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Original poster

The rainbow cave - where we can remember our angels and pray for our rainbow.

510 replies

3littlebadgers · 20/01/2016 07:30

Hello ladies, the other thread was full, so welcome to the rainbow cave. A place where we can hide away together as we remember our beautiful angel babies, and pray for our tiny rainbows.

Introducing myself and my babies for anyone new,

Name: 3littlebadgers
Angel: DD2, Azra stillborn at 40+5 March 2015
Rainbow: badger boy currently 36+1
Other DCs: ds1, ds2, dd1

OP posts:
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5
HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 22/08/2016 02:07

Hello all and congratulations owlina!

I hope you don't think this is odd but I've been watching this thread for a while now. My poor DD was stillborn last year before Christmas and I found I was desperate to be pregnant again and whilst we were trying, reading this thread really gave me comfort.

It's scary isn't it? I'm only 6+6 and I have a scan later this morning as my consultant wants to check on early development. They couldn't tell us why our DD died, which on one hand is good as if it was external the chances of it happening again are minimal but on the other hand not knowing means no action can be taken to prevent it.

I find that ignoring the pregnancy as much as I can is helping with the nerves right now. It's once I get past the twelve week mark that I'm more worried about.

Anyway, I just thought I'd check in and say hello.

figsandalmonds · 22/08/2016 11:10

Hi Home and welcome!

You'll have probably read from the thread that we lost our daughter Sophie suddenly when she was 18months old. I found the early stages of pregnancy really difficult. I hope the scan goes / went well. I hope you are able to enjoy your pregnancy at points too. It seems a shame to wish it away, though lots of people don't enjoy pregnancy at all. It came and went for me, there are days when it is good and others when I can't wait for it to be over...

See you soon x

earthmoon · 22/08/2016 13:18

Welcome home congratulation on your pregnancy. Distraction works well sometimes, for me. Other times, it has no effect. But I found the early stages harder. Not helped by bleeding and feeling guilty for not being as excited as i was during my other pregnancies. But then again pregnacy after loss is not easy.

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 24/08/2016 18:08

Thank you both for your welcomes. Sadly my seven week scan couldn't find a heartbeat and the baby was two weeks too small. I'm going back next week for another scan to confine the pregnancy isn't viable. This all seems so terribly unfair and cruel. I suppose I'll go back to lurking again ladies, I wish you all the very best of luck and hope to re-join your number again soon.

earthmoon · 26/08/2016 07:42

I'm very sorry to hear that home. Hope to see you back here soon and try to take good care of yourself. FlowersFlowersFlowers

figsandalmonds · 26/08/2016 15:24

Oh Home I'm so sorry... I'm heartbroken for you. I am thinking of you.

xo

OwlinaTree · 28/08/2016 15:11

Sorry home, thinking of you. I hope you get your rainbow soon.

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 28/08/2016 19:24

Thank you all. Actually it's worst (if that's possible). Had another scan last week, should have been 7.3, measuring 6 weeks. There's a heartbeat all of a sudden but it's way too slow. They won't offer me the pills or operation as long as there's a heartbeat unless I opt for a termination, which I won't. So going back on Tuesday for another scan but was told I just have to wait for the poor little thing to die, but they have no idea how long it'll survive. So presumably we just spend the next few weeks (months?) having regular scans until the poor tiny baby's heart gives up. Nature seems terribly cruel to allow a pregnancy to progress if it's inevitable that it'll fail. After we lost our DD last year I was both desperate to and terrified of becoming pregnant again. I cannot believe this is happening, it's so terrifically unfair.

Notsogrimupnorth · 28/08/2016 22:04

Oh Home, I am so, so sorry. Words are not enough at this time but I hope and pray that you will find happier time soon. Sending you the warmest of hugs and hope that you can find comfort in your loved ones at this bleak time.

figsandalmonds · 29/08/2016 11:15

It is so unfair, it is so exceptionally unfair. It is hard to understand why it's happening and while I'm sure this would be difficult for anyone, why it should happen to someone who has already been through so much is even harder to comprehend... Thinking of you x

earthmoon · 01/09/2016 20:04

Home your are in my thoughts life is certainly unfair at times. Be kind to yourself.

earthmoon · 01/09/2016 20:30

After my diabetes decided to act crazy and cause lot of unexplained low sugar Dr strongly advised me to deliver early. Because of fear off failing placenta. I agreed and after two rounds of steroids ds3 was born last week at 33weeks +1 via c-section. He is progressing really well and we are hoping to bring him home soon.

LakeOfDreams · 01/09/2016 20:43

Just thought I'd pop by late as always and say congratulations Owl.

Home I'm so sorry to hear such sad news I hope everything happens in the kindest way possible, look after yourself.

Congratulations Earth hope you have your baby home soon.

As for us, scarily our gorgeous rainbow is 11 months on Sunday and we are secretly 13weeks pregnant with rainbow number 2. It was our angels second birthday last week and my niece was born. I'm trying so hard to see it as a good thing but I almost feel as if the only day we have that is special to our angel is now going to have to be a happy one.

figsandalmonds · 02/09/2016 12:19

Hi Earth, congratulations on the new baby! I'm glad everything went well and hope the next few weeks go well too. I'll be thinking of you. How are you feeling? I knew you were expecting to deliver early but not quite this early right? How are things?

