November 2014 - thread 7

[amy83firsttimer]

Jump aboard ladies.

bunny my appt is tomorrow. Tbh, I wasn't expecting much, just handing over the urine as usual. Glad now, as it seems I won't be getting much more!

Ok, I'm awake now. Morning, ladies! for anyone who felt like me first thing!

bunny (and anna), I'm sorry you feel like you aren't getting the right support. Could you speak to your supervisor of midwives and ask to see someone else? It says on the growth chart that they stick in that your mw should offer 'compassionate and consistent care' or something like that. Maybe you could mention that you don't feel like you're being advised properly and you have some concerns that things might get missed? Or explain that it's making you anxious, and you feel like it is an important part of supporting your mental wellbeing to make sure you feel that your mw has a handle on everything.

Although she's quite business-like, the mw I saw last week (though to be fair, I've only seen the same one twice so far) was good about making sure I didn't have any questions, discussing the whooping cough jab with me etc. I certainly felt that she was interested in my wellbeing beyond me being a number, if that makes sense.

Bean has gone a bit quiet today after nearly a week of incessant kicking. I know movement still isn't likely to be regular at the moment and I can still feel the odd prod/swirl, but it does make you worry. Trying to remind myself that mw said on Thursday not to panic as movement patterns are still erratic at this stage.

How far along is everyone now? I'm 26+2 today. How are those with end of October/start of November EDDs doing? I'm so grateful that the weather has cooled off a bit here now!

DH is worrying massively about movements but I can't really tell him every time Blueberry moves. I suspect he'll be happier when he can feel the movements more.

I've got an antenatal HV appointment today. It's at the clinic so not sure what they'll discuss. Will just have to wait and see I suppose.

My mw is nice but it always feels a bit rushed. She's not mentioned the whooping cough jab but I'm there tomorrow for the Anti D injection so might ask her then.

I'm 27+6. I feel a bit like I've returned to 1st trimester, feeling sick and a bit more tired but pretty good overall. The seabands are working well on the nausea and unlike 1st trimester people know I'm preggo so can see why I'm tired. A friend of mine due end of Oct is suffering with no sleep, GD and terrible mood swings so I feel I'm getting off lightly. Lady in the gym this morning told me not to overdo it, I'm not actually gymming it, just swimming but I was moaning about how much slower I am now, I'm not pushing myself though, it's just harder to get nearly 2 extra stone through the water I guess!

Can I share some amazing news we had yesterday? News I'm not allowed to share in RL but I'm sure here doesn't count! DP got around £7000 in a bank complaint dating back 5 years. It could not have some at a better time, I hadn't realised you got taxed on SMP so I was about £1000 out on my calculations for what we needed to save for me to be off for 9 months and I was worrying about where to find that extra money. It also makes us totally debt free (mortgage doesn't count right??!!) which I already am but DP hasn't been since he was 18. He's had years of hardship and scrimping and saving because of a bank error so I'm really pleased for him (and for us).

Wow what good - and well timed - news ladydolly! It must be a weight off both your minds and nice to see the banks cough up for a change too..

Amazing news ladydolly! You both must be walking on air. Go out and treat yourselves to a really nice brunch this weekend before saving the rest :)

I'm also 27+6 and I'm feeling huge. According to my weight noted at last check-up with GP, I seem to have put on 3+ kilos in 3 weeks which I am about, although I'm wondering if the GP's scales slightly under-recorded me because they weren't digital...

I was looking at a pic of myself taken on the day I went into labour with DD. My bump doesn't look that huge at all - the one I'm currently sporting is nearly as big! Also feeling annoyed at upper arm and thigh fat, and at the return of the dread spots after a few weeks of relief.

I do seem to be sleeping ever so slightly better though. Have stopped drinking lots of water close to bedtime and am taking my vitamins more religiously, so both of those things are helping. Still knackered though!

A close friend had a baby girl last night. So excited!

Anyone know anything about being made redundant on maternity leave? Just had a meeting with my manager where she explaiend that the department might be "restructured" while I'm gone. I'm not panicking (yet) so need to know if I should be more worried?

We're really happy, we treated ourselves to a takeaway last night. DP is going to buy flights to Berlin for some football match next year and the rest is going into savings. (I'm actually really pleased he came to those decisions himself, I'm normally the 'sensible' one and he can get a bit carried away) He may have also bought a few bits for the baby from his football team's baby range!

Greenstone I also have the thigh fat, I put it down to that's apparently where the fat for breastfeeding is laid down because it's never been a problem area before. I always gain weight on my belly so it's really hard to tell now what's baby weight and what's too many ice creams.

miskate I always assumed you were protected while on Mat Leave but apparently not. Having said that I think companies are cautious about how they handle pregnant women at any given time and you'd still get SMP, I guess you just might lose any enhanced package you might have. I'd get some external advice now so you're prepared. www.maternityaction.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/redundancy.pdf

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst is the saying I think! Don't panic and good luck.

