November 2012 - baby shopping time has really taken off

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1505839-November-2012-nearer-the-end-than-the-beginning

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

Thanks all for your kind words.
DP told me yesterday that I have ripped his heart
from his chest and destroyed everything that he was, and now has no idea what to do with his life. So I'm pretty sure he isn't planning on coming back.
I feel as though I've ruined mine and my children's future, I feel like he's punishing me for being pregnant!

As for help, my mum comes over every Thursday and DD's biological dad sees her on Wednesdays so i've just got the other five days to figure out now.
I've already got a mountain of stuff to do so i'm going to have to go against everything the physio told me and just push through this horrible pgp.
The fact he hasn't considered that makes me angry.

Oh swiss what a tough time you're going through. He's making himself feel better by blaming you rather than facing up to his responsibilities. You will get through this.

Loom after yourself though - the worst thing you can do is battle through pgp you will make it worse. Eat, drink and get help from whoever is around. You're having a traumatic time and need to love yourself just a little bit.

swiss {{{hugs}}}

swiss so sorry and can only echo what others have said on here - you have lots of people thinking of you and rooting for you on this thread.

*valium" I will be really interested to hear how the LL Bambinos go - I am trying Bumgenius flips for day time, but they don't seem recommended for night. My Council gives 25.00 off, which is something.

swiss just concentrate on the basics. Only do things that are essential. Good you have help/relief on two days, so hopefully you can rest up, but as has already been said, you need to be asking for and accepting help as you cannot work through pgp, you will just make it worse.

Can you get help with cooking and shopping? Online shopping perhaps? Can people take DD out to give you a break? only wash things if actually dirty, only clean toilets and kitchen, nothing else really matters. Take time to love your daughter, lots of cuddles and chats. Take time to interact with your unborn. This is a new life that has been entrusted to you. Get sleep, and eat as well as you can.

I feel angry with your partner - now then there are many things that could result in ripping his heart out, but I doubt you have done any of them. He is being really selfish, childish and cruel to say that. Make sure that you delegate things to him, if you can bear to.

You have not ruined your future and your children's future. Life rarely pans out as we want it to. You will survive, and be happy again x

I will keep everyone posted about the nappies! I am stupidly excited about them. If anyone wants them, have a look at my thread in nappies. A kind MNer has put a linkey to a page of great offers, and if you 'like' them on FB you will get linked into future offers. I got 10 size 2 nappies for £35, plus some boosters and wraps at a greatly reduced price. They may not meet my needs, but worth a try. DD2 is going through a phase of taking her nappy off. She wants to try without nappies I think, but I cannot do this while I am in plaster.

Talking of twatish DHs, due to the plaster I cannot attend to the kids if they wake up in the night. DD2 woke screaming at just before 1am. I had to wake DH up to go and see her, and said what time it was. He brought her back to bed!? She sleeps attached to my face when in with me, and I asked what he planned to do? Just leave her there? She was asleep by the time he laid her down, but automatically attached herself to me. It is hard enough sleeping when 26wks, not to mention the cast. I could not get comfy, so went to take her back to bed at 2am. He woke up, got angry with me, and effing and blinding took her back to bed, waking her up in the process! I said some bad words, and told him to effing leave, but only in a little quiet voice so he did not hear. Made me feel better though! Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian!

swiss I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now I know I'd be devastated.

I've been taking a pic of my bump every week, I love seeing how it's growing and comparing it to last time

Urgh, I am as irritable as hell today, I need to snap out of it because the poor DSs are getting the brunt of it. :(

I have so much housework to do and I am really not in a good mood, I'm not even sure why!?

How I wish there was someone that would take them for the day so I didn't have to worry about endless "he's hit me, can we have? I want? I'm bored?" let alone the bangs and crashes coming from their room while they "play"

tits same here I feel your pain!

