November 2012 - lots of babies that can't wait for November

[StuntNun]

Previous ante-natal thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1584066-November-2012-babies-arriving-early-and-impatient-mummies-to-be

Post-natal thread for the graduates: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1579907-November-2012-babies-are-here-at-last

sophia I am off mine now.

Welcome nick. I think you are safe to come out of hiding.

MM I think he is asking too much. It is not as if you are second trimester - you need to know that he is going to be ready if something happens. In the grand scheme of things it's not a long time for him to change his commitments. It's not the lack of car for me but the being off shore.
Also, why are his parents insisting on coming over? If they are not over often I would write them a list of fab places to visit and send them away each day - Falkland Palace, the Falkirk Wheel, Stirling castle and so on. You haven't been well and they need to accept that.

Good idea on the list of fab places to visit - that's more diplomatic. Unless of course they come out with that classic line of 'but we came to see you!'. Wah!!!!

Thank you ladies - glad I'm not over-reacting. YW it's the 22nd. I went out with someone in the past who was a million times more selfish than him - he can be very loving and considerate, he's just sometimes a bit naive... He explained a few weeks ago that he's scared he won't be able to do any of these things after junior's here (people keep filling his head full of horror stories) so I can kind of see where he's coming from. I'm completely fine with everything bar the sailing. It's not essential, he spends all fecking week on a boat and it's not going to be cheap. . I know I'm usually the high maintenance one who isn't happy unless they're getting their own way, but he really is taking the piss with being away for so long. I don't think he realises how close we are to the end. Pray for shitty weather systems ladies that will mess up his plans!

Fab idea pass - I shall compile a list tonight! I'll be sure to add several places that will keep them away all day!

Culross would be nice as well. Anstruther for Fish and chips.

I would go down the line of having work / not having been well and beig under doctor's orders to rest as much as possible. A carefully planned last of places for them to see will seem thoughtful especially if it is presented with a grimace and a heartfelt apology that you won't be able to join them. Even if it only gets them out of the house for a couple of hours it takes the pressure off you. Stop worrying about not being the favourite in-law. None of that matters. You need to put you first because it doesn't sounds as if anyone else is going to.

Oh and while I'm on my high horse - I totally understand the fear from people's stories. Of course we all understand that our lives will change and many things will be very different. However, plenty of people manage to live fulfilling lives which allow them to continue their hobbies. I remember going to visit a friend who had 6 week old twins. I was astonished when I walked in as she had been sitting reading a book. I had been so filled with the idea that babies meant no doing anything other than feeding and looking stressed. So much of it will depend on you and your baby.

I'm not a favourite either. Though I think between my bil and me, I rank slightly higher. Mainly because I take no messing.

It is hard, dh is out most nights this week again. He'll have to stop soon though!! And one time I'll call him to say it's started and that's it!! Thankfully he is taking each day as it comes now and I'm constantly being asked ' are you about to drop yet?' lol

I can't believe how long that just took me to catch up on the thread!

MM I wouldn't cancel my plans at the weekend but then when I know/think I'm being reasonable I will put my foot down. My DP's family live just over 100 miles away and when he invited anyone up he used to happily carry on with his plans of going to the gym or telling them they can come up at a time when he knows he won't be back from work yet etc, or even off to play a footy match! I just had to point it out to him and then go out myself anyway. Fuck it, leave them on the doorstep to teach a lesson!! . He doesn't do it now though . DEFO wouldn't do it to me when pregnant. I think he realised that it did make him a pretty shitty host as they come all that way to see him!

Anyway MM - you're poorly at the moment, ready to give birth any time and are not a performing seal. I'd cancel them (or if they knew and had any feelings they'd cancel themselves!) Is there anyone you can contact that has more flexible heart strings you could tug on? As for your DH...well he's in the shit really isn't he?! Disclaimer: I know it probably isn't his fault at all about work but surely some compromise can me made?

Detective - I'm planning a home birth and I already have the hospital bags packed just in case and they'll just get unpacked here if this is where the party happens. I just nicked other people's lists that posted them on FB. I do like the idea of an oil burner and I do love aromatherapy. Should get into it really but can never be arsed. I will waddle round to the shops tomorrow to see if I can get my hands on anything. Never heard of Clary Sage oil! I take it that it's one of the forbidden ones that apparently bring on contractions or something. I've only got one shower curtain and gutted that it was £3. The pound shop will be on my route tomorrow! I'm afraid I'm definitely one for the whale music and smelly candles etc . In fact, I downloaded a 'Spa Music' album from iTunes today to add to my playlist. Hopefully the midwife won't want to throw my music out into the garden .

38 weeks today and due on Halloween .

Hope all goes well on Friday Nervous and PR

GT congratulations :) hope you and your baby boy are doing well.

MM your DH is completely out of order - I am pretty laid back but that really is several a step to far.

I had a MW appointment this morning and the baby is back to back. Hopefully she'll turn round soon. Will my birth ball help with that, does anyone know? She did mention getting down on my hands and knees so I'll be trying that later.

