November 2012 - lots of babies that can't wait for November

[StuntNun]

Previous ante-natal thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1584066-November-2012-babies-arriving-early-and-impatient-mummies-to-be

Post-natal thread for the graduates: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1579907-November-2012-babies-are-here-at-last

Shanelle really sorry, what a complete idiot. As the others have said please feel free to offload on here any time, we are def here to support each other and sometimes its easier to talk to others here then in RL.

shanelle very tricky when there are mental health issues going on. It certainly isn't an excuse for his behaviour, but goes a way to explaining why perhaps. I am glad he is there if only to some extent, and clearly cares about you and your baby. I do hope things do work out for you both, but I guess only time will tell. My brother has Aspergers, and I adore him, but have frequently been known to say I am glad I am his sister and not his partner.

YW I have the utmost respect for you, and it is that respect for you that made me fearful

VQ my 9 year old DD has Aspergers so living in a house with 2 very emotionally errrm challenged people has been hard at times. I cope well when not pregnant and hormonal but his inability to be any emotional support has proved to be too much for both of us in recent months but it does colour things yes as its not so clear cut as him being a prize prick!
Where do you draw the line though? I got so down myself that I was headed for a breakdown and was prescribed but didnt take anti depressants during this pregnancy and was looking a good candidate for PND. I think I have to put my own mental health first at this point to be the best and sanest Mummy for the little one, and also of course, put my older children above my relationship as its been hard for them too.

shanelle sorry to hear about what is going on. You sound immensely strong and brave, and far more reasonable than I would be. Although it is his child too, it is your birth, so ok to be selfish about what you need or want, including his attendance or otherwise. Do you have any RL support?

shanelle you have to look after yourself in order to look after your babies, all of them. The order of priority has to be mummy, babies, daddy. You are right, it totally blurs the line. It is an impossible situation to make a decision that you feel is 100% right. I do not envy you would it be worth talking to your GP again? Antidepressants are not the magic cure, but can help. Do you have help in RL? There are charities like home start that can help with practical things if you wanted? I wish you had said before x this must have been/ be a heavy cross to bear x

shannelle that is the shittest? How on earth are you coping? As others have said you know where to come for a moan

Off for my bath try to get rid of all the aches and pains.

And madame is totally right. You decide who you want at the birth. Do what you need. Be totally selfish in that respect. Perhaps he would do better looking after the other kids? You know what is best for you. And you can change your mind at any point!

Wow Shanelle you've really been through the mill. It's good that your ex-DP wants some involvement in the birth though, it's a good start to his relationship with his child.

What's the saying? If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best?

Shanelle Surely, even with an illness similar to bipolar, he could see that it would be a difficult time for both of you? Pregnancy is a trying time for any couple, and to me it seems as though he is running away from the situation instead of trying to get through it.
If you are suffering from depression I would really recommend going back to the doctor and having a chat about it. I did and took the option of medication, which has helped to level me out a bit more and I feel more in control. Don't be afraid to ask someone for a bit of advice, as you need all the support you can get right now. I do hope you're ok and please moan away if you need to, threads like this can really help and there are some very wise and lovely ladies on this one! x

MM Your DP is being an arse, drum it into him that you kind of need him around at the moment, being a ticking preggo-bomb and all.

Honestly, men!!

Oh Shanelle I wish you had felt able to confide in here sooner :(

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been through separation, but with a child, not when pregnant. I don't know how you have gotten through the last few weeks - you are a strong strong woman.

Any man who can walk away from their pregnant partner can't be much of a man. I can show him a little credit in that he hasn't disappeared of the face of the earth, but neither should he have walked away so easily.

Pregnancy is a tough time with the hormones, wanting to feel secure, the changes in your body, and change in your priorities are all difficult - for you, and him. However, he should realise this, and adapt himself, not become Mr Selfish.

I'm of the school of thought that no man is better than a shit man. But I know exactly how it feels when you are on your own, and how damn tough it is to have to do EVERYTHING yourself. It is exhausting. Mentally and physically. Not to mention the whole not having someone to confide in, and share the little things in life that only a partner would care about. My mum thought I was being ridiculous when I said this. But it is true. I used to sit there for hours wishing someone would care enough for me to tell them the mundane shit of my day.

I found talking online was a lifeline though, and although I suspect it may be hard for you to post here, we've all got a past, and have been through many varied life changes, and I suspect there are some wise and supportive people here who are more than willing to listen and talk!

In a nutshell, feel free to talk/rant/whatever here, and know that people care!

