July 2016 (3)

[allthegoodnamesalreadytaken]

Trying to start a new thread before we run out of space, haven't done it before so hopefully it works

Been away for a few days so just catching up on all the chat

pulpi sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. I'm a lawyer who specialises in family law so I see that sort of thing all this time, it's scary quite frankly and game me a dim view of relationships for a long time until I met my DH. it's amazing the depths some people sink to when a relationship ends. Hopefully she has decent legal representation and will make it out the other end ok

sunnyscot congrats on the scan must be a weight off your mind

loki your DH is being very unreasonable about the whole money thing especially as you are the main income earner. Since we got married we run a bit of a communist system in our household where all our income gets paid into a joint account and after all bills are paid etc we both get £500 each to spend as we like. It seems to work. DH's parents gave us quite a bit of money last year (from shares the bought him when he was a child) and that went into joint act with no issues. I think it's best to nip this in the bud straight away and have a frank conversation with him to try and get to the bottom of what his concerns are.

Like beautician I'm also jealous of your bmi. Looking forward to all the weight loss tips we can share after we give birth to our little ones in July.

I have had very mild nausea from about week 5 pulpi so not to worry. I've mostly just had food aversions mainly to meat and cakes (normally I have an obsession with cakes - I can usually have them for breakfast lunch and dinner so it's super annoying) instead I've developed an obsession with grapes - far more healthy but not half as fun.

welcome passingcloud sorry to hear about your ceiling, I think the generic advice is you can continue exercising throughout pregnancy however anyone with history of miscarriages, bleeding etc are advised to take it very easy. If you have been advised by a nurse not to exercise I would go with that as it could mean they saw something ultrasound that makes it more of a risk i.e a shortened cervix or something similar? Complete guesswork on my part but if it were me I wouldn't do anything too strenuous. Discuss it further with your midwife and see what she says about it all. If she gives you the OK then what beautician says about the exercise DVDs might be a good starting point as you can take it at your own pace at home and most of them have low impact options. Due to my previous miscarriages I've toned down my previous routine to just Zumba classes and a pregnancy Pilates did at home plus some occasional long walks in the woods.

Cookies hope you get the scan debacle sorted out soon. When I went for my scan last week they didn't seem very busy - only 2 people in the waiting room so lean on them quite a bit and see if they can squeeze you in

Is anyone else planning to announce at Christmas? I need ideas about how to do it. We haven't even told our parents as yet. DH's mom was asking questions about it at the weekend (in a polite way) so she will be over the moon when we tell her.

Allthegoodnames - we're going to tell my parents when we get to Canada next week. It's been so hard to keep it quiet.. And to keep my massive knockers from appearing in the Skype video! I'm pretty sure we won't have to actually announce though. Mom will take one look at me and know.

Also, orange juice tastes strange. And the vegetarian sausages at Ikea are the work of the devil. The beans are divine, though. And yes, I'm having a sneaky morning at the Edinburgh Ikea! DH is part of a viva this morning and so I've got some time to kill before we head back up to Fife. DH is being very supportive. Wants me to take a bunch of photos so we can start planning. A welcome change since he's been pretty freaked out. I mean, this was planned. Oh so planned. But I think the reality that there will be this person completely dependent on us has him worrying about job security (which is fine and safe) or falling ill.

Anyone else pregnant for the first time with a DH or DP that seems a bit terrified? Any advice from those lucky ladies on their 2nd child on how to help him cope?

pulpi at keeping the massive knockers out of the Skype frame, must be a bit of a challenge. I think all moms have an innate sense of when something is up, my mom has been going on about "dreaming about fishes" for ages - an old wives tale about it meaning pregnancy or something equally ridiculous '
It's a bit sad but I absolutely love ikea as well and DH gets very excited whenever we need to go there for something.
To be honest it's a really good thing that your DH is freaked out by the responsibility, it shows that he takes these things seriously and understands all that bringing up a child entails. One of my best friends got pregnant a couple of months after her wedding, her DH decided he wasn't ready for a child so soon, packed in his job and moved to another country try for 6 months saying he needed space to sort his head out! Since the baby has been born he has come back with his tail between his legs and she's taken him back but he is yet to find another job and hasn't contributed a single penny for anything for the baby. So he is someone who has absolutely no clue as to what raising a child is all about and the financial burden that can cause.

