Due In Jan 2007 Part 3 -where we do stop worrying & start complaining!

[elliepippamummy]

Thought I'd try an set up the new thread up this works!!

Didnt the vicar guess Magnolia!!

bleargh......don't talk to me about weddings!!! we're trying to get ours sorted at the moment, total nightmare! the only thing that's definitely organised is the registry office, on the 29th september, which we're just turning up to in jeans and stuff! my mum's making my wedding dress, but so far haven't got anything to wear it to! dp's mum keeps trying to take over, and dp won't do anything about it! argh! it's driving me insane! i could really do without the stress right now as well....

firstimemummy - you have to MAKE your dp give up smoking, or at least go outside to smoke, or even a designated smoking area. how can you be expected to give up if he won't? the main thing that makes me want a smoke is seeing someone else smoke (even on a film or TV!!)....

Girls....on the smoking when PG thing....I know you'll all think I'm a nosey, interferring busybody but can I be a little bit preachy??

Imagine you're carrying your newborn, or pushing him or her along the road in it lovely smart new pram.

Then someone comes right to you, smoking a cigarette...leans into the pram and blows it straight into newborn baby's face.

Thats almost what you're doing now....maybe even worse!

Sorry to be a bitch but I hate seeing PG woman smoking. I know it must be hard and as I've never smoked I should really keep my nose out but.....well....it's a baby we're talking about here.

(and LTH gets kicked off the thread)

tUD - My birthday is 6th May so am 24 and 3 months and 11days!

I don't smoke myself but my dh does. He does not smoke around me as I think he would fear for his life! However, I really do hate it and am desperate for him to give up - it is the only thing we ever argue about. Although he does seem to have cut down I want him to have quit by the time the baby appears otherwise I can't imagine what it will be like in our house with me not letting him near the bubba!

To those ladies struggling with giving up, I know it must be extremely hard but please do try your best and definitely kick your other half out of the house when he's somking.

Love to all xxx

Afternoon, ladies. I know it's worrying for you, but I'm sure these weeks will be a wonderful memory, Nemo, when in a couple of months time the baby's foot'll be firmly lodged in your spleen and every hiccup sends you running to the loo as the head bounces on your bladder . Mine's been quiet since yesterday, but sometimes I'm not sure if the movements are just so light that I don't notice them when I'm busy. The whole family's been having to co-ordinate days off to go to my parents house because my grandfather's there just now. Granny was admitted to hospital at the weekend, she thought she just had a chest infection but has been told she's also had two heart attacks . Grandfather had some strokes a while back, plus like most men of his generation he just hasn't a clue in the kitchen so he just can't stay at home, and even when granny's discharged we'll have to do all that stuff for her because she won't be fit. It's easy to forget how old they are, then something like this happens . And ds managed to headbutt me in the mouth today, so am going around ike a pillock with a puffed up lip. Sigh.
firsttimemummy, your wedding plans sound fantastic. I hope the day goes well.
Dragonhart - I know what you mean, it was dh and my 2nd anniversary at the beginning of the month, and it seems like a lifetime ago already! Hmmm, head-spnning, heart-pounding hagnovers, finally something I don't miss about being pregnant

LTH - i totally agree with you about the smoking thing....the main thing i think though, is that when you're trying to give up smoking, and stressed and stuff, then someone comes along and does start to preach, i know i have a tendency to snap that person's head off just cause i want a smoke so bad!!! i mean, i have had one or two lapses since getting pregnant (mainly due to my future MIL stressing me out) but on the whole i think half a low tar fag is better than stressing out for a week!! also, TBH, i haven't felt like smoking very much. i have a few drags then put it out cause it makes me feel a bit sick now. same with wine........oh i do miss my red wine and stilton and pate and....ok i'll shut up now.

hooray! i'm not the youngest! i'll be 25 next year, just after dd/ds is born....can't think of a better birthday present, although i was trying to think what to do to celebrate (this year loads of us went to london clubbing, i got very very drunk indeedy, got into a really involved discussion with a tramp on waterloo station at 5:30 am and generally had a fabulous time!)....i'm going to set a great example to my child aren't i? oh well, hopefully i'll be all chilled and stuff when it starts going out, although i'm possibly thinking a little too far ahead again (i tend to do this...)

firsttimemummy.....have a wonderful time on saturday...i didn't mean to sound down on weddings in general, just family and stuff make it so damn hard! did you have any problems with your in laws? sorry to pry, i'm just curious how you dealt with it if you did.....