I am 37 weeks today. My plans this evening involve curry and a pineapple.

Aaaah a much more level-headed and reasonable compromise there from Pass!

People keeping filling his head about how his life is going to change? No offence, but he's hardly a teenager about to have his adult life and freedom stripped away and miss out on his party years is he? He is late thirties isn't he? Surely being asked to grow up and co-parent and share responsibility for a child he made at nearly 40 isn't too much to ask? You're the young one - you've got much more right to be scared I'd have thought!!!! He might be less selfish than your ex - but he still sounds selfish - sorry.

He's making his thoughts about the importance of the antenatal classes and sharing his birthday with you crystal clear. I hope he reconsiders about the sailing I really do. I can see the justifications for the other stuff though would still question the timing.

I don't think I've ever 'stopped' my DH from doing anything - I've never had to - he's imposed his own travel ban with work for the last two months of pregnancy and if he wants to go and do something on his own, fishing etc - it doesn't bother me at all - he just asks before making plans and makes sure he is in mobile range (reception is bad up here). It's a common courtesy. You don't seem to be an equal partner in this hon.

Sorry and btw feel free to ignore all of the above xxxx

I should stress that I'm not a high maintenance primadonna expecting your DH to perform superhuman feats of caring. Ads always jokes that I'm low maintenance and he'd like to see my high maintenance side in labour (am sure he will).

I'm just very wary of men that talk the talk but can't match their charming words with actions and end up repeatedly letting their ladies down and making the lady feel responsible / to blame or worse unreasonable for expecting them to support them through major stuff like errr, labour and pregnancy (but that's probably my ex issues coming to the fore!!!!) xx

Haha Peaky - luckily for him he's not due home for another 2 hours. I might have calmed down by then... His BIL and sister (one of them) are the only people in the family that I like and who have made any effort to get to know me. I might have a moan to them. I should really just man up and put up with them for the few days they'll be here but I'm fed up of always making an effort and it never being appreciated. Urgh. I really am in a strop today!

I think we will be sitting down tonight and having a real heart-to-heart about how much of a prat he's being. I might even direct him to this thread

Can you assure him that you don't know this mad YellowWellies bird?

Mm are you sure it's not that they're just an odd family?!

When mil was ill it was horrific. Sil lives a good drive away (about 2hrs) and one example of the many things my fil has done to piss me off included 'everyone' going to see mil in the nursing home on Xmas day. 'everyone' didn't include me. I was expected to stay at home and have Xmas dinner ready for 3pm when 'everyone' would return. Only half of them came back about 2pm my fil and sola out 3.30.

What did I do in the morning? Rode my horse the went to my mums and cried. I can give numberous other examples where myself or bil have been expected to just drop everything and look after things or children while he has 'special time' with his daughter. To the point that I walked out his house just before I lost my temper. Which is rare but I say things which are fairly horrid though truthful.

I've now decided his family just aren't like my family. He has no concept of what classes as socially acceptable behaviour and only views the world through him. He is not aware that people work, have plans/lives/do not want their 30th birthday party ruining interrupting just because he's having a strop. People actually left after he did his piece.

Our relationship is virtually beyond repair. Sadly he's not aware of this, which is probably for the better. Maybe not, perhaps he'd make more of an effort? Perhaps not.

MM if its any compensation/comiseration (not sure what word im looking for) he wont be quite such a selfish twunt as my "OH" (or NOT so "DP") I should put it as he left me 5 weeks ago at 33 weeks updiffed

The levels of selfishness involved for that behaviour are unparalleled I think so all you lovely Mummies whos' DH's etc are being complete idiots and a little bit selfish - and there does seem to be a lot lately, console yourslef that you are not alone facing being a single Mum. I already have 3 DD's at home and finding myself saddled with ALL the housework, washing, shopping and school runs to 3 diff schools (primary, secondary and college) has been a nightmare when so heavily preggo. Im not taking away that your DH is indeed pushing his luck and I too would be mightily pissed off, as would I in all the other scenarios posted about with equally selfish men but just wanted to say, at least he is there, even though it ofetn feels like we would be better off without them TBH!!
I was going to post about it for support when it happened as its been horrible but it was when evryone was sharing lovely romantic stories about how they met OH and wedding piccies on the FB group etc. It was such a lovely happy, fluffy post I didnt want to bring it down with my misery but am feeling a bit better now, just going on a day to day basis really and I love having this thread to make me chuckle and take me mind off it.

Congratulations GT hope you are having lovely snuggles with your baby boy and that you have had a bit more success with breastfeeding. Off to catch up on the thread now...

Oh shanelle that must have been so shitty. Apologies for us lot not helping. Tres shit timing on our part.

It must be so hard but I disagree with your sentiment though (sorry) - deep down I think it's better to be alone than badly accompanied as the old Spanish saying goes (my Spanish has gone too... preferemento solo y malaccompaniados????) it just doesn't feel like it when it first happens. He can be added to the selfish twunt hall of shame. Do you have family nearby to support you? Feel free to have a good moan on here.

