October 2013: The Fourth Trimester - the bit no one warns you about!

[roxvox]

Stats sheet here

New arrivals here

Key:
SC - still cooking (pre EDD)
SFW - still f*ing waiting (post EDD)
OWT - on way to theatre (CS)
IP - induction in progress
SWIL - somewhere in labour
LIT - lost in transition

natalie B is on 4oz every 3 hours ish and he is 20 days old. The hv told me that if he's finishing the bottles put more in them so he can drink as much as he wants. If he's feeding so often maybe he's ready to go up an oz?
Ds1 has caught a sickness bug from nursery. Spectacular vomit as I put him to bed tonight, required bathtime to be repeated and all bedding changed. Nightmare. Hope it's not too contagious.......

MrsO, I've had the same issue. I've been so upset over trying to breastfeed over the past few days, I wasn't doing it properly at first and the day we were in hospital for jaundice I didn't eat or drink anything and that means my milk was very delayed coming in so he was starving.

On Monday the midwife said he'd lost 10% of his birth weight, mainly because he wasn't getting any milk from me I guess. I started topping up with formula after that as it was distressing to see him so upset when he was hungry.

I was until today trying to combine feed, but last night I spent 2 hours trying to breast feed him and by the time I'd finished he fell asleep and then woke up after 10 mins screaming and rooting again. He guzzled a 90ml bottle after that and went straight to sleep.

I've given myself a day off even trying to breastfeed today as I was getting so upset and to be honest it's been a dream. He's fed and slept properly with no hassle. So I'm thinking of knocking the breastfeeding on the head before I go mental.

I desperately want to be able to breast feed him, but it's too upsetting for all of us when a bottle is simple and done in 10mins. It also means DH can feed him while I have a nap (I was up all night trying to feed him, the baby, not DH).

I also tried to pump today after speaking to the lactation woman at the hospital and only got an oz in 30 minutes. Might explain why he was always so hungry after a 'feed'.

Doesn't really do much to take the guilty feeling away though.

smitten - your feeding journey is how mine started. I remember the sheer relief when I had my first day off (although I resumed mixed feeding after a couple of days when I was less frustrated and tired, and my mind and body were in a better place). I can only express about 40ml in aggregate from both breasts, less if it is between feeds.

smitten - I've been mix feeding for 3+ weeks now. I think I've just about worked through the emotional side and guilt, but I am so much more confident and happy with having both options. I enjoy bf him, but it is definitely the formula that satisfies him.

MrsO and Smitten I have been wrestling with feeding too.

My LO is a hungry baby who is putting on masses of weight (3.3kilos at birth, 4.2 by week 3). We usually go three hours between feeds, but he is on for at least an hour and regularly more like 90 mins. And from 5/6pm to 9pm it is usually just continuous.

Last night I was about to breakdown when DH intervened and have him a bottle. He guzzled 110ml in 15mins and then slept for 5 hours...

Makes me feel really nervous that he is hungry all the time and totally inadequate for not having enough milk to satisfy him.

I really enjoy the experience of feeding him (now we have the hang of it) but I am absolutely shattered. Longing to sleep for more than 90 minutes at a time, so the idea of DH being able to give a bottle is pretty appealing.

But at the same time my sisters, friends etc all ebf and I had always thought I would too. Just feel so guilty even considering ff.

(And made worse by fact that DH doesn't understand at all - nobody in his family bf, so he thinks I am mad for even trying. Rationally I know there is nothing wrong with ff at all, but at this point of sleep deprivation I am nowhere near rational!)

So I know exactly how you feel...

Being happy ourselves is important smitten as that as an effect on the baby too, but i'm learning that the guilt that comes with lots of parenting decisions is horrible. I let LO cry in his basket for 5 minutes earlier when he was having one of his 'episodes' and felt really guilty after as I know they can't self settle at this age but I was going mad with the non-stop crying and just needed to put him down.

I've made a deal with myself that if i can get to 6 weeks, I'll reassess then and make a decision about whether to stick with the bf or not.

ps shire really interested that you are mix feeding - all the literature I have read said my supply would dwindle if I introduced any formula, but if you have been doing it for 3 weeks that obviously hasn't been case for you?

