December 2014 Thread #4

[miraculous2]

Stats anyone?!

So I'm also thinking about if and when I'll go back to work afterwards and think we'll just play it by ear after we've looked at our finances.
Did people struggle to get by on maternity pay? I've just been looking into what you get and it seems a miracle anyone can afford to take the whole year!

Hello all

Good luck with your boss bighairy, I hope it goes okay!

Well, I had my scan yesterday and all fine yay! Plus I am measuring 6 days further on so am now Dec 12 not Dec 18. 13 weeks today! Think I am slowly starting to feel better, nausea and tiredness still hanging in there but not nearly as bad. Getting horrible cramp in my leg though, really strong and painful, ugh.

Plan to tell my boss in a couple of weeks, really busy time at the moment and don't really want to throw my pregnancy into the mix! It shouldn't be a problem but would rather wait a couple of weeks until things have calmed down. A pain though as I would really like to tell my colleagues.

Planning on telling family tonight. Dreading it rather. I am sure it will be fine but I know my mum won't fully approve of me having another child although she'll get over it soon enough.

A couple of folk mentioned the nub theory. I have been looking into that too but not sure there is much credible scientific evidence. I fully expect to have a boy as my husband seems heavily genetically inclined that way but I would say nub looks girl like if going by that theory! Just really doubt it though. I will ask at twenty week scan. (On 30th June!!) I like the idea of a surprise but with the strong feeling this will be another boy I'd rather have the surprise sooner rather than later....

Right finally going to add myself to the stats list!

Hope everyone has a happy Friday!

20 week scans 30th July sorry!

Re staying at home, I was a SAHM now I work and my husband is at home. Although he works weekends (5 hours each day). Really looking forward to having him home most of the time when baby is born, especially with three other kids! With my work I get six months on full pay, after that it is half pay so might try and squeeze in an extra month but won't manage much more than that.

bighairy if it were me, and of course it's not, I'd also want to say today, if you're not going to keep me on, I'd rather know now so I can make some alternative plans. In other words, I'd be appealing to them to think of the position you're in (as a human being), whilst cannily giving them enough rope to hang themselves. You might at least get a hint either way and if it was a hint about letting you go, I'd be dropping my own hints about their very shaky legal position in that instance.

I've been having some very uncomfortable chats at work about pay and conditions, but nothing like this. Hugs for being strong today.

bettycakes under current conditions I'm due 90% pay for six weeks and then basic SMP for the rest. DH is unemployed and because of his visa, neither of us are allowed to claim benefits, so as things stand our total income will be less than our monthly rent. Unless my conditions/ his work situation improve, we'll be homeless and starving or I'll be back at work after six weeks. I can't even see how that's possible with one child and I'm having twins. I'm really excited about my babies but when I think about this stuff I wish my coil hadn't gone for a bloody walk.

Right. So.
I met the midwives yesterday, although I won't be seeing them again (thank goodness) as I'm moving areas. My overall perception of them was of pure incompetence. They made me all sorts of consultant appointments and gave me the dates but didn't tell me what they were for. I've also got a bloody CAF referral for my MH history, but they didn't ask about my discharge so I suppose they think I'm still under the CMHT. I told them how stable I am etc and they asked when I stopped taking tablets, as though when you're stable you suddenly stop needing to take them (I hate this misconception), so I suppose they assume because I'm still on meds I'm still under care.
They completely and totally assumed I don't know how to eat healthily, just as I predicted. "You can lose weight in pregnancy, you know". I was quite chuffed actually because my BMI was a lot lower than I thought it would be and it turns out I've lost some weight
I couldn't produce a sample (very embarrassing) so they told me to take the pot away and drop it in before 6:30pm, which I did, only to be told by the receptionist that I was too late and it had to be before 4:30pm RAGE. Then I went to the chemist next door to get this blessed folic acid and they had no idea what I was talking about. The pharmacist marched out and demanded to know why I was told to take it, and I was very fed up by this point, so I just seethed "I don't know, probably because I'm so fat" and after a lot more faffing ("could she take two of these to make it up to 10?") I told them I'd changed my mind and went and had a cry in the car.
Then we had to clean the old flat but I was exhausted and cranky so I didn't do much and ended up going to sleep on the floor. I went to bed so late that I skipped a shower this morning and had an extra ten minutes in bed, so now I feel utterly disgusting because it's about 20C here.
So before work (I got here at 8am because DH dropped me off before couriering my sample to the old doctors on his way to work, love him) I went to Boots and asked the (better class of) pharmacist and he said it's prescription only. Well, fuck.