Thanks Ladydolly. I guess there's no point worrying about things that haven't happened, and which I have no control over...
Congratulations on your timely bank win anyway! Glad you've had a few splurges as well as being sensible :)

Miskate, if you're worried you could try calling Maternity Action for clarity? They should be able to help you out with what you would be entitled to etc. so you can feel a bit more prepared, even though it might not happen.

Wahoo, what a relief for you, ladydolly! What a lovely and timely windfall

Greenstone, first baby for me but had a rage-inducing moment at the weekend. I am still pretty small bump-wise and have had several comments about how people wouldn't even know I was pg etc etc. (Cue gritted teeth and forced smiling.) Was gobsmacked to walk into the shop at the weekend and have DP's lady manager turn around and go, 'Oh my God, you're massive. Are you sure it's not twins? You look huge! Welcome to the club, fatty!'

I was utterly speechless! I don't know if it's because I'm naturally slender and she's just a jealous cow, but what a thing to say! I pointed out to DP afterwards that she was lucky to still have all her teeth after that. I just turned and walked out, but ARGH!

So yeah. Rage. In fact, am going to have to make a cup of tea now as even thinking about it is raising my BP alarmingly.

Twiglet i think I would start crying.

Mind you, am due 1st Nov, & am having a shitty week. No sleep, constant heartburn, constipation, palpitations, total exhaustion, shortness of breath, baby kicking all bloody night.....

And its supposedly a textbook pregnancy!

Am starting to turn alarmingly whingey. Just not enjoying it at all at the mo.

Oh twiglet!! I feel your rage!! The thing that gets me is where is the solidarity? Women (some women at least) spend way too much time attacking other women. I had woman say I looked like a beached whale but I was more upset by a friend who has 2 kids and really struggled with the weight gain and loss saying to me 'bloody hell!! You're going to be huge' because she'd been there, and she's supposed to be part of my support circle.

You know this woman said it not from any kind of truth but just because of her own issues but what's very sad is I bet by being mean to you she thinks it'll make her feel better, but it won't, and then you're both unhappy. Enjoy your tea, enjoy your inevitably lovely bump and rise above her petty behaviour. xx

I can't believe that those words would actually come out of someone's mouth Twiglet :( It's both incredibly mean and utterly clueless. Do people expect pregnant women not to put on weight/grow their babies in their pockets or something?! FGS.

I feel silly for whining now, the worst I have been getting is 'You're carrying very low!' followed by the next day (same person) 'You're carrying really high all of a sudden!' and another person who said 'I didn't expect you to be so big already!' Probably the best in a weird way was BIL who said that I just looked like a thin person with a big ball stuffed up my jumper...

For some reason I'm getting a lot more body comments this time around, it is strange and not very pleasant.

Anna but really if you think about it...what IS there to enjoy about late pregnancy? It's pretty much non-stop bodily discomfort. Even if it's low-level discomfort, it's constant and it all adds up. Hope you can get some rest soon x

She’s one of those people who joke about themselves being fat, so she thinks its ok to do it to other people. There’s a lady in the shop who has lost nearly 20 stone in the past few years; she is still quite big but is keeping up her steady weight loss. It’s such an impressive achievement. Yet the manager quite often says things like, ‘Oops, shouldn’t be eating that, R! You look like it hasn’t been such a good week this week.’ It’s mind-boggling that it doesn’t occur to her how offensive and hurtful that could be. Luckily, R is quite a thick-skinned lady and just tells her to shove it, but still!

anna, sorry to hear you’re having a bad week I have to admit I did feel a bit wobbly afterwards, but think the anger sustained me and staved off tears! I’m having digestive problems too. I seem to go from constipation to diarrhoea and back again. I just want to have a normal poo!

lady, it is sad, isn’t it? DP’s SIL keeps telling me it’s ‘ok’ to put on lots of weight during pregnancy because she ‘put on 4 stone – it’s ok to get a bit fat, your body needs it’. Um, are you trying to tell me something? I’m almost sure that she’s just trying to be helpful, but if she says it again I can tell I’m going to say something to the effect of 4 stone not being ‘a bit fat’. Which is horrible of me. It’s just so irritating!

Greenstone, it is bizarre, isn't it? It would be utterly unacceptable to say that to anyone in everyday life, yet as soon as you're pregnant it's like a free for all to comment on your body. I don't think it matters what the comment is, it's more the fact that people think it's acceptable to comment at all. I don't mind 'You look really well' or something along those lines, but any comments about size/weight/shape are only ever going to cause anxiety and offense, personally.

I'm not getting fat comments at the mo (am wearing quite loose clothes) but I've had constant "You look so tired!" comments.

Seriously: about twice a day. "God, you look wrecked!" "Awww.....you look shattered!" "You should go to bed, you do look very dark under the eyes...."

I mean, I know I look tired. I can't get comfortable at night. But why would you spell that out to me?! What purpose does that serve???

Oh, and can I have another quick moan whilst I'm clearly on a roll?

