Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

Thanks everyone for your support & advice. DP is being absolutely amazing too. I was supposed to have a scan on Thurs so I'm going to try & bring it forward to today as I'll be 8+1. I just need reassuring that all ok & proof of pregnancy before I tackle work about increasing their offer. I'm sure I can get some kind of temping work & I'm also in the process of selling my flat in London which I'd been renting out so financially we should be ok for a while - its just being thrown into uncertainty which is unnerving. Could really have done with a stiff drink!

Wow Frog - it's all going on. Fingers crossed you get the scan moved forward and that all's good there at least.

Understand your pain Quod - but well done for finding a magic cure. Have been using buses more in the last week as getting a bit tired to walk, but am finding them almost intolerable in this heat (and it's not even actually hot!)

I also have inconsequential trivia to share today. This morning I was late for work because DP tidied up the bedroom last night. This was a lovely thing for him to do (although it was mainly for his own gain). However.

He moved/tidied/hid everything of mine. My worn once, could be worn again clothes were kicked under the bed. The Gaviscon lifeline was put into the drawers in the bedside cupboard (on his side of the bed), as were my tissues. The duvet I lie on was switched to be the main duvet (it's the summer one) so I had a very painful night with the hips playing up again.

This morning I ended up crawling round the bedroom in floods of tears on my hands and knees trying to find everything - my work trousers he'd decided to fold and put in a cupboard (on the wrong shelf), my deodorant I eventually found in the bin.

I feel desperately hard-hearted to be so mad at him after he did 'a nice thing' but I am furious at the way he did it. If he has stuff I want tidying away, I'll put it in a neat pile and leave it on the bed for him to do so he knows where everything is.

Brave well I guess he at least tried to be helpful..although kicking pregnant woman's clothes under the bed is not the smartest idea ever. I have pretty much stopped picking up the stuff I drop, too much of an effort, so crawling under the bed is really not something I'd like to do.

Another half a dozen "You're still working? Haven't had baby yet?" comments here this morning - you see that I'm sitting at my desk with a massive belly, honestly, what does it look like?

Lol at stupid comments Hazle, next time, you should open up your drawers and say 'no actually, he's just here, having a snooze'

But yes, he did try. Plus I can't express any annoyance because then he'll refuse to come to the antenatal class later. Yes, he is that childish. It's a good job I love him, really!

My DH really liked the antenatal classes. And everybody was there with partners, why doesn't he want to come?

Question - birth plans, have you/will you and what will you write there? I've taken a look at some samples but most must be really annoying for the MWs and doctors. Suggestions like "I would like to avoid episiotomy if possible" - well obviosuly and I don't think they would otherwise cut you just in case, either.

So far I can only think to write that yes I want to be offered the epidural, but will see if and when I want it; and I want the delayed cord cutting (it's apparently pretty much standard over here now, but not in all hospitals, and I forgot to ask about mine). otherwise, just get the baby out alive, healthy and with minimal damage.

brave that totally sounds like my DPs method of tidying up - just put everything in the nearest random drawer or cupboard. You would not believe what was in the kitchen drawers when I moved in (try odd cuff links for starters). I methodically had to sort the entire house into some kind of order to find things!

He's scared it'll be an excruciatingly embarrassing 'let's all breathe deeply and hug each other' thing. Or, in his words. 'Hippy shit'

TBH that doesn't appeal to me either, but if his sole embarrassment through this experience is having to tell a room full of strangers his name, well in my view he should just suck it up.

It's not as if he has to be naked on his back for several hourswhile having random people staring between his legs, probably poking about, and then pooing in front of them all, is it?

Birth plans - yes, will do at one point. But not feeling brave enough to think that far ahead yet!

I'm thinking along the lines of yours plus request skin-to-skin at earliest possible opportunity, if I cannot give skin-to-skin then DP to, and if me and baby need to be separated, please ensure DP is with baby. And maybe add something about breastfeeding support?

I've got an appointment next week to argue with negotiate my birth plan with the consultant. I'm not sure how much wriggle room I've got with a lot of it but I've got a midwife appt the same day after the consultant so that I can talk through it with her as well. Unfortunatley for me, most of the things I might have wanted to add aren't going to be allowed, the big bullies relevant anyway.

Bear - first thing the midwife at our antenatal classes said was along the lines of 'don't worry there's no role play, funny breathing or hippy shit' to set our minds at ease, she may have used slightly more polite terms but that's what she meant

sometimes men can be funny. A friend almost drop-kicked her DH when he managed to whine that he's tired. Because he had been awake. While she was giving birth.

Two words Hazle: justifiable homicide

Lol Purple - I'm feeling fairly optimistic that this will follow suit as they're making a massive effort at the moment to make dads feel involved and not put them off with scary stuff - I actually emailed a few months ago to ask about dad-friendliness and they said they'd be especially keen to talk to my DP (I outlined his concerns in a fairly diplomatic way) as to how they can improve the classes for manfolk after the fact!