Oh fucksticks Peace, what a palaver. My midwives didn't mention the higher dose of folic acid, which I was surprised about. I also think that the trainee midwife measured me wrong as MrPres measured me yesterday and my BMI comes out 4pts lower. Grrr.

I'm not freaking out too much about the money side of things at the moment, I get 18wks on full pay, 21wks on SMP. But annual leave will continue to accrue whilst I'm off, and I'm trying to conserve two weeks worth from this year so I should end up with another 7 or 8 weeks of paid leave at the end of my mat leave.

I am freaking out about the cost if childcare though, and how much it will knock off any mortgage offers we can get. Bah.

Just wanted to say that I am finding it incredibly reassuring to know that other ladies don't have a perfect life . I've been havong quiet panics when I think about our housing (second floor one bed rented flat won't cut it with a dog and a baby) and money (I am finoshing a masters in October and don't qualify for any SMP etc).

For some reason in my head I thought I would have all this stuff sorted by the age of 33, and certainly before I had a baby.

So thank you all for sharing x

miraculous2 can you ask someone like citizens advice if there is anything at all extra you're entitled to get? Hate the thought that you'll be so worried, especially when you should be feeling double the excitement with twins.

All good at scan.Bbl to update properly but right now heading outside with ds. 10+5!

I need a vat of coffee to get me through today, but unfortunately the smell makes me queasy. What to do.

Hi All, I've just added myself in the spreadsheet. Expecting dc2 and due date 15 Dec.

Ugh. Been feeling ok all day but have just suddenly flopped and feel so nauseous and weary.

problem being my friend is on her way for a rehearsal as we have a gig tomorrow. I've already had to cancel this rehearsal twice. I just want to curl up and sleep :(

And earlier I had pregna-rage because the husband informed me he was going in to town for a wander after work. Stupid brain.

13+5

Come on Catface, you can do this!!

The last three (okay maybe eight) hours at work DRAGGED for me. I thought the day would never end! I might have to be a cow and decline DH's request to help clean the old flat tonight (why didn't we pay someone?? We ALWAYS pay someone!) and have an extremely early night. One more day to get through and then two glorious days off.

hi ladies.. hopefully i am back.. for good!

sorry for the long post but its needed! i haven't posted anything for a good 2 weeks because i thought i wouldn't be able to join you all on this amazing experience.

i have been to absolute hell and back the last 2 weeks since my 12 week scan. scan showed what they call generalised edema (lots of fluid just under the skin) and an exomphalos (which is where the bowels haven't entered the body through the umbilical cord so have remained outside the body when the all of the tummy seals up). i had to wait a week to see a consultant to be able to tell me anymore the sonographer was useless. meanwhile all i was left with was google to tell me what the hell these things mean and as with anything with google you tend to get the worst case scenario which on various occasions left me in floods of tears. it was the worst week of my life awaiting that consultant appt. come friday i see the consultant and she's just as pessimistic as google. your body has a very bad prognosis and that i think you baby will have edwards syndrome. edwards syndrome the babies rarely survive to be borne resulting in miscarriage, can survive to be born but be stillborne or live for hours, days etc. she wanted me to have an amnio but it was too late for the sample to be sent off to london so she let me stew over the weekend till tuesday when i had another appt to see her. come tuesday, her first words as she does a scan on me was "oh that baby is still alive". anyways even though i hate needles and am terrified i went ahead with the amnio all the while the consultant being quite negative that this doesn't look good etc and prognosis is bad. i had to wait till thursday to get the first set of results back from the amnio test - no edwards, no downs, no turners!!! i can't tell you how relieved i was/am! i was so sure that it was going to be bad news and that we were going to have to terminate. all the while worrying that i was getting close to 14 week cut off when they will still do a suction surgical termination rather than going over and having to have an induced labour. and the worry of whether i could actually do that to my child. after 3 times seeing the beating heart could i really do that. anyways I'm sure you can all imagine what i have been through the last 2 weeks. pure terror. BUT as the midwife said to me on the phone we have got over a massive hurdle with these first set of results. i will be getting the last set of results within 10 working day and then i have a scan booked on the 20th when i will be 16 weeks. i need to be grateful and happy for the now and not worry about the future. I've learnt that no pregnancy is risk free. sadly things can go wrong at any time. i have been off work the last week with all this stress and worry. I've cried more then i ever have my whole life! the sofa and blanket have been my friend. so people at work are questioning where i have been, my first day back will be monday and I'm really not sure what to say. can i lie and say that i have been unwell. so unwell that i needed 6 working days off? or shall i just tell the truth, of course i worry that we might not be in the clear zone yet (or ever) but is that a reason to hide it from people. and i don't think this belly can be hidden for much longer! i feel like a slowly expanding balloon! i was planning on telling them this coming friday as its my birthday on thursday (12th) in our office we take cakes in for birthdays so was planning on just slipping it into the email that it was my birthday and that i am also expecting. but i can't tell people on the monday that i wasn't well last week and then on the friday go ahead with my initial plan (had nothing of gone wrong at the 12 week scan) and announce on friday. oh i don't know. i shouldn't be worrying myself with this really but....

