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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Brewing September 2014 beauties

938 replies

broodylicious · 06/02/2014 11:49

New thread for the chattiest bunch of mummies to be I've ever known!! Grin

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
KatharineClover · 20/02/2014 17:47

Hi everyone :)
I've bought the natal hypnotherapy set of CDs and have listened to the first one twice so far: it is great for relaxation, and has already had a positive effect on food for me (I've managed 4 of my five a day so far today, whereas recently it's been all about the carbs and crisps! I have a definite bump but sure it's mainly food). I'm also hoping the CDs will calm some of my anxieties about birth as last time was a bit traumatic. I'm definitely more relaxed, and that has had a good effect on DS today (shoe shopping and visiting our local country park).
Xx

BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 18:02

Thank you for being so nice everyone, you just made me cry a little Smile

I may have briefly told you (I honestly can't remember) so I'm sorry for the mammoth post in advance...

So as you know we got married in partial secrecy on New Year's Eve. A week later when I was only 5 weeks we told DH's brother and his wife (his wife was mopping at the time) and not once did they congratulate us, SIL did not even stop mopping. She quickly them told me that DH's other brother and his girlfriend could not have children and that this news would kill her. SIL then proceeded to tell me all evening how children had ruined her life to the point where I started to cry and went to bed. She kind of apologised the next day but has still not been particularly excited by our news since (even after our early scan) and has really upset me as we are so close usually.

Anyhow, when we told DH's mum and dad I spoke to MIL and said I'd like SIL (who can't have children) to know earlier than everyone else so she has some time to get her head around it before everyone started talking about it. She agreed. So DH and I told his brother and asked him how was best to tell his girlfriend and he said it would be better coming from him. He told her, and apparently she was fine. I was continually made to feel guilty about my pregnancy with both the nasty SIL and my MIL making comments about 'poor SIL' she will never experience this etc etc and that they were both DREADING the next baby to come along in the family. They also think we only got married because I was pregnant.

So I spoke to MIL after weeks of worrying about my poor SIL and how she was coping with the news and said I would like to see her. MIL said she would ring her to make sure me turning up at her door would not upset her. MIL told her on the phone that I was desperate to see her and show her my scan pictures and share my news with her - HUGE LIE. I am not insensitive. I feel like I've not been able to enjoy this pregnancy because of this guilt hanging over me. SIL rang her boyfriend in floods of tears saying I was just going to turn up and shove scan pictures in her face and basically remind her about what she won't have. DH's brother rang me, I explained that was not the case and apologised. He said he would smooth things over.

I then contacted nice SIL myself about meeting up this week during half term. She said she would love to. So today I went to meet her- first words out of her mouth were 'I haven't seen you to congratulate you!! I'm so thrilled, tell me everything'. She was so excited. So I told her short version without adding any details that may upset her. I then said that if she ever wanted to talk that I'm here for her, or if she needed company at any hospital appointments etc. She looked at me with a kind of blank face and said, 'what have you been told?' I told her both SIL and MIL told me she had gone through early menopause at age of 37 and only chance of her carrying a baby was egg donation - but cut off on nhs is 39, she's 38 in a few weeks, and waiting list is 12 months and by time her turn came around she would be 39 - too old to do it on nhs. She looked horrified and told me THAT WASNT TRUE. I nearly died on the spot. She said that it was a possibility that she had gone through menopause but after tests etc it was found that she was still ovulating and that although chances are reduced because of age and other factors it's not impossible. I couldn't believe it. MIL and SIL had actually lied to me. I felt sick. I just don't know what to do, what to say or why they would tell me that and put all that stress on me when I'm pregnant.

I'm so sorry for that essay but I feel Somuch better for telling you. I'm sobbing as I type but I think from relief because I can tell someone the whole bloody story xxx

topmammy · 20/02/2014 18:20

Oh my gosh Bex! Shock They have behaved badly and pretty strangely too tbh. No wonder you have felt upset. Some people really do just like to cause drama unecessarily. You have clearly tried to do the right thing from the beginning and for their own strange reasons your in laws have tried to sabotage your efforts. So just remember that you are on the moral high ground here, you've done nothing wrong and don't waste any more of your pregnancy thinking about them. For you Cake Brew

marie1w · 20/02/2014 18:32

Talking about lop sided bumps mine seems to be mostly to the left, but at the scan yesterday the midwife spent most of the time pressing on my right. Took ages to get a clear pic as baby was hiding so got to go back 4another scan in 2weeks. Was worrying about it yesterday as she also put me at 11 weeks rather than 12! But now I'm being positive and looking forward to an extra look!

Bed I can't believe you have had such negative reactions. Definitely use this board to vent, I've found it helps to get others opinions on things and stops me thinking I'm going crazy! Xxx

OneInAMinion · 20/02/2014 18:40

Thanks IAteSomeOfThePies Smile

Families never fail to amaze me Bex with how they can treat each other sometimes. It's easier said than done, but try and focus on you, your other half & your bump and only engage with them on your terms when they're acting reasonably. Oh and nice SIL of course. Family or not, there's no good reason to act like they have. You haven't done anything wrong.

BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 18:42

Thanks topmammy and Marie. I felt better just writing it to be honest. I am baffled by their reaction to baby - they also told me 'it better be a boy, we have too many girls and I'm sick of girls'. I'm avoiding them now at all costs for a while - I've got my 12 weeks scan on Wednesday, I can't wait!! So looking forward to it, so I'm just focussing on that. Thanks again for letting me vent - even if it was an essay to read!! Xx

BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 18:43

Thanks oneinaminion xx

waffles1990 · 20/02/2014 18:43

checking in after a bit of an AWOL stint - sorry everyone and thanks for the concern!! Smile

Just been lurking really as I still feel pretty rubbish so being very lazy post wise, not much to report other than that!

