April 2015 thread 5: where we hit the half way point and determine the sexes

[TheBooMonster]

Hi Everyone.

Our previous thread is here and our stats thread is here Do make sure you update your details there if you haven't already :)

Glad she's feeling better Tiny.

18 weeks today which for some reason feels like a milestone for me. Is anyone else mentally breaking up the time left into targets? For me, getting to 20 weeks is big as it's halfway, then 24 weeks for viability, then 30, 32 and 37 feel like the big ones after that (not totally sure of my reasons for this!)

i have one week until my 20w scan... then it will be the 24w, then 28 for the next GTT

I am too Banana, I wouldn't say I have any real reason for breaking up the time mentally though. Mine went like this:

8 weeks (viablity scan)
12 weeks (Low MC risk and scan) I also didn't get to see any midwifes until this point so this was when I was put into the system
16 weeks (gender scan)
20 weeks (scan) this is important as it will show any issues up

Then I suppose 24 weeks for viability like you said, then I don't really have any after that. Each week will just be a count down to the end, maybe 30 weeks purely because it will mean 10 weeks left.

17 weeks today

banana I agree that breaking it down into chunks can be helpful. 20 weeks scan definitely a big deal for me – unfortunately I have to wait til 21 weeks for it as they didn’t have availability. For me, really really helpful to know what I’m having, so I can start to bond. Bonding with DD was tricky as I had a horrid birth and very tricky time feeding so it was over a month in that I felt anything other than “OH SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE?”.

Supersparks On the outfit front I bought a second hand next dress from ebay as I have a couple of big 40th bashes to go to and last time I was preg I just wore stretchy dresses I already owned and even at 7 months, someone thought I was just fat, not pregnant. WOE. So I thought sod it, I’m buying a PROPER preg dress that makes me look undeniably pregnant, not fat. If I have to be sober at a fricking wine bar, I may as well look glamish (if a touch tarty – with these boobs tis a choice between tarty and matronly).

Blimey daholster I think you must have had a very good sleeper. I found the first six months a haze of exhaustion – much better now! Tiring during the day, sure, but at least (mostly), 7pm to 7am is secure. Maybe I just had a crap baby and a good toddler? Luck of the draw, certainly.

I’ve gained about 5kg and not especially happy about it. At least 0.8kg of it is boobs, though, according to t’interweb (I’ve gone from 30F to 32G). Definitely trying to not rely on biscuits when tired! Still, nearly half way and if the average woman gains 12kg then I shouldn't be in too much trouble by the time the baby comes.

Ah but when they are bf-ing every 2/3 hours even at night you are just on autopilot and it works... it't when they start to sleep better and you get used to nights with just one or even no wake ups that if you get a tough one it feels like you have been hit by a truck!

I agree that if I get woken up three times now I feel like death, but i remember feeling like death, in tears all the time, for months. But as I say, I think I was unlucky with PND and with an unhappy baby.

londonlivvy I also have to wait for my 20 week scan - it's not til 21+5 and I'm SO impatient! Can't wait to find out what we're having.

I have a wedding to go to at 31 weeks so will be looking out for a nice maternity dress but don't want to spend much on something I will probably only ever wear once. Will try and ebay it I think.

I completely disagree with daholster re sleeping, and having them in their own crib/bed from the off vs co-sleeping. I absolutely believe co-sleeping to be beneficial to mother and child - regulates breathing and body temperature, and also so easy for breastfeeding at night, not having to get out of bed. I loved having my new baby fall asleep on me. Felt like he belonged there. I found this just wonderful. And so what if the child is still bed-sharing at three or four? I still love that he falls asleep in my arms, it is perfection, and waking up to him in the morning - bliss. This is normal in many cultures. Many people believe a human baby isn't actually quite ready for the outside world after three trimesters in utero, and a fourth trimester of being on their mother (attachment parenting style - use a sling, carry the baby, co-sleep, lots of skin on skin) helps calm and transition the new arrival. Google "Fourth Trimester" if interested.

Don't like wishing my life away but also counting down to the milestone weeks. I keep telling DH I will relax a little once we get to X stage, and then moving the goalposts. I really think I will let myself enjoy things a bit more once we have the 20-week abnormality scan, all being well of course. Am 17 weeks today and having the 20-week scan at 19+2 because we are going away for a week, still feels ages away.

guess I belong here... due on the 8th of April.

looking more like I'm due any minute, from the size of me.

20 week scan on friday.

Feeling a bit scared. Not my first child so shouldn't be, but I am.

Welcome, upduffed.
Have you not told anyone?!
How old is/are existing DC?

