December 2013 - steaming towards 3/4 cooked

[LadyMedea]

Our shiny new thread... Pile in!

Ha, sorry Frouby but your description of your hair really made me laugh! I've been growing out a pixie cut into what I hope will be a long-ish bob I can wear with some texture or put up into a ponytail/knot when busy with baby, but at the minute it's a boxy chin length bob which makes me look and feel frumpy!

Wish me luck, I'm heading into town today to try and find a suitable coat to get me through winter. I'm undecided whether to get a proper maternity coat or a regular coat a couple of sizes bigger I can hopefully wear afterwards as well.

Oh whisper, I'm sorry I missed your message as it was On The last page

How are you feeling? Did you see the content of the messages? I really don't know what to advise, what a crappy situation

the messages aren't flirty at all. It's weird. He is discussing his life with some woman. I don't mind the messages after actually reading them. It's actually useful because know I know what he is scared about and stuff. It's the fact he met her on a dating website that is causing concern.

good luck on your coat finding mission pistachio

I haven't been on here for a while, going back to work has been so hectic. I haven't had chance to read back through all the messages, I just wanted to tell someone else apart from DH what is going on in my life at the moment.

I found a lump on my back about a month ago. It's hard but beneath the skin. I ignored it for a week, went on holiday and then left it a bit longer to go to the doctor as I hate going and was trying to put it off, hoping it would go on its own.

I had my appointment last night. The doctor said he didn't like the feel of it, so has referred me to a specialist in a private hospital, as he wants me to be seen quickly for some tests. He filled out a form and told me to hand it in at reception and that the hospital would get in touch with me in 2 weeks. I read the form as I walked to reception and it said 'ignore risk of pregnancy due to clinical urgency'.

That was enough to freak me out. He obviously thinks its bad as he thinks I need to be seen asap. This morning the hospital phoned and I have an appointment on Thursday evening. The apparent urgency has again freaked me out.

I am obviously thinking the worst. I suppose its probably nothing but I'm pretty worried.

Hope everyone else is ok.

oh whisper that is worrying. I'd be worried if my DH was talking to any other woman about how he felt as that is often the way affairs get started (I know this from bitter experience)... but starting the friendship on a dating site . I would strongly advise that you confront him about this as it can only lead to more heartache...if you intervene now you may be able to stop him doing something you would both really regret. If you want a really good book look up 'Just Good Friends' on amazon, it's amazing on how infidelity often grows from surprising places. How is your relationship otherwise?

I've just dropped DH off at the station to head up to Newcastle for the Great North Run. It will be his 12th time participating and I'm really proud of him. Half of his family live up that way and his Dad traditionally takes him to the start and picks him up at the end - it is their one father-son ritual (my FiL is 'interesting'). But twiglet and I will miss him, luckily I'm already been adored by my ginger cat so it won't be too lonely.

only 1.5 hours till DP gets home and I confront him about the messages. What on earth do I say? I feel sick with nerves. How do I start the conversation. I don't want to cause a blazing row, I just want to know why he did it.

good luck to your DH lady Hope you don't miss him too much. It's cute how you call your baby twiglet. We call ours peanut :)

Dp is doing a 13 mile run raising money for Great Ormond Street Hospital in a few weeks. Well he will be if he can raise the correct amount of money from sponsors. Speaking of which, I know I am complaining about him being an arse, but if any of you can spare even a couple of pounds to sponsor him it would help a great deal. I might not like him very much at the moment but he is doing it for a great cause and I can't begrudge him that. click here to sponsor him you don't have too obviously, but thought I would ask

Oh gosh whisper. Have you posted on relationship? There are some great ladies on there. My 2p worth is that he'll likely go on the defensive and say you've invaded his privacy. If it's a shared iPad then you weren't, but it also means he's either not worried about being found out or it's really nothing. If it was his iPad he doesn't let you use then you've obviously got some explaining to do.

Would he have been on these kind of sites before you got together and forgotten to deactivate his profile? Can you tell who messages who? Can you find his profile on there?

Keep calm and have a clear idea of what you want to say to him. If I ever have to have a stressful conversation with DH I tend to start it with 'I need you to be 100% honest with me' because although the truth might hurt, a lie would hurt even more. It's good that you don't want to start a row, you just want to know why because if there's something in your relationship that can be fixed you seem prepared to work on it and you need to let him know.

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

gannet that sounds frightening. I don't really know what to say :( maybe it's something that needs to be sorted before you give birth because it would interfere with an epidural but wouldn't otherwise be urgent? Start making a list of questions to ask at your appointment now. Also do NOT google.

All is pretty quiet here. I've had a day of feeling very tired and baby either moving awkwardly or Braxton Hocks starting. I plonked DS in front of Cars 2 while DH was having a hair cut and just lay on the sofa. Crap mother I am.

it's a shared iPad. We actually met on the site so that is why he has a profile. I can tell who sent the first message and it's from the woman. He hasn't be messaging other women, just replying to this one woman who messaged him first. The messages just talk about how he is feeling about becoming a dad and how he feels about me. It's pretty weird to be honest.