Gorgie - my supply has actually improved, but then it was off-the-scale dire to begin with (we were readmitted to hospital as he lost 17% body weight in a week when I was breastfeeding - had been told my technique/his latch were good, I just didn't produce enough milk).

for flyer. How long are PIL staying? Mine are finally leaving in about 5 hours! Yours sound as bad as mine...just ignore them - we all think you're doing great and A's very lucky to have you as her mummy.

MrsO don't worry if you need to take 5 minutes out to regroup occasionally. The baby book I have actually describes if as being a good parent. It's not saying you should actively do it bit that we are only human and if every now and then if you need a few minutes for your own sanity then take them the baby will be fine.

congrats don't worry! glad you had a positive induction experience after all and finally have your little baby after that long wait. I gather that's everyone on our bus now? yay!!

slippy that sounds terrible... another shocking story on this thread. So much for Guy's and St Thomas's "sterling" reputation... but your little boy is safe and healthy now. Can't believe we were there at the same time after all, in the same birthing center! I was in room 23. You? I had my boy at 8.35 on the 30th and got discharged at midday on the 31st. When did you get discharged? (PS. I wouldn't have been a great company on the 30th )

To everyone struggling with BFing... hats off to you for trying so hard and please don't torture yourself too much. BFing is so demanding even when it comes easy and I have so much respect for you for trying so hard when it doesn't comes easy at all. You know best how hard you've tried and you know best what the trade off is. If the price is your sanity, that's not good. Your babies need happy, loving and relaxed mums. This is most important. I'm not a BFed baby as my mum didn't have enough milk and so far I'm disgustingly healthy. I understand how you feel, the guilt etc, but no one knows your personal situation as well as you do. Noone can judge. and for all of you.

Sorry to hear about all the babies with the reflux problem... and stupid comments from other people. Hearing your baby cry is the most distressing thing in the world. I guess people forget over time...

My MIL is arriving on Sunday for a week... my anxiety levels are rising sharply... DP is an only child and this is her only grandchild... based on the behaviour leading to the birth, daily phone calls, very vocal disapproval of our chosen names etc... I fear obsessive behaviour and judgemental comments... she talks about C as "her baby"...

sorry to hear so many of you share my snoring DP problem. Having a newborn really brings it to a head. DP is banned to the spare room tonight as I prefer being on my own with the baby. At least I may get "some" sleep... bowlfull I think he needs to lose weight and get fitter. Simple as this. He knows it but is not doing anything about it!

hope everyone has an OK night. xx

Thanks bronze, the baby whisperer says something similar, but I still felt awful for doing it.
Are we all officially not pregnant anymore? Yay! and all round!
claphamYou have my sympathy. My mil calls my lo "her baba" too. She told me off for not immediately changing "her babas" nappy after he did a rather large poo, even though I explained that it's usually followed by another within minutes so makes sense to wait a short while until he's finished. Although, having had two children herself you would think she would know that. I was right of course, and he did follow with another, not that she acknowledged that I was right. Take plenty of breaks away from her to feed baby/rest etc. and that will help you get through the week hopefully!

My mil also refers to baby as 'my boy', 'how is my darling boy?' Etc etc. I appreciate the fact she loves him, but nonetheless it sets my teeth on edge.

These MILs soundalike hard work - you have my sympathy. Mine came to stay and was lovely, hoovered, cleaned the oven, helped DHchoose new curtains... And always offered but never pushed to change dirty nappies!

Is anyone planning to try reusable nappies? I've heard they work better when the LO is chubby legged, so I'm still on disposables for now, but quite keen to try when DD is less scrawny!

Yes grr Mil's

dh's parents have not even been to see Lucinda yet, although his dad did ring me on the day she was born.

Dh thinks they are waiting to be asked...... I said I'm not going to beg them to come and see their grandchild!

I know they are not exactly excited - It's our 6th, and their 17 th Grandchild..... but even so she's still special!!

Oh and she's 4 weeks today

It was ds1's gcse certificates presentation evening last night, and I took L with us, as obv can't leave her yet...... she got thoroughly cooed over and passed around by his teachers...... and ds1 was using her to pull the girls

he said can he take her out in the pram on his own soon, as she's very effective

Yes we're planning to use washables sephy once Fergus is a bit less scrawny in the leg department. We'll see how it goes!
My ILs arrived last night and we have more family on my side arriving today, including my PITA sister who didn't want to spare the time or money for the trip initially (I very much suspect my mother is paying for her ticket). She'd better not moan about us not taking her out anywhere. The ILs are fine but wear a TON of perfume /aftershave, you can almost see the baby recoiling in shock. They also launched into the same old conversation about some tedious old family drama within five minutes of arriving.