One of the things me and DH have done since BFP is sat down and made a spreadsheet (geek alert) of all the financial incomings and outgoings for the next two years because our finances will take a massive hit when I take a year off for maternity leave. That helped to put everything into perspective and made us realise that it won't be as bad as we think it will be and it makes us feel a bit more in control of everything. Yes we will have to give up the 3 holidays a year, nice restaurants and theatre trips but ultimately in its place will be something far more meaningful. Maybe joining the geek brigade and breaking it down into a spreadsheet might help him rationalise it a bit more?

Thanks for the advice all, long walks it is I think. What's frustrating is that the advice wasn't from someone who saw me at the clinic, but another one of their nurses dropping off some pills...but still better safe than sorry I think!

I've just booked a private scan for the 22nd when I'll be 9+4, so we (hopefully) will feel on slightly safer ground to tell family at Christmas too.

Ooh allthegoodnames, can't believe that story about your friend's DH! Yikes.

passingcloud if it was from a random nurse who doesn't necessarily know your medical history I'd ask the Dr or midwife for a second opinion. Definitely better safe than sorry but don't give up something that might help you feel good on advice that hasn't taken your specifics in to account. Maybe ask the consultant at your private scan or your midwife at next appointment. At my local docs, if you just have a question for the dr that doesn't merit a whole appointment, you can call and ask reception and they'll ask a dr and get back to you. They call it a triage system to stop appointments filling up to quickly.

*too quickly, not to. Can't spell anymore.

I didn't realise you were in Fife pulpi. How are you coping with the bridge closure?

I was back at the midwife this morning for my booking bloods - I was so dehydrated at my actual booking appointment they couldn't get them! All fine today though.

I also found out that the consultant has ordered a cervical length scan for when I am 16 weeks as a result of my history (I had two LLETZ treatments last year). I'm glad it will be monitored, but nervous about what might happen!

allthegood the geek in me is very impressed with your spreadsheet idea! I kinda know we can scrape through but I might do it for DH he has no clue about any of the finances.

Sooo I got my own way with the scan! Hurrah! And in fact it is now next Thursday 17th! Much happier lady [santa] I'm celebrating with a mince pie at DD1s nativity later

passingcloud that's annoying that it wasn someone who necessarily knew your personal records. Maybe get a second opinion? But honestly the most important thing is not worrying- don't feel pressured that you have to do things (I'm getting there slowly with that one myself!) in a previous pregnancy following an early bleed I stopped all exercise. I then didn't get back into it and gained 5 stone. However I had a healthy happy baby and I did lose (4!) of the stone. I don't think the other will ever go

Youandme - ugh, the bridge to nowhere. We had planned to drive to the airport, which turned out for the best as its only another 30-50 minutes (gales dependent). I dread to think what the bus situation is going to be. I think we'll take the train down to Edinburgh when we fly out to Canada. The closure is a right headache, but at least the new one should be ready in a year! Are you up in Fife as well?

No thank goodness - I'm in Edinburgh. I don't think I could hack the commute from Fife in the best of circumstances, and it's so often not the best of circumstances!

youandme - i had a couple of lletz over the last decade and so was in the 'shortened/incompetent cervix' club for last preg. they basically just scan you more often (about once a fortnight) with what I call the dildo scan but is in fact the 'transvaginal' scan, and measure the length of your cervix to check it's not getting squished from the increasing weight of the baby. there were no issues with me but it was reassuring to have it monitored so closely so fingers crossed you're the same. This time around they're not even bothering..

Hello everyone, I have been following along, but like lots of the rest of you, struggling to find time to actually post as well!

Thanks Ellizardo for the advice re keeping fluids up. I am trying to drink a lot more water and seeing if that helps.

Loki, sorry to hear about the money grumbles. My DH and I have always been quite separate with our finances as well - we have our own personal accounts into which we get paid, and then we each pay the same monthly amount into a joint account, out of which comes all our bills. Until recently we have earned roughly the same amount, meaning that what we had left over in our personal accounts was roughly the same each month, and we could spend it how we like.

