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Original poster

The rainbow cave - where we can remember our angels and pray for our rainbow.

510 replies

3littlebadgers · 20/01/2016 07:30

Hello ladies, the other thread was full, so welcome to the rainbow cave. A place where we can hide away together as we remember our beautiful angel babies, and pray for our tiny rainbows.

Introducing myself and my babies for anyone new,

Name: 3littlebadgers
Angel: DD2, Azra stillborn at 40+5 March 2015
Rainbow: badger boy currently 36+1
Other DCs: ds1, ds2, dd1

OP posts:
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5
duckyisback · 19/05/2016 10:28

That's good news cake. Do they know what caused it yet?

CakeAndChocolate · 19/05/2016 15:05

They couldn't see anything on the scan so the most likely cause is the thrush, but transpires I also have a UTI so could have been that. Now have treatment for both so fingers crossed that will do the trick.

duckyisback · 19/05/2016 19:33

Hope it works for you cake.

I had my 12 week scan today. They moved me forward to 13 weeks which is nice Grin

They think it's a girl but can't be too sure and they said I have an anterior placenta again. Sad

earthmoon · 19/05/2016 19:35

That's really good news cake hope the treatments stop and prevent further spotting.

BadlyWrittenPoem · 19/05/2016 20:28

Glad things seem okay cake.

CakeAndChocolate · 19/05/2016 20:29

That's great ducky! I have an anterior placenta too (again....).

I was so relieved baby was ok today that I forgot to ask the sex!

BadlyWrittenPoem · 19/05/2016 20:30

Ducky have you had problems due to an anterior placenta before or is it more the fact that you're likely to feel movements later? Glad things seem okay otherwise.

OwlinaTree · 19/05/2016 22:31

Glad the scans went well ducky and cake. What a relief.

duckyisback · 20/05/2016 01:09

Thank you everyone Smile

Badly I had an anterior placenta with dd, I kept telling my midwife that I couldn't feel her move and for weeks she kept telling me it was because of my placenta so I couldn't have a scan. A few weeks of this then someone was covering for her and they couldn't find dds heartbeat, then I found out she has died (and had gone a few weeks previously Sad), the heartbeat they had listened to for at last the previous 2 appts had been mine Sad

I also had such bad movement anxiety with ds, I had a posterior placenta then so I dread to think what I'll be like now!

OwlinaTree · 20/05/2016 05:20

ducky that's so sad. I had an anterior placenta with my son, but luckily still felt lots of movements, hopefully you will be the same this time.

CakeAndChocolate · 20/05/2016 07:20

ducky that is awful, I'm so sorry.
I had anterior placenta with DS2 and again this time. My experience with DS2 was that I didn't feel regular movement until 21/22 weeks (which I think is on the late side for subsequent pregnancies) but after that there was lots of movement and I was told an anterior placenta shouldn't really affect it.

duckyisback · 20/05/2016 08:50

Hopefully this time will be different and I will feel much more.

Can I ask you all a question.

They think I'm having a girl, although not confirmed. I have almost everything I need for a girl in the loft (bouncer, play mat, bottles, toys, clothes, bedding, blankets etc). But it is dds. I don't know how to feel about it, there's so much stuff up there and we're having some money issues it seems ridiculous to buy it all again when it's all brand new up there, but then i also feel it's dds stuff and she didn't get to use it so id feel uncomfortable using it for another baby.

What would you all do in that situation?

BadlyWrittenPoem · 20/05/2016 11:40

Oh that's terrible ducky! The MW should have known better.

BadlyWrittenPoem · 20/05/2016 11:47

Re stuff you'd bought. I only had a few things as she would have been our second. Disposable stuff we'd bought (like nappies) I kept and used but the disposable nappies we'd been given I gave away at the time. I kept a vest and a book in her memory box and charity shopped the other vests. The cot we kept and have used and I'm kind of glad we did as it kind of links her with her younger siblings iyswim and I know if she'd lived we would have reused them. I think it's down to your own personal preference really so just see how you feel about each thing. There are no right or wrong answers. It's not weird to reuse the stuff and it's not a waste not to. Just do whatever feels right. x

OwlinaTree · 20/05/2016 19:02

I didn't know the sex with my first, so didn't see things as 'hers' as such, I'd chosen things for a baby. I used it all for my son. The first little vest i bought when we'd had the 12 week scan went into her memory box along with a few other little outfits she wore, but must stuff was reused.