Hmmm, UD, sounds like an in-law rant bubbling under the surface there! Do tell! (Not that 2Happy has any underlying MiL issues herself, you understand. Well, not that many. Well, 2 years after the wedding, she only irritates me from time to time now )

tUD - its not easy with the in laws when organising a wedding - it is so hard to get everyone to compromise and want to make the day special for YOU. I found organising the wedding very stressful but stuck to my guns on what I wanted and was so plesaed because it was the best day of my life and I wouldn't have changed a thing. I really couldn't enjoy the organising part but you just have to grin and bear it so that your day is how you want it to be.

Its so exciting..I have only be married seince December and that seems like years ago!

ok, well you asked for it!!!

well, for starters, we were moving house in the middle of july (which was exactly what i wanted to be doing!) and we thought we'd agreed with both sets of parents not to decide anything about the wedding till after the move. so she doesn't talk to us about it, just books a hall in SURREY (where she lives) and invites a load of HER friends (who my DP has no idea who they are, having met them, like, once when he was 6 or something) and then gets really upset and has a massive go at us because we're not grateful. WTF???!!! oh yeah, and then after that, she hands us a guest list of about 35 people (bearing in mind that the registry office holds 50!) that we "have" to invite. actually, i don't see why we "have" to invite anyone, since i was under the impression that it was our wedding....

anyway, then she tries to make me wear this dress, which was hideous and a size 20 (i'm a 12-14 usually!!!) then she butts in with the cake and everything. and THEN, when we just say, "f**k it, we're not going to do anything, we're just going to show up to the registry office in jeans & t-shirt," she goes, "oh, well, i'm not driving all the way up the motorway for that!" i'm sorry, i'd assumed she'd want to drive 'all the way' (it's about 2 hours) to see her only child get married. i was obviously wrong! my mistake... oooooohhhhrrrrgrghrhjgwerhgwehg (incoherent rage)

it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't keep wittering on about 'tradition' all the f*king time! correct me if i'm wrong, but i thought it was the BRIDE'S parents who organised things like the dress and the reception and stuff, if we're talking about tradition! she's so f*king middle-class about it all it makes me wanna puke, really....

ok, i actually feel better now. comments? queries?

Dragon, no the vicar never knew Luckily with the 1st one I was tiny till 7 months pregnant!!

oh, yeah i know what i meant to say as well.....are any of you guys on myspace? my url is www.myspace.com/the_strange_place

God she sounds horrific UD! What I don't get with IL's and parents and weddings is, why do they seem to think it's their day?! They seem to want to organise, tell you what to wear, and invite the whole of their friends and family. Now I know there's a degree of being proud, and wanting their friends to share the happy day, but I always felt that the day was mine and dh's since we were the ones getting married. Didn't stop mil inviting every single fecking relative going so that half the tent was crusty relatives She mortally insulted the famly friend doing the flowers by telling her she was charging too much (she charged us pennies). She ignored us when we said how we wanted the seating plan and beetled off to arrange her crusty relative's seating by herself. She had the mother (in-law?! ) of all strops about the cake when we said we didn't want one, but then when we capitulated and said we'd have one to please her but we'd like it to be simple and unfussy, she produced some frilly feathered fancy affair anyway. We'd said we would split the cost 3 ways, us, my parents and them (only fair if they were inviting the world!). But they refused to pay, then the day before the wedding, gave dh a cheque for exactly 1/3 the cost, saying they wanted it to go on "something that'll last" . dh, a 6ft1 built like a brick-sh!t house, beer guzzling bloke was reduced to tears .
Ooh that feels better to get it off my chest . But the point of posting it (other than I still get p*ed off by it all) is because she seems to have some similarities to yours, UD. The inability to keep her nose out and let you organise your own do, but then the peculiar reticence to be involved on other levels. "all the way"?! what would she say if you decided to go abroad to get hitched?! At least then she wouldn't be able to manipulate the guest list quite the same!
I think sometimes that parents get so caught up in the romantic white dress wedding with all their mates there to see the big day, that they lose sight of the improtant bit - that their son/daughter is so in love with someone that they're about to promise to spend the rest of their life together. And if they do that in jeans and a t-shirt in front of a couple of mates, surely it's the commitment that matters, not whether or not Lady ffanshaw's shoes might get a tad muddy if we don't buy and extra 3 tonnes of gravel 2 days before the do.
Wow. I think I'd better post this before it gets any longer . Sorry! I get a little carried away on this subject You stick to your guns UD, it's your day. And let off steam here any time!

