don't harbour all the bad moments, just push on. They love you and they know that you love them, that's enough. Pick your battles, lower your expectations. The other day my toddler ran about with no trousers on for ages until he was ready to put them back on after a wee. It had become a stand off and I could feel my blood boiling and so I said (in my head obviously!) fuck it, who cares, it's an argument I don't want.

The tiredness clouds everything, it's hard to gauge your MH when you are hallucinating with exhaustion. Is your baby BF/FF? Could you do night about with dh?

Also re in laws - get your husband to suggest they stay with SIL as baby is noisy so they'd sleep better. Make it about them, not you.

Sorry for the essay. I agree with post it - I'm doing great

But keep posting about pnd if you're worried

Sorry to hear you're feeling down grouchy I have no idea how you're managing with 3. I'm in tears most days with 1!

DD was one month old yesterday. Had another nightmare night where she was overtired, would not sleep and would not settle until 1:30 am. I'm on my knees with tiredness.

I've been looking into cranial osteopathy and found one near here where the prices look fairly reasonable. Anyone know how many sessions it's likely to take?

Also been looking into slings and more and more tempted by the ergo but it's £130 with the newborn insert...ouch! I don't want to make an expensive mistake so not sure what to do!

grouchy hope you're feeling a bit better now. Like others have said, I am in awe of all of you second and third timers. It's so full on just having one baby. I think you're all amazing!

frozen is there a sling library near you? I went to one and it was really helpful. You might also be able to hire an ergo from a library and see how you get on with it before buying one? Although the sling I ended up with was actually the complete opposite of what I I thought I wanted once I tried a couple.

We've had a tough few days over here! A lot more crying, screaming and general fussiness (from the baby...mostly). I'm not sure why and have found it pretty difficult Hoping it's just six week growth spurt or something...

Defo try to get to a sling library frozen. There are lots and all suit different body shapes/babies.

I also think 6 weeks is a classic growth spurt time. DD is not quite 5 weeks but seems to just be being a little non sleeping boob monster today.

YY To the 5/6 week fussiness and growth spurt - DD has been a different baby this whole week (she turned 6 weeks old yesterday) with very strange sleep and feeding patterns. Hoping for a better week to come as I'm cross-eyed and delirious with tiredness and have been all week!
Can't remember if I said here or not but I really want an ergobaby too frozen (though we already have several carriers!) so I'm keeping an eye on eBay - if you can't get to a library might be worth a look? (My "closest" sling library is not in an area I can get to). Do look out for the "genuine" new ones shopping from China though, they sell for a third of the price but clearly aren't the real deal!

was going to say watch out for fake ergos on eBay and Amazon.

DD fed like a maniac yesterday afternoon/evening and then conked out and only woke for one feed last night. As a result my boobs are massive, sore, leaky and lumpy. Definitely a growth spurt with her increasing supply and then being sleeping. Poor boobies.

Have all the other bf babies has a bottle by now. I haven't yet as I cant be bothered to find the steraliser and my breast pump but as she is an ardent dummy refuser (actually gagged yesterday when I tried again) I'm a bit worried she will be a bottle refuser like DS was for ages. I do eventually want to be able to leave her for a few hours of I want/need to without feeding worries so I must try to do it this week probably won't as I'm too lazy

Morning odog that's great that you only had one night feed last night! We did that one night in her 4th week and then this past week (when she was 5 weeks) she has been waking up way more than normal and feeding has been all over the place (Friday she went 5 hours between feeds - one at night, one in the day, but Saturday she was begging for more every hour or hour and a half in the night and some of the day!!). I bought the wonder weeks and apparently 5 weeks is the first leap so I'm hoping this coming week will be better as she is now 6 weeks old!
We have got our official NCT reunion this morning with the dads although the mum's have been meeting regularly already, so that should be fun. There is one who I really like but I think might want to opt out (basically because she is busy, coping great, has lots of family close by, and lives quite far from the rest of us and where we usually meet). As we communicate through a whatsapp group i can see how hard that would be if it happened (if you were the one wanting out!) - she has missed the last few meet ups and then said she was changing phones and might disappear from the group but would write everyone's number down - I have a feeling she might disappear completely, so let's see if they come along today!
On the subject of ergos - I see that they do quite a few different models. Any particular recommendations of which is best?

No bottle or dummy here. No plans to either. I probably won't get time away til tiddly is about 9 months old and using a sippy cup. That's how it was with ds1. He hated the bottle, never drank from it and it was one battle too far so we never persevered, I was too anxious to leave him anyway so my boobs were always present.

Oh and odog I have been expressing a bit (not every day) to freeze and kept a bit back each time to try and a give a bottle. First time DD guzzled it up without hesitation! Second time DP tried to give it - she flatly refused, took it eventually from me but most of it went round her neck rather than in her tummy. 3rd time was similar, but we tried again yesterday with DP giving it and she took it all without any trouble. Mind you she had the nipple shields constantly for 3 weeks (when she took the first bottle easily I was still using them, when she started struggling to take the bottle I had stopped) and takes a dummy so it might be that part of it.