If she'd survived, I'd have re used it for a second, so for me that was OK. But you do what you feel comfortable with.

duckyisback · 20/05/2016 20:06

Thanks both, thinking about it, the unisex stuff we re used with ds.

Just feels very strange.

The outfits I had ready for her to wear as her 'first outfit' and 'going home' outfit are in her memory box. I think hope those are the ones I was most attached to if that makes sense. I suppose we will see how it goes when I get her stuff out to see what's in there.

earthmoon · 24/05/2016 16:19

ducky do what feels right. I can’t offer further advice. DH is a very superstitious person and both times we decided on not buying anything in advance. We saved up money instead and we wrote up an agreed list beforehand on what a baby needs I wanted. With the exception of the hospital bag stuff. But with ds2 I hadn’t done any shopping for him before I was told he had died. That is very strange I know but every time I went to buy his hospital bag stuff something always came up unexpectedly and delayed me. It’s not an experince I recommend though, because shop workers are highly likely to ask when is baby due & be all happy & smilely possibly make you want to run away as far as possible. The first thing we bought for him was the outfit he was supposed to wear for his funeral (that didn’t happen as we bought the wrong size). Afterwards I asked my Dsis to hide it from me as it brought back to many memories. I haven't seen it since.

OwlinaTree · 24/05/2016 19:08

earthmoon re the funeral outfit. I remember a horrible trip to mothercare to buy something for my daughter. I sent dh to the till as I know all the staff are really friendly and would ask in a making conversation way. It's not what you imagine is it really?

I've got another scan tomorrow, 28 week scan. I'm feeling a bit down at the mo to be honest, think I'm just tired. Baby is moving so hoping all is well. Week off work next week, hopefully that will help. Just want to fast forward these next weeks. This is the worst time for me knowing the baby is technically viable but worrying we will fall at the last hurdle again. Before 24 weeks it feels out of my hands but now it's different. I remember this when expecting my son.

Hope everyone is OK, sending peaceful thoughts to you all.

CakeAndChocolate · 24/05/2016 19:43

earth and owl we were the same the funeral outfit. I somehow managed to walk into JoJo and pick out something I liked but then burst into tears, I had to wait outside the shop whilst installed DH to go and pay. I felt mean, but the assistants don't ask men the same cheery well meaning questions.

Really hope your scan goes well owl and that you can get a bit of rest on your week off. I felt similarly to you last time, and this time, more anxious as time goes on, it feels like there is more to lose.

earthmoon · 25/05/2016 16:03

I hope your scan went/ will go well to owl.

Pardon my navity, but I just assumed reaching viability would brings more comfort than anxiety. I'm fully aware counting the kicks is very important & anxious but I kind of hoped since there is something to do to help keep babies safe a sense of usefulness would kick in. Please tell me such feeling does exist. I'm 20weeks now so I'm not at the stage of counting the kicks yet.

OwlinaTree · 25/05/2016 17:42

Scan went well. Baby is small, but within the average range so they are not overly concerned. I think I'm more worried then them.

CakeAndChocolate · 25/05/2016 18:02

Glad the scan went well owl. I hope you don't feel too worried about baby's size, I'm sure they would keep a closer eye on you if they were worried.

earth sorry, didn't mean to alarm you. I think lots of people feel better once they get to 24 weeks and have consistent movements to monitor. Certainly feeling baby kicking helped to reassure me last time, but I think when you've had a late loss it seems like baby can die with no warning. Of course in most cases that is irrational, but rational thought doesn't really come into it with a rainbow pregnancy!

OwlinaTree · 25/05/2016 18:06

Sorry, posted too soon. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, it's just that my daughter was small and so I just worry more because it is more like her then my son.

earthmoon · 25/05/2016 19:01

Sorry for my silly question and thank you for answering cake. You are right death can come unexpectedly. It did with ds2 after I just went to a normal antenatal appointment to be told of his death. But I needed to be asked when was the last time I felt him move that it clicked something was wrong (it had been over 24hr of no movements). Maybe I have just convinced myself if I carefully record dc3 movements it would be easier to spot patterns and get reassurance from the midwife what is normal and what is not normal.

earthmoon · 25/05/2016 19:06

owl I'm glad your scan went well. Sorry for above self indulgent post above.

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