However! I have just taken a massive reduction in teaching hours, and although I am making up for it most months with the freelance work I'm getting, it's not the case every month! And obviously when I go on maternity leave, I will be earning very little, as I won't get maternity pay from my freelance work!

DH, on the other hand, is about to come into a little more money from an inheritance - leaving us financially unbalanced for the first time ever. DH has suggested that we forget the 'your money / my money' stuff, and just put everything we earn into the joint account - but that we each take out the same small amount each month to spend on personal things. I am really scared about this as it feels like I will no longer be financially independent! Argh! But I suppose it is all part of being a family unit...!

Cookies, I would be seething at that scan date. Really, really hope they switch it for you.

I went and met my little tiny nephew yesterday. He is gorgeous - but so, so small! To be honest I was a bit freaked out... Couldn't imagine being responsible for such a teeny little human!

Thanks Ellizardo. Hopefully everything will be OK - it's certainly better that they are checking and reassuring to hear from someone who had no problems. It's good to know it's not a guarantee of complications!**

Bluebell - I'm having the opposite reaction to you when seeing newborns. I am reassured when they look quite tiny- just think, in around 8 months time we will be squeezing one out! Reassuringly small is good. Very good.

Allthegoodnames - we're going to tell his mum and rest of family at Christmas (I've already told my mum). I have typed up a 'job offer' for the role of grandparent to give her. Including expected start date, responsibilities, any experience required and renumeration (none likely to cost money) but then all the good bit's like kisses and hugs and love etc. Didn't know if it was a bit cheesy?
Pulpi this is our first, we moved into our 'forever' home in June after doing it up for a while, got married in august and pregnant 3 months later - was all planned though, DH seems totally fine about it but he isn't very emotionally expressive, on saturday night though he came in drunk, was rubbing my belly and started telling the baby silly stories (even though it can't hear yet) it was nice because it confirmed to me he was happy. Xx

Wrt money I pay £1000 a month into joint account and he pays £1300 in for now until we get mortgage rate back down. That covers bills and food shopping. Our own personal bills (mobiles, golf, car insurance etc) then come out our personal accounts plus spending money. Works pretty well for us, used to pay exactly the same amount in but he got quite a big payrise and our interest rate went up on our mortgage so he upped it to cover this. We never really argue about money or bills because we know what each of us is paying. When I'm off on mat leave 7 months of it will be full pay so it's only 5 months we'll need some savings to cover or ask my mum to help out if we're really struggling. Hopefully it will all work out x

Kaytee that's a fab announcement idea! I might just steal it if you don't mind. You're also so lucky to have 7 months ML on full pay that's amazing

No problem at all, I'm glad you like it! Even though I've told my mum I will still type one for her & my step dad as he doesn't know yet. My actual dad will be lucky if I even tell him and his dad will be lucky if we acknowledge him in the street lol x

I found out a family member is pregnant today and quite far along. We went out on a family do a month ago and she got blind drunk. She knew she was pregnant but no one else did. I feel a bit ragey about it. I almost burst into tears but that would have completely outed me. I know I should keep my judgy pants right out of it but I just feel so sad for the baby and angry that someone can be so careless. It's been a tough day at work today which probably hasn't helped my mood. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to maintain polite conversation with the family member without wanting to just shake her.

God you're joking loki are you sure she was definitely drunk and wasn't kidding? I'm having a Christmas party in a couple of weeks and will drink fake cocktails all night to pretend I'm drinking so maybe she did the same? It's really bad if she got drink whist pregnant of course people can have one or two units if they choose but to get drunk is very irresponsible. Is she depressed or not happy about the baby .... or is she just a selfish b*tch? Xx

She was drunk. She is very young. I despair really.

That's not good, I really hope she sorts her head out for the sake of the baby - assuming she's going ahead with the pregnancy of course. Feel for her and the baby, she must be very confused.

Me too. She is having the baby. She is beyond the legal limit for termination. I think that is why i'm so shocked.

No wonder you're shocked, it shows the massive difference in how different mothers think. We're all worried about every twinge, I've been making sure my baths aren't too hot and if I forget my folic acid one day I worry. It's different if it's planned and you're happy about it though I suppose x