Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

Oh Mother that's awful, what a week! We were almost scammed as well when selling DHs car, first guy who contacted him was one of those "well I can't pick up the car right now as I'm abroad but..". Luckily google was full of warnings about him. Some of them are very clever though.

Hope your dad is ok! And no, it's not greedy to wonder why you are treated differently from other family members.

frog congratulations!

Oh Mother that's awful, what a horrible series of things to happen. It just beggars belief that people can be so cruel doesn't it?

Oh mother come & join me on the bad week sofa which also has cushions of financial worry! I don't think you're being money grabbing at all and FX for your dad.

Glad your nan is better janey you've obviously got tough genes there .

The elderberries are having a tough time right now aren't we?!

Oh mother that's so awful. I'm so, so sorry for you, could happen to anyone. And as you say it's so shocking that there are people in the world willing to do that - totally rip off lovely people expecting their first child. Has made me feel quite sad on your behalf

What absolute bastards Mother
It won't make you feel any better but I know a few people who have had similar happen (one with a car and one with a double pushchair for their expected IVF twins). It sadly seems quite common.
And I would also be feeling a bit miffed as to where my MacBook Air/iPad was?
Glad your Dad is ok and hope your week gets better.

Good news about your Nan Janey, She sounds like a battler.

Quod I love that feeling when you've bagged a bargain and feel quite smug when you think about the full price. Very satisfying.

Look after yourself Purple. I am really feeling it this week with my few ailments so goodness knows how rough you are feeling with your bingo card. Not long until you finish work now.

I am suffering this morning with sunburn of all things! I found out the hard way that pregnant skin is much more sensitive to the sun as I was out yesterday wearing factor 15 (which usually means the sun won't touch me) and I still got burned. The big bump + red face look is not a good one.

Also mother if you were scammed, sent the money but there was never any car, how is that not fraud?

In my new life as a non-working couch potato, I am supposed to be doing some accounting for DH watching This Morning where they are talking about whether you should eat your placenta. I really need to find something better to do other than watching crap daytime TV.

I'd vote no. Have not really felt the need to eat any body parts, no reason to start now.

agreed hazle.

Did anyone see bbc breakfast news this morning? Absolutely fucking ridiculous fascinating news piece on the fact that women are exposing themselves to loads of risks when preggers, and should consider cutting out loads of things, including

• shower gel
• moisturiser
• new furniture
• plastic containers
• cars

I will obviously be following this advice to the letter, and am going to exist on water alone (from a stream, naturally) from this point on, and sleep beneath a tree.

Oh my - Mother what a week. So sorry to hear of your dramas. People are absolutely disgusting. Sorry about your OH's grandpa, too, but fingers crossed for your dad...

Good news about your nan Janey - seems like she's keen to meet your little one!

Sending a to all this morning...

Survived antenatal class, DP went but said afterwards it was 'boring' and he 'wasn't interested' in it. He later admitted that he did learn some new things and could see it had benefits for me and there was a hint that he might come next week, too. (Fingers crossed).

It was all a bit real if I'm honest though... saw a slideshow of the delivery suite which is the best we can expect. They don't do hospital tours any more because they were too hard to manage and it was annoying for new mums (which I understand). There is only one birth pool, but they said that they know of only two instances where people couldn't use it because it was in use.

Also found out that, if you give birth in the middle of the night, when you get taken to the post-natal ward, you're expected to say goodbye to DP there and then at the door - they won't even let them settle you in.

Nearly burst into tears there and then, it just seems so cruel. Definitely no trials here for DPs staying over

Oh and cavort I cannot wait to join you as a couch potato. Next week I'm planning lots of discussions about This Morning with you!
Reassuringly my boss still hasn't spoken to me about plans for when I'm off, and he's just gone out again, I presume for the rest of the day. That means in theory we have one and a half days (consultant appt tomorrow morning) for him to discuss and approve my handover plans, and to go through everything with the relevant people.
Thankfully I've made notes on everything already and handed things over without him giving the OK. If he doesn't like my plans, tough, he's left it too late to have any input!

X post Janey but I'm refusing to read it. So sick of stupid advice. If they're not safe for pg women, then they shouldn't be safe for anyone.

Drives me mad.

Cross post bear. It is horrible isn't it, bordering on cruelty I agree. I think in the future we'll be talking about how the men were sent home straight after birth, just as previous generations talk about how outrageous it was that men weren't allowed in for the birth. I see absolutely no good reason to send them home or restrict visiting hours for partners whatsoever, except that it makes things easier for the staff.

