MARTIANS 2014 thread 12: the one where we do nowt but eat.

[prambo2thereturn]

Oooh, double Corrie tonight!

So, I appreciate what mnhq are getting at but this isn't your child. And although we only have your side of the story. Apart from the nickname which let's face it could be worse and the rants about his behaviour, which again seem justified, you have clearly shown that you are not not understanding, sympathetic or tolerant to the situation. You are clearly trying to make the best of a very difficult situation and trying to work with his mum as well as your dh to make life comfortable for you all and safe for your baby. Ignore the lurker trying to cause trouble. We know where you're coming from and that you are being patient beyond many of our limits. Go pram

There was more blood yesterday morning. I rang the epu at my brothers and they wanted me to go in and and be checked over. Gave me an appt at 11. I decided that as I didn't have my notes and didn't really know what would happen Id rather drive the 2.5 hours home (dh had been drinking sat night) in horrendous rainy conditions to be seen at home where I felt more comfortable. Got home, rang my unit to be told they don't see people under 20 weeks!!!!! Monitor it, if it continues see the ooh gp or just wait and contact my mw today! I know they have to have a cut off but do they?? I'm 19+4 and had been bleeding. Now sat waiting for mw to ring me back!

Lumpy can you ring around any other hospitals that you can get to, and pretend you're staying at a friends house and they are currently your closest hospital? Maybe one of them would see you? Also, have you been feeling any movements yet, if so and that's not changed then although the bleeding is scary, chances are its nothing to worry about.

Everyone else - learn from Lumpy - TAKE YOUR NOTES if you're going away!! When I was having DS I went for a couple of nights away, only about 1 hour from home, had a fall, and landed on my bump. Thankfully had my notes so they gave me a scan and monitoring (I was about 27 weeks) but told me that without my notes then I would have had to wait in A&E for ages, and unlikely to have got scan, just Doppler and maybe monitoring

Lumpy, that's rubbish service. You're only three days from their cut-off. Stupid rules. Hope you get seen today ASAP. Was it more old blood or was it fresh and red?

Pram, hope you and DH are ok this morning. Have these They're only from Co-op but I'm a bit skint.

Morning all

Best of luck to the scanees today! Who do we have apart from Lyra?

lumpy You poor thing. I wouldn't have thought they would have been that strict with the cut off when you are only a few days away from it. Hope you can get seen somewhere else.

I am up, sitting at my desk, feeling motivated.

AND I have made a kick-ass to do list for the day. Today is going to be the day where I get the knack of self-employment, I'm sure of it!

Pram, I once worked on a special needs playscheme where one child was very difficult due to her parents allowing her disability to be an excuse for bad behaviour and I found that frustrating enough - I can't imagine how much harder it must be when the child concerned has a much more significant place in your life than just a child you work with.

Pirate, glad DS is okay.

lumpy, that is ridiculous! I was seen at my hospital when I had bleeding at seven weeks. I actually made a complaint because of the poor care I received and apparently a contributary factor to that was that I was just below the eight weeks threshold for them being more concerned about it and dealing with you more quickly and a threshold of 20 weeks is outrageous!

I'm wondering what the MNHQ comment is trying to say too. Clearly Pram is not some random stranger making assumptions about somebody else's child but is in fact the child's step parent trying to do her best for that child in difficult circumstances where other people seem to be resigned/giving up and trying to build some kind of relationship with him even though this is very difficult. To pretend a disabled child's bad behvaiour is due to their disablity when it isn't and allowing that behaviour to continue is to stereotype and make assumptions just as much as assuming behaviour caused by the disablity is bad behaviour and not sitting back and allowing it to continue does the child a disservice.

Hot, Ice is having hers today.

Get off MN and do some work!