Valium my dh does that with my dd when she wakes up, he doesn;t seem to appreciate how hard it is to sleep full stop when you're pregnant let alone when you have a wriggly 16 month old in bed too, kicking me in the kidneys is her fav. I can't imagine a plaster cast as well!

swiss You've not ruined everything. He's the one that has walked out, not you. It takes two to make a relationship work so don't let him make you take the blame for it.

I know some amazing women who have done a great job bringing up their children as a single mum. It doesn't mean you have failed just because you are not a 2.4 family.

Usually I sleep in her bedroom on the floor if she is unsettled. I did that for a couple of nights when she had the pox and my foot was broken but not in plaster. I was 24 weeks then. He complained he was tired as her cries kept him awake. I really should turf him out onto the sofa. This morning he was all sweetness and light as if nothing had happened! Grr! Men!

He is already moaning about having to look after our two when I am in having a section with DS. I think I might ask if I can stay for a week. I was in 2 nights last time, and had to do all changing and lifting when I got home (at night) as I could not wake him.

We're buying a sofa bed from a friend as we need another (small) sofa & I think DH may need a bed to sleep in as the due date approaches and/or after - I suspect DD will want lots of time in Mummy's bed and baby will be there a lot too (although not planning to 'officially' co-sleep) as I like breastfeeding lying down. So there'll be 3 in the bed & no room for DH

Swiss I agree with all the other posts & that he's probably feeling guilty about leaving a pg woman and wanting to make himself feel better by blaming you, even if not consciously.

I'm feeling a bit lacking in confidence about this potty training lark. I'm trying to be gentle about it, as DD is only 2.3yo, but she only wee'd 3 times yesterday (2 of those we timed it so she was on the potty, which was great!!) and I'm worried that a) she's saving it all up for her nappy at night (I'm also putting one on for naps at mo, but they seem to be dry) and b) she isn't even asking for the potty at all, we're just 'catching' it. Is this normal??!!

Swiss sorry to hear you are having such a horrid time.

I posted the link and info about the Little Lamb nappies on the nappies section. They seem to have good online reviews. I have bought 20 of them in size one, 20 Bum Genius nappies and I have 4 Minky nappies (they cost a fortune at 19.50 each but they are meant to be great). So all in all I have 44 nappies for my two little bums. I am planning on using the LL in the day with the wraps and the Bum Genius at night. I have researched cloth nappies for ages. I have bought 2 pails, 2 mesh laundry bags, 2 travel wet bags, paper disposable liners, 7 wraps, soap nuts to wash them and tea tree oil as an antiseptic. I plan to dry pail and I think I am ready to go. I will have to be good and wash every second day but I am determined to use cloth. Read awful statistic that if Henry 8th was in nappies, they STILL would not have decomposed!!!

Here is the Facebook link for the LL nappies. I think you have to like them on Facebook first...www.littlelambnappies.com/fb-the-sequel

The ladies who work there are very helpful if you need to ring them and they do free delivery. With having 2 babies, I have had to research the most cost effective option. I will be saving nearly 2k on nappies in 3 years!

HTH :)

Oh garden I am so sorry I did not recognise you. with twins washables make even more sense!

Incidentally what wraps did you buy for the LLs? I just got 4 bomb proof ones - 2 red, 2 purple. I will get more if I need them, but as they will dry quicker than the nappies and initially I will only be using night time I figured it was better to see how I get on with them first. I can see more in my future.

That's ok Vallium.

I have 4 Motherease ones, with the poppers and 3 LL ones, they are velcro. Motherease wraps are supposed to be really good but pricey.

I considered reusables with DD but I didn't prepare in advance, then when she was born at only 6lb 5oz, I'd been advised to wait until she was 8lb it something (which took a long time) and by that time, I'd mind of forgotten

Now that I have 2 rotary airers, more space for airers indoors and possibly a tumble dryer (although appreciate using this all the time would negate the energy-saving of disposables) I think I could probably give it a go this time. Please ladies Valium Gardenpixies, remind me where to look when I finally get proper internet & do the research...

