October 2013 - insert witty, worn out, nearing the end thread name here

[PseudoBadger]

New thread :)

pseudo it will be worth it!!

pseudo, this may be very unhelpful and induce a 'fuck off' type response but I am finding the more impatient and shouty I am with DS at the moment, the worse he is. If I take some time to gather myself and calm down we are getting on much better. Not always easy though when you are knackered and in pain I know. ? or ?

I seem to be having lots of appointments. this is my first and so far seen mw at 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 28 and 32 weeks. apps will be every 2 weeks from now, although next one not till 36 weeks as im going away and everything is going so well so mw felt there was no need. I guess it depends on pregnancy and area!!

please! I think I'm being as measured and balanced as possible but when he has flipped over mid nappy change for the millionth time for example a small shout may escape from my mouth :(

Roofio - that's close to the schedule I'm meant to be on, as are most first timers according to the NHS website. But the problem is appointment availability, here.
Clearly the service is totally over-stretched.

I'n probably just projecting my own shouty parenting - I've had to really take myself in hand a few times over the last few months when I've realised I've just defaulted to shouting.

I have just sent out my company wide email about maternity cover - 4 days left, and about 4 hours of work to complete in that time - roll on Friday.....

Oh textbook fingers firmly crossed for you - glad you are being closely monitored and it's been detected.

Another one feeling guilty here - I'm doing my best to keep DD entertained but know I am relying far too much on the iPad and i'd be doing more activities with her if I wasn't pregnant. We are currently at the park, but it totally wore me out getting here and I'm plonked on a bench with ghastly heartburn. Getting it all times of day now, not just evenings.

I totally agree with Clapham and Pink and really admire those of you with toddlers to manage.

Orange congrats on your anniversary. I hope the visit to your friend goes ok - a hard situation.

I am finding relations with one of my friends difficult. She has one child the same age and we both struggled with the decision as to whether or not to try for a second. As far as I know, she has decided against but is not totally "at peace" with it yet.

Initially she seemed really pleased for me, but as my bump has grown a definite awkwardness has developed between us. I try not to talk about my pregnancy but she keeps raising it and - I'm sure she's not trying to be mean - making lots of negative comments (how DD won't react well to the baby, how difficult life will be etc)

I do understand how hard it maybe for her to see me pregnant (after my mc I couldn't bring myself to congratulate one of my neighbours and used to cross the road to avoid her and her newborn) I just feel sad about it.

I felt sidelined when my NCT & toddler group friends went
on to have a second child and I didn't. Now it feels another friendship is suffering but be because I am pregnant.

You definitely see mw less in second pregnancy. I saw a sheet of paper on the mws desk on Friday which had a lost of appts for first/second baby. Every 4 weeks from 16 weeks with number 1, then every two weeks from 32. Mine have been 8,15,25,31,36,38,40,42. It does say 34 in my green book also but she's not seeing me on that one. Not too worried as things are going relatively smoothly. However, no mention of WC jab yet and i forgot to bring it up. May just call her about it tbh. Not rung her at all yet.

Sorry to hear those will little ones are struggling. Dd (4.6) is being ok but being out of school isn't coping with the lack of routine and keeping her entertained is getting hard work!

I've been increasingly shouty badger and jelly with DS1. Am trying so hard to be fair, firm and consistent with a view to continuing it when DS2 comes... but am too often exploding with rage.

I dangle the carrot of 3 TV programmes and 3 stories before bed, and him losing one each time he resists getting dressed, stalls/stops when we're off somewhere. Problem is when I've finally said, "That's it! NO programmes later!", I'm screwed too!

DOUBLE BUGGIES know of one that could accommodate a 16kg toddler who still favours a nap and a newborn? Would be looking 2nd hand, no doubt. Fear the max is 15kg but I've got a big old post-lunch sleepy-sleeper. Tis tricky.

Oh MoN - very cute little girl at the park called Eliana* - never heard it in rl before. Hope Linah went into school ok this morning.

Pseudo - you have my sympathies - uncooperative nappy changers are a nightmare especially when you are at a physically disadvantage.

People jeep screwing their noses up when I tell them the name we've chosen Bridget. EvUS the second my best friend said "What is it with all these new fangled names". She really wanted me to call her Murren because that was the name of one of her aunts and she'd always liked it.

