December 2011: Scratching, squeezing, hatching and latching...

[LittleMissHumbuggery]

...and those of us left are doing a fair bit of bitching:o

I wonder if we could get a [pompoms] going on? Do we have the energy for a campaign?

Right, come on! We're a third of the way through the month and Nickelbabe needs new recruits for her advent thread. Get squeezing:o

figgy and darcies good luck!

aethelfleda and msb thank you for the info and experiences about the birth reflection. I think I may give it a go, I'm just a bit skeptical as at the time, no one seemed to know what was wrong. The surgeon rang me at home, and still didn't really say much. I know it'll get easier, It just makes me feel sad when I think how I won't get these first few weeks back. Msb I think that is a big part of it... Not being listened to!
mmm it makes a lot of sense what you say about learning to deal with it. And I think shock may have a part to play. I don't feel in shock, but I guess my body still may be?! The epidural didnt stop working as far as I know, as the pain was constant, and I couldn't feel contractions. Who knows what it was lol

He has been awake nice 12am, still not fallen asleep, I hope he settles soon, my arm is going to drop off lol

Thanks girls for helping and understanding x

Everything is going fine here - BF really working now (and SO enjoyable!), managing about 6h sleep, went out for my first walk yesterday, my mother being an absolute angel.

Except...and I can't even write this without weeping - poor DH's father is refusing to see Pirran or acknowledge him as his grandson, and is cutting contact with DH. Why? Because we have given him both our surnames, hyphenated, and not just DH's name. It's like a slow motion bad dream - we thought he had flu which was why his phone was off since the birth - but then yesterday received a truly horrible poison pen email. DH is so shocked and distressed he can barely speak. Even if there is a way back from this (doubtful) I don't know that I can ever forgive him for destroying DH's pure happiness, one week after the birth. What a total selfish shit. He claims he has a responsibility to his ancestors (he is a family history buff) and we have done this to hurt him. He is frankly deranged, IMO - ancestors are dead!! His week old first grandchild is here, living and breathing and perfect, waiting to meet him!!! Let alone the utter distress he has caused to his son I can't sleep tonight as this has upset me so much.

tinsel your combined parents are really putting you through it aren't they?! So sorry that is spoiling your enjoyment of the first weeks. Its weird because we think that our parents should be mature "sorted" people don't we? But they often have more "issues" than we do! I guess that's the only way you can see it really, that he has his own issues about identity/family pride etc. My Dad is also obssessed with family history and personally I find it all a bit pointless and would rather spend my energy on EXISTING relationships. Don't really know what advice to give other than (((hugs))) and hope that he comes around spectacularly like your Mum did about homebirth! Surely his curiosity and wanting to meet his grandson will eventually overcome his pride?

Just out of interest, do you use DH's name, your own or both? If either of the latter I would have thought most people would assume the children would do the same?

tinsel: your F-I-L is behaving like a three year old. I'd advise treating him in the way you would a three year old (at least initially):

1. ignore the behaviour initially. Giving him attention (even the nevative sort like shouting/screaming/long response email) will fuel the fire.

2. after a small delay, send a calm, dignified and neutral reply that does not apologise but acknowledges his distress and encourages him to respond in a more mature manner. Eg "I'm sorry that you have been distressed by our naming decision. It's something that DH and I have agreed between us and reflects and acknowledges both our backgrounds, which is important to us.
   Do let us know when you would like to come and get to know your grandson, we'd love to see you."

3. sit back and wait. The response in number two indicates "your ball". Go from there.

And in the meantime reflect that this is HIS emotional baggage. Frustrating and upsetting as it must be, it will (hopefully) pass and you may well get a total about-face in the next few days. Glad all is going well with BFing- 6 hours sleep is extremely good at this point!

kri5ty so sorry again to hear about your birth. I think you are so amazing to have come through that awful experience in one piece. No wonder you still feel upset. Entirely normal I would think. I hope ta;ling about it is helping.

Darcies and figgy hope all goes well now today.

Tyel so shocked at your FIL, can't believe it. Really sorry :(

p.s. as far as I can tell in general latch has been fine apart from once or twice last night when she just had nipple/not enough breast but nipples v v sore now. Not sure what can do? When it seems right it doesn't hurt after first 15 secs or so and she looks like in pics of good latch. Don't know what else can do. Husband gone to get me maternity cushion which I hope helps.

mopsy you just need to turf her off whenever the latch doesn't seem right and try again. Without seeing you, it is hard to say why, so you might find it helpful to see a BFC in real life.

tyel wow, that is immature of him! I agree with the very wise aethel

Off out to a Solstice party this afternoon...feeling very uncomfortable about it as my clothes situation is dire!

I haven't read through the thread so congratulations to anyone that has given birth in the last few dates.

Our baby was born at 1.05pm on Monday 19th by emergency c-section, after he got his head stuck in my cervix at an awkward angle. We got home last night. He is absolutely gorgeous. He weighed 9lb 9.5oz at birth.

Congrats sorelip! Hope you have a speedy recovery from the section.

I have been meaning to ask people who have had a section, what clothes do you wear that you can bfeed in? Last time after a VB I just continued to wear my maternity jeans (the underbump sort) and tops and bfeeding was easy like this but I can't wear my underbump jeans as the elastic waist is ditrectly on the incision site, and the pair of over bump jeans I have won't stay up as my stomach is now more of less flat! All I can wear comfortably is leggings and tunic-style tops but very hard to bfeed with tunic top. Any tips?

DS still getting more and more cpox blisters so any hope that we can spend Christmas Day together is fading fast as I can't see that they will all have crusted over in 3 days time :(

Sympathies to Kristy - no wonder you're traumatised. Good advice from aethel and msb -that I can't add to. (hugs!!!!)
Goodnluck to figgy and darcies!
tinsel your fil needs a wet haddock slapping! How ridiculous!
mopsy -was it mopsy? Dunno. Whoever was talking about the latch. I share your worry! I think I'm getting a good latch, and am breaking it when Alistair moves and it changes. But I've suffered with blisters at first, and now cracks. Am smothering myself in Lansinoh. Just as I get both nipples back on form, Alistair has started to demand marathon feeding sessions, one after the other. Tis hard work being a milk cow.
HV coming today for the first visit. Really must tidy up!
Have a good day everyone! Xxx

yes was me Oi. Exact same as you and ditto re: Lansihoh.
Other issue, she keeps fallin asleep when feeding. I take her off then but it's hard to wake her up to put back on until I lay her in her crib, then she gets upset and wants to feed again. Tips? Do all the usual, ear tickle, cheek prod, move arm, blow face etc. but not v. effective ...

We