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Old bird graduates, gather round....let's talk chicklets!

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Gingerbreadlady1 · 21/10/2014 12:44

For the old bird thread graduates and any other slightly older mums to be, please join us. We're a friendly bunch.

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Sparrowlegs248 · 15/12/2014 12:18

Well he came home, walked upstairs and went to bed. Was still in bed when I left this morning.

Feeling ok today. Not too sick or tired which just makes me worry! Can't win with these symptoms can you?

How is everyone else?

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 13:52

Oh, Notta! Take it a day at a time, you don't need to rush anything.

I know what you mean - I don't get any sickness symptoms and you do indeed start worrying that it means bad things! But I had no sickness symptoms with DS and he came out fine! Xmas Grin

21 weeks! 19 (ish) to go.

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/12/2014 14:27

Thanks Freedom I came home to find a note. He thinks our relationship has reached an end, we're not helping each other anymore, he Will sleep in the spare room until i decide what i want to do with the house, child etc.

I really don't know what to do or think. I do love him, such a lot. But he is right, we seem so different these days. I'm sad.

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/12/2014 14:28

But I love to hear how you ladies are doing, when you are so much further along than me! STILL only 6 + 2!!

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 14:30

Sad I am so sorry, Notta.

Could counselling help? I mean, is it worth at least a shot? Would you want to try that?

We are here for you.

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/12/2014 14:43

I don't know. I am torn really. Keep trying or call it a day?

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 14:47

Well, I think that's where counselling comes in - really helps you explore every avenue.

stubbornstains · 15/12/2014 15:09

Oh notta, fucking hell, so sad Sad.

Problem is, to agree to go to counselling, you both need to want to give the relationship another try. And it sounds like he doesn't.

If this is really the end, there is at least a silver lining- that you then have plenty of time to let the dust settle before the baby comes. Which is probably not much consolation right now.

Do you think it would be helpful to insist that he goes back to his parents for a while so that you have space to think?

(Re: the symptoms: it could be that they are yet to seriously kick in (cheerful!). I think mine were worst around 8-12 weeks. Plus, they do come and go).

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 15:13

True, but the husband is also just unhappy with himself, so perhaps counselling really could be what he needs - for himself first, and then them as a couple. He is then in a better position to be a better man/husband/father. Would be a shame to let things go if they are salvageable, with a baby involved.

I don't know though!

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/12/2014 15:38

Thank you both. He is very unhappy in himself, I don't necessarily mean in our relationship. A while ago I suggested he needed to get help re possible MH issues. He didn't. I think it would really help him to have someone other than me to talk to. I feel awful when I say bad stuff to him, its like he REALLY doesn't get where I am coming from. He thinks I am unreasonable. I'm really not. I think we have both got used to a certain way of being though, that would need to change. I really think some time away would do us both good.

I have my booking in appointment Wednesday. God knows how I Will get there but something to look forward to.

HexyQueen · 15/12/2014 16:46

So sorry you are going through all this shit notta. Me and DP went to relate years ago & it really helped. We realised we wanted to fight for the relationship, he realised he did need to sort his own MH issues out (our counselling led to him finally accepting help from doctors, psychiatrists etc) & I wasn't just being mean to him by telling him this. He also realised he couldn't continue to expect me to not have our own child whilst bringing up his child in our home. I learned how to confront him about problems in a more constructive way. It really helped us decide if we wanted to be together & set ground rules (which hadn't happened when DSS came to live with us out of the blue thanks to his mum's MH deteriorating). Deffo worth considering.

Oh and I had days where symptoms were less too.
Big hugs xxx

HexyQueen · 15/12/2014 16:51

Love your signs, stubborn very creative!

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 16:59

I hope he sorts himself out soon, Notta, if not for a romantic involved relationship with you, than for himself, his child, and the necessary relationship he will have to have with you as co-parents.
Hexy's story is promising - change can and does happen, and counselling can indeed work.

supersupersupershock · 15/12/2014 18:55

Notta sorry to hear you are going through this, esp while pregnant. My ex left when DS was about 3 months old (that was around 11 years ago). It was on the cards, to be honest I wish I had let it happen sooner. I got through it and DS and I very close. Ex still a twat who doesn't take responsibility.