Right Lth my hubby is called wayne , kidding he is called wayne but im not angry with you ..... well it is my 5th wedding anniversary and I got home from work last night and I had a huge hand tied bouquet and was told to get ready and we went out for a posh meal it was lovely but he dident get a special thankyou in bed I cant be bothered at the minute if you know what I mean.

UD - she sounds awful! My MIL is a nice lady but is very old fashioned and we got off to a rocky start anyway as I was not allowed in her house or to meet any of my dh's family until we had been living together for nearly 6 months because they were still getting over the ex-girlfriend!! Whatever!! So I don't think I will ever really feel "in" with the family if you know what I mean which is a shame as I alwys wanted to feel close to them and be a part of them.

Hey ho - just do what makes you and your dp happy and do what you want. My MIL actually wanted us to go abroad so she didn't have to be at the wedding! All his family wore black too!!

Keep your chin up... you will have a fabulous day and the whole day with the cake/dres and everything is about one thing only in reality and that is you and your man getting married and becoming your own family... with a new additioon coming soon! Whooppeee!!! x

Urban she sounds evil

2Happy....you've given me hope!!! TBH, we were half convinced we'd just bugger off up to gretna for a weekend and do it there! we're finally starting to get somewhere with her, but DP won't stand up to her...she's had him over a barrel all these years through emotional blackmail etc (i cannot even imagine the amount of pressure there must be on an only child to 'do the right thing') and he is wary of offending her, though he has had a few humdinging rows with her on the phone lately, which was fun to listen to.

thing is, i feel that if we don't draw the line here, where will it end? will she be telling us how to bring up our child? or how to punish them? she's already started talking about private schools, and boarding schools, to which she got a bit of an earful if i'm honest, since no child of mine is EVER going to boarding school! nope, not ever!

the other problem is that DP doesn't really have any input at all, but if i organise something then he gets upset and says i'm not involving him...i'm in a no-win situation. at the moment, we've agreed on doing the registry office thing, then getting handfasted either at a national trust site near peterborough, the problem with that is that it will cost £550 just to have the venue then you have to pay for catering etc on top. it seems like no-one has the idea of an inexpensive wedding. of course MIL says, "well, we'll pay for it" but i know she'll hold us over a barrel for it for the rest of her life, same as she does with DP's school fees (her favourite thing to say is "well i had to work for x amount of years, i haven't had a holiday for 12 years all because i had to put you through school!" i mean, hello? local comprehensive??!).... every time me and DP try and talk about it we end up having a huge row, i end up in floods going 'i don't want to get married'...

all this does not bode very well for a happy married life, but i do love him to bits. just wish he would have a bit backbone with his ma! grrrr....

MrsW - they all wore black?! D'you ever wonder how your dh can possibly be related to his family??!

x-post UD! it's crap when this overshadows the wedding. dh didn't stand up to mil either, he said it was because at the end of the day she's his mother and he loves her. I wanted to shout "and what about loving me you spineless get?!" but thankfully never made it that far. I think it is tricky for them because they do want to keep their fiancee and their mother happy, but mostly they can't see the smotional blackmail their mother is heaping on them. We were seriously considering eloping too, but decided that both sets of parents would never forgive us. In the end we had a great day, and although initially I couldn't think of her without spitting, she's actually become more relaxed since the wedding and we get on fine (though I do need regular rants to family/friends just to stop things building up ), so it doesn't mean a crap relationship with her for ever. Though if your mil does start sticking her nose in at every opportunity, then your man will have to grow a backbone (that or you learn to nod like you agree until her bum's out the door, than have a laugh about her ridiculousness to yourselves!).
I really feel for you, though. It's really not on for her to ruin your day, and definitely not on for her to get between you and dp. To tell you the truth, it makes me worry, being the mother of a ds. I'm going to be a mil sometime (presumably...), am I going to be as unable to let go and as thoroughly insufferable?

