March 2013 Mk II - anyone for a wotsit?

[tiddleypompom]

Did it work??

Old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1499521-Due-in-March-2013

Stats:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1499519-March-2013-stats-thread

pips I'm in the same boat as I'll be 13+6 on Friday, if I turn out later than expected I can't have it. But I have age on my side I suppose so id take the risk.

pipsicles .. Yes that is why we will have the test to just help us be prepared. It is a personal thing and everyone has to do what is right for them.

tay .. I have two friends to have suffered still born. They both used uk-sands for support and advice.

Evening ladies.

Feeling quite good at the mo. Don't feel bleaugh!!!

Manda- I would love to join you in finding a double buggy not sure what DH would say though. He would faint on the spot. Would be lovely to have twins though.

ted- Very happy for you.

possum- I think it was you that is having a scan, ive lost the post now. Good luck for tomorrow.

I have had a weird day. Since playgroup I have never drank a glass of cold milk until today. (Only have milk in cereal and milkshake) I just went to the fridge and poured myself milk without thinking about it and it tasted lovely. I also had a craving for a particular dessert they do in a particular shop so had to get DH to drive me there and it was heaven! Funny I am not wanting any other sweet stuff just that dessert.

Lets see what tomorrow brings!

Hi Tay, have had similar with friend, best advice I found on net is to make contact, of any sort. To try not to brush it under carpet, just letting her know that you are terribly sorry. To let her know how much you care and will be thinking of her and supportive if she should choose.

I wrote a card, but not a sympathy one, just with a water scene and flower, a blank arty/photo type one.

Phrases on websites suggest avoiding "I can imagine how you feel" (you can't, even if you've been through similar), "it's for the best, it's natures way" (it's not, the best would have been for her to have a healthy child) etc. not saying of course this is what you would say!

There is a Support group www.uk-sands.org which has been helpful to my friend.

Your friends due date may be terribly hard for her, some people choose a gift or token to mark it's passing. Seeing pregnant ladies is very difficult for my friend. I am dreading when I will tell her my news in a few weeks-but will do it with her on her own and don't want her to hear from someone else.

Awful for anyone, at any stage poor lady and her family x

Night ladies, the oh has put on some programme about mould so I've taken that as my hint to go to bed and listen to the infinite monkey cage on the podcast... Have happy Tuesday's :)

Wow, what a lot of great chat I missed out on today with my head down tapping away at work! Went out this evening for some paint testers (for our bedroom and the up- and downstairs hallways - yay) and a waddle down to the allotment where there are finally some good veggies amidst all the weeds. We came home with marrows and cabbages, potatoes and broad beans.

Finally sorted my outfit for tomorrow big's meeting. It's the one dress I can still get into without too obviously saying 'Look at my bump!' In my clothes panic I got another good bargain on eBay - one of those Isabella Oliver maternity dresses that I don't think I could justify buying first hand for just a few months. Apparently I'm going to get bigger than any normal maternity wear if the 'expecting twins' threads / websites are to be believed. so what the hell am I going to wear then?!

Oh, Em, what a tricky situation with your best mate. Glad your boss has been lovely tho.

Good luck tomorrow Sarah and possom. Hope all goes really well!

Thanks for kind thoughts re consultant appointment, Lexi. Isn't it funny about the way time is moving both really slowly and quite quickly?

Welcome thereisamum! I'm one year more geriatric than you: 37 now and will be grand old age of 38 when my DCs1+2 (fingers crossed, all being well, etc) arrive!

chefette DC231!!!

Cor JoJo, I think I must have forgotten how far advanced you were than most of us. How exciting! You're leading the way!

sheldonella I've got an appt with the high risk obstetrics because of medical history. You could phone your MW if it's not obvious from any notes you've been given?

tiddley can bpm really predict gender?! my two were both 168. what do we learn from that?!