This time round my partner of the last 2.5 years had dumped me (again... he likes to do it on a monthly basis) and then couple weeks later found out I was pg. Thought, ok, fine, I wanted a second child more than anything, I shall do this on my own. We did make attempts over last few weeks to reconcile - all it led to was increase in my stress levels. He won't change. This time I am accepting it early on and not going to drag it out.

Re practical stuff, tax credits are good (unless you have very high wages where you wouldn't need them anyway). Try www.entitledto.co.uk - it will show you what you should be entitled to once baby is here. Hopefully it will all work out the way you want it, but knowing you will be ok financially if not will no doubt make things a lot easier.

stubbornstains · 15/12/2014 19:17

Yes, I think that was what I was getting at earlier supershock- better to have a clean break early on in the pregnancy, so you then have time to organise things practically and emotionally before the baby arrives.

Like I didn't, with DS's father- he wormed his way back in when I was heavily pregnant and persuaded me to move in with him, insisted on being there at the birth- then the horrible behaviour and the silent treatment started, and I was trapped with him with a tiny newborn to look after.....when DS was 4 weeks old he disappeared (on my birthday), leaving us with no fuel and no electricity on a freezing night. At which point I gathered the strength together to move us out, and cut contact.

Which means I could be projecting a bit.....Grin

How are you doing super- have you reached a point of peace and acceptance about not being in a relationship with this bloke? (sorry if that sounds cheesy, couldn't think how else to put it....)

And cheers hexy and freedom Smile

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 15/12/2014 20:00

Hope you're okay notta. A lot of good advice here.

stubborn, I love your signs, do you do house numbers?

As stubborn said, how you getting on super?

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stubbornstains · 15/12/2014 20:56

Yes, I do do house numbers ginger Smile. Heh heh, drumming up trade on an ante natal thread......PM me if you're interested (although don't tell me you want it for Christmas, unless you want to see a grown woman cry...)

Well cluckers, this evening I have unearthed a bottle of zero alcohol beer from the back of the cupboard, covered in cobwebs. It's not as nice as normal beer, to put it lightly. To be honest, it's not as nice as water Grin.

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 15/12/2014 21:06

I will do & no, no rush.

desperate times stubborn, if you really fancy it, have a beer! Or half a beer, or a shandy. We're allows 1-2 units once or twice a week.

Right, I'm 18 wks today & huge! How's everyone's bumps coming along?

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stubbornstains · 15/12/2014 21:20

It's at that awkward half way stage really, where I'd feel a bit of a twit if I moved into maternity clothes yet, but my jeans won't do up any more. I'm living in about 3 of my fat dresses and leggings, and one pair of my fat trousers. After Christmas I think I will Unveil the Bump Grin.

Re: booze, is anyone else planning their Christmas consumption already? I'm thinking weak Buck's Fizz in the morning, and glass of wine with lunch....or is no one else that sad/ desperate?

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 21:39

ssss, you sound very sorted. Hope you are ok.

21 weeks today and this weekend I finally feel like I actually have a bump. Also a good weekend for feeling some good movements.

I don't drink anyway, never have, so no alcohol considerations for me.

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 15/12/2014 21:59

Xmas day I'm designated driver, laws up here have recently changed so really can't drink at all & be within limit. So will prob have Buck's Fizz when home later in evening, can't wait!

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FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 23:12

I'm 'up here' too! (But I'm English.) I wonder if we are anywhere close!

FreedomHuntress · 15/12/2014 23:16

I've PMed you, Gingerbreadlady1.

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 16/12/2014 13:51

Pm'ed you back.

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Sparrowlegs248 · 16/12/2014 15:57

Hi everyone, thank you so much for al of your advice and kind words. I really don't want this to just blow over again, but splitting up is a SCARY thought. We need to communicate, and I let stuff out that i have never said before on Saturday so we may swell continue in that vein....

I LOVE the concept of unveiling the bump!! I can't wait. I am not planning to drink and I AM a wine drinker. I have had no wine for 15 days. Since I got my bfp.....not that I'm counting.....I can't remember when I last went without wine fir that long!!!

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