There is so much support on here and such lovely ladies. No I don't have much support in RL but that's self inflicted if im honest as i havnt told my family im too embarrased! Im not ready for the disappointed tuts and we told you so's that typically come from my lot. I have a few good friends that i could share with now im a bit stronger and had time to get used to it a bit. I just feel like a failure as i was already divorced from my Girls father after 16 years so this was meant to be my new start with THE ONE and now i have to admit that ive mucked it up again

You haven't mucked it up Shanelle.

Mucking it up would be the man walking away from his pregnant partner!

I think you will find your family much more supportive than you realise.

I see a lot of women, who end up alone either for the duration of pregnancy, or at some point through the pregnancy, and I can count on one hand the number of women who have had little in the way of support around the pregnancy/birth/postnatal period. Families have a way of coming together when it matters most.

Nope, lady, it wasn't you that mucked it up by any stretch. You sound as if you've been supporting him terrifically. He has to take the blame for mucking things up (although he obviously isn't accepting that blame). Poor you. You do sound so strong, big respect to you.

Take care of yourself. You're amazing, remember that.

Shanelle just want to echo what the other ladies have said that you are amazingly brave and strong, please let us all support you when you need a shoulder/ear/rant.

MM your dh is being incredibly selfish, I would go absolutely crazy at my dh if he even suggested a jolly with his mates.

DH my arm is aching too after the whooping cough vaccine.

I had a midwife appointment this morning, baby is one fifth engaged, so heading in the right direction I also finally have a physio appointment for Monday afternoon, I was referred over 10 weeks ago fil is convinced baby is going to be born on the 22nd, which is the same day as physio. I'm hoping he is right as I'm so over in pain and unable to sleep right now.

Finally caught up I think!

missmummy YANBU! I'd be mighty pissed of at DP if said he was going away anywhere at the moment. You need him with you and he should realise that.

Good luck for Friday petit and nervous

shanelle I'm so sorry to hear what your OH has done. You sound like you're being incredibly brave and strong, of course you haven't 'mucked things up' please don't think that ((hugs))

It was my DDs last day at her nursery today and we got a folder to take home with a record of all the goals and milestones with lots of lovely little comments from her key workers on things she had said and done, as well and pictures of her. I cried when I read it! She's growing up so fast. It's my last day of work tomorrow then I'm on maternity leave for a whole year! Yay!

Will definitely get my hospital bag packed and the newborn clothes washed next week!

Shanelle huge hugs!!! I agree with the above comments though. Must be so tough!!

Yw - harsh as it sounds he won't be around for ever and if he continues to boil over the smallest things he'll kill himself. I just feel for dh as his dad will have nothing to do with the baby when he arrives. So essentially the baby will only be bought up knowing my side of the family. Sad but at least he'll have one set of very doting grandparents!! And one very very doting aunt in my sister!!

Oh and I had my midwife appointment which all went ok but baby is not at all engaged, but apparently is in a very good position, so the midwife said it was a shame I'm having a c section

Have we heard from cat today?

No don't think so?! Maybe shes cuddling 2 little bundles?

I do hope so!

Me too!

I am currently trying to be very tolerant of DP who is sat at the other end of the room on his computer, playing his stupid games, with his stupid mates, on his stupid headphones, making stupid noises.

Wishing I was at work right now!

Can I also share, and hope that I am not alone in feeling this... Last weekend on my very last night shift in work, DP decided to invite his stupid mates over. Now, DP isn't the going out type, so I really shouldn't complain. But I was 37+2, and in work, and I'm feeling a bit protective of the house, given it is where I will hopefully give birth, and has all the things I have bought for this baby. It is my little sanctuary at the moment, and I really don't want anyone to come over . I didn't say this to DP, or say he couldn't invite them over, but did point out several things, such as being over 37 weeks, could give birth any time, it was a sunday night, DS in bed upstairs who has to be up for school... etc. He knew I didn't want them to come over, but he did it anyway :( I feel very selfish, but I'd rather he had picked a night when DS was at his dads, and gone out instead.

Guess it doesn't help that all his mates live with their parents, given they are 21-22. So it seems they only ever want to come to my our house. Also, clouding my judgement rather is the fact I don't like them - for no reason other than they are very immature!!

Just snapped at DP to shut up, after listening to 'Matt, Matt, zombie, zombie, you're gonna die, shit shit shit over the sound of the TV....' Narghhhhhhhhhh!!!

detective well, as a Cougar I am sure there are benefits (not that you are old enough to be a cougar, obviously)

Preg related question has anyone else noticed an increase in their appetite?! I can suddenly eat again and feel hungry all the time?!

Guess it's all related to having more space!!

Oh and I have an unquenchable thirst too?!