My MIL has decided that I shouldn't be asking for all this advice from other mothers. She disapproves.

Why? "Cos I knew nothing and I was fine. Even though A cried solidly for two years, and B vomited solidly for two years, and C never slept for two years.....but I had no-one to ask so I just had to get on with it" ~cue folded arms and jutting out chin~

And this is Bollocks, cos she told me once that she & all the other young mums used to meet at the beach with their prams every day. So she had loads of people to ask.

But every time I mention anything at all, like that someone advised me (for example) to get 0-3 months clothes rather than Newborn, I get this lecture. I should just suffer in ignorance , apparently! Everyone's different so there's no point asking anyone anything!

She's a nice woman, but she's really wierd about this.

The body comments are peculiar because they're so contradictory. I finally have a bump (it emerged as I entered the third trimester!), I can't do up my suit jacket at the front any more and I have a distinct lumpy front. Cue one woman saying to me "Gosh, you don't look like you've put on any weight at all!"

Ladydolly congratulations on the great news!

Twiglet I think you just try to take as a compliment that you make that cow jealous with being pregnant and still looking far better than herself.

For me up to now the most shocking pregnancy attention came from a colleague whom I actually thought to be a good mate. As we used to be in the same team till very recent I told him shortly after telling my boss and the team about the pg. He seemed very happy for me etc. and then about month later the bump popped out to the size when everybody else noticed not only myself and DH. I was in the office going to fetch some water and had to walk pass his desk. He was on phone with somebody, but while I walked passed he started to indicated towards my bump with the finger and play a laughter and then made a gesture of showing off the bump (not too sure if I explain it all very well but it was all quite graphic). When I gave him a stare of "what the hell are you doing?!". He covered up the phone and told me "Oh common the bump is obvious now, you cannot hide it anymore". The fact he didn't even realise how inappropriate were his gestures shocked me even more. When I told him that I had no doubt about visibility of the bump, but found it shocking he indicates at me with a finger and makes obscene gestures just because I am pregnant, he went on that if his girlfriend (he doesn't even have one!!) would be pregnant and other ppl would make comments about her bump he would feel proud, but obviously he should not say anything to me because I am taking it wrong way. When I mentioned that I am still a person and human being despite being pregnant and he should not point at me with a finger, he just didn't seem to get the point.

I realise he might have thought it as some sort of joke and fun, but for me standing there in the middle of the office with the rest of colleagues around and being pointed with finger and shown bump related gestures at me, it made me feel so out of place. After all we are still in the office of a multinational company, where ppl try to maintain professionalism despite their private life situations.

2nd daisy birthing class tonight, anyone else doing it?

Annarose to be honest I just try to keep my MIL out of my pregnancy at all. We live about 250 miles apart and any communication with her is through DH and I don't intend to change her. I found it quite distressing when she was visiting us for a weekend few weeks ago and went on with the detailed questionaire about my pg symptoms, antenatal classes, midwife appointments frequency etc. and unwillingly most of the times was responding with "yes" and "no" to cut it short and not to inflict any further questions.
I think it also makes a lot of sense not to ask pg related stuff to MIL as we are not even genetically related and if I should look for any cues in this regards it is my own mum really.
Well, maybe I am bit too egoistic and are trying to isolate the poor MIL too much...

Yeah, mine lives far away too, I just had a full week with her which is why this was my first experience of it.

It was the opposite of nosy, wierdly - any time I asked my SILs or my BIL anything baby-related she tried to shut down the conversation quite bluntly. Maybe it was worry I'd be setting myself up for unrealistic expectations? Like, if I found out nothing I wouldn't be disappointed in anything?? God knows, but it pissed me off as they have tons of young kids and I needed to pick their brains!

Thankfully I don't think I'll have to deal with her that often during the next few months cos of the distance, and she really only talks to DH on the phone.

I am getting bump comments too, and a fair bit of stroking from the SIL! My own husband said today 'well you're definitely pregnant!' In answer to my question do I look ok... :(
I actually think I look great! My skin is clear, my arms and legs slimmed down during 1st trimester after all the vomiting, I have a really round forward bump, I'm super happy! Last time I spread out all over, I was huge and puffy and felt gross. So I'm skipping about waving my bump about now before it gets too hard being pregnant and I just sit down and stuff my face for 10 weeks :D

I've had quite a lot of people saying it's suddenly grown in the last month but not too much inanity yet. Got a fair whack of the 'aren't you enormous' comments last time round, which I'm always tempted to reply 'and aren't you ugly' to, but tend to settle with 'well at least mine's only temporary'..

Morning all. Less grumpy here - sciatica is settling a bit - long car journeys are not good although I do feel quite big and heavy now! Am sure that when I go home after this hol I'll be appalled at what the scales say! But hey ho, I'm growing a bean..
I'm sure that when I go back to school in September there'll be lots of comments about how much it's grown, given that I wasn't really showing that much in July. Can't believe how rude some people are to you!

Congratulations to you lady dolly on the windfall and fingers crossed all is Ok for you miskate