Linah went into school happy this morning thankfully but I rushed to the loo just before going to collect her and noticed some blood. Further investigation revealed it was coming from my urethra so I took a urine sample to the nurse who has sent it away for analysis.
Ive had uti symptoms for months now but the dipstick test keeps coming back clear. This is the second time I've had blood from ny urethra this pregnancy.

Around 2 and a half years ago I had similar at Lyons but no infection but you. examining myself noticed what looked like a polyp at the urethral opening and was referred to a urologist but I missed the appointment and the symptoms settled down so I never made another one so don't know if it's just pregnancy making it flare up again.

Bloody auto correct made a mess of that post but I think you get the jist.

Bridget I feel for you. It's really hard when you want to get pg and others are doing it around you, and equally hard when you go on to get pg and not others that you've commiserated/bonded with.
I've got a couple of really lovely friends who've been amazingly supportive as I've tried for no.2, bonding over having just 1 child when so many others have dropped DC2 & 3, and now I feel a little awkward that we've finally succeeded in being pg when they can't for various complicated reasons. It's usually me proffering the negative side of being pg tho!
Hopefully your friend will be much easier on you when your bubba arrives and she'll be won over by him/her and stop being an idiot.

You've all guilted me into some activity time with DS- he's armed with cotton buds and paint and doing some 'pointillism' (!) whilst I've got leg up to ease the varicose veins [sigh]

It sounds really sad and unfair bridget but it looks like her problem and, hard as it is, you can't fix her problem... my guess is that she may have problems in her relationship that stop her from having another child and she may be really hurting because of it. Or she may have been unable to get pregnant again. And some people can deal with their own pain only through negativity and hurting others. I remember feeling really broody when DS was 18 months but my relationship wasn't right and I felt that I couldn't have another one. I remember seeing all my NCT and other friends getting pregnant again and it hurt like hell. I was depressed for at least 6 months just because I felt I couldn't have another baby and I would just go home and cry all evening. I may be totally wrong of course as there are some plain nasty and petty people out there too. But, in general, I find that this kind of weird behaviour often comes from some hidden pain or some complex. Try to give her some space and time and it may all change. Time really heals a lot! But I understand how upsetting it must be. x

MoN hope it's nothing serious...

I know how you're feeling Bridget. One of my good friends cut contact with me after I got pregnant with Linah. She was desperate for a second child but had discovered her fallopian tubes were blocked.
I've seen her once since Linah was born and only because I bumped into her in the supermarket. She promised to stay in touch and I know she goes for a massage every week across the road from my house but she never pops in.

Rubbish night on the sleep front last night so I commiserate with all those who did not sleep well either. It appears I must have slept awkwardly(propped up on pillows) and woke up at 2.30 am rolling about in pain with my left neck and shoulder. Could not get a physio appointment today so dh has been having a go at rubbing my shoulder blade and neck. Finally burst into tears with frustration of it all. DH says I'm like a bear with a sore head which is an accurate description today.

Bridget. Perhaps your friend has some issues she has not resolved with having just one child. I vowed for a long time that I would just have dd and then when 5 years later I decided to try for dc2 I discovered that I have low ovarian reserve and hence problems conceiving. Luckily now 30+2 days with dd2 but I was told I 18 months ago it was highly unlikely I would be having a second child. Do you know for sure that your friend isn't having issues? I have a friend who experienced a miscarriage when she was trying for dc3 and then did not try again. She was very supportive with my infertility issues but things have not been the same since I found out I was pregnant so sympathies. Likewise when I was experiencing infertility I did everything to avoid pregnant ladies etc - not easy when you have a dd already!

Can totally relate to the guilt issues of entertaining dc(s). I have felt very guilty about dd (age 7) these summer hols and not doing quite as much and relying on others - ballet workshops etc. Total lack of grandparent support etc. Also often grumpy and tired and concerned it will effect her. I kind of feel that I am winging it a bit. Really feel for those with toddlers don't know where I would find the energy. It's easier said than done but please don't be too hard on yourselves, you're attempting an extremely difficult job at the moment.

Oh bridget that sounds so hard re your friend. Hopefully she will come round once the baby is here. I had a friend for years and she was struggling to conceive/ having IVF etc while I was on clomid but once I got pregnant she couldn't deal with it. She has come off fb and I have text her about getting a walk with the dogs (I wouldn't even mention babies) but she doesn't want to. I haven't seen her since before ds was born. It's so sad :( yet I understand how hard it must be if you're grieving.