Congratulations to you too Lake on your two rainbows! I do know how you feel though. I am 36 weeks after loosing our daughter, who was 18months old when she died, 20months ago. My sister in law gave birth the day she died. On my rational days I feel bad for him, that his birthday will always be tainted by the death of his cousin. On my irrational days I struggle. It is also my sister's birthday the day before the crapiversary, and she has been trying to reclaim it too. My sister has a little boy who is 10months younger than my daughter was. My brother's gf gave birth a few weeks ago now and while I'm thrilled for them (really, actually), I am also very sad to be the only one of my siblings (and my husband's siblings) to not have children. I'm due in 4 weeks so that situation will change very soon, but I feel it. I hate that our child will be the youngest (until there is another) because my daughter was the eldest of her cousins. My two best and closest friends have also just announced that they are pregnant (with their first), one is expecting twins. The other wasn't trying / expecting to get pregnant. I am, again, of course, very happy for them. But I am so jealous that life seems somehow so easy for other people. I know it isn't but it's hard not to dwell on that.

On my rational days, I am fine and grateful for this child who is about to be born. On my irrational days, I feel terribly sad, knowing that this pain will never leave us... It is the life of bereaved parents.

OwlinaTree · 04/09/2016 13:28

Congratulations earth, I hope you will be home very soon.

Congratulations lake, when is your 2nd rainbow due?

That sounds like a difficult situation figs. I can imagine on a day you want to just have quiet and for yourselves it is hard to get excited about someone else's birthday.

My daughter was born 4 years ago today. She lived for 3 days, Wednesday will be the anniversary of her death. It's always a difficult time of year. We take a birthday balloon up to her grave each year.

Some close friends of ours always send flowers. My dad has text us. As usual in laws have made no contact, they seem to forget the date of their first grandchild's birth every year. My mum usually remembers, but is on holiday so may contact us later. I never comment, but I'm amazed they don't remember tbh.

figsandalmonds · 06/09/2016 13:37

Hi Owl sorry I missed your baby's birthday. I hope you had a peaceful day. I'm thinking of you and will be thinking of you tomorrow. What is your daughter's name (if you don't want to say on here, don't worry)? Does your rainbow look anything like her?

LakeOfDreams · 06/09/2016 22:10

Hope you had a peaceful day Owl and the same for tomorrow x

I always find it hard to know what to do for our angels birthday, seems wrong to celebrate it as it was the worst day of our lives. This year we got a little flower arrangement in the shape of a 2 it never seems enough though.

Rainbow number 2 is due 11/3 so still reasonably early days but so far everything looks OK, only around 26 more weeks until I can hopefully relax!!

ChatEnOeuf · 07/09/2016 21:21

Hi, ladies...I'm back :) After a lot of soul-searching and talking, we agreed we weren't done trying for another. With lots of normal tests from the recurrent miscarriage service, we were moderately reassured that there was nothing fundamentally wrong with us. I'm now 8+5 and have had three scans so feeling slightly more calm about things. We will see how long that lasts!

Congratulations, Owl and Earth - I do hope the little ones are doing well.

And congratulations, Lake. I hope pregnancy is dull and straightforward.

Owl I hope today was peaceful for you. We went out for dinner on DS's birthday this year. DD blew out his candle and wished him a happy birthday in heaven. She's convinced he's up there with her great-grandma and several family cats, having a lovely time. I hope she's right.

earthmoon · 08/09/2016 14:53

Thank you all for the well wishes ds3 is doing well, he still hasn't established feeding yet and needs top up on his feeding tube. But he is making lot of progress and that is the only reason he is still in special care.

figs you are right, i had a c-section booked for next week. More importantly ds3 would have been 36weeks then and hopefully grown enough not to need special care. But Dr said baby is safer outside than inside me, so out he came.

Congratulations lake and chat and I wish you healthy and happy pregnancy.

owl hope yesterday was peace full for you.

earthmoon · 10/09/2016 19:21

Ds3 has been discharged GrinSmileGrin I was told this would happen in the morning but had to wait for the discharge papers. He had 24hr of feeding using bottle so Dr said he is now fit to be discharged home SmileSmileSmile

Now onto the next mission of trying to encourage him onto the breast. As I really don't want to feed him exclusively expressed breastmilk for long. It's not for me and I have gotten great admiration for ladies who manage to do it.

hopinghopefullyagain · 13/09/2016 16:30

Hello everyone I hope you don't mind me popping back to this thread. My first daughter had Patau syndrome and was stillborn. I quickly got pregnanr with my second and was here a lot earlier in the year. Then I got the heebiejeebies and backed off. My daughter was born last Saturday and is an absolute treasure. We still miss our first like crazy and our first outing was to her grave. I guess I just wanted to say thanks to all those who supported me here, good luck to all those who are pregnant, am so so sorry to all those who things didn't work out for. This pregnancy was long and tough in many ways but the support here helped a lot in the beginning

earthmoon · 17/09/2016 15:17

Congratulations hoping on you second dd.

ChatEnOeuf · 19/09/2016 10:10

Lovely news Earth, I hope you're settling in back at home :)

Congratulations, Hoping glad she's here safely.

Paige84 · 19/09/2016 18:41

Hi all, tentatively popping in as I found out on Friday (despite somehow just "knowing" for 4 days) that I'm pregnant again. I lost my daughter (first pregnancy) back in April at 16 weeks. I feel dreadful because I don't feel excited. I'm so so happy to be pregnant again but absolutely terrified in equal measure. I'm not sure I'd survive another loss. God that makes me sound pathetic I know but all I've ever wanted is to be a mother and it all just feels so unachievable at the moment.....

OwlinaTree · 25/09/2016 11:07

Great news earth, congratulations hopefully, what wonderful news.

Pleased to hear of your pregnancy news Paige, keeping fx for you all goes well.

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