Hottie - me

Well it's all been going on here while i've been busy!! :)
Pram I can't relate on the same scale as you, but I can appreciate some of the frustrations with step-children. My OH is older than I am (43, i'm 26) he has two 'grown up' children at 22 and 17, due to the lack of discipline and general interest from their mother, their behaviour can only be likened to 7year olds! They are the fussiest eaters I have ever met, and so I have to result to cooking chicken nuggets and chips (they won't eat rice, pasta, soup or any veg/normal adult food!) the younger one is incapable of having a conversation, is scared of getting his hair cut, won't shower or use the toilet whilst staying at our house (some times for a week in school holidays!) i have to battle with them and remind them to wash and brush their teeth. We pay (mainly my own money as he pays the mortgage on their house where his ex lives for free, plus £260 a month in child support) for them to come on holidays with us (never said thank you or showed any appreciation, just moaned continually) and I also paid a large some of the elders uni tuition fees only for him to decide he CBA going to uni anymore and failed his exams 3 times until the place actually requested he didn't go back and waste their time. He now has a job packing boxes (4hours for 5 days a week) and every time i see him he is in scruffy tracksuit bottoms which haven't fitted for since he was a child and he has the dirtiest fingernails imaginable. There is just no pride in personal appearance or hygeine. I find it embarrasing taking them out, and frustrating to cook for them and eat with them as they have no table manners! His ex is another story entirely! She is the main stress of both our lives!! :(. Therefore I really really hope that you manage to get something sorted with Oliver - I would hate for you to be in a position like mine 10years from now!! I know its hard work, and there is a lot of tongue biting, but sometimes us women just have to try our best - its all we can do. All I can say to the MNHQ comment is that I don't think it has been handled correctly, a full explanation should've been given as to why your language was inappropriate, or what offence has been taken. Reading the last few posts the only thing I can think of (objectively not personally) which someone may have been offended by is perhaps not calling the child by his name, but using terms like the Omen and Damien, but thats the only offence i think someone could take from it?
Hope everyone else is well - sorry for the long post

Wow MummyBee thanks for sharing your story. Gosh, the step family thing is difficult (understatement!) and the financial strains - wow. Surely at 22yo he should be standing on his own two feet!! He's older than several on here. Perhaps your obligations will be less when the younger one turns 18?

I hope I don't sound judgey - I don't mean to be! But there is no way I was so reliant on my parents after the age of 18 (maybe emotionally but def not financially or hygienically!!)

Oh my, I am procrastinating a lot this morning. Must get some work done!!!

Ice - thats my same opinion, I moved out at 17 (due to an arguement at home) but my brothers were also very independant moving out as soon as they finished uni, but there is only so many times I can have the polite conversation with OH! I've given up now, but 'luckily' both 'children' have said they won't want to stay at ours when the baby arrives because they CBA with it! After being initially offended I am now of the opinion that its for the best, I just need to convice OH that it is time I got to redecorate one of my spare rooms for a nursery (currently refuses as he doesn't want to push the elder one out of the room sooner than he wants too) but OH is under the impression that baby won't need a room until at least 12months old - sorry (and yes I know i'm a naieve first timer) but my plan is 6months and they're out of my room and into their own!! I feel horrible playing the 'its my house and their your kids' card though. :(

I agree with the comments being placed (pram you're awesome and patient ) but just to play Devils advocate.... Could MNHQ be offering the link as a source of information for your dh and partner?

Keep us up to date with scan news !

And let us know when you get seen lumpy

On a separate note, woke up at 5am this morning with awful back pain and couldn't find a comfy position to go back to sleep. . Any one else had similar?

liberuna, really weird you should say that! I had the same last night OH laughed it off and just said it was too early for me to complain about my back, I was thinking i must've just slept funny, unless anyone knows of a more common issue at this stage!?

I haven't and won't be seen!!! To be fair I haven't had any more and I have been feeling movements. A mw rang me and basically fobbed me off saying it's cervical erosion and old blood isn't bad. I just find it odd that up north they wanted to see me asap but down here just brush it off

And yes, lesson for everyone. Carry your notes!

pram where are you?

Go, Hottie! Here, have a (that's if you have the time to drink it )

Good luck to the scannees!

Lumpy & BWP, thank you very much for your supportive words. Why is the lurker/MNHQ determined to make me look like a bigoted troglodyte? By-the-way, when I was musing over the Oliver situation last night but th'usband was silent on the matter, I texted the boy's mother:

'Victoria I just wanted you to know that I also think Oliver has impeccable manners, is funny and clever and wows me with his imagination. We also laugh together a lot. I dearly want a good relationship with him but feel out of my depth most of the time because I don't know him well enough to set boundaries he will respect. I would like to sit down, all of us, so I can be more informed about his needs and behaviours. I hope you understand.'

I got this immediately: 'I do. next Sunday afternoon is good for me'. GULP!

Jesus, you write some mammoth texts Pram

Sorry to hear of all the dramas that have been going on this weekend! I hope everyone is OK now.