My DD laughs in the face of "nipple confusion" and will happily drink from breast or bottle, didn't mind nipple shields, and loves her dummy. She is a very sucky baby in general though and will often chew her hand/fingers too.

I should probably be pleased that we have no problems in this area but it makes me nervous as I've heard that always wanting to suck can be a sign of silent reflux. I think she has some of the other symptoms too so am going to ask about it at the six week check maybe I'm just being paranoid and PFB though

We've phased out formula now but back when she was having top ups she would very happily switch between formula and breast milk, and once even drank a bottle of expressed breast milk straight from the fridge (that sounds so cruel but it was a mistake - DH misunderstood my instructions and by the time I realised she was drinking ice cold milk she'd already finished it!!)

Have fun at NCT reunion cant. Now that the baby is here I do really wish I'd done NCT. A shame that the person you clicked most with is leaving the group though!

I'm going to try and make the sling library but it keeps being cancelled due to lack of volunteers. Also one of my nct group went last time and said the queues were crazy. Definitely going to check out eBay too. Hopefully we won't end up outbdding each other cant!

DD has also had a strange week. Some days she's been constantly awake and other days asleep constantly. She slept for 5 hours straight last night. I'm still a bit worried about her feeding. She only ever takes one boob per feed and often only for 10 mins at a time. She is still very fussy with the latching and unlatching all the time too. She's also a really noisy embarrassing feeder! I have a fast let down apparently. She has taken boob, bottle, dummy and nipple shields too, although haven't tried a bottle for a while.

Enjoy your nct reunion cant I couldn't make mine in the end as the venue was too far away. I bailed out of the last coffee meet up too but still trying to be active in the WhatsApp group as don't want to loose touch.

I'm wondering if DD has reflux too 29 also going to mention it at the 6 week week check but wondering if I'm pfb! She always wants to suck too, possets all the time, has real issues with wind and tummy pains, coughs, sneezes and hiccups a lot too.

I also think I've developed mastitis in my right boob although seems a little less painful today and the hot red patch has gone down since yesterday.

I wish I could have enjoyed the sleep cant but my boobs were so uncomfortable I spent half the night willing her to wake and drain them off a bit!

That's a shame that someone in your nct group wants to dip out. We have been really lucky that our group has stayed together although I see some more than others partly due to some working full time and partly because I get on with some better than others. We try to all get together at a weekend with the dads too a couple of times a year. But a few I see at least once a week. Enjoy your reunion though as it will be a really special memory (especially since it's on Father's Day!).

Oh and happy Father's Day to all the dads but especially those having their very first Father's Day!

Hello everyone. We have had a busy week so not been on here much. It was my first week alone as DH wad back at work. He also had 2 evening engagements and has been away over night for a stag party ladt night. Talk about baptism of fire but I think I have coped well. DS2 was feeding nearly all day yesterday but then only woke twice in the night and went 5.5 hours at beginning of the night. Pretty chuffed with that!

Haven't tried expressing yet. DS1 was never keen on the bottle and I was quite reluctant to leave him too. However we are going to a wedding in August when DS2 will be a boy 10 weeks so hoping to have it sorted by then. The venue is local so I can always pop into MIL to feed him.

Envious of those of you with sling libraries. We have nothing near us...

So, the reunion was really nice although it ended up being only 3 out of 5 couples there - 1 sent their excuses, the others didn't come as I predicted - but then afterwards sent an email saying they had gone to the wrong place and had phone issues so couldn't check the email for details or contact anyone and was really gutted to miss it - I think if you were trying to opt out you wouldn't go to the bother to say that would you?
Anyway it was really nice, I always really liked the teacher so was nice to see her again and for partners to be there (have met the mums regularly but not seen the dads until today!). DP and I stayed our afterwards, did a bit of shopping, had some lunch, walked from where we were to the huge park, went for ice-cream and then eventually walked all the way home too - he is crashed out downstairs as we speak, I brought DD up to lay in the bed with me as it's more comfy (she's asleep on me as we speak). All in all a really nice day! I am definitely feeling exhausted though after a tough week for sleep, and trying to start get back to doing more stuff this weekend (I started up my home yoga practice yesterday and did a little again this morning, plus lots of walking yesterday and today whereas we had been getting buses as I couldn't do so much) which might have all been a bit much!

Frozen if it helps on the feeding DS only takes one boob for 10 mins and is 13lb4 at 5.1 weeks so no growth worries! Just the way he feeds

frozen DD has similar symptoms. I've also been thinking back over the past week or so and realised that her increasing fussiness and crying has always been during or soon after a feed.

Last night was the worst yet, she was absolutely inconsolable and it was awful . After reading lots of old MN threads some research I've decided to take her to the GP today as if it is silent reflux I want to catch this before it gets any worse.

It's so hard to know what's normal though, especially when it's your first - DD seems to want to suck constantly and as a result has been gaining a lot of weight (400g in the last week). On the one hand this could be a sign that she's trying to soothe her throat, but on the other maybe it's just normal baby behaviour, after all there are plenty of other babies in the thread who feed constantly and are gaining lots of weight!! I'm trying to go with my instinct, I am really starting to feel something isn't right and she's in pain.