Horsey you seem to be able to take a very philosophical view which is commendable, and harsh as this sounds, the old bugger won't last forever bad YW. Some families are just plain odd and don't relate to each other in the way that I just thought was natural. My sister's inlaws are a bit like that. Her DBIL and his wife (well girlfriend but they've been together forever and he'll just never walk her up the aisle - something she is totally passive aggressive about) still haven't met their niece who arrived prematurely and had only 50% odds of survival. It's been 16 months now and they really don't live very far away. They seem to be the middle class / can't deal with emotions / and / or a crisis 'so lets just ignore it' brigade. I think they feel so bad for not being there at the time - they just can't visit.

Ahh.... families....

Oh shanelle what an absolute prick. Was it expected? And has he done anything to help since? I don't really know what to say as I've never been in your situation but sending you and your dds lots of hugs and best wishes. I am certain you are doing an amazing job with your daughters.

It really puts into perspective how trivial my moans are. Yes i hate him sometimes not hormone fuelled at all... and i only ever share his negative actions on here but i really am very lucky to have him.

MM your moans aren't trivial! It sounds like he's done a right number on you - you're always blaming yourself for him acting like an immature whatsit and not being there!!! Good luck with your heart to heart - I hope you can come to some compromise. xxxxxxxxx

Oh shanelle I am so very sorry to hear that. I actually disagree (bravely) slightly with YW as when you have other kids, you really need someone there all the time to help with the practicalities especially in late pregnancy with school runs. Being a single parent with one is a very different prospect to when you have more. Obviously ideally we would all be loved up whilst up-duffed. Please feel free to 'bring the thread down' if you are needing support x

MM your moans are important and it is better to air them on here than in RL or with him, as it helps to offload, and helps gain perspective. You are not lucky to have him btw, I never think that is a good attitude to have as it can allow piss taking. The man is always lucky to have the woman. Always

Very quick one as cooking dinner & haven't read pg7...

MM YANBU. Sounds like he's being selfish & thoughtless and trying to enjoy his last few moments of freedom without considering their impact on you.

Eliza didn't realise you were so close to me!! I'm in the Bluewater area & attend Darent. I may now have to give birth there rather than home - will explain more later :)

Am not that scary am I?!!! Yes my comment was from someone with jackshit experience of being on my own with kids - so VQ you're quite right to contradict me as I'm talking, potentially, out of my arse. yet again

I too hate the concept of 'I'm lucky to have him' - no you're not. You could go out and (well maybe not at 8 months updiffed) get any bloke you wanted from a pub for a shag. Men - they just don't have that ability. He also gets lover, cook, cleaner, chauffeur, financial advisor, family entertainer, PA / organiser, oh and mother to his baby - and a much younger gorgeous woman - he is lucky to have you. Don't forget it. If he always makes you feel lucky to have him - take a long hard look at your relationship as it could be he's using power games to erode your confidence

Sorry I am sure he has his good points but they had better be pretty immense and he best be hung like a horse to compensate for his thoughtlessness xxxx

shanelle I'm so sorry, that's awful :( feel free to off load on here whenever you need to, this is a support thread after all....

Thanks ladies. Yes and no to it being expected. There is a bit of history behind it, he has mental health issues a disorder called BPD which is similar-ish to bipolar and I have always been his carer.
Once I got upiffed which was unexpected the roles were reversed due to me suffering depression and horrible morning sickness/exhaustion and sadly he just didnt- or couldnt rise to the occasion finding my being needy and hormonal too much like hard work.
Seemed like he could take but not give support but to be fair, with his background and problems Im not sure how much of this is/was him being an arsehole or just that he mentally hasnt got it to give.
I have been a stroppy, hormonal bitch at times and during our frequent rows, said some pretty mean things of which he cannot forgive he says. He blames it ALL on me (as is normal) saying he jus 2could not put up with me anymore" but although I can hold my hands up and say yes I have been hard to live with this in my eyes does not excuse leaving me at such a vunerable time and in turn, I now cannot forgive HIM for his part in it, and doubt there is anyway back for us.
Yes he has been rather helpful, paying his half of the rent and bills etc to the point of being totally skint himself and doing any jobs I have asked of him etc. I see him a couple of times a week and he calls me and txts daily to see how I am. He is trying his best to be there for me whilst not actually being there iyswim and I try to look at those things positively and be grateful that he hasnt fucked off completely but its very hard as I am filled with hurt, anger and bitterness that he has left home.
We argue terribly over the phone if I get into anything emotional or the whys and what ifs of whats happened so I am just reduced to bottling it all up and saying yes im fine and trying to be all positive and cheery so as not to stress myself or baby out. I wasnt sure I wanted him at the birth really but have decided that we were grown up enough to DTD and create this life together we should at least both be there to see him into the world though it does grate a little that he gets to swan in for the nice bit after fecking off for the last few, really tough weeks, then will no doubt leave again after once the novelty of the first few days is over