I'm bored. Keep me company please people.

mummybee hi again!

liberuna having completely put my back out last week, I can tell you that apparently there is a surge of the hormone relaxin in the early half of the 2nd trimester, ie where we are now. Everything is loosening and it won't take much to put it under strain. Take it easy, mine took a week to recover and it's still a bit achy now.

pram you've handled this really well. Sounds like ManPram is a bit head-in-the-sand about things, but he'd not be the first man to take that approach with a situation. Hopefully Sunday will reap rewards for all of you!

Well done Pram, good text.

So I have scan news... Kind of! Firstly the baby is fine, no anomalies, nothing raised that might cause concern . However the sonographer was very stern and would only very grudgingly say "Well I didn't see any boy bits" on the matter of gender. So it looks like we're on team Pink!!! A little sister for DS. Or maybe a brother if he was hiding his bits!!

Oh congratulations Ice a girl! Lovely!

I've just been out to the café for a full English. It made me happy.

Congrats Ice!!

Where is Jolls??

Awh fabulous news Ice!! I hope we're in the same camp, but won't find out until bday. If anyone has been looking at my screen in work today, they'd think i'd done no work at all... ahem well I did a little bit and scared some new graduates into doing whatever a pregnant woman tells them too. (she says sitting with her nice fresh tea and mars bar ) I just wish they were going to be working with me for the next 5months not just today :( ho hum.

MummyBee, thank you very much for your words and for sharing your own experiences with those utter swines you are gracious enough to support. I almost couldn't finish reading the entirety of your post as I was so wound up on your behalf. Lazy bastard ingrates. You must have a bottomless pit for a heart and oodles of patience. I salute you. Big time. I really, really hope they're out of your hair and your home very soon. I think it's shit that your husband would put the 'needs' of one of these useless lumps before your new arrival in terms of bedroom space.

Pirates, yes, yes to ManPram's avoidance techniques. There is no escape, though...

BWP, your second post was very uplifting to me, thank you; spot-on. Liberuna, thank you, too. I will give MNHQ the benefit of the doubt . If only they had been quite so vigilant when my religion was being rubbished to the point of bullying more than once over on the feminist threads. Anyone who reads my posts properly would see that The Omen or Damien are quasi-affectionate terms for this difficult-to-handle little boy. I will never stop making light of difficult situations in my life and I don't give a fuck what the politically-correct, left-wing liberals say on here.

Foxy, yes I do write lengthy texts and I also afford the reader with the courtesy of perfectly punctuated grammar, too. Fucking can't stand half-arsed text speak. I refuse to reply to sloppy texts, too

Ice, fabulous news and tentative congrats on the girl!

Lyra, your plastic daffodils were indeed atrocious but I will hold out for some top-knotch from your new restaurant!

For fox only ....

Imagine dulcet tones of Tom Jones singing 'You can leave your hat on'. As I parade around, cleaning the housedand stripping. .... wall paper

pram you're not a troglodyte so stop fishing for compliments ;) (my 2pence again) just be careful with all these conversations and plans being made that you don't end up with the one making it happen or chasing people up to do ' their bit'. You're going to have your hands full with your own baby without being left to raise someone else's kid.

I'm really glad things are (hopefully) progressing for you pram! It sounds like the mother might be at her wits end too, and the thought of him not being able to stay at yours every other weekend (sorry can't recall your arrangement if you've said) has possibly filled her with dread as she won't get a rest. Just remember to keep calm and keep things amicable, thats all you can do - at least you are making an effort to get things sorted (which CLEARLY shows that you do want to have this child in yours and DH's life, whatever the capacity) and at least your DH will know that you have made a tremendous effort, and will be able to stand by you in not having the child stop over, therefore can't ever say you haven't been reasonable and that you put a wedge between them. You clearly have the patience of a saint and I do keep you in my thoughts for a successful outcome!! Hopefully it will be a bit of home truths on all sides x
Fox I am currently surfing the net for Christmas present inspiration - will that cure your boredom at all? If so, I'll give you a list of people and you can buy for my nearest and dearest!

MummyBee No way am I doing your Christmas shopping! I don't even do that for my own nearest & dearest so you can forget it.

Lib Er, thanks for that mental image!

I do need to look at bathroom things, which is utterly mind numbing, or do some work which is possibly even worse.