March 2013 IX: Cruising to Christmas with burgeoning bumps

[Sheldonella]

Thanks sarahs999 for the lovely new thread name :)

Old thread here

No 9, can you believe it

I've started buying wipes and nappies (for the early days - I'll be moving onto cloth once the poos are a bit less explosive!) alongside my weekly shop to try and spread the cost a little bit... Have a wee stockpile built up already, very excited!

Right ladies, need a bit of advice/support!

I've suddenly been hit by a feeling of mass panic at the thought I'm actually going to have a baby to look after, be totally responsible for that's going to completely take over life. I assume in the sensible part of my brain that once it happens I'm going to want baby to be the centre of my world but at the moment the other selfish part of me is terrified of never being able to make any decisions for myself or do anything I want again!

I also don't feel like I've bonded with bump much at all, which I just sort of assumed I would at some point. It just seems so alien that it's actually my baby in there that's going to come out and change our world in the next 11 weeks. I don't know if that's because I see all the bad side of things at work and don't want to get my hopes up and have something go wrong, which I know is really unlikely but difficult to shift the idea of.

My overriding fear in all this is getting PN depression, which I don't know why I'm so terrified of as have no more risk factors than any first time Mum and good support but I'm worried the lack of bonding so far might be a sign.

Now in RL I am ridiculously laid back and tend not to get too worried about anything so not enjoying this much at all.....just thought I'd put it out there and see if it's just me with a touch of the antenatal crazies or if this is a common feeling!

Hey SoYo, my sister had PND, and she suffered terribly to start with, it was devastating to see her go through it, but we have a very strong family and we all helped out here and there, but still allowed her to do her own things to bond such as feeding and reading to her DS, and she got there. There are so many many women who get it, and there's plenty of help out there. So don't feel bad if you do get it.

It hasn't hit me yet if i'm honest. I think it'll be when i go into that room in 10 weeks time i(f shes on time) and basically i won't be leaving til a baby leaves my body. Then i'll panic!! Bonding wise, i understand where your coming from. My mum read books to us whilst we was bumps, and talked to us ect, i just feel damn stupid. I've tryed, and its rubbish. One thing i have enjoyed is filling out my Bump to Birth book, it has become a little diary for me. So you could write down things see how that helps. It's become rather personal, and it think it'll make a lovely 21st birthday present for her.

But atm, i'm so laid back, yet more prepared that anyone i know. People have just started getting nappies, wipes, starting the nursery. I finished all of that months ago. I've got easily over 700 nappies, size 1 and 2. Ridiculous amounts of clothes. A cotbed, a crib, a moses basket, travelcot and pram with carryseat. Everyone's talking about these things and i can't join in cuz i've done it.

So from me, i'd say don't worry. I'm the same :) So either we've both got Antenatal Crazies or its common. But your not alone. :)

Thanks LaurenCaddy, always good to know either you're completely normal or not the only mad one out there!!! Have also tried talking to bump, can't really get past hello! DH does however enjoy saying "hello bubba, I am your father" in best Darth Vadar impression!

:') Haha Darth Vadar. Actually made me laugh!

My OH seems to thing he can bargain with our bump. If she sleeps well he will stop making her chasity belt and trust her, but she's still not allowed to wear skirts.

I prefer to be mad, its the way to be in this world (Y)

Evening :)

backward that's such a good thing to do, specially for the early days when you just need them to hand and might not want to go out. I need to get some too.

SoYo hi! Think what your feeling is v normal, I feel the same sometimes about life changing which suprises me as already have 2 year old dd.
Just wanted to say that with dd I loved the concept of her, and liked her a lot when she was born, but that the overwhelming love and bondedness feeling kicked in a little while after she was born, when I got to know her, and has been growing increasingly since. Go with the flow of how you feel, but just like loving your OH its not always like you expect. :)

Bonding - everyone is different. Some women like talking to their bumps. Some can chat endlessly about the personalities of their babies, who by the way are not yet born and they have not yet met. Some people want their babies to be something quite desperately and talk about that alot. Others want to fill a void and talk about that alot. Others think they don't really want their babies at all and are frightened to discuss this. And some women are just waiting to meet their babies and see what happens then.

