Hello!
Expecting my first on December 19th.
I am feeling rather insecure, anxious and grumpy. Does it not seem suddenly as though the world is full of mortal danger? And that bad things are incessantly happening to children? If this has always been the case I guess I was an insensitive idiot and didn't notice it before.
For some reason the whole not telling people thing is really getting me down. I guess I just don't like the social complexity. It reminds me of my wedding when I was forced to order all my friends and family in terms of importance. I didn't even want any table numbers but then the venue just put them on anyway so how do you think it felt to the people on the last table? Then they called them up to the buffet in table order just to emphasize the point. The whole point of of having a buffet was so it would be casual and friendly. Anyway so now I keep wondering if so and so will be offended to only find out I am pregnant after the first scan rather than being one of the special chosen few confidantes. But then thinking about telling people makes me think about miscarriages which makes me upset.
I am such an emotional wreck, not to mention nauseated and exhausted, that I feel singularly incompetent to take responsibility for a child. It's all I can do to make it through the day. My dissatisfaction with myself is equalled only by my dissatisfaction with the entire rest of the world, which it seems to me is dangerous, hostile, irritating and generally lacking.
Anyone else having a grumpiness issue? Any advice for snapping out of it? I'm sure all this doom and gloom can't be good for the little bean.