Think I need to write a nappy training diary. After my little wobble, DD has happily sat on the potty when prompted, told me she'd had a little leak in her knickers, then sat & wee'd on the pot a few minutes later after doing the wee dance! Progress perhaps??!! Don't want to speak too soon though.

Finally, think baby must be pink favoured. Loving biscuits again, which was the only real 'craving'/food impulse/preference I had with DD, and only later on, not like the food cravings/aversions I had in the first trimester with this one.

I looked at some of the reviews on Mumsnet. There are so many to choose from though, it can be a bit arduous. Also people will often say their nappy is best, when they have never used anything else. When I was pg with DD1, I went to a real nappy event, and was able to touch and feel them, and ask lots of questions. That is when I chose the Fuzzis. I got most of mine on eBay, and did get a few different types to try before I decided I was a fuzzi girl. That was 6 years ago though.

In relation to potty training, I tried and stopped 3 or 4 times with DD1 as she was clearly not ready. We eventually resorted to pull-ups as she was in full time nursery and that is what they requested. It was a long drawn out process. DD2 is showing signs of being ready, but I cannot train her yet due to my leg. It is frustrating!

It's so difficult to know if they are ready I think, as most things they just do when they can, although I guess, lots of children do say 'no more nappies' and stop. But with my DD, she'd probably be saying that a wk before the baby arrives!! Although the sun has disappeared here, the summer is definitely easier for the cleaning up... :)

We have arranged for him to come over a couple of days a week to spend time with DD, as i'm worried about how it will affect her and he needs to maintain their relationship. She adores him and I don't want her to feel like she has lost him.
It will also give me a chance to rest so at least that's something.

I don't think he sees a problem with it, a habit of his was to compare me to his sister, who is raising two children by herself, and when I say by herself, I mean with their mum at her house every day. He seems to think I can just get on with it, which I probably could if it wasn't for the PGP. He is being very ignorant to the whole situation, and only thinking about himself. He can be very childish and spiteful (the last big argument we had, he threatened to take the baby off of me when he's born because he didn't want to be a weekend dad)

DD is being very affectionate, earlier she climbed on the sofa and cuddled in to me with my dressing gown over her, and stayed like that for ages, which is unusual as she's always so full of beans and just wants to play, so I know it's affecting her.

On the nappy front - I had LL's for a while, the bamboo ones and the organic cotton (fast drying) I spent about £240 on a huge kit including bin and everything else. I thought they were great, but I went back to disposables for a few different reasons. It was disappointing, and I felt guilty so used organic bio-degradable disposables!

Swiss is it literally the PGP that is an issue about the pg? Could you get those same family members you mentioned to explain it is a medical condition caused by pg and that the medical treatment is rest & physio? It does sound a bit childish to think that you're making it up/being lazy. I guess we all say stupid things in the heat of an argument too though, so some of the other crappy things he's saying could just be that?

swiss good you thought highly of the nappies. I loved using washables when I was on mat leave, and at the time the nursery would not use them so I stopped. They do now, so hopefully DS will be cloth bummed for longer.

I am very about your partner. It is he who is making the choice of being a weekend dad. It was very wrong of him to say about taking the baby off you. I am sure you know that he would not stand a chance of getting custody. As the. Mum you would have to be really not up to the job for him to stand a chance at getting custody, and that is clearly not the case. I do hope he grows a pair very soon, and stops acting like a spoilt little child. Can his mum offer any practical support?

Chunky He knows full well i'm not making it up - he came with me to the physio appointment and heard what she said!
She even told me to try not to carry my DD, do the hoovering etc.
He was there and he told me he'd look after me.
I've also had an iron deficiency and PND/AND to deal with as I stopped my medication when I fell pregnant - he knows all of this. We spoke about it all, but he just doesn't understand. He said you just have to fight the depression and get past it, as if it's that simple.

To be honest, i'm not sure what he truly means and what he's saying just because he's angry anymore. He contradicts himself far too much.