NEW RM OCTOBER 2014 thread - Today we are pregnant THREAD 2

[squizita]

Continued Sep-Oct thread for ladies who have experienced more than one loss in the past, so as to not scare the regular October folk!

Thanks for the good wishes ladies. Relaxing now, back in normal clothes, waiting for scan then DH to collect me. Had GA, which was fine. Staying in nearby hotel tonight - nice.

It went well enough, though apparently it wasn't straightforward. The Prof came by briefly and said due to the cervical tearing and damage she struggled to get the stitch in so had to move it up higher. There was a good deal of bleeding so i need an additional vaginal stitch. Anyway, she seemed a bit evasive, and i'm not as relaxed as i hoped, but i know that this is the best chance i have so, if it doesn't work i could really not do any more.

I have started to wonder how i ended up with this cervical damage after delivering DD, and am beginning to wonder if there was some incompetence/ malpractice.. (i can pinpoint something specific that it could relate to). I feel like requesting my records and looking into this more... but i need to chill now and not sit here getting angry at the possibilities. Anyway staff were all very very nice, which is greatly appreciated. Apologies for going on!

JBrd sorry to hear that you have not had more reassuring feedback yet. What a pain about the papp-A. Fx bigtime for a reassuring harmony test.

Good advice buggerlugs - i will take it onboard today too!

Good luck on friday too squiz - will be good to get an update from you and rainy for the wkd. (I quiet like counting the end of weeks..)

Bugglerlugs - mine is very often the same... and occasionally worries me! However i don't think i have been furkling (?!).

Bugs - my cm is the same, since the spotting stopped. It also -ahem- smells quit strong Not bad, it's the normal smell, just a lot stronger (or maybe I'm more sensitive to it at the moment, everything smells so much more strongly!).
I had the exact thing when I was pg with DS, so don't worry about it. It's one if those not very glamorous things no one ever tells you about

Don't feel homeless! You are here with us There's also the 'regular' 'pg after mc' thread, lots if nice people there, too.

Yeah mine can be absolutely yellow! Not even cream!

tayto glad it went ok - do they think it's done the job despite the 'extra' stitch they did? For difficult births they should talk through with you what happened and you have a right to see your notes / go through etc. but I'm not sore the timing is quite right now as you say. It could only get you all worked up which I don't think you need to moment. What actually happened during your dd birth? Were instruments involved? Hope you are ok.

jbrd :( to another 2ww that is hideous. Can't they speed it up given they messed it up on the first place?

On cm mine is also yellow sometimes. Really yellow. I just have lots too. Alternates between very milky and then thick and yellow. Pretty gross really but I asked MW about it at booking on and she said all is normal except if very smelly and / or itchy or sore.

This 'serious incident' sounds very ominous.. Hope he's ok bugs and he does talk to you. Plus you have a home here, we are all more or less same stage give or take a month, and all know what it's like to be preg after a miscarrying more than our unfair share so totally get it.

Hmmm tough one to watch this week bugs as one of the babies is very poorly. I was an emotional wreck after watching that.
It's really not helping my irrational fear of baby death and abnormalities though. Literally, every thing I read or when turn on the tv at the moment it's about something of that nature. It's causing me to be even more mental. I suppose it's a bit like when ttc there are pregnant people everywhere in your face... Now it's my biggest paranoia is always there in front of me wherever I turn. How can I stop worrying about all this when no logic to it? Anyone else have this fear as well as mc? Obviously jbrd you probably do after your high risk results but were you like this before? Or is it just me? Feel like I'm going a bit loopy to be honest. What's weird is that I haven't even got past 12 wk scan yet so who knows if baby is even alive still. Total headfuck at moment for me.

Buggerlugs, don't feel homeless! Its always good to hear your news. Though you must miss your BESH pals, maybe you will need to be a thread roamer for a while (just had a look and the BESH thread is very funny!). Hope your DH finds OBEM an eye-opener - he must be a cool collected type in general!

rainy - hope the 12 wk scan will offer you some reassurance and help ease the anxieties. Perhaps best to try and avoid anything that draws your attention to those stories. I do get that fear at times in relation to my DD (3.5) , but not for this baby.

Think/hope the stitches have done the job and i will stop going on about it! I will ask my consultant about the causes of the damage next week, but then i'll try and forget about it and focus on this pregnancy. (rainy - DD was in a back to back position, got stuck, got to second phase, ie fully dilated, tried forceps but couldnt get her out, then had emergency section - so not ideal, but i didn't think it was traumatic at the time, just hard going.)