2Happy - Ha Ha, yes I certainly do wonder, he may have his flaws but is a wonderful man. I think what really shocked me about their whole behaviour was theat if they don't like me (which they have no reason not to) then that's fine - I can deal with it. But it really hurt me to see how they treated him, especially as he lost his dad only a couple fo years before all this.

On the day the whole wearing black thing upset me but now I think its quite funny... what a cheek!!

I cant beleive some of these stories my IL's are lovely my MIL is completley opposite to my mum who gets very stressed out and needs to organise everything 6 weeks ahead (mmmn wondered where I got that from!!) Where mil is chilled isnt fussed if all the kids are wrecking her house as long as they are haing fun etc etc only bug bear wih her is that sometimes feel my DD gets a bit pushed out when the other grandkids are there but it may just be because they are older (7&5) and they have stayed there almost every wkend since being born where my dd has only stayed twice (mainly because I didnt want to burden her with 3 kids and as shes only grandchild for my parents they always jump at the chance to have her) but its worked really well with me going back to work after dd as my mum as her on mondays & mil on fridays and both sets of parents get on well so if they need to swap days they just ring each other up and sought it out (my dad and fil used to live in the same road whn kids how weird is that)

Anyway it was my mum who was the nightmare with our wedding I am the only DD and the youngest and bless them my parents saved since I was 1 so they could pay for the whole thing and I had everything I wanted big church wedding 5 bridesmaids 2page boys and 9 ushers (DH couldnt decide between friends so had them all!) we ended up with 8 of my parents friend and 6 of il's friends coming to the day on top of the 80+ family and in the evening we had 250 guests but meant that everyone they and we wanted to come could be invited I know it cost them alot of money in excess of £10k but they insisted they had been saving for 20+years and they wanted it to be perfect for me (oops meantus!!) the only thing that went wrong was a week before the wedding my dad (who is a builder and never broken a bone in his life) broke his leg at work and hobbled on crutches to give me away, the suit hire company were fantastic and even made a pair of trousers to fit over his cast.
Reading some of your posts have made me realise how lucky me & DH are that we both get on with IL's and they also get on with each other!!

2happy - so long as you are aware of the dangers of being a MIL from hell i think you will be fine with your DS!!! my parents are cool, they are slightly dismayed by my DP's parents attitude, but on the whole are very tolerant hippy/christian types (you wouldn't think it was a good combination, but it really is!! ) the main thing is that because they are paying for it we have a budget of £1000. they would be horribly upset if we let IL's pay for it too.....my mum feels that MIL is rubbing their nose in it that they have more money and a bigger house etc than they do. i'm not sure how true that is, but i can see where she's coming from....

on a totally different note I WANT BRIE!!!!! i really really want some brie....think i may be going ever so slightly insane....what a surprise!!! xxx

I ate goats cheese last week. On purpose. [ashamed emoticon]

I made cakes with DD this afternoon and we were licking the spoon and I realised about 5 mins ago that it obviously had raw egg in the mixture (must not turn into LTH and panic must not turn into......repeat to myself several times!!!!sorry LTH

Oh....I ate the uncooked cake mixture the other day too ellie....knowing full well I shouldn't but cake mixture has to be eaten.

However I did have a wierd belly ache after and in true LTH fashion thought I had listeria or salmonella or E.coli....or all 3 probably

laughalot, ahhh you see, as an adult your Dh is allowed to have the name wayne beuase it was ok back then.......using it now might get a few rasied eyebrows I think....imho of course.
I'msure your wayne is lovely anyway.

(can I redeem myslef at all??)

Gosh, the tidal gates have opened for the dreaded MIL stories!! Wont start on mine. Get on mostly though so cant really complain.

About the wedding interfering - I know it doesn't seem like it now but I am sure that it will be the lovely day and honeymoon that you rem in years to come not all the arguments about seating plans, who to invite, where to have it, how much everyone is going to pay, who should be bridesmaid, how many ushers there should be, catholic church or COE church near us or MIL or my parents...... Cant you see I have certainly forgotten!!!

Gave me and DS rolls for lunch. Ate 2 and DS had one. Last mouthfull saw a MASSIVE bit of green mould!!!! Cant find anything about mould in the pregnancy bible!! Do you think it is safe!!