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Old bird graduates, gather round....let's talk chicklets!

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Gingerbreadlady1 · 21/10/2014 12:44

For the old bird thread graduates and any other slightly older mums to be, please join us. We're a friendly bunch.

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Sparrowlegs248 · 13/12/2014 17:48

Oops posted too soon again. Nausea is on the increase. Feeling quite low and ickmuch of the time. Lets hope it passes soon! Hip pain waking me at 4am every morning too. At least I can speak to the midwife on Wednesday.

Any of you working full time? How are you managing? I really hope the nausea lays off as i feel i can cope with the tiredness atm but Will struggle with that AND nausea!

BingoBonkers · 13/12/2014 20:15

I worked FT with dc1. Was haaaarrd. The nausea. Oh the nausea and working and long meetings and the waft of coffee. Not a good combination AT all.

Hurrah Tranq! Same digits as me!

Names - don't go there. We will be arguing discussing til kingdom come.

stubbornstains · 13/12/2014 20:15

Congratulations on your little girl tranquility! And on your results!

Hmmm.....this is interesting. On the NHS blurb about Downs testing I was given, it says that the risk of having a DS baby at the age of 40 is 1:100. Now, quite a few of us have gone through the tests so far, and (assuming for the sake of argument that our average age is 40), each and every one of us has had a result in the 1000s or even the 10000s.......another example of the Powers that Be using misleading data re: older womens' fertility- or are we just lucky? Hmm.

My faith in the NHS being right about everything was massively dented when I got the blurb through from the fertility clinic- it categorically stated that there is no greater chance of getting pregnant at any particular time of your cycle. Which, as we know, is absolute steaming bollocks. And made me feel that I couldn't trust anything else they'd written- including their gloomy prognosis for the chance of over 40s getting pregnant at all.....

Blimey hexy, I really feel for you- sounds like everyhting's conspiring to keep you laid low Sad.

Me, I'm pissed off because I had been starting to have more energy over the last couple of weeks, and the last few days the fatigue has come back with a vengeance Sad. I've been doing a lot of lying on the sofa despairingly staring at all the pre Christmas cleaning that needs to be done (family coming for Christmas, aaaaarghhh), all the decorations that need putting up, all the home made presents that DS needs to be supervised in making....

stubbornstains · 13/12/2014 20:17

Ooh yes, for anyone who wants to have a gander at my signs, here's my website:

www.muddycreeksigns.co.uk Smile

FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 11:28

Very nice, stubborn.

I certainly don't think the NHS or medical professionals have it all right. Many are pretty clueless when it comes to stuff like nutrition (let food be thy medicine! Prevention is better than cure etc.) You just have to see what crap they serve at hospitals to know that there is a massive ignorance when it comes to something as basic as decent nutrition and its effect on health. So I know what you mean.

stubbornstains · 14/12/2014 19:30

God, yes, it's true about their nutritional advice....Hmm

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 20:31

Well. I feel sick. But its not MS. Today has not been a good day for me and 'D'H. Bit of a disagreement this morning (I have heard about all I can stomach of his sagging my family off, and cut it off quite sharply which he thought was unreasonable) He went out all day. Came back and started talking to me about where to put the tv in our middle room downstairs. I asked a normal
question in a normal way and he said 'oh ffs' Escalated. I ended up
screaming at him to fuck off.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 20:34

sorry....must add that that is not how I normally behave but also I really don't think it was hormonal. There are a few long running issues and i think I am getting less and less tolerant of them. So. He went. I asked if he was coming back. He just looked at me. I asked again and he threw the door key at me and left. Sorry for the downer. I feel ok apart from all that. Pregnancy wise I mean.

FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 20:46

Oh Notta. (hugs)
They do say pregnancy (and the newborn stage) brings out the stress and minor niggles in a relationship get made bigger. I hope you can both come out of this ok. You think you can? Can the long-running issues be resolved, or will they always be there? If they will always be there, can they be overlooked for the sake of togetherness? Obviously feel free to not answer anything! We are here for everything, including the downers (hugs)

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 20:59

Thanks freedom.

I honestly don't know. We have been together 13 yrs but only married 18 months. He walked out of his job the week after we married. Issues that I thought would resolve with more responsibility (mortgAge) haven't and i have been thinking that we were just on totally different pages with big stuff like that. I do think he has MH issues that he won't address. He can be like two different people, which i guess is why I am still here. I love him and the good person is just brilliant.

You are probably wondering why I was ttc then. Because I want a baby and am 37 is the simple answer.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 21:00

Oh and my car broke. Quite drastically. Yey.

FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 21:12

I wasn't wondering at all why you chose to have a baby. Perfectly understand.
Well, maybe the baby will wake him up and make him step up. It happens. Still, you don't need the stress right now.

