April 2007 - an Easter surprise

[Katy44]

Morning everyone!

GGF - I'm, ooh, 19+1. That's more than I'd realised!

CD - Yes, I wasn't anything like such a worrybug last time. Odd, isn't it? Must be something in the air.

1becomes3 - Am so sorry you are feeling low Can you do something nice and relaxing for yourself this week? I know it's hard to find the time/money for such stuff (well, it is for me, anyway!), but maybe just a nice girly DVD one evening with a box of chocs and a glass of wine if you are drinking, or a fancy soft drink if you are not.

ib3, I feel so very very sorry for you all. We have spoken before about stepkids, it just seems like we get over 1 thing and are confronted by another!! No real advice for you, sc1 getting drunk and foning up, is unfortunately what most kids do, I should imagine you probably did the same.. I know I did - he definately should have shown you some consideration.. but hey thats kids for you!! As for no2 kicking off.. I know exactly how you feel, dp has been texting dd most weeks, with no reply anyways got a message from her while we were out on Saturday night telling him to fuck off and leave her alone, he has a new baby to worry about now, not her..

Try and stay calm for your babies, and be there for dh.. he will probably cut them more slack than they deserve but you have your little ones to worry about.. thats all that matters.. I'm sure that they will calm down soon.. its getting close to xmas... they wouldnt want to jepordise a fat wedge of cash I bet!!

Love and hugs!!

oh poor you 1b3! How old are these sc? What an awful time you've had!
xx

1B3 - [[hugs] honey.

The horrible brats are 18 and 16.

I think what makes it worse is the fact that Both of us know that the whole problem with SS2 is the twins, since he has found out he has changed so dramatically, he was fine when it was 1 baby but now he has just lost the plot.
DH loves his kids and on the way back home he actually said that he feels guilty for having these 2.
Which trust me being the mother of these babies, and hearing him say that is just such a huge blow, at the moment I'm so worried that if his relationship with ss2 doesn't improve he may not bond with the babies because he see them as being the problem.

Hello everyone,

Happy Birthday WestCountryLass!

I had a horrid weekend but for no good reason. Just kept crying and feeling very small and stupid and stupidly over sensitive.

Hope your scans go well today. I was so anxious for mine that i really didn't enjoy it and drove the sonographer bonkers with panic stricken questions such as "is...its...spine ok?" Hope you can all try and relax and enjoy it more than i did.

It did seem to go on for quite a long time, but this may in part be due to my baby being extremely lazy and refusing to move its bottom. She kept trying to make it move by wriggling the whatsit on my tummy but it was more interested in sucking its thumb and flexing its biceps. (Just noticed i keep calling him/her it!)

Does everyone know where and how they are going to give birth? Am in such a quandry. Really don't fancy nearest hospital as they are massively under staffed, really wanted a home birth but my mum, who is of the doctors know best school of thinking has worried me and thinks its too risky if something goes wrong. There's a birth centre about ten miles away but i can't get hold of them and worry sightly about distance as partner doesn't drive and i don't fancy getting a backy on his bicycle for ten miles whilst in the throws of labour.

Should i have made my plan yet or should i stop finding things to panic about and get on with my work?

It might be the twins,.. it might just be a catalyst for something else that is going on his head at the moment. Unfortunately at 16 and 18 your dp cant make excuses for them anymore and certainly cant blame himself. I'm sure they will sort themselves out soon enough, and you should never ever feel guilty..

Stay strong and look after yourself and your little ones!!

1b3 - so very sorry for your dreadful weekend! SC must be very difficult. So many emotions and high feelings, partic if they are teenagers!

I am a SC myself (my dad has remarried) with a very young stepbrother (he is the devil child!!!) so I appreciate it can be difficult. Clearly I am old enough to behave properly (and my much younger sister and brothers manage it too!) although we are all quite distant from my dad - years of being ignored whilst he carried on with his fancy woman are very difficult to forget. My dad regularly strops that we don't visit him or phone but I fail to see why we should - he can ring me (which he does once every 3 months ish!).
btw - his wife is not the fancy woman and I think she is good for my dad so no issues there.

Anyway good luck with it all - your DH is in a difficult position and prob feels guilty about them and you and your DD plus bump.

Poor wilderbeast - sorry for your emotional w/e honey - hope this week is better and you feel more Hoep your next scan is more enjoyable too!!

More [[hugs] to 1B3 - sounds like they just can't cope with the concept of twins to me - so difficult for all of you. Hoping it sorts soon and they can start behaving like (young) adults and get over themselves!!!

Gosh - we talk soooo much ......

Also, Poor you 1b3, was sorry to hear how difficult your weekend was. I was a horrid bratt stepchild once so know a little bit about how nasty and angry they can be. Must have been tough to hear dh say he feels guilty, but on the positive side sounds like you able to communicate with each other well which is massively important.