Hi whisper I kind of know that feeling- found inappropriate messages on DH's hotmail from someone he used to know (ages ago, before we were married) and only found out a few years later (when we were married)- he said he was young and stupid and wanted some attention. Then a few months back I read a message on his work phone from some woman- I was shaking i couldn't believe it, I confronted him (like you didn't want a blazing row just an explanation) and it turned out this woman had a crush on him and had been emailing him (she usually was in contact about work stuff via email) but he hadn't replied and thought she was weird. So it turned out I had nothing to be worried about, but due to his past indiscrepancy I still struggle sometimes and wonder if he's flirting with anyone etc. Yours sounds more like he needs to talk to someone (rather than have his ego stroked) so I'd definitely confront him- have a good chat. (and like Nom says, say you just want honesty etc) Maybe there is something he's missing or he doesn't feel as close as usual to you right now due to whatever reason?

good luck and hopefully it's just him wanting to talk to someone and not actually cheating or anything more sinister.

Oh dear whisper, perhaps write down what you want to say before you talk to him. I do that with me DP when I need to talk to him. Otherwise he gets all defensive and doesn't hear me. I don't gove him my 'letter' but I do read from it.

Gannetgob. Be strong, medicine is magic these days. I agree with advice - DO NOT GOOGLE. You musn't let yourself worry about it, you need more facts.

Gannet I hope the lump is nothing to worry about- the worst bit is the waiting- hope they find out what it is very soon.

Weird but sounds pretty innocent. Obviously you want an explanation still though.

Hope all is well.

Wow I've been AWOL for a while, was so tired after my conference and been to work etc. lots to catch up on so I apologise cos I'm gonna miss things out, now I've started writing I can't go back a page

gannet please try not to worry until your appt, I know its easier said than done, but were all thinking of you and hope its nothing.

whisper I don't really know what to say, I'm not really the trusting type as my ex (ds1's biological) was texting other women and ended up cheating on me with his best friends wife (they are actually married now and just had a son) and leaving me for her while I was 12 weeks pregnant. I'm not saying ANYONE is like my dick of an ex (he has nothing to do with ds1) but definately talk to him and get an explanation.....it does sound innocent enough and at least they are not flirty and he's talking about you etc, maybe he just feels a bit overwhelmed about baby and doesn't want to upset you. My exes texts e mails etc were very flirty and he never mentioned me or becoming a dad (talking about that arsehole still gets me sooooo angry lol)

pistachio I just had my long hair cut just below my chin but I was getting really lazy just tieing it back and not making any effort (now I have to straighten it every morning lol) but I did however get very bright pillar box red highlights in that didnt even last a bloody week I'm very pissed off I hate how red dye strips out the hair quick, even quicker with me being pregnant for some reason. I don't want to bleach it first, I bleached my hair for years
I've now bought a dye to do it all red but at least I can just do it myself when the colour starts to strip out and for less than £10 and I'm paying the hairdresser over £30

Nothing new here except my bump really hurts in the morning, I keep kicking my body pillow away and I think it's making my bump stretch overnight and ouch.
Had a midwife appt Thursday gone, measuring 29 weeks at 28+3 so that's fine and baby is still head down.

Hope everyone is doing great and all your bumps, peanuts, twiglets etc are well xx

Whisper, I think I'd find that weird and a bit unsettling too tbh.

I take it it's ok to dye hair then? My roots are Sooooo bad and usually use the home blonde hair dyes. But as this is my first pg I'm really worries about doing it. But Ihate having roots and no way can I afford the hair dressers :/
Trying to weigh up the pros and cons of moving into BIL house... Hes moving to dubai and has offered us to rent his house.... Money wise it won't be any different... Well be £30 cheaper a month and it'll be warmer! (we don't have central heating and this was built in 1900 so doesn't have insulation either)
So will be alot better for baby and hopefully my bones won't ache so much.. The cold really affects them.

Its just the legalisation of it... BIL mortgage can do it so the Mortgage doesn't change but they lease it to us.
Therefore technically we are still (in the eyes of the law) paying rent so can still get any benefits we are entitled to Eg. Child benefit working tax credit etc.. This probs doesn't make alot. Of sense as I'm not good with legal stuff....

I'm trying to say is by law we want it to the law sees us as paying rent so if we do ever need help with housing benefit we can still be entitled to it. If that makes sense?

I do want to live there as it's a house and Sooo much warmer... The only massive con is that I don't drive and it's in the middle of a village so I'll have to rely of parents if i need to pop into town if dp is at work.
But I really can't think do another freezing winter here (last winter was awful!!) sorry for the long winded-ness!

stom why don't you do it as a proper rental with a tenancy agreement? There are loads on the net you can use. Then all the paperwork will be above board.