Hi upduffed, I too have my 20 week scan on Friday, I'm due on 7 April. I'm excited and anxious to know all is well.

Haven't posted in a long while but good to see everyone doing well. I've finally just started to feel movements which is lovely!

19+6

I love the dress Hidingthefear :)

I'm just living for my 20week scan then I will relax and enjoy bananatoast. I won't be pregnant again and it will fly by so will just enjoy feeling my baby wriggle and try not to feel too down about getting fatter!

I think you have to what keeps you sane FreedomHuntress! For some people having a baby who sleeps on them all the time can be exhausting whereas others love it. My Dh is a very light sleeper and would be awake all night with ds2(4) in bed with us plus imo it's not great for your relationship with your partner to have a child in bed with you all the time. Also depends on your childcare options later, I've had several babies come to me at 6months who've only been fed to sleep their whole lives and are then left with a total stranger for 9hrs a day who doesn't have breastmilk and isn't allowed to give them a bottle. These children don't know know how to comfort themselves and it's a tough time for them when their only comfort is gone for a big chunk of the day. There will be lots of things during our time on this thread we won't all agree with but it is great for all the first time mums to hear everyone experiences and opinions and then ignore them all and do their own thing

Welcome upduffedsecret! How old is/are your dc?

20w

Indeed, cinnamon, I just didn't want people to be put off co-sleeping, and wanted to present it in a positive light.

That's how I feel - last baby (all being well) so I want to be able to relax and enjoy it. I enjoyed my pregnancy with DS a lot, and am physically feeling well this time, just have an anxious head on me.

I know many people who it works for so you are right in the respect FreedomHuntress :)

I didn't enjoy being pregnant with ds1 as I didn't like being public property or that everyone only ever spoke to me about the baby. With ds2 I knew it was coming so was more chilled out about it and this time I am just sooooo grateful that dh changed his mind and I have a chance to be pregnant again, enjoying every movement and flutter. I am feeling older more tired this time, I worked until 40+10 and had ds2 40+13 and felt ok doing it, this time I feel I may not cope as well!

Hurry up Thursday pleeeeaaaaase! May go to bed when the kids do Wednesday night ;)

Hello freedom! Yes you are right it works for some people. I was very unwell for months after dd was born nod would just not have managed if she wasn't a good sleeper! We have her in bed sometimes and we love it, she settles well there but we don't sleep and when she was tiny I always worried about smothering her so couldn't sleep properly at all. I suppose I think it's good idea for people to think about it all and be aware of the options. My friend has been a lot more exhausted and found it much harder to cope with the night and day sleeping issues and feels she fell into it, whereas is fell into the opposite. The sleeping outcomes have been very different! And their bedtimes and sleep have revolved around their dd with no evenings to themselves. I know that's not how it has to be if you co sleep. If people do want to do that think just suggest they research how to do it in a safe way and understand how to do it successfully and what it involves.

I wouldn't want anyone to think my dd feels unloved, she's a happy little chicken who managed to cope amazingly when I was in and out of hospital and when I went back to work, and I am sure that all of that would have been much more traumatic for her if she had only been able to sleep and feed on me.

I agree no way is right or wrong, but either way I would suggest first time parents think about it and do some reading before their little ones arrive. And then as someone else said, they will arrive and do their own thing anyway as it works for them!

Friendly debate and different opinions are very helpful, I'm glad you shared yours too freedom

What did everyone else do?

19 weeks tomorrow!

Well it's been a week and a half since the last spotting but it's definitely pink again. Least I felt some movement earlier on so all should be fine. Just one of those things. Just got yelled at by DH because I wouldn't write in a card for him. My argument is that he's a big boy I bought the card for him so I'd done my part. It's for his sort of step dad whose brother died this morning. He kept asking me what to write in it, I gave him some examples and he yelled at me because it's not what he would say! Apparently I'm useless. Well he's gone to drop it off at his mums so who knows what he wrote in it.

Lauren your DH sounds like he's being an grumpy ungrateful sod - he should be thanking his wonderful pregnant wife for buying a card for him whilst growing a person at the same time! Hope he says sorry later. Can you treat yourself this evening and put your feet up?

I'm definitely still planning on co-sleeping in some way, shape or form, but we'll have to see what happens - there are lots of things I want to do but hopefully won't beat myself up too much if it doesn't all go to plan.

I'm still eating so much at the moment, supper won't be done for at least an hour (roasting aubergines to have with rice and salad) so just had a slice of pesto on toast as a "snack"

19 + 5

By the way I just want to clarify that I am not anti co sleeping in any way, it just isn't for me. It's true that it can be brilliant for bonding but luckily we have had no problems bonding anyway, we never put her down unless she was asleep! Why would you, they are beautiful.