You guys keep on interrupting me when I'm working!!!

1B3 - now that I think of it, I'm an SC as well and my little step-sibs started coming when I was 17 - same sort of age as your brattish SCs. I still think that your SS2 really needs to be hauled over the coals for the car incident. My DS1 is 14 and if he ever did something like that there would be all hell to pay - and DH is constantly accusing me of being far too laid back as a parent! They need to be given some boundaries and basically told that they need to frickin' grow up re having twin step-sibs. FGS kids of their age used to be out and making it on their own at that age - not getting their little boxer shorts in a twist over abandonment issues (which aren't even real!).

WB - check out this birth centre 10 miles from you and you have plenty of time to make a contingency plan to get you there. And yes - you should be working and not fretting - says the one who has been posting non-stop since she got into work......

1becomes3 - I've been thinking about this, and it seems to me that your name might hold the key: your DSS2 wasn't outnumbered by your DD, but with the twins, the new family will be bigger than the old (as well as, in his eyes, no doubt more important and so on). I'm not excusing the car behaviour in ANY way (I have zero tolerance for violence of any kind), but I do wonder if that's the route? Then he 'discovers' what he sees as 'evidence' of this new, larger, more important family moving away. Again, not trying to excuse anything, simply to understand why he might have changed so much. I'm not expecting any of this to make you feel better, but I always think it is good to try to see underlying stuff (but then, DP is a psychotherapist and I'm a writer and lit academic, so I would say that!).

Sending hugs ((()))

Wobble.

Sorry.

Just how I am feeling right now!

(Trying to keep up!!)

Thanks for all the support.
I don't think that DD and I will be going down to see them for a while.
Hopefully DH and the evil x will be able to find a solution to these problems, I think I have enough to deal with at the moment.

I am going to suggest to DH that maybe they consider some anger manegment or a therapist for SS2 maybe it would help to resolve some of the issues he has.

1becomes3 - excellent idea! I think a counsellor (preferably a psychodynamic counsellor, but again, I would say that) would be best. Most towns have a teenager support clinic, btw.

Sounds wise, 1B3. I am now going to concentrate on work and promise not to post until (well) after lunch!

I think you are on the right lines bugmum.
It would have helped the situation if SS2 would have not jumped to the wrong Idea, he knows that we buy houses to rent out.
It is his temper that really worries me, he has always had a terrible temp but it just seems to be getting out of control

Hello,

I also think that it sounds like some sort of talking therapy would be useful. Family therapy can be v useful also, as understands individual within context of family system if you know what i mean. (Am currently trying to write a presentation on it at mo - that's why i'm on here- work avoidance!)

Have3n't read all posts yet but want to say before i forget,HAPPY BIRTHDAY WCL.and i hope you get some reassurance from your consultant GGF.I am worried about my scan on the 8th i keep dreaming that the bean is missing limbs.
Good luck for all scans today

Family Therapy / Counsellor are VERY good suggestions - Thinking that trying to get a couple of moody / relucatant teenagers with attitaude problems along to them would be ...... erm .... interesting though!!?

You could take them along to a scan ..... ???

Man, you guys talk soooo much - gotta go and start lunch now and then I'm out for the afternoon, so I probably won't be back again til this evening when this thread is another 2,000 posts long!!

Ooooh, definitely felt a wee kick then!!

1b3 and hugs.It prob dosen't help much that the ex is evil..so god knbows what she is saying to the 2 kids.Obviously we don't know the history of it all..but i hope it can be worked out.Very complicated stuff.My dad married again and i have a half sister who is 10years younger than me..i do feel we are treated differently and he cares for her in a way he never did for me...and i am 37!Plus i guess teenagers=raging hormones.But i would be interested to know if their mother is feeding them poisonous thoughts.

Oh yeah the x is deffinitly involed in the whole thing, she is a bitter and jelous woman

That's definitely a prob then.You cannot make things right all by yourself[you and your dh]it really needs the mother to be helpful too!
You will prob be able to make slow progress but what i want to say is that if there is a malignant force you are limited in the progress you can make..while they are ubder her influence..ifyswim.
Just be consistent in whatever approach you choose and it may take years for things to change[if thay do]but you and their dad being consistent will really help.
You need to concentrate on you and your 2 beans and i really don't think the beans will be rejected by your dh..but i can understand how horrid and stressful this is for you.

1B3 - sorry i dont have time to post longer but how bloody awful for you. just wanted to send you psyhic hugs. will post more later xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxooxoxxxxxxxxxxxoxxxoxxoxxxoxooxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxxoxoxoxpoxoxoxoxxxxoxoxoxoxxxxxxx