No-one is right, no-one is wrong. Everyone is just coping in their own way. It doesn't mean you will suffer from PND or that you won't. So whilst worrying makes perfect sense, it is just worry. It isn't a symptom of something deeper or wrong. Honest.

Hi everyone. I had my first NCT class last night and really enjoyed it. The other couples there were all lovely and the teacher was great too. I was quite nervous about going but it turned out to be a lot of fun.

Today is the first day of my new part time life as I have my first day off! It is a lovely thought that I don't really have much to do today.

SoYo Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious about bonding. I think anything is normal at this stage really from what I've been told. This is definitely a scary time! I think we all go through periods of panic, I know I do.

Lauren Sounds like you are organised, me too! I have been buying things as I've seen good deals since about 20 weeks and have everything pretty much covered now. 700 nappies is impressive though, I don't have that many :)

Hope everyone has a nice day :)

Good afternoon all,

Hope everyone slept a bit better than previous nights.

Really glad you enjoyed your NCT classes Sheldon, i'm still in 2 minds about my upcoming ones. I've got my fingers crossed for a teacher like yours!

Lazy day for me today, pj's, sofa, tomato soap and Bargain Hunt atm! So will prob drift in and out todays :)

First time posting in here! Baba due on 2nd March and getting very excited!! Just thought I'd say hello!

Hello all, apologies again for the sporadic posts from me. Lovely to see so many new names on this board congratulations March ladies - not long to go now.

SoYo I agree with the others that its very natural to feel some sort of concern about the great unknown, and this is a BIG new adventure - you've never before been in this position ( regardless of whether its your first or 6th) so it makes sense to have thoughts, concerns, worries and also dreams and excitement - although I dont think all of those things come out together!! With PND some of teh battle is in recognising the symptoms and, if you have already thought about it now then you are prepared for the worst and able to therefore hope for the best.
I admit that I too have had ( and still have) some concerns and worries - after all I know that I'm good at my job because I've done it for a while -I have no idea if I'll be any good at this parenting lark BUT I console myself with the fact that the very fact that I'm concerned about whether I'll be any good is a pretty fab sign. After all I think we all see those people who don't care - giving a s**t has to be a major bonus in parenting n'est pas?

Lauren I'm looking forward to/a little nervous about my forthcoming NCT classes too. Fingers crossed that they'll be a s positive as sheldon's do let us know hopw you geton. v jealous re: PJs BTW I had mw appt this morning and having got the time completely wrong rushed out at stupid o clock ( then waited 2 hours for appt oopsy!!)...feel more than a tad uncomfortable in my maternity trousers , cannot stand tights either and thus cannot wait to get em off ( so to speak!). I have taken to wearing dresses with knee high boots and over the knee socks most days- don't tell my mother!

Hi to all the newbies.

PND- just make sure you/DP etc know what to look out for, quicker it's spotted , quicker it's treated. I've had it 3 times now & only once affected bonding ( although that was partially a dodgy birth & divorce too not just PND).

I've been getting a lot of pain last night & this am so been to hospital. Spent 3 hours & had urine & swabs done, got ABs for (probable) uti , clexane & codeine. Feel less pain now for the codeine and they were quite happy with me taking it longer term (GP only said 3 days at a time).
Also got a wheelchair (used to be my Nannas, we bought it so a good one!) so I can go out as my crutches aren't doing the job anymore. V gutted about this.

Ood Sounds rough :( Hope pain feels better soon.

Anything to be comfy dame!

My doctor's receptionist wouldn't let me book my own whooping cough jab. I missed my 28 appt so can't see them till next week (32+4) that shouldn't be too late should it?

Should be ok, supposed to allow 2+ weeks before delivery, you aren't in a rush are you

Threefortea _ I think there is a special school for surly medical receptionists who think they know best! Ours is named 'Joy' and its probably the most ironic name ever given. You could always ring your MW and get them to bang heads together before your appt but I think 32 weeks is in the ' best time' scenario of between 28-32 you cvan have jab up to 38 weeks though. One teeny bit of advice I wish I'd had is think about which arm to have it in - it can cause a bit of discomfort for a few days ( its worth it for the cover of course) but I stupidly went with the side I usually sleep on.. not clever... I avoided the side I write with which sounded sensible but thinking back, how often do I actually write for long periods? DUH!

Dame I did similar - flu jab in right arm, whooping cough in left, can't sleep on back or tummy. I was very grumpy for the next two days!