i can't tell you ladies how glad i am to be back. i hope i haven't been forgotten about in this time!

with the amino they were also able to tell me the sex! how cheeky to be told so early!! i need to change my username to EmilyItsABlueOne!
x

Good to hear from you Emily was thinking about you this morning. Hope we've not been rubbing it in with scan pics and going on about how great our scans were. It sounds like they're giving you (and your little boy!) lots of focus which is good but just take it a few days at a time. Feel free to share/rant/rage on here whenever you feel the need.

How many people do you work with and are you a close team? When I had some negative news to share at work I sent them an email over the weekend telling them what had happened and that I was ok but might not want to talk about it. It meant I didn't have to be strong enough to sit at my desk and write it and could do it when i was feeling strong at the weekend but meant they knew what was going on without me making a big announcement to their faces. If you're a close team I would tell them either way so you have some extra support.

Plus it makes it feel much more exciting when you start telling people!

hi littlebear. thank you so much for thinking of me!

no not at all - everyone should celebrate their great news as much as they can. if anything i would say celebrate more and just be so so grateful that your pregnancy seems to be going as any pregnancy should!

we are a desk of 22. so not really all that close, but i have worked there 6.5 years now. my boss knows and my colleague/friend who i sit next to so its just the others to tell. i think i will see how i feel on monday as to which way i go with it.

If you do wait for your birthday and don't volunteer the info on why you've been off people probably won't ask and will just ask if you're better. If anyone is nosy enough to pry just tell them for personal reasons as that usually shuts people up!

Oh Emily how stressful for you. Sending you all he positive vibes I can possible muster!!! And yay a little boy :)!

I've been contemplating the work situation, I work for a uni who are very good employers and I can't really go wrong with them. However like miraculous I am having twins, one baby was a shock as it was but seeing two had put a spanner in works. I can opt for a full year of mat leave on the promise I return to work for a year. We have moved back home with my parents for what's meant to be only a year and if we manage to clear debt, save and get on the housing ladder we'd have 2x 6 month olds... Think staying a year+ out of selfishness would be great! Really thinking I need to defo take the year off regardless and il have an amazing support network while off and when I go back to work but child care for one is a financial strain anyway but sticking two in a nursery at this stage in our financial situation isn't something I really want to be thinking about so being a SAHM would be lush but not viable. Not on just my DH's salary alone. (Groan)

But you know what they say about babies and planning, if we were all financially stable, married with houses etc and actually ready no one would have children!

On another note. Is anyone suffering with hip pain, almost like sciatica? I can't walk around especially going up hill without brandishing a fetching limp to go with it!

Oh Emily you have been through the wringer! I think you're handling this really well and I'm so glad you have a bit of good news at last even if you have a long way to go. Big hugs lovely and congratulations on your little blue one x

Yes Ladylel I'm getting sciatic pain too. I have no idea how to help myself either. I will ask Dr Google and report back :)

Thanks monkeybaby in 2 minds about visiting a chiro!

Ooo I brought a fetal heart monitor too! Angel something or other some good reviews via amazon. Letting my dinner go down and DH to come back and we'll test it out!

Hi monkey - I've PM'd you!

Hi All!

Peace, thank god you are moving areas and I hope you get better care in the future because that sounds like an utter nightmare. I'm angry for you. MW hasn't said anything to me either about extra strength folic acid to counter fatness, just asked if I was taking them!

Emilyit's good to hear from you. Was thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were ok. Glad you are back and hope things turn out ok.

Well, I kicked ass at my tenants meeting and didn't get torn to pieces, then I told my boss. I think it went ok and he was quite supportive. It helped that he'd just given me some really good feedback. It's the bigger bosses I have to watch out for now, so we'll see what happens. Either way, it's out in the open and ball is in their court. I feel so much better now. It's such a relief.

I'm nervous about money whether I do or don't get maternity. I don't really see how we're going to do it, never mind getting all the stuff you need for a baby! Trying not to think about that bit or stress too much really. It'll work out.