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The Definitlies - May 2014ers!

994 replies

MrsFooCough · 27/12/2013 22:31

Almost there now, May mums!

Stats page: docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AvygwA-EKhURdDMwQWNNWGt0cHhmVkloazVVQ0hYNUE#gid=0

Size of baby chart: m.thebump.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-tools/articles/how-big-is-baby.aspx?MsdVisit=1

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Isean · 06/01/2014 10:48

Oh Alyss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at such a scary time.

curls it is a huge worry for you, but at least you have been diagnosed and will be monitored, hopefully you will receive a lot of support from your midwife and all will be well.

Congratulations to those who have had scans!

Exciting times! Now that we're into 2014 and, for me being back to work, I can't help feeling everything seems a lot closer now!

23+6

dobedobedo · 06/01/2014 11:10

Oh never mind, he's given me a few strong kicks - he must just be having a lazy day.

curls I had pre eclampsia with ds way back when. I wasn't on any medication for it until I was in labour - I can't remember much about it tbh - it was more than 9 years ago now! I know I had to give up work and take things very easy - I also got scans every week or every two weeks. I was "borderline" right up until I was induced - it wasn't that bad for me.

Hopefully you'll be fine and just will require extra monitoring.

moominleigh94 · 06/01/2014 13:30

Not sure how we're going to make this work financially. At the moment looks like I'm dropping out of uni full stop and moving in with my parents for a while while OH stays up here and works is the only option, but he'll be two hours drive away from his own baby and petrol isn't cheap. Just don't know what to do Sad

rebeccax2 · 06/01/2014 14:36

Also thinking of you alyss - sorry I missed your update this morning, was wrapped up in myself.

dobedobedo · 06/01/2014 15:29

Isn't there financial help available for student mums moomin?
When I had ds at 21, we had no money, but we were entitled to a maternity grant and maternity allowance. My dp at the time worked full time, but he wasn't earning loads - only about £12k! Will you get maternity allowance? I know the tories have binned the grant though - those bastards.
Do you have a welfare officer at your uni you can speak to?
If you do have to drop uni for a bit, it isn't the end of the world. I started studying again when ds was 2 while working, it's doable. You'll just figure it out as you go along.

snoozysleeper · 06/01/2014 15:41

I second dobe's advice . Also liase with citizens advise beaureau

alyss keeping fingers crossed for you!

Vikks · 06/01/2014 16:24

Thinking of you Alyss x

mrsmummytobe · 06/01/2014 16:53

Thinking of you Alyss Thanks

Congrats on the lovely scan news rebecca & snoozy :) So exciting!

First day back at work for me today after the Christmas holidays & I feel exhausted!

moominleigh94 · 06/01/2014 17:23

dobe We get an extra bit for having a dependent, but it doesn't kick in until September, so we're kind of stuck between April and September because we've got to pay the rest of our rent on this place as we signed the contract, as well as if we can get a new place because even though we're in breach of contract by having a baby, landlords won't end the contract (understandably) because they'd lose money. Just makes it difficult for us as can't claim housing benefit until the baby's born, so the plan is for me to live with my parents and baby for a few weeks until OH can get a new place sorted up here.

He'll be working part-time as he got a new job this week but probably not enough. No childcare over summer or I'd gladly work, I get itchy after too long and just want to work but shifts are awkward.

There's odd rules about dropping uni; I'd have to start from scratch if I dropped out, but I only have enough student finance to do two years, so I couldn't get my degree. He has enough but there's weird rules with adult dependent grants so I couldn't claim for him but he could claim for me, and if either of us put our studies on hold we're still technically students so couldn't claim anything.

It's all ridiculous. Basically I'd be better off dropping out of education employment or training because I'd get a load more money, but I think my mental health would take a massive dive if I did that Sad

moominleigh94 · 06/01/2014 17:29

I went to speak to Citizens Advice Bureau today and the woman was lovely but she told me they don't know much about students rights, other than we can't get housing benefit etc until the baby is born just in case anything happens to it.

mrsmummytobe · 06/01/2014 17:32

Moomin that sounds so complicated!! Could your parents maybe help you out with child care if you did go back to uni, or are they too far away? How many years have you got left of your course?

Hezbean · 06/01/2014 18:52

alyss - thinking of you and hoping for some positive news. Absolutely everything crossed for you.

rebecca congratulations on your scan and little girl!

moomin wow that does sound complicated. Does the Uni have any special grants / funds / hardship funds etc that can be applied for? Would your tutor be able to help? Or there must be a welfare officer who would know? Sounds like a total minefield.

bushprincess · 06/01/2014 18:54

Maybe try the CAB again and ask if they can direct you to another branch with a more clued up advisor moomin?... what do the student support services at your uni say about it? Is there anyone there who will help you out re repeating years if you dropped out? There are often ways round these random rules, you just need to find the right receptive ear... good luck.