Just had fab Indian with DH, and staying in hotel which is a treat - like we are on holidays now! (well kind of....)

fedup When is your next scan? I think worrying about abnormalities is totally normal, it is not just you at all! I worried about this a lot even before I got my dodgy results.
Although I have to say that with this pregnancy, this fear was at first overshadowed by the fear of miscarriage, it only started surfacing at around 10 weeks or so, after I had had my 2nd or 3rd successful scan and started to believe that this one might actually stick.
With DS, when I was blissfully unaware of miscarriage (happy days), I spent the whole first trimester worrying about abnormalities and what this could mean for us. My age has never been in my favour - I was 38/39 when pg with DS and am now 42, so those stats are already against me. But with DS, everything was fine, I was given a combined risk of 1:4000.

And with this one, when I had the great 12-week scan last week, I was on top of the world, I thought, yeah, nailed this one! Big crash then when I then got the news about the blood results.

I think that because of our history, we are all so much more aware of what can go wrong, almost expecting it to... And we worry worry worry! You invest so much into each pregnancy emotionally, it can't be helped. You need to develop coping mechanisms, but it's very hard. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but I think that the fear will stay in one way or another right until the end...

And I agree, there is lots of stuff everywhere about abnormalities everywhere at the moment! Monday there was a programme about people living with Down's Syndrome, Tuesday one about autism. I recorded both, but have not watched them yet. I started to watch the one about Down's, but it got a bit much, and I was by myself... Might try and see if DH wants to watch it with me.
Oh, and OBEM is off limits at the moment. I used to love it, but find it incredibly difficult to watch now. I saw half of it on Monday (really shouldn't have) and the story with the poorly baby tore me apart

Bugs Don't let it get you down - do you think that your DH might feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, problems at work, worry about you & baby, and not admit it? Men are very good at pretending that everything is fine, and as a result, they often seem really detached. They have no way of knowing how we feel and all the worries we have, it's easy to overlook that they are also in with this. Do you think it'd help to talk it out, maybe over a nice dinner? You need each other in this.
Hope you can sort it out quickly, it's awful when things like that hang over you.

Right, I think I better go and do some work now

Fedup I have that now. Terrified of it all, although I was a 'special babies unit' kid myself and the majority of us end up just fine.

I have just realised that my doppler appointment is exactly a year since my last 'is it ectopic, is it molar, all we know is it's a miscarriage plus extra problems' debacle last year. :( Has made me super mental.

Bugs, i think pregnancy after mc(s) can put quiet a strain on any relationship, as there is always an undercurrent of stress and anxiety. Its been tricky with my DH too, especially balancing his need for support with mine... I have asked him not to go on about his work stress just when i start discussing some pregnancy related concern; but i also know that he needs the opportunity to express his concerns... but its hard when both people feel they need support at the same time, like you and DH yesterday. I hope things are a bit better today. It sounds like you both needed some tlc last night.

Good luck with the doppler appointment Squiz , hope its reassuring, though the first few minutes of heartbeat searching are a bit hairy! I just about got a hb sound yesterday before i left the hospital, though it wasn't that clear - just 14 wks to the day, so still a little early. As you are a little further along it should be ok, though it does depend how the baby is lying etc so good to be prepared for a short wait...

Thanks so much ladies. Really helps to know that I am not on my own on this. Exactly as jbrd said I think because the fear of mc has subsided as got to 12 wks and scans along the way (of course I don't know this yet) it's been overtaken by fear no 2.

Scan is 8.30 tomorrow. Very close now. Scared but also relieved it's finally here.

My DH almost doesn't want to hear about my anxieties as it makes him worry and then no control over it. He wants to assume all is ok unless proven otherwise by scans. Difficult as it means I can't talk to him about my paranoias - thank god for you ladies. I understand why he is like that tho as he hates being out of control of a situation and also it's not his body trying to grow this baby so hard for him. To his defense he has looked after me - cooking and clearing up etc so I can go to bed at 8.30!

Hello ladies, just popping in to see how you're doing. So pleased to see you all still here, it makes me feel so hopeful, and so chuffed for you that you are still pg, however terrifying it is!

I'm on a 3 month break from ttc, still got another month to go, and the consultant seems to think I'm now an interesting case. Blood test for autoimmunity at the end of the month and appt in May to discuss a plan (I hope).

Keep up the good work! xxx

Thank-you tanny, and good to hear from you. Most of us are hanging in here, hopefully blazing a path for you too! I guess is good to be an interesting case, and you should get extra special attention . Very best of luck in the coming months. Do let us know how you are getting on.

my baby is alive! Kicking and squirming away in there! So relieved and cried yet again! Measuring 13 wks and EDD is now 10 oct.

Yay rainy! Great news! Pink lemonade celebration tonight!

Hop you don't mind me joining this thread ladies...I've hopped over from the other one :) Congrats on all the scans!!
Had a mc back in Nov, so took a little while to get on the wagon again but had my 12 week scan yest and all my fears (well some of them) are abated!! The only thing they could not do was do the nuchal fold :( So now am worried about. Have to have that quad blood test, but won't that be too late for any difficult results etc?
x