July 2013 part 2

[ArkadyRose]

And on we go!

I also haven't read 50 shades! Maybe there's more of us than the media would have us believe. I thought I was the only woman alive that hadn't!!

In terms of telling people, we've told parents, my sister, a few close friends and a few of my mummy friends. Everyone that I would want to know if the worst happened really. My mummy friends were invaluable when we had the MMC earlier this year as they all rallied round to look after DS when I had to go into hospital so that DH could come with me.
I get a bit annoyed really about this whole 12 wk rule. I get it that it suits some people and that's fine but it's accepted that people grieve in different ways with all other bereavements but with MCs its almost like you have no choice in how you deal with it - it has to be kept secret.
I remember just after our MC, a friend of ours posted on Facebook that their cat had passed away & they recieved a lot of deserved sympathy an support from their friends. But I felt I wasn't able to share my pain or grief and just had to put a brave face on it whether I was so inclined or not. And it's amazing, since talking to other friends (I'm quite open now about having had MC, I don't see why it should be kept secret) so many have shared that they have too.
I dunno, I just feel strongly that by having this cultrally enforced secrecy, we are removing valuable emotional support from a lot of women.

Sorry rant over - can you tell DH is out tonight

8+1

Ok,ok, clearly not cool here, but I LOVED 50 shades, and no it's not the same as twilight in my tragic untrendy eyes. DP insisted I was reading porn and wouldn't come anywhere near me whilst I was engrossed so no grey inspire baby... Nice thought though! lol!

Great news with everyone's scans, it's all go!

I am half asleep in bed after having an emotionally draining evening, nothing has happened I just felt like crying!! Anyway, just has to post to say boo I soooooo agree with you. Will post more on my thoughts tomorrow

Another one here who has never read 50 shades - I'm really not interested in the idea of violence against women in whatever context.

Dh had his Xmas do tonight as well but he didn't want to go so stayed home (I was secretly pleased, even though I told him he should go).

boo - I couldn't agree more! The 12 week rule is ridiculous! Just means more heartache if things go wrong, not less. And makes miscarriage a taboo. Dark ages...

Fifty shades, utter drivel, written by the most talentless writer I have ever had the misfortune to read! Read half way through book one and never did bother reading the rest, the books are now collecting dust! Anyone who didn't know about BDSM could glean more from Google than the tripe in that book and it was so repetitive! For gods sake, her breath hitched that many times! I want to know how she avoided Thrush and/or cystitis!!!

Boo I'm with you. After my mc I realised how daft it was because all the people I needed support from were the ones I had to tell "I was pregnant but now I'm not" Should have just told them in the first place. I tell everyone I now consider I would want to know I had mc'd. My nearest and dearest.

Had my booking in on Wednesday and elective requested on medical grounds. A far cry from my beautiful, home water birth last time round! Didn't even have G&A but there we go. I've had that experience and it was perfect so I am lucky. 12w scan booked for 9th Jan.

Welcome and congrat's newbies Hope everyone is well x

Re telling people and 12-week rule: I told everyone first time round as soon as I found out. Then had MC last time round. This time have only told tight group of mates as word spreads like bloody wildfire in my village and I just hate the thought of having the 'Well actually that didn't work out' conversation with well-meaning semi-strangers.

Re the 12 week rule: I try to keep it quiet for as long as possible (ideally longer than 12 weeks) but 2 friends from last weekend know (as I wasnt drinking), a mum from school guessed (as I wasnt drinking), sister and BIL know (as wasnt drinking - sensing a theme here?), my best friend at work and my boss know (as had to get them to cover when I had to have time off for an apptment) and our lovely nanny knows (as impossible to hide at home). So not doing a great job of hiding it! Am telling family this weekend and DSs after have had all the test results back.

Good luck for scan today Thinkingof4 and anyone else having scans today. And welcome to all new people to this thread - July is indeed going to be babytastic.

orange thank you.!!! I hate poorly written dribble I will stick with my Game of Thrones series such a high page count in each book I won't be finished til the baby is here

I haven't read 50 shades of grey either and don't really understand why anyone would want to. If you're into porn (and I'm not) then why not just read / watch some porn?

DH was supposed to be on his works night out last night but he cancelled cause he thought I might need him at home... Before you go all you should know that he went for a night out on Tuesday and I was a bit pissed off with him because I was really ill and in a lot of pain (PGP / SPD hitting really hard now) and told him so. I'd feel guilty, but I think he was probably just looking for an excuse to duck it anyway. He's not exactly wild about his work colleagues unfortunately.

I've had a week off scanning this week due to this stinking cold, and I'm quite happy with having a week where I'm not stressing about it. I'm actually thinking I might even go out tonight (gasp) I know, I can't believe it myself. I can't remember the last time I had a night out. Can't wait.

Ladies, I've had quite a bit of brown discharge in the last 48 hours. I consulted doctor google & apparently it's quite common & normal. How many of you have experienced this?

Just a teeny bit worried (I'm not normally a worrier at all!)

7+3

Flying - I had a fair bit with DS2, only a tiny bit this time round. If worried, call your MW who should hopefully be able to advise.

No 50 shades of anything here either. Think I was annoyed by the assumption that every women should want to read it. I agree with Boo aswell. I needed support after MC from those close to me and it shouldn't need to be a secret - unless you want it to be. Me and DH decided to decline the downs syndrone test for various reasons. A friend last night made a comment on this I found a bit hurtfull. Is anyone else going to decline? They don't offer the nucal scan test on nhs where I live so it would have been on bloods combined with other risk factors.