Having said that, at 18.5 months she has just helped me with making the tea and smeared fish juice all over her face and hands... And then when washing her hands out hand wash in her eyes, poor little thing was trying to run away while I was trying to rinse it out, I think she thought I was making it worse! We've had to resort to an episode of Ben and Holly... And the fish is still in the grill pan and the grill is still empty! But she said "need a cuddle" so what can you do? watch Ben and Holly as well, that's what! For the millionth time...

I LOVED being pg with DS, and didnt feel at all like I was public property, or people only wanted to talk about the baby. Maybe they did and I just enjoyed it! :) I was just so happy to be pg having thought I might not have DC as I was older when I met my DH, and thought I might not meet the right man, let alone have kids. So I was 35/36 when pg with DS, and just super happy.
Obviously even older now (40) and physically feeling grand, just anxious for the scan really, and for all to be well.

daholster, our evenings revolve around DS, but we love it this way. He will fly the nest in no time. So I will enjoy every moment of him I can. Sorry you were poorly after your DD's birth, that must suck. Hope all is well now. And bottom line, you do what you can to get through. No good if no one is sleeping. And yes, don't they look so precious when they are asleep.

Lauren, sorry to hear about the spotting. Hope you are feeling ok. Looks like you already have a big kid there to look after!

Brixton, great approach. We don't know a lot til they get here!
And ooh, I fancy aubergines now. Maybe tomorrow.

Brixton he's still in a grump, not spoken to me yet except 'get the door' DD had fallen asleep on the couch and he was carrying her upstairs. We've argued more since we got married than in the 11years we've been together.
I'm sat here quite happy with the ipad feeling the baby wiggle and kick and if he had the patience to sit with me he'd feel it too. Wow just had a really big roll

welcome upduffed

bananna I have split the time up into obsessive milestones!
20 weeks - scan: find out sex, get out DD's stuff from loft, possibly start buying every singly teeny tiny shirt that exists in Norwich
25 weeks - midwife appointment, xmas, viable foetus
28 weeks - Growth scan 1
30 weeks - holiday from work starts: start packing hospital bag.
32 weeks - Growthscan 2
36 weeks - Growthscan 3 (possible induction 37 weeks), round about when DD was born, maternity leave starts.

With the previous IUGR and the complications that my Hypermobility Syndrome can cause I am not expecting to make it past 37 weeks and will be at a complete loss if I do!

daholster With DD we let her sleep on me initialy but definitely by 6 weeks we would put her down in the crib, then by 2-3 months we were giving her a dream feed so she was sleeping pretty much all the way through by 3 months. DH put her to bed for the most part by the time she was in her own room in the cot as he had issues with letting her cry, so I told him that if he couldn't let her cry he would be the one to destroy her sleep pattern! By 18 months we had a 'bed time bell' and DD got used to the notion of the bell goes off and you go to bed, so DH doesn't have to panic every time she starts to grumble. It's a system a number of our friends have since implemented... apart from one couple who have a child of almost two who still wakes for Several feeds during the night!

lauren I always end up buying / making cards, it doesn't cross DH's mind to deal with cards, and then I have to stand over him and make him write in them whilst he whines about it >.> (pretty sure the cards for his fans birthday are actually sat in his desk draw because I didn't see him write in them and didn't get tasked with sending them... I'm also the one who gets lumbered with writing all of the thank you cards, thank you cards that his MiL insists on I may add, heaven forbid I forget to write one for any sum of money / gift that DD gets! I used to give DH a stack of cards and a list of who bought things on his side but they'd never get done so I eventually accepted that was a battle I was just going to have to gracefully lose...

freedom I loved being pregnant with DD, I had barely any sickness, my HMS pain basically vanished, I had a new lease of life! But heaven forbid anyone felt the need to touch my stomach without asking! This time round I'm so over pregnancy, I'm still being sick, my HMS pain has gone through he roof, I have PGP I'm getting nosebleeds and migraines and dizzy spells, I feel like I'm bloody falling apart! but on the bright side only 24(ish) weeks to go! Though strangely I'm desperate for people to notice my big fat pregnant belly and touch it :P

Aww lauren that sucks, I'm sorry. Can you try talking to him about how he's making you feel? Maybe remind him that stress is no good for pregnant ladies and you're constantly doing twice as much as him by growing a person!

Milestones for me will be hitting 20 weeks on Wednesday, our scan next week at 20+6, 24 weeks for viability, then 30 weeks I guess as it's a round number, and then 36 weeks as that's when I'll be going on maternity leave hopefully!