Haitch can I be really nosy and ask about the intriguing no MW decision? Having not done this before I think I'll need the MW to hold my hand a bit and tell me to stop being silly a lot! ;-)

tedmundo whoopee for meeting your healthy bean!

gosh tay that's awful news isn't it? I'm afraid I've no experience to offer of this particular kind of thing, but I'd say that just being there for the next weeks and months, whenever your friend needs a shoulder or dinner delivering or shopping bringing, is really going to help in the long term. chefette's advice is really spot on tho.

kk I am the same about cold milk!! Or even hot milk. at school (70s) we were forced to drink one of those small bottles with cream on the top and it used to make me retch so I never drank it ? and was never allowed out to play! Turns out that I'm mildly lactose intolerant so my body was saying no for good reason. That's definitely a pregnancy craving you have there, I reckon! Since being pregnant I've started having milk in tea rather than soya in coffee, for the calcium mainly. It's not too bad and doesn't seem to be affecting me adversely. Oh, and I think my DH 'fainted on the spot' without actually fainting. Seeing the news slowly sink in was so cute - I was just laughing with joy and disbelief!

Sorry to hear about your friend, Tay, that must be awful :( Maybe Rainbow would be willing to help?

Night all x

manda I have heard great things about the Baby Jogger City Select as a double, also the iCandy Peach Blossom, but apparently you have to order one of those before you are even pg as the waiting list is over a year! I am looking for one too as DD will be appx 19 months when this baby is born. I live in a fairly small town and it is hard enough to manoeuvre a regular buggy through the shops, so there is no way to go for a side by side! Apparently big dept stores like Kiddicare and Babies R Us are best places to try them out as they stock the bigger double buggies, unlike many smaller retailers. There are some very pushchair savvy peeps on here if you post questions in the right areas!

Hope everyone is well. .DD's 1st b.day was on Sat and am just about recovering! Had a great time though and weather was amazing! Huzzah! x

manda you are having two little girls . Of course, you might not be :o

Apparently this works better at around 16-20 weeks as heartbeat slows a little from the early days. So we shall monitor you

Terrible night here with DS waking regularly. V unusual these days thank heavens, perhaps tooth number 7 is on its way. insanity good to have another with a young toddler as well as newborn. I can cry onto your virtual shoulder... :)

Happy days all, best of luck possom

Msnda- not really a choice. Only one community MW and I complained about her last time. Which is why it's a bit awkward explaining it to professionals!
I was very sleepy last time sleeping 20+ hours a day until 16 weeks when they discovered it was a side affects of meds. MW kept saying it was normal and wouldn't do anything. GP referred straight to consultant and I was admitted , meds tweaked and seen fortnightly until I got to 36 weeks.

Whoever said baby city jogger- I know loads of people with the single that love them.

Tiddley the heartbeat thing was right for me with DS! :)

On e subject of prams, I can't help but put forward my opinion which is that the Bugaboo Donkey is worth every penny! I bought mine off eBay last October (way before we were trying for another) and absolutely love it, and that's before I turn it into a double! With a 25mth gap, I know DS will still want to sit down some of the time, but we have a buggy board ready for him too. It's not actually that wide either - as a single, it's the same width as the Cameleon, and the double is only a few inches wider, but still plenty of room for my rugby player DS! I won't go on, but if anyone wants to know anymore about it, then please ask - I'll happily share - it's not a decision to be taken lightly!

We're all braced for a six hr journey with DS today - fx it goes well...!

Thinking of you possom x

Blimey I missed loads of chat!

Good luck on your scan today possum, hope your little bean is dancing :)

Get to meet my little bean Thursday and am excited but am really nervous too after Mc in May so it really cant come soon enough. Got Mw again today for my 2nd appointment and am only 9 weeks - I hope all these appointments slow down soon as seem to be having ALOT and with DS2 I ended up being scanned every monday which sounds good but the hospital is 40 mins away and he always runs late so if that happens the mw will have to be dropped!

I am not having any testing and didnt with previous 2 children I believe (my opinion only) that every child is just the way it was meant to be :)

pips I love you. I suspected so before but it is now official. I have had my beady eye on a Donkey since peeing on a stick two months ago (ish). I have the bee plus now & it has been terrific, though having moved from urban to rural landscape I was concerned how it would fair on bumps & grass & snow... With two under 18 months I will need a double - I now have a proper bona fide recommendation from a real live person to wave triumphantly in front of DH. Tis the £££ putting him off you see...