I did see it Janey and thought what a load of tosh. What are you supposed to do? Lie naked in a field for 40 weeks while eating and drinking nothing? This journo at The Independent thinks long-haul flights are off limits as well.

Hazle the woman arguing against placental eating was saying it is on a par with cannibalism and I am inclined to agree. The woman arguing in favour thinks we should all 'enjoy' a raw placenta smoothie immediately after birth. I think I will stick to the post-birth beer I was planning.

I don't see how sending partners home makes things easier for staff? If partners stay then they will do all the running round helping the new mums get things they want/need instead of the nurses, especially if mums are bed-bound after CS.

I only say that because my mum used to be a nurse. She said everyone hated visiting hours because they had to make everything look tidy, professional and organised it was chaotic and people got in the way, and she preferred it when it was quiet and they could get on with their jobs without relatives asking awkward or annoying questions or observing the way they treated their patients.

Oh no cavort, that's one of the papers I work for! Will do some asking around to find out what the hell they are talking about!

Janey hunt him or her down and ask them to clarify why long haul flying is bad while pregnant? And while you're at it also ask them to stop using unrealistic pictures like that one of a perfect bump and no cellulite.

Ha, says you of the perfect teeny bump!!

I think the logic is to do with safety and security and cost-cutting. At the moment, most postnatal rooms are shared. Apparently there are singles, doubles and some quad rooms. Presumably if you're in anything but a single, DPs would be inflicting on other families' space.

Ideally, everyone should be in singles. But then there aren't enough staff or enough rooms to accommodate this. I've heard of some people in singles getting forgotten by midwives as it is...

And the only way around this is to have a homebirth. Tho some MLUs are more lenient (not an option where I am).

This is a very first world worry, but it's genuinely making me quite scared about childbirth... all these 'we are controlling you' vibes. Me no likey.

Janey I really wish! I don't look like that in a pair of tiny pants!

Brave if things are uncomplicated you can have a 6 hour discharge and won't have to stay in at all?

True Cavort though that only applies if you give birth at a certain time of day - if you drop sprog in the evening, you have to stay overnight, no matter what, and you have to go onto post-natal ward within 2 hours.

I'm being a drama queen here but who wants to share a room with a load of (equally stressed) strangers a couple of hours after one of the most intimate and traumatic experiences of your life thus far?

((( bear )))

Holy hell! I'm so sorry everyone is having such a shit week, I swear I'm going to stop moaning, it's like every time I whine about something minor something really horrid happens to one of you

Bear - I'm with you on this one so I must be a drama queen too (and it's not normally in my nature to be) it's the one thing which the thought of is turning me into a pathetic gibbering wreck. Why at the most vulnerable, emotional time in your life would they make your partner, your one support leave you on your own and surrounded by strangers. I just don't get it!

Purple fear not, you're not some sort of harbinger of doom I can assure you!

I just spoke to a friend in real life (I do have some, honest!) who said that, yes, it sounds terrifying now and she was the same, but honest to god, as soon as baby is in your arms your mindset changes and you won't care as much about being forcibly separated from DP at such a crucial time.

I just looked at her like this

Thanks guys, frog I shall join you on your sofa, I come bearing a huge back of chicken sensations, skittles and club biccys. We shall eat our way through the pain.

Hazel they say it isnt fraud as nobody took our money, we transfered it. I just feel ashamed really, that and embarrassed. What annoys me most is my OH notified barclays almost immediately, yes the cash had left his account but it was still in the other account (also a barlcays account), why couldnt they freeze that account and work with us and the police to prove a case and get the money back? Is that too logical?

Glad you can see my point re the ipad/macbook air too. Feel like the poor relation. We are the ones with a mortgage and commitments and yet we dont get offered any help, my hormones are not helping me at the moment, I'm a bit delicate.

Im not even thinking about going into hospital, last time I went in I got no sleep as it was so loud and bright. Its ironic that when you need sleep most you dont get it.

so pregnant women should be adopting a "safety-first approach, which is to assume there is risk present even when it may be minimal or eventually unfounded" - ah well that's easy then, let's wrap ourselves in organic cotton wool for the duration.

I'm pretty sure they won't throw partners out in hospitals over here, but most people would have private rooms. On the one hand, of course you would want DP/DH there, but on the other hand, if you end up in a quad room, you would not want everybody else's partners there as well..