Hello all. Stom invited me over after my thread about a decent winter coat being almost like the holy grail to find.

I'm due on 16th December with DC1 and it's going to be a girl (most probably according to the scan) so just want to say hello and looking forward to meeting some fellow December parents.

As for the rental issue Stom - why not sign a proper rental agreement with BiL? Then you have the whole legal set up sorted and if you should ever need housing benefit there is proof that you are a proper tenant. The paper work is easy to do (BiL just needs to get a copy of a rental agreement off the internet and get 2 copies signed, one for each party) and doesn't need to affect anyone or anything else.

I would suggest he gets a landlord's insurance though and that you have your own contents insurance too.

Oh and I've been having my hair dyed all the way through this pregnancy - I wouldn't worry about it. Nothing worse than bad roots - mine are going grey so the dye is a necessity!

Yea he doesn't want to pay tax on it? Or go through a lettings agent yeah we're going to get out own contents insurance :)
And welcome xenadog

Gannet, that must be worrying, but the quick referral at least means that your GP is taking your health seriously

Whisper, I hope if you ended up speaking to your dp things went well.

I got a coat in primark in the end, for £25! It's a parka which isn't normally what id go for, but it's snuggly warm and looks very similar to ones in other shops for £85+. It's not maternity, but I got it in a few sizes up for growing room and it has adjustable cords at just above bump height so I can change the fit slightly. For £25, I can always get another coat later if really needed. Oh, and it has super soft teddy bear fur in the hood!

stom all I did was sign a rental agreement that my last landlady printed off on the Internet, she never went through a letting agency either and while I was there dp wasn't living with me so I got rent and council tax
paid for as I was on mat leave with ds1 at the time.

We have now moved into my sister and bils house and are renting it from them after they wanted to move but couldn't sell the house, again signed another rental agreement.
This house has central heating and is lovely and warm the last one operated on a back boiler and I was sick of my kids being cold and landlady getting the boiler botch fixed EVERY TIME IT BROKE which was a lot
I've never regretted the move and I'm not near my mum or pils anymore so sometimes am suck if dp is at work, however I just jump on a couple of buses if I want to go out with kids.

whisper I hope your talk went well.

Welcome xenadog congrats on your lovely pink bump.

stom I never dyed my hair at all when pregnant with ds1 (first time pg and worried about everything) but I did get my blonde in from the hairdresser when of with ds2 and niw it gets dyed every colour lol.....I'm loving red at the moment.

Will have to check out primarni pistachio I'm still wearing a cardigan for work and its raining heavy today so I'm not looking forward to venturing out to work later

Welcome xenadog

stom him not wanting to pay tax is not your problem. You need a tenancy agreement for all sorts of reasons and depending on how long he'll be in Dubai he'll probably qualify as a non-resident landlord anyway. Dubai is a tax haven ;)

Thanks. I'll have a mooch & see what I can find xx

Morning all

Welcome xanadog!

Gannet you must be terrified sweetie but don't always assume the worst. It could be something as simple as a cyst under your skin so don't panic. At least you are getting seen quickly. xx

Stom if HB could be important to you at any point then check with the local authority on rules for renting from family. I work with lls and some local authorities won't pay HB to family members. Or at least at one point they didn't but things change so fast with any kind of benefit you need to check before. You will need a tenancy agreement for the council, any deposit if you pay it will need to be registered and the property will need at minumum a gas safety certificate. If there is a mortgage on the property then your BIL will be able to offset the cost of the interest on the mortgage against the rental income. Not sure how it will work with him being in another country for tax purposes, will depend where he is domiciled for tax purposes I suppose.

But if he has a mortgage then any profits he makes after the interest will be small anyway I would have thought so he can use the profits to make improvements to the property and won't have made a profit if you like so will have no tax to pay!

I dunno what to do about a winter coat either lol. I really begrudge buying one for a couple of months. I think I have one I used to use for stables i which is a bigger size to get jumpers under etc that might just fit to the end. If not I'm going to raid the charity shops lol. I have a couple of nice winter coats that will last for a good few years yet so am not spending on one to last from probably oct to end of jan! I won't be out much over christmas anyway I don't think, I have a car so not like I'm stood waiting for buses and only really need it for school run which I do with the dog on foot. But if I walk quick I'll be warm enough anyway!

Did spend £50 on a new coat for one of the ponies yesterday though which DP thought was quite funny when I said I didn't want to pay £8 for another maternity top pmsl.

But she does need one as it is getting cold now and she's my baby lol.

Winter coat - I was pregnant with DS at the same time of year, and bought an autumn coat/mac-type thing which I layered up with vests, long-sleeve t-shirts and jumpers when needed. I didn't buy a winter coat (luckily as it turned out, with DS being 2 months early by winter I was back in ordinary clothes) but I do have a non-maternity 3 sizes too big winter coat from when I was a lot fatter, I'm going to eBay it but not until I've had this baby!