They're a little new-agey so understand that woman being relaxed is good, and man being present and helpful helps in that process, ergo it pays for men to not be put-off learning about things in advance.

Brave and Purple was it you who was saying you didn't like the thought of your OH's leaving you in hospital? My friend went for a tour of our local maternity facilities and was told they are trialing a new policy of allowing fathers to stay overnight if they want to. Might be worth enquiring if yours is doing the same?

I did an additional optional antenatal class on writing a list of birth preferences. Mine currently says...

• Husband only to be present during labour and birth.
• No information to be given to anyone phoning the ward to ask about progress.
• Happy to be assessed and monitored as required.
• Would like to remain mobile and upright.
• Open-minded to all pain relief options. If pain relief is requested but not advised on medical grounds, we would like a full explanation of the reason for this at the time.
• Would like to labour in water and have a water birth but willing to do whatever is required for the safe delivery of baby following informed consent.
• Delay cord clamping until it has stopped pulsing.
• Husband to cut umbilical cord.
• Skin to skin immediately after birth before baby is cleaned and weighed.
• Active management for placenta delivery ok.
• Vitamin K injection ok for baby.
• Would like to stay in hospital until BF is established and would like to see the on-site BF consultant before leaving.

At nct they said to also include info on your birth plan over whether you want the baby to have a vitamin k injection (pretty standard here hazle) and also that injection in your thigh to speed up the third stage....

I might write on mine that I want DP to tell me the sex of the baby although even that is a bit too hippy-style-shit for me

Janey If I didn't know already I would want DH to tell me the sex rather then some random MW.

Finally some good news for me this week. Had scan & was dated as 8+2 with heartbeat & nothing else untoward in there as she had a little scroll around checking my ovaries for cysts & stuff. Soooo relieved. I'm sure I'm 8+1 though so only concern is that baby is on the big side already at less than 2cm!
Your birth plans are freaking me out slightly here!

Hooray frog! Fantastic news
So happy for you

Great news Frog! Looks like your little Frogspawn is doing well.
I would't worry too much about dates. I had a scan which dated me at 9+3 (3 days out according to my dates and I know exactly the day we conceived), but the 12 weeks dating scan reverted me back to my original date.

Yay congratulations Frog! I had come here to unleash a massive self pitying rant at you all but your good news has cheered me up so I'm going to just go and mutter to myself instead

Rant away purple!

Just feeling a bit shit and I feel too bad moaning when some of you have got actual real problems (how's your Nan doing btw?)

Fantastic news Frog! Really pleased all is well in the womb for you.

Poor Purple

I am having a good day here as we got a new sofa delivered (well, second hand off eBay bargain) and it has turned up and is perfect! Super comfortable (very important obvs given the amount of time I spend on it) and absolutely spotless, it could actually be new. Our (very) old sofa was really uncomfortable to sit on for any length of time and very tatty so this is a revelation for me.

Ah good news quod. Everyone loves a bargain!
Purple - feel free. We're all here to listen to moaning - you've all put up with me enough!
To quote a nurse on nan's ward, her recovery in 24 hours has been nothing short of miraculous. She still can't talk properly or eat, but mentally knows exactly what's going on and can kind of speak - has already started demanding to go home! Bless her that won't happen for a while But so happy she's a bit better.

So glad she's doing well Janey and thanks for your kindness. I think I'm mostly just knackered, literally only just managed to plonk my arse on the sofa now and it's nearly bed time! Just been one of those days and made me feel a bit ranty and sorry for myself earlier. I think the fact that I'm in constant pain with my back and haven't had a solid nights sleep in about 6 months probably isn't helping but I feel more positive now than I did earlier.

we are having an awful week, my OHs grandpa died on Friday, my dad found a lump last week and we lost the money we had from selling my car in an ebay car scam. We should have both known better but had so much on our minds we missed the signs. I'm trying not to be annoyed at my OH, but he dealt with it all and when I saw all the info it was kind of obvious something was wrong. Keeps playing on my mind and waking me up at 4am. Police were no help at all nor were the bank or ebay as we paid willingly its not fraud

Thankfully my OH had a sharesave which was due to mature next year which he cashed in early, thats enough to buy a new car. Plus Ive sold my premium bonds and shares so we should be ok. I just feel numb that someone could do that to us especially when we explained why we needed the bigger car.
Feel too ashamed to tell my parents. Plus, and this makes me sound really money grabbing, my OHs uncle is really well off, he has bought my brother in law a new mac book air to cheer him up after loosing his grandpa and bought my MiL an iPad, we just lost a huge amount and he hasnt even offered us a 100 pounds. I know he doesnt have too, but I thought he would want to be fair and help us too? Esp as my OH has taken time off work to help them plan the funeral and we offered to pay for the food etc. Just makes me feel like we mean less than the rest of the family.

Sorry greedy selfish rant over.

On the plus side we are 99% sure my dads lump is a cyst.

So sorry, meant so say congrats to frog and I am thrilled your nan is doing well Janey.