Sorry to hear about the car. Ours is on the way out too. PIL may sell us MIL's at a slight discount as they were looking to upgrade soon anyway, just waiting to hear what price they want.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 21:22

Thanks freedom What I meant is reading that would make the least sensible person think 'why did she get pregnant?!?!'

I guess I thought it would be make or break and if it was break I would still have a baby. Very conscious of being 37 and childless. And worried that if we split my chance would be gone.

At least the bus goes past the end of the road, lucky in that respect as we are quite rural.

FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 21:34

Yeah no I know, I just do understand though. Time is not on our side, is it. Perhaps I am not sensible! Xmas Grin

Are things ok for you financially etc if things don't go well with him?

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 14/12/2014 21:47

Oh notta, just read this. Are you okay? Had there been any further communication?

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Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 21:56

No further communication. I fully expect him to be at his parents. I Will be going to bed and locking the door though, which is why I asked if he was coming back.

Financially, well he hasn't had a job for over a year. He has still contributed to the mortgage and some bills out of his savings. But I have been carrying us really. I have a credit card bill. But I suppose our exterminate 5yr first time buyer fixed term comes to an end in 6 months or so and Will mean the mortgage payments dropping even if interest rates go up. Council tax - single person discount. There are savings to me made. But I Will be having a baby......I suppose I Will get tax credits. It might be ok.

stubbornstains · 14/12/2014 22:00

Oh nottalotta, what a bummer Sad.

Don't worry about the "why did she get pregnant?" thing- I think that the only people who could ever ask that are those who have led very, very sheltered lives, and genuinely believe that you meet The One at 18, and get married and have kids and live happily ever after for ever 'n' ever, and that if you even consider having children outside of these circumstances it will be a Complete and Unmitigated Disaster.

Well, life doesn't work out like that. Women end up having babies in all kinds of non- ideal circumstances, and it usually ends up fine- for them, and for the kids. Or, they do have children within the White Picket Fence of Conventional Normality, and then it goes horribly tits up, and, after a horrible couple of years, it goes all right for them, too.

I'm sorry to hear about the nasty argument today. I guess only you and your DH will know whether this turns out to be a little spat, or a sign of something more serious. Is your DH open to full and frank discussions about the state of your relationship? It's probably a good time to re examine all the ground rules, in any case- a lot is going to change in the dynamics of your relationship with a baby.

But, if the worse comes to the worse, remember- having a child on your own is not the end of the world. I've been there, and I'd rather have been there with a small baby than in some of the grislier relationships I've read about on Mumsnet.

stubbornstains · 14/12/2014 22:02

Or even relationships I know of in real life to be honest! How I manage to restrain myself from giving certain of my mates' "D"Ps a mouthful at times I'll never know.....

FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 22:02

Hoping it won't come to it obviously, and that he bucks up his ideas, but if it does, how will you juggle work and baby?

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 14/12/2014 22:06

It's early days to be thinking practicalities unless it's what you want & have been thinking about for a while. Only you know if the long running problems can be worked on or if it's too late. My heart goes out to you going through this, esp when 6 weeks pregnant x

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FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 22:11

Sorry, yes it is. I am ever practical though, and at the first sign of trouble (or before!) I'd want to settle my mind that I could manage at least financially. That would then be one stress taken care of.
But let's really hope he has a good think, readies himself for fatherhood and all is good. He really could be giving himself a stern talking to right now. Or might his parents? Good luck, notta.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/12/2014 22:14

Thanks everyone. Sadly I have run through this scenario in my head a number of times. Each time I think things have changed/improved and things Will be great for ages, then it crops up again.

My family are very supportive, my mum is desperate for a new baby grandchild and Will help me a lot. My sister is a single stay at home mum to two primary age children so would also be on hand I think.

Ultimately my husband is unhappy with himself and only he can change what he needs to. I have been as supportive as i can over the years but am wondering if he even wants to sort his shit out.

Anyway. Enough of my doom and gloom. Thank you all for your kind words. Hope you are all ok?

Original poster
Gingerbreadlady1 · 14/12/2014 22:14

I do the same freedom, it comes from bitter experience I think & is no bad thing!

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FreedomHuntress · 14/12/2014 22:23

Notta, I really hope this is the make or break that makes him. It does happen. Maybe it will take a while. But I am glad to know that if it doesn't, you will be ok anyway.

Gingerbread, same. (Well, my experience as the child in the situation, but it made me.)

Tranquilitybaby · 14/12/2014 23:34

Notta sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. Hopefully he's sitting thinking what an arse he's been right now. If his parents are worth their salt, they'll be telling him the same. Maybe it needed to come to this, for him to realise what he stands to lose. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

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