That's reassuring pikz although DD had now started having long feeds again! I have no idea what's going on. 2 weeks post tongue tie division and we're still struggling with the latch becoming shallow and the seal breaking meaning there's lots of noise. Too embarrassed to feed in public due to the noise!

29 will be interesting to see what your GP says, It's so hard to know what's normal. My DD sometimes seems in pain and sometimes not so I'm not sure. I've heard they normally first prescribe infant gaviscon which can be a nightmare to administer when breastfeeding.

Those of you who don't have sling libraries near, we went to John lewis yesterday and they let us try on all the slings and gave advice. DD managed to sleep through the whole thing! We really like the ergo although the newborn insert is quite padded so I imagine we'd both end up getting quite hot on a warm day. It's also a bit fiddly to put on on a first until you've got all the straps adjusted.

My midwife gave a tip on bottle feeding breastfed babies. She said to hold baby in the same position you breastfeed in, so if you do a cradle hold, to put a pillow on your lap and baby on their side and feed them with the bottle in that position.

Thank you for all the support. I do love having this group to talk to.

Feeling a lot happier at the moment. Managed a decent day today - kept on top of most things, and even bathed the children this evening as DH was home late. He usually does all the evening childcare (apart from feeding the baby).

ice My PILs wind up the children too. I think it's that the girls are not used to having constant attention (I subscribe to the benign neglect school of thought on playing with children) so get exhausted when PILs are around. And the following day DD1 is always atrocious, like she's settling back into normal life. It's a strain and I'm not sure how to fix it.

frozen If you have a fast letdown have you tried feeding in the laid back position, and if so does it make a difference? DD1 had great difficulty with feeding - all of the issues you describe - and we ended up combi feeding at 2 months then she gave up the breast entirely at 5 months. I worked out while pregnant with DD2 that the fast letdown was the problem, used laid back feeding with DD2 and it made a massive difference. DD2 was also a VERY hungry baby, feeding every hour or so for the first couple of months then every two hours till 6 months.

I tried giving GrouchyBaby a bottle of expressed milk last night. She was not impressed, but I think it was because the teat was too fast. Have ordered slower ones so will see if that makes a difference. Really want to get her to take a bottle. DD2 refused bottles so I didn't get time off from her till she started solids.

Seems I got lucky with the GP! I was expecting to get a diagnosis of "babies cry", based on some of the stories I've seen on MN, but she was really helpful and knowledgeable. I listed all DD's symptoms and she immediately suggested silent reflux.

When she checked DD over she noticed a rash and so thinks she may also be dairy intolerant. She's referred us to the paedeatrician at the hospital but suggested I could trial eliminating dairy in the meantime. DD has been even worse today, really sounding in pain after feeding so I think I'm going to try it.

Great that you got a good GP and a diagnosis 29 I'm wondering if I should take my DD to the GP too although she doesn't seem too unsettled or in too much pain. I did notice mucus in her poo yesterday. I've Googled and the concensus seems to waiver between its normal or that it could be a sign of cows milk protein allergy and I should cut out dairy. I think I would find it really difficult to eliminate dairy for my diet!! Also wondering how much would really get through into breast milk when you think about alcohol, caffeine etc... She's not done a poo yet today so I don't know if it's still there.

I've tried the laid back nursing grouchy but not sure if I'm doing it right. I feel like my enormous boob is suffocating her!

frozen Best thing if you're worried is to take the baby in to the GP.

Bloody raging at DH. He's supposed to go out to an AGM for his choir tonight, and to be fair it is a relatively important one since their director is leaving so they need to decide the future.

But. I've asked him not to go because I'm utterly exhausted, actually worried about dropping the baby while looking after her, and not keen on dealing with the older girls and their tendency to get up out of bed of an evening and be naughty. The first thing he said when he got home was "gosh, you look tired", and I couldn't even eat my dinner I was so shattered.

I told him this, and his response was to ask the 4 year old if she'd promise to stay in bed so he can go out because "I think it's important I'm there".

Yes, like the safety of your newborn baby and your wife's happiness aren't important.

And while he was saying this the baby was screaming in my arms because she has a sore tummy.

So thanks for letting me know where I stand, DH.

I'm too tired to argue about it too.

Hope I'm not too tired when he gets home. I am so pissed off with him.

Aaand after all that he's now worked out that he really shouldn't go out so is staying after all.

Which is good because the big girls are being as I expected and I just can't.

Oh there's nothing worse than when you're so utterly shattered and you need help - and you need to ask for it. I think what we need is for partners to have a bit of empathy. They should know us best and recognise when they need to support us.

Like - oh you look tired.... Here, let me finish making tea, you sit down with the baby. I'll bath the other children/deal with the laundry/take the dog out/field the call from the ILs. Has it been a hard day? Why don't you tell me about it...

Yes, that is exactly it, ice.

GrouchyBaby slept from 10:30pm till 5:15am, and so did I apart from the occasional wake up so I'm hopeful I'll cope today. What a good time for one of those sleeps, baby!