I'm now starting to wonder if we should have booked NCT classes - though I've heard they're hideously expensive so I didn't even look into them! Oh no, I'm now feeling my first pangs of parenting guilt

Soyo I feel the same, and I think it's perfectly natural. I was on the phone to my mum last night and she said I'll never be able to be selfish again. I was so stunned, but she's completely right! Despite my very wriggly bump and all the physical signs of being heavily pregnant, and a house that's rapidly filling with baby stuff, and not being at work because I'm on maternity leave...the notion that I'll actually have a baby in about 7 weeks is just STUPID! I mean, motherhood is something that happens to other people, right? I cannot get my head around it. What will it be like? I can't give baby back if we don't get on. I can't just pop a few CVs out and look for alternative employment. And what about DP? How will he cope? It's all just so unknown.

But when I stop and think about it I get a huge grin on my face.

Right everyone, stuff my bonding concerns, I now have a very real problem....stuck in the car on M62. Traffic announcements say 1hr delay. No services. Crawling traffic so can't safely get out. Really need to pee! Think strong pelvic floor thoughts for me & fingers crossed for no sneezing/coughing!

Stay strong SoYo!

You'll never have this problem again when you carry nappies ...

Sorry to burst in ladies, 15 minute countdown to One Born Every Minute :D

You'll all be glad to know I made it home! Worth all those pelvic floor exercises!!!

OBEM is for sky+ so I can scare the living daylights out of DH with it too!

Thanks for all the moral support ladies x

Word of warning to those stock piling nappies.... Newborns grow incredibly fast and often don't fit the really teeny tiny ones!
Speaking from experience only buy a small amount of the little nappies or you will be stuck with mountains of nappies you can't use and I remember begging at waitrose and boots to return unopened packets to be told that they cannot accept nanny returns.
Also a baby could be tall with very skinny waist so be in smaller nappies than you expect, or short but with big fat tummies (like all 3 of mine) and so power up the nappy sizes.....

On the subject of bonding, don't worry if you don't instantly bond with your LO. Lots of women write about a rush of emotions and for some, that's certainly true, but as three sensibly says, it's like loving your OH; no one pattern fits all. I never felt that emotional about ds when he was wee; I knew that I loved him and would have jumped in front of a bus for him if necessary, but it was cerebral iyswim. The emotional feelings came later. With this pg, I'm so busy looking after ds, preparing to move house, sorting out PhD stuff that I haven't really had time to give the bump much attention. I suppose it hasn't really sunk in about having another baby yet, but I know that in due course I will love this one every bit as fiercely as ds.
Hope that makes sense.

Good morning all ladies!

Hope everyone's doing well. Having a battle with the housing people, our home is literally 10 weeks old yet there's mold growing in the windows already. I'm sure that's not normal. There supposed to be Eco homes and all up to date and all sorts.

Glad you made it back in 1 piece SoYo!

stealth I don't need to worry, i haven't bought a single nappy, all ours where gifts and i have plenty of expecting friends, due after me, so i'm a sharing kind of person.

Massive Rant (sorry in advance) OH STILL in bed. So annoyed. He went to Birmingham over Christmas to be with his family, and left me at home, i'd decided not to go because they was poorly, and i wasn't sure at the time whether it was Norovirus and i certainly wasn't risking harming bump! Some friends of his uploaded pictures, and in some, he's smoking. I questioned him about it, and he says he likes to smoke when he's drinking ¬¬ Might be over-reacting but i'm so angry. He basically made out i don't let him do certain things and he was letting his hair down getting drunk and stuff. I told him not to talk to me.

Maybe because he's 21 and he's going to be a dad in 10 weeks, and i'm thinking time to grow up mate. But also makes me feel like he's pretending/acting. He has one life here then goes up there, makes out i don't let him do things, makes me look like a controlling bitch basically. Then comes back down here and pretends he's happy.

Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

sigh. Hope everyone else has a productive day!

Lauren - time for a chat with your OH. Try to talk through without the anger and emotion. Be rational. Example set. Health of baby, you and him. Shared life doesn't mean not doing own thing but you do find it upsetting if he is saying he can only have fun without you - so how can two of you have fun together as well as own space etc. of course he may just be immature or having a pre baby last hurrah but its worth a shot.