I'm 11+4 now, and my dating scan is tomorrow!! Grin
Very excited but utterly convinced there will be nothing there. Will update tomorrow afternoon after the scan - it's isn't until 3.20!

bugoven · 20/02/2014 18:44

bex I think you're right to share that story here. How horrible for you, they should be celebrating, supporting and making a fuss of you not playing cruel mind games.
I have had very different but equally as strange behaviour from my DM. She has shown little to no enthusiasm despite claiming my long wait to conceive was really heart breaking and is basically taking every opportunity to argue with me and be negative. She is jealous of others' enthusiasm and to be honest just being cruel and unbearably negative.

whiteblossom · 20/02/2014 18:49

bloody hell bex. Im not surprised you have been a bit down about it all! I cant help but feel sil is bitter and Jealous and actually its her that's being killed by the news. How hard would it have been to have said congrats?! Its sounds like they are all stirring up drama.

Im so glad you got to speak directly with other sil and cleared the air.
Ignore everyone else. I'd be tempted to say to nasty sil and mil that your have spoken to other sil and that actually she is just fine and put them right on a few things and tell them to belt up. I think if this goes unsaid it might set the standard for the rest of your relationship with them?

Keep positive my lovely Smile

BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 18:50

Bug it's weird isn't it? I just don't understand. I'm happy in my little house getting excited with my DH so I guess that's all that matters x

whiteblossom · 20/02/2014 18:52

waffles in the house, yeeaaahhhh Grin

Im in a silly mood can you tell lol

BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 18:53

Whiteblossom I definitely want to speak to nasty SIL and MIL about it, and I also think nice SIL will talk to them too as it's her news they've been altering and blabbing about. We were both too upset and confused today about it so I thought it better I speak to them in a few days once I've calmed down. Nasty SIL is indeed quite a jealous type, she has 2 beautiful girls, a nice house, a husband, a good job etc. However, by her own admission she doesn't like the fact my house is bigger and has literally just been renovated, I have her dream job etc but I just think she is being petty and needs to enjoy what she has and be grateful x

topmammy · 20/02/2014 19:02

Some people are never happy Bex and have the grass is greener syndrome!

Some members of my family were really shitty towards me 2 weeks before my wedding, my own Nan being the worst of them all! So she still came to the wedding but I haven't seen her since (that was 3 years ago this August). I wouldn't recommend becoming estranged from family members but it's hard when they just don't make you feel at all welcome. Weddings and babies seem to bring out people's true colours!

Welcome back waffles ! Have a lovely scan tomorrow! :)

whiteblossom · 20/02/2014 19:03

bex/bug I think its women they react very strangely to pg news, I think depending on age/circumstances. (its just a theory!)
either:
they would like another baby
they are reminded they are too old
cant conceive
makes them feel old
feel left out
have regrets
grief

Some reasons make no sense even to the women feeling it but the end result can be very unkind.

whiteblossom · 20/02/2014 19:17

yes that too topmammy 'the grass is always greener' syndrome.

Bex you have it spot on, your sil is pure green.

A 'friend' once said to me is a snippy voice, "don't outshine me". This was after a year of putting me down/snipes. Needless to say I turned up fastionably late with bells on and made an entrance. All heads turned and oh boy was she spitting feathers behind the smile. Should I have turned up in a bin bag? hehe

Turn up the volume bex Grin know what I mean?

Fairypants · 20/02/2014 19:28

I think some people just really line a drama so overdoing the 'infertile' story and then imagining friction and upset because of your news gives them a sense of excitement and a great story to share with friends etc. some people seem to forget the other people are real and can hurt as well.

Glad you're ok waffles, I've been worried.

broodylicious · 20/02/2014 19:30

Omg bex that's unbelievable how they've behaved!! Shocking. What's the saying... You can't choose your family? I'm pleased you shared and feel better. Take comfort that your mn family are on your side Smile

I agree btw that women react to baby news oddly. My old boss spent an awful lot of time - and I think took a lot of pleasure in - telling me how horrific thelater months of pregnancy are and that childbirth is so traumatic, she can't believe she did it twice. Why would you say that?! It was like a knee jerk reaction to my news so I always put it down to jealousy. she was also an absolute bitch at the best of times anyway I always took people's discussions of birth with a ton of salt because of the jealousy factor.

OP posts:
BexBoo12 · 20/02/2014 19:41

Whiteblossom, yes I get exactly what you mean Wink

Thank you all for being so supportive. Thank heavens for my mn family xx

lucidlady · 20/02/2014 20:27

Bex you poor thing, what spiteful behaviour. I think you're right and they're just jealous. Nowt so queer as folk!

xxmissbrightsidexx · 20/02/2014 21:35

Hi ladies. Not checked in for a while cos my posts seem to get lost in here :( hope everyones okay.
Got my 12week scan appointment through today, March 12th, can't wait :)

kkfairybrains · 20/02/2014 22:04

Jesus bex they sound deranged! Why would they say stuff like that and it not true?! It's very easy to say but you should steer well clear of them as much as possible if that's the sort of stress they will be causing you!! You poor thing it's no wonder you've been down x

bugoven · 20/02/2014 22:22

Good luck for your scans tomorrow waffles and miss. Hope to hear all about how magical they were tomorrow Xx

bugoven · 20/02/2014 22:24

Sorry miss, misread that and see yours is 12th. Hope you're alright.

TwosaCrowd · 20/02/2014 22:28

Remarking my place, 11 weeks today! Scan in 2 weeks