Tell me more - folding, unfolding, fitting into boot, clearance plenty of obsessive facts...

Bpm worked for my DS too - 145bpm throughout :)

tay your poor poor friend. I am sure your compassion will provide a support for her over the next few difficult weeks/months.

zoey I like your way of thinking about it :)

Morning! Looks like I missed lots of good posting just after I turned off my laptop last night, must try to stay up later :) I have just tried calling the hospital about the appointment 4 times but all I got was a recorded message telling me no one could take my call and I couldn't leave a message The mystery remains.
I am interested to hear about the prams. Last time I was pg I had my eye on a mountain buggy so I could carry on my walks through the countryside. Has anyone seen one of these? I saw them online but not in shops. On the subject of names, we did have two that we were totally certain on but now I'm actually pg I'm not so sure!
manda Your allotment sounds great. I have neglected mine horribly this year so no idea what is going on at the moment. My tomatoes look good though. I like your ebay ideas too - will have a look for clothes. Not sure what size I am at the moment.
Tay I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That is so sad :(

Tay Having been in your friend's position myself, I always feel so sick when I hear other people going through the same thing - it happens to so many of us and yet it is swept under the carpet so easily because people are so uncomfortable about acknowledging this. It more of a shock because we are not forewarned that it does happen more frequently than we would like to admit. I am looking at pregnancy with new eyes now and nothing in any pregnancy literature which I have come across addresses stillbirths at all (unlike miscarriages) - just like it doesn't happen .

In terms of contract after DD died I appreciated getting cards from people acknowledging our little one, because the hardest thing is that most people don't treat you like a mum once your child is dead. Chefette's advice on cards is good - be very careful what card you pick. One friend gave be me a newborn girl card, with little shoes on the front which was just heartbreaking as we were not celebrating the arrival of a newborn and our DD would never wear little shoes. A neutral card is best. My top bit of advice on what not to write - do not under any circumstances ever tell her she can have more children like that is a consolation. So many people have said this to me (including midwives) and it is horrible as it implies that somehow having more kids will make the fact that one of your children is dead better - nothing can ever make it better. Your friends will be missing her little one every single second for the rest of her life, irrespective of whether she has more children or not and the pain will never go away.

We also got sent flowers from many people and that was actually lovely - it filled the house with colour and to be honest it was better than cards because nothing anyone said made it better. Someone also dropped a full meal on our doorstep which was also incredibly thoughtful and very much appreciated.

In terms of visiting, I couldn't bear to be around people, including close friends and family, for months after DD died. I still can't really - in fact I am absolutely dreading attending my sister in law's wedding in a few weeks and intend to hide from everyone for as much of the day as possible! So I would hold off trying to see her until she indicates that she wants too.

Also, does this friend know you are pregnant? One of the hardest things I found was hearing from and being around other pregnant women. One of my best friends told me she was pregnant on my DD official due date and it absolutely broke me. I knew I should be happy for her but its impossible. I haven't spoken to her since - I wish I had found out via someone else e.g. via my husband who would have broken the news to me in a gentle and considerate manner when the time was right and that would have allowed me to react in a negative way rather than have to hide that. Chefette - you might want to consider this - it would be torture for me to be in the same room as a friend telling me she as pregnant, having to pretend I was happy for her.

I certainly wouldn't recommend being around your friend too much, especially once you start to show unless she is clear that she wants you too. I still can't bear being around pregnant women (even though I am now pregnant myself) and absolute hate going to the ante-natal clinic with all the smiley naive couples.

Apologies for the long post - but hope this gives you a little insight into the mind of a bereaved parent.

rainbow your post is very honest and moving. The pain of losing your precious daughter is very evident and, though I admit it is frightening to hear of stillbirth, it is also incredibly helpful to gain some insight. My cousin lost her baby at 17 weeks last year, just after my DS was born, and she sent us a little toy for him with a card. It is his most precious animal and a symbol to me.
I only hope your pain gets easier to live with as the years progress - do you have a grave to visit your daughter? I hope you don't mind my asking.

tiddleypompom yes my DD has a grave. It is actually in the same church that my SIL is getting married at and SIL is planning on leaving her wedding bouquet on DD's grave after the ceremony (which is so heartbreakingly lovely ). Unfortunately, I don't have the strength to visit the grave yet. I know some people find it helpful but I'm not ready to see her name on the ground so I will be avoiding that spot of the church yard at the wedding. At the moment, I don't really need to go there to visit her as she is with me every second but I know my DH finds it really helpful to go see her there and I am glad there is a record of her life in this world somewhere.