MoN def get checked out. Is it painful to go to the toilet? Hope it settles down again.

pseudo very familiar with the escape attempts mid nappy change. It really takes 2 of us to change a nappy at the minute. We had our first real tantrum yesterday at the shops when ds refused to go in buggy (backarching etc) than wanted down to crawl through the shopping centre and went mad when I wouldn't let him..purple face, almost choking screaming fit . It's so exhausting! He is normally good but it getting molars through which must be hurting.

Everything crossed for you textbook

Warlin You hit the nail on the head when you say people grieve about infertility. I definitely went through a grieving process as time to have dc2 was not on my side.

I'm also in the challenging toddler/preschooler camp! Ds will be 3 next week (can't believe it's gone so fast). Woke up at 540 this morning to go to the loo and tired and grumpy all morning. Refused to put on any clothes and wanted to go out in his underwear! Took off his clothes after I put them on and I'm afraid I shouted at him :( I really try hard not to shout at him esp when I know he's tired. He also has a bit of a runny nose so isn't too happy. I'm also feeling emotional as his little world is about to change and I feel bad for him :(

textbook fingers crossed everything works out ok and you make it to your CS date without any excitement. Ae you on mat leave already? Try and take things easy. And to clapham (and I think orange) hope your placentas move up at your scans!

shire could you ring your gp and at least get your blood pressure and urine checked? They'll also be able to check foetal hb?? If you can't get an appt with mw soon you should be checked!

Congrats on your anniversary orange! Glad you had a good holiday and hope your friend is ok.

bridget it can be really difficult with pregnancy and the people around you. Just see how things go, she might have to take her own time coming to terms with your pregnancy.

sister how old is your dc? We re still not sure about double buggy as ds will often fall asleep in buggy after lunch if we're out? I know he's big but we don't have a car and I walk everywhere and don't want to be stuck indoors. He still needs a nap though and won't sleep at home in bed. Maybe I should encourage him to drop nap now before dc2 arrives??

mon hope everything ok.

Mega post!! And I ve still forgotten stuff

To everyone else and

Yes Warlin. I'm bracing myself every time I go. It startedbefore I got pregnant and has got progressively worse but uti tests keep coming back negative.

This whole thing does definitely change things. I'm the first of any of my friends to have a baby and most of my closest friends are still single so while they've been great our lives are heading in very different directions.

I've suddenly gotten obsessed with sorting out my and dp's wedding!! haha. we got engaged in March and thinking about getting married next winter so there is time to get organised but I'm suddenly feeling the need to get things booked. I think its a weird form of nesting haha!!!

Congratulations roofio- so exciting to be planning a wedding. best day of your life, especially with your little one toddling down the aisle with you! x

Arrggghh - wrote out a long post only for mumsnet to go offline when I tried to post it.

Just wanted to say thank you for everyone's wise words - I shall redouble my efforts to be sensitive to her situation (it is complicated: health, finances and relationship stuff).

MoN - I hope the lab result gives you some answers, it must have been a horrible panic filled moment when you saw blood.

Roofio - I think it's really sensible to try and get as much planned as possible now. It'll be easy for weeks and months to fly by once baby is here.

I'd love DP to propose but I know in his heart he wants a big 'do' and there is always something else more pressing we need to spend the money on.

shootingstars glad I'm not the only one although consultant said I'd be monitored more closely this time and that I can opt for a cs at any point I really didn't want another one. I'm almost hoping for slightly early labour as then she might not be so big but have horrible feeling after today that she is going to be like her brother and be later rather than early and big and it'll all end in emcs like last time :(

Here's hoping for feeling more positive morra and that I can kinda put it behind me for a while. On the upside I'm seeing mw again in 2 weeks so guess ill know then if she is still growing at a rate of knots!

I really hope that the vbac is successful for both of us shooting :)

mon hope it eases and you manage to get it sorted soon

And to everyone else and or to keep you all going for the evening and fx for a good nights sleep for all

So exciting roofio. Me and Desperate Dan got engaged at Christmas but I think we'll need to see how things are with Eliana's health when she's born before we think about wedding plans.
I don't want a particularly big wedding it I would like it to be better than my last one that was booked and arranged in 2 weeks.