Flying sprocket I would call your gp or midwife and ask for a scan if they will give you one. For me it was old implantation blood and all was fine.

flying I have had some degree of brown discharge every other week so far. Midwife says all is normal, and I've had an early scan with heartbeat and heard heartbeat with doppler last week, so for me fingers crossed is fine. Definitely speak to the midwife though, even if just to reassure yourself.

I did read 50 shades, because evryone was talking about it and I needed to be able to join in. It is terribly written, but strangely compulsive, like reading something written by a teenager. Was trying for 7 months though, so well before 50 shades.

I agree on the 12 week secrecy. I've also told friends/family who I would want support from if things went wrong. And my boss because of the risks at work, but she is very supportive.

cotton we're having the nuchal, but would never have amnio or CVS due to risk of MC as we wouldn't abort for religious reasons. (This is just our view, I have no problem with anyone who feels differently, I just wouldn't do it personally) But thought as the nuchal is offered it gives some degree of warning so if the risk is high we can at least prepare for the possibility.

I declined the test, don't think I had it the last two times either.

The midwife at the booking in appointment was fine about it but the consultant looked a bit shocked when I said I wasn't having it.

Cotton - I'm having the tests etc as I figure forewarned is fore-armed and all that. But I'm not sure I'd go on to have more invasive tests. I'm of the view that its everyones personal decision as to whether they have them or not - they are merely offered, not compulsory.

Hi Ladies, I have been lurking for a while but this is my first post please can I join you?

I am due on the 11th July with my first. I had a private scan last Friday as my NHS one is on the 2nd of Jan and we couldn't wait that long to find out everything was ok. We also wanted to announce the news as we have been so excited and bursting to tell everyone over Christmas time.

The scan was wonderful, we heard the heartbeat and saw babys little hands and feet moving! All the measurements were spot on and we were told we could be confident about the pregnancy, it was the best £50 I have ever spent.

Hope everyone else is doing well and congratulations to you all :-)

Welcome Insomniac. Glad you had a good scan.

Another lurker finally daring to post. I'm 10+1 by my dates (11+1 from lmp but with a 5 week cycle) with dc1 after 2 MMCs in the last year. Had my booking in a few weeks back, scan is next Weds (glad they book those on their dates!), a little worried as only then will we know for sure this one's stuck but the nausea and burping are providing excellent reassurance!

I read 50 shades 1 on holiday in September and really enjoyed it, read the other 2 when we got back because I wanted to see what happened to the characters but it wasn't the same when not on a sun lounger. That would have overlapped with conception but post- holiday relaxation had a lot more to do with our success.

With my first pregnancy we told my parents early on (staying with them, couldn't hide not drinking, already a little bit concerned though and they were fab), I told a couple of friends, then when the MMC was confirmed told my boss, my sister and auntie (the latter was staying with us at the time), and a close friend who is a GP so was very supportive with medical facts during natural management. Afterwards told inlaws and a few more friends who I knew would understand when related conversation prompted it.

Pregnancy 2, 1 close friend knew before, she was newly pregnant so we traded news. Then I went on a hen do, told the bride and a couple of others, the rest guessed but didn't talk about it. Told my boss when I was referred to EPAU and my sister when it all kicked off, then parents etc. I think first time was easier as my Mum was amazing, just the right balance of supportive interest and helping distract me when there was nothing I could do. Unfortunately second time my parents had other crises to deal with so it didn't feel right to burden them with more worry until I had to.

As things stand today, my parents, sis and BIL all know, as does my boss (has been v supportive of working from home 1 day/wk), 1 very close friend, and a friend at work with similar dates. Avoided telling inlaws at 6 weeks so hopefully they will get exciting news on Xmas Eve.

So summing that up, I think it's good to tell people who would be supportive in a MC scenario (in a way you could cope with, MIL doesn't know because she'd be overbearing), or who can help now (eg an understanding boss), but don't risk the blabbers if you can help it!!

Sorry for a v long post. And in all that I've not said - my dates = July 11th, mw dates = July 4th. Will find out on Wednesday!

Donna read the first 50 Shades only because her best pal read it (and, worryingly, thought the lead character wound be a great catch). She thought it was the biggest load of codswallop she's ever had the misfortune to read. And she used to like Jane Green. Not sure it would be my cup of tea.

9+1

Had my scan today. 1 little baby with a beating heart measuring 42mm long. Been put back a day so now due 5th July. I also have a tiny luteal cyst on my right ovary which they will check again at my anomaly scan but hopefully it will be gone by then. Only slight concern was that little one wasn't moving very much, only when the sonographer poked him. DS2 was like that and he has genetic mobility problems, other 2 were much more active at scans. Sonographer said it was too early to tell really so we have to wait and see.

I've also got cystitis so feeling a bit sorry for myself and trying very hard to drink more without puking.

ellie congrats on your scan, though it sounds like it has come with some questions. I hate 'wait and see'.

Ellie - Ds1 was like that at first scan and he was fine, just v laid back. In fact he still is aged 6! Sorry to hear about the cystitis - can you stomach cranberry juice? My Gp friend swears by it when a bout of cystitis hits. We,come to the thread MrsMillions - so sorry to hear of your previous losses. Hope rime lies to your scan next week and you get good news.

oooh photo glad to hear game of thrones series is good as bought for dh, he loves all that kind of literature.

Great scan news ellie my dd was a lazy little toad, even at the 20week they had to get me jumping up and down to get her to budge!

cotton we're having the nucal but it's a totally personal decision! Hope you told said twat friend to f the f off and mind their own business! Where do people get off passing, judgemental and unsolicited comments!!!

welcome all you de-lurkers pop yourselves on the list