Fergus was howling until half three this morning. Now sleeping like a lamb, bless him.

Hi all. Hugs to all having a rough time. I'm having a little issue wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom. Cyrus is starting after 10 days to have issues latching on. Once he's on latch is very good and strong but it can now take 5-10 mins to sort where he was on it immediately before. Also on 1 side he gulps so fast I need to make him take breaks to wind so he doesn't make himself sick. If I let him gulp then he vomits at the end. But his feeds are shorter than they were. Still wet and dirty nappies. Just sure what to do re latch, it's very distressing to see him struggle .

Blocked ducts again :( Either C can't cope with my flow or the reflux is affecting her feeding as she pulls off constantly which means my breasts don't get drained and then I get blockages. We've got a doc appointment at 10.20 for the reflux but I'll mention this too.

Sympathy to all those having inlaw troubles. I have been very lucky this time as isla was borb at the weekend we had an influx of visitors on day 1 and hardly any since.

pseudo hope appt goes well today.

I think we may have turned a reflux corner!! Day 5 of ranitidine and Isla slepy for 8 hrs last night! Firstly am not sure I should leave her that long yet? shes 4 weeks tomorrow... but also she didnt wake up covered in vomit and didnt scream throughout the night until she was held upright. Not expecting the 8hrs to happen again but am hoping its a sign that the medicine is starting to work and not just that shes caught my cold and is extra sleepy... there has been a lot of vomit this morning still.

How was A last night flyer?

sorry I have no wise words regarding latching on ready other than be persistent to make sure he gets it right so you dont get sore and not to worry about length of feeds as long as nappies are normal as he may just be vey efficient x

Hope you get some rest today imp

your DS made me laugh caz my little brother is 18 and exactly the same.

Hope everyone who was feeling rubbish yesterday is a bit better today.

and Congratulations slippy!

sorry for jumbled message kept remembering bits id read but clearly in no logical order

Pink I hope you've turned the reflux corner. You have my sympathies. So Isla also cries until you hold her upright? Alexandra does this also, we have to walk around the house with her, it's the only way to shut her up.

We had a bad night, crying crying and more crying.

The Gaviscon changes her poo and it's a thicker consistency. Lovely.

Wrt the latching we had this problem also I just persevered with it and finally she got it, although sometimes still it can take several attempts.

Pseudo I had blocked ducts as A wasn't draining them properly, I think it was the reflux. Quite painful. I hope the gp sorts you out with something for her reflux.

Thomas still takes ages to latch sometimes, others he is straight on and I can't tell why.
I have realised he can't latch if it is slippery - too much Lansinoh or he has been licking and trying to latch for ages. Wiping with a muslin helps.
Also he can't latch if boob is too hard and full from not feeding on that side for a while so pump a bit to make softer.
If he is really hungry and worked up a bit of expressed milk calms him (and me) ready to try again.
Shaping my boob helps sometimes too.

He also won't go down and spent all day yesterday in my arms, mostly crying and flinging himself about from 3 until 11, and last night on my chest. Seems a bit better this morning, fingers crossed... No plans today so going to chill out in bed. He just slept on his side next to me which gave my rib age a rest but I can't relax worrying he will roll into me and suffocate.

Orange your Thomas and my Alexandra sound like very similar babies.

She is becoming a bit of a Velcro baby.

Snap here with the slippery nipple from too much lanolin or saliva. We have arms everywhere whilst she's trying to latch on which is a pain as well.

Agree that milk all round the mouth or boobs too full can make it difficult to latch. I wipe me and him with a muslin for the former and hand express some into a muslin for the latter.

Trying infacol as C seems to have been distressed by wind the last few days - fussing and uncomfortable and wanting to be upright. The sling helps but I can't make the mistake of letting him settle in it and then trying to take him out - that does not work and we have to start all over again! I thought he might not like the infacol but it doesn't seem to bother him.

MrsH the infacol tastes ok I had a try

Same here with having to start the process all over again if we dare even put her down too soon.