Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

I have just posted this as a new topic but do any of you have any ideas?
After a bit of advise -i am around 7 weeks and trying to work out when to tell work. i am a mental health nurse with older peeps and job involves some risks (agression/falls).
colleuges who have been pg recently (now on mat leave) have had altered duties as a result of pg, i.e no 1:1 obs and not involved in restraint or lifting (yes we do still have to lift people occasionaly).
i am worried that by not telling now i am putting me/us at risk, but there is no way i can tell my boss without everyone else knowing and not sure I am ready for that yet!
I do have a bad back, but not really up for lying and saying that is whats wrong first.
Anyone had anything similar? is there anyway I could expect my boss to keep it confidential and still put a plan in place to support me?

alex think i plan on asking for it to be checked out too, even though i also had just 1 lletz the last time i had a smear the nurse commented on the scarring and that things looked 'different' (really pissed me off at the time as she could tell me no more about what it meant!)

alex - much as I'm always banging on about the NHS, I do think this is a symptom of it. If you're educated and confident you question things, but sometimes I feel like they're so busy if you were less knowledgeable or confident you might be ignored. Is desperately sad really, but thankfully we're both more than capable of asking the questions needed. It's a bit like the elcs issue - no-one would have told me, unless I asked, that I was much, much more likely to need a cs or assisted birth (forceps or ventouse) than if I was just 5 years younger - yet because I have asked, and done research, they're taking me seriously and together we're all deciding on my best route of care. Know it's not the same at all, but do think it's kind of the way things are due to pretty severe time/money constraints right across the NHS

foody - no experience here as I'm in an office job I'm afraid. Surely your boss would be obliged to keep it secret; so you could tell them the real reason, and fob colleagues (if they wondered why your role is changing) that it's down to a bad back?

(oh, and I meant to say that I was always banging on about how brilliant the NHS are, not just that I've been banging on about them!)

Me again! Seem to be chatting to myself.
Colleague responded saying:

"The procedure itself is fine although a wee bit embarrassing as they just give you a spinal block. I had a lovely nurse who chatted to me the whole way through.

It wasn?t painful and I wasn?t uncomfortable afterwards either.

My advice is do anything to keep the baby in."

It obviously went well for her and she has a lovely little girl she often bores me talks about

Thanks janey it is scary how much trust you put in midwives/consultants for their opinions, I'm trying to be as informed as possible. MIL was telling me not to google, too much info can be a bad thing etc. Totally disagree!

foody I've had that comment during a smear too! Wonder if that means ours look worse or they took more off than they usually do at one LLETZ. I'd def get yours looked at too although then you'll have this confusing dilemma, but they might say yours is fine. Oh and I told my boss first and asked her to keep it confidential until 12 weeks (I had to due to risk issues) so you could do that at work.

Oh and foody, I meant to say I agree with janey, could you fob them off somehow (your colleagues)?

janey thanks! Why is the spinal block embarrassing? Don't care about embarrassment one bit, had three people looking at my dodgy cervix today including a cute student doctor and I told them about DH's sex ban when they advised to be careful during sex! So embarrassment not a prob but just wondered what a spinal block is and why she was embarrassed?

I think that settles it doesn't it. Would never forgive myself if I don't do this and the worst happens. Janey I can't WAIT to be the one boring you talking about my baby all the time Am scared though eek.

I do agree that doctor google is, generally, an incredibly bad idea - you can always find some loon more than happy to confirm your worst fears! But there are times when it enables you to get actual, real statistics on things and help with an informed decision. So generally I stay well away, but have found it invaluable at times!

Oh alex - hope you didn't accidentally find yourself flirting with the cute doctor, like I did when I was hormonally bonkers due to going through a mmc. I think that trying to vaguely flirt with a man who was trying to fish a massive blood clot out of my cervix was, with hindsight, one of the most hideously cringeworthy things I've ever done...

Oh god, me again. Am going to stop posting now, promise!
Her response re the embarrassment:

"Not the spinal. The fact that you are lying there wide awake whilst strangers are fiddling around with your bits."

Urm, surely when you're going to have to face childbirth at some point it really isn't that embarrassing?!

No I was too busy being made to cough to "relax" so the doctor could get his big fat fingers in to have a feel around - was so nervous! Really told him off for prodding around and "not being careful enough"! So no flirting for me!

Oh and I've had my bits fiddled with loads by strangers - tons of scans and dildocams, I'm used to it!

Haha I wish you'd finished that post sooner -

"I've had my bits fiddled with loads by strangers"

Oh Alex big hug. I had a LLETZ (or LEEP) procedure in December 2011 & from what I remember reading then they said it shouldn't have any effect on carrying children from just one procedure but I guess it might depend on how much was removed. Also not sure if technology has moved on so that they now cause less damage. When I get to the scan stage I'll def ask though esp as I'll be 37 by EDD. Ironically I'm supposed to go for a follow-up check-up at gynae clinic this month but will have to cancel as they said they couldn't do it if I was pg by then.

Wow me, Alex & Foody we can start our own post-LLETZ & potential cervical stitch club. I've often wondered you know whether the procedure had any effect on fertility as although they said it doesn't there did seem to be a higher than normal incidence of people who had had them in the Berry group who were then struggling when TTC.

Thanks frog been reading stories online and feel confused. Really want to get a private second opinion on whether I need it so wondering how to find somewhere reliable. I haven't bled once in this pregnancy which is making me think my cervix is doing well, but I know the baby is only small now. Also read that there's a risk of infection with the stitch and I REALLY don't want to take antibiotics when pregnant, am going to call and ask them that. Would feel better if the doctor had done more than just look and feel around as how can he be sure?!

can you ask to have a colposcopy? by someone who is part of the department who does the stich?

Do you think that they'll do a colposcopy when you're pg? I was only supposed to have a smear this month & they told me when I was there last time & just starting TTC that they wouldn't do it if I was pg. I think that they're nervous about doing anything intrusive near the cervix.

have you tried googling private antenatal care in your area?

Mind you if they've already had a good rummage around with their fat fingers then I can't see a camera being any worse!!

Ugh if men had to have their bits fiddled with as much as we do the human race would die out.

i dont think a colposcopy would be any more intrisive than an internal scan or DTD, but I may be wrong, I only had the one colposcopy when I had the lletz and my memory of it is a bit hazy

I was told I wasn't even allowed to have my routine smear when pregnant...?

Maybe I have it all wrong then. seems some of the reading i have done is what they do in the states too, they routinly smear as part of pregnancy care.

Crap I'm reading a BBC article which suggests that a stitch does bugger all and a short cervix basically has a 25% chance of late mc Wonder how accurate this is?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3770523.stm