Hezbean · 06/01/2014 19:34

Is a deferment or sabbatical an option rather than having to drop out?

moominleigh94 · 06/01/2014 19:54

thanks for all the replies

mrsmummy We're two hours away from home here. They've said they'll have me and the baby at home and look after the baby while I commute to and from uni, but I'm not sure I could do a four hour round trip on a bus on narrow country lanes every day for a year Grin they're being so supportive though and they've said that if me and baby need to stay there, we can.

hezbean Don't think so. I'm trying to get through to a welfare officer or student support and they just never seem to be in. My lecturers are amazing though, so I'll probably go and speak to them if I'm still having no joy with student support in a couple of weeks. There's lots of avenues to explore, I think my problem is I realise that one isn't working and decide that nothing's going to work. I'm a bit defeatist but I'm blaming hormones Wink If I deferred, we'd be no better off as I wouldn't be entitled to student finance, but I also wouldn't be able to claim anything because I'm technically still a student, it's a weird kind of limbo.

bushprincess my mum's sent me the phone number for the council's welfare department, I'm hoping they might be able to help me and give me a bit clearer information... all I got from CAB was "maybe you could come back after the baby's born?", which is fair enough if they can't help, but they didn't direct me to anyone else Sad

Went for a swim and feel so much better. Was feeling crap about all my friends going out tonight but just got to keep thinking about the money I'm saving :)

moobaloo · 06/01/2014 19:56

Congrats Rebecca!

Scan News

A healthy baby boy! We join Team Blue with great delight! Went out and bought a few blue newborn babygros and DP picked a top and hat for him Grin We had already decided on names so (drumroll please) in May we shall be having a Freddy Grin (Frederick for long) YAY

21 weeks exactly

AussieMum85 · 06/01/2014 19:59

Marking my place too!! Little girl due mid May!!

loopylou52 · 06/01/2014 20:07

moomin - would you still count as a student if you were part-time (ie could you be a part-time student and get the benefits a non-student could get)? Not sure if that's a possibility with your course but another option to consider maybe?

mrsmummytobe · 06/01/2014 20:10

Congrats moobaloo & aussie!! Great news :) love the name Freddy!

Moomin I'm sorry to hear you've got to deal with all these stresses, the last thing you need when you're pg! I think you're really brave & I'm sure you'll make an amazing mum & everything will work out Thanks

dobedobedo · 06/01/2014 20:15

moomin What course are you doing? Is it something you could do via open university or another local college? I think you need to think long term and pragmatically now. I know you've mentioned that you were the first in your family to go to uni and I was the same in my family. Things like that can cloud your perspective. You don't want to leave because you'd lose that "achievement". Even though in reality you're not doing anything except making a rational decision based on life events, if that were the best thing to do.
My advice would be to write everything down. Why you should stay at uni and why you should leave or put it on hold. Pros and cons. You'll find yourself leaning one way or another. Also, what do you want to do with your degree? Could you get into your chosen field without it, via another route?
I think you should prepare yourself for the possibility that when the baby comes, your whole mind could change and all plans could go out the window.
Having a baby ain't easy, especially at this stage in your life. But you'll get through it and it will be soooo worth it. Whatever way you decide to go.

bushprincess · 06/01/2014 20:50

Great news moobaloo and Aussie and another draw on the blue/pink score card!

Love Freddie too...it's on my longlist, but waiting for DH to get home (2wks and counting!) then we're having the 'big name debate'!

good luck getting all the right info moomin a big stress but you'll gradually track down everything you need to make the right decisions.

Night All

moominleigh94 · 06/01/2014 21:10

Thanks everyone :)

I'm doing a theatre course. It's more vocational, so it looks at other routes as well as acting, and it's the only one I know of in the country that offers this course with so many industry links. I want to go into theatre in education so ideally the long-term goal was to set up my own business, delivering educational theatre to primary and secondary schools as there's a lot of money in it, but also a lot of initial outlay in terms of time and money, and having the contacts is essential.

I feel like I could still do it even if I didn't finish my degree; what I'd do in the meantime is try and do an apprenticeship - a lot of local nurseries offer it, with the chance to train while you learn, and there's a chance I could make the contacts there, and there's always business start-up grants for when I'm older and a bit more ready to run my own business.

I think at the minute it's a head vs heart thing, my head is saying dropping out is the right thing to do my heart feels like I've just wasted the last two years as well as all my A-Levels if I do drop out. It's a decision I can make only after I've spoken to my lecturers, I'm going to try and arrange a meeting with them to discuss what can be done. There's the option of me studying my third year part time, which would give me the opportunity to also work part time and get a bit more money in which would help, it'd be tough but at least I'd be able to finish my course. The long term feels doable, it's the short term we're really struggling with. OH is being brilliant, he knows I feel gutted about the thought of him not seeing his baby properly for two weeks, but he says it's two weeks out of the rest of his/her life and if it means he can get somewhere sorted, he'll do it. It means he can stay in the place we've got at the moment even when the baby's born and I go and stay with my parents.

mrsmummytobe · 06/01/2014 21:27

Have you only got 1 more year at uni left then moomin? You are the only one who can make the decision as to whether or not to stay on. No one can decide for you. But that part time idea for your 3rd yr sounds like it could work for you. If it's important to you to finish your course then I think you should go for it if possible. It sounds like your OH & your parents are being really supportive so they would be able to help you through it.

hobbjobb · 06/01/2014 22:10

moomin not sure if you've answered this yet but do you not get maternity allowance and child benefit if you are a student? They add up to about £600 per month for 9 months.

I have an appt with a consultant tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous! The letter doesn't say at all what it's for, though my MW says it'll be because I'm overweight.
Then I have my 20 w scan on Friday so lots on this week!

Congrats on all the good scan news, and alyss I am thinking of you! please do come back to post if you need somewhere to vent

dobedobedo · 07/01/2014 04:43

Argh I'm awake. My pelvis has really been hurting me a lot the past few days, and I can only get comfy when lying on my back. Which of course, we aren't supposed to do.
Is it really that bad to lie on your back when pregnant? Unless this pain goes away, I can't see how I'll sleep again! Thank goodness I have a midwife appointment today.
22+4

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