Sheldonella- we've a mountain buggy swift and I love it. Not had much countryside experience though as mySPD didn't go so I couldn't walk far until recently and I still struggle with hills.

Morning

sundaesundae no, you're not the only one. Thanks to a previous missed miscarriage I'm convinced it's happened again and I'm basically just waiting now to be told at the scan that the baby is dead

Still not feeling pregnant and my tummy seems to have gone down in size. I did another pregnancy test yesterday, which is still showing PREGNANT +3, but it would still show that if I had a missed miscarriage. A couple of times yesterday I had really bad stomach pains that took my breath away and make me cry out. It felt yesterday like my stomach was being yanked down.

Welcome thereisamumwhonevergoesout and congratulations No, I won't be finding out the sex. Is the 8 week appointment your booking appointment?

shieldbug my DH said "you're kidding".

Yes, cheffete with 231 children I don't envy your pelvic floor or your shoppping bill!

Yeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tedmundo*

WHAT THE FUCK IS AN OSCAR SCAN??? Ah, the scan for downs etc? Why is it called an Oscar scan???

sheldonella don't worry, it'll just be a cock up.

Well tiddleypompom I already have a double buggy, so all I need now are the twins!

Okay what the fuck is daps?

Not having any tests other than the dating scan as theres no point. They can only give you a probability, they can't tell you for definate. I know someone who was told she had a high probability for downs syndrome or something like that, her and her partner were considering aborting, decided not to and thank god because they now have a perfect daughter who has nothing wrong with her.

kfforever you can bugger off, I'm going to have the next set of twins

mandasand have you checked the Chinese birth chart? That correctly identified my two as boys and it's supposed to be 98% accurate.

Rainbow Your story brough a tear to my eye. I'm so sorry you have been through that :(
Haitch That's the one! Thanks. Does it fold up well? My car has quite a small boot and I was hoping we wouldn't have to replace it yet.

MrsR- we don't do any tests either unless they are yes/no ones. Probability stuff isn't really any help to me.

Sheldonella- I've got an old Yaris so fairly small boot , part of the reason for it. Also quite light.

Thanks Haitch, that sounds perfect.
Well, mystery sort of solved. I phoned the hospital again but they didn't really know what the appointment was for either... She suggested it might be to to with high blood pressure. Bit stressed out by this - I do get high readings at the doctors so they wrote white coat hypertension on my form. I have been measured at home in the past and it was fine. I'm worried about what they will do to me now :(

Been sent home ill from work so catching up here while I don't feel quite so ill!

So sad to hear about your friend tay I hope you can be of comfort to her in any way. I always feel that acknowledging what's happened is helpful, when people ignore it or gloss over something like that it feels worse, like they're expecting you to just get over it and carry on as normal.

I had my first MW appt yesterday, my MW was on holiday but the MW I met was lovely. Thanks to you ladies me and DH knew what to expect so DH didn't feel left out when it was lots of questions about me! When I had to give blood I managed to bleed all over the place, the MW found a good vein and ended up in a bit of a mess, I was glad DH wasn't there at that point as he's very squeamish.
I have a 12 week scan date of 3rd September, I've decided to go for the NT scan as I'd rather be prepared. Ive worked with downs children and adults so i know I'd never abort, just would rather know as much as possible.

Told work this morning too, this cold is making ms and heart rate and temperature very hard to hide. My boss was very understanding (I work in all male team so I was worried) and told me to go home and get over this cold :) such a shame as I'll just have to watch the triathlon in bed! the MW also suggested it as my job involves working and building at height and lifting so I do need the risk assessment. Not everyone at work knows though, just my boss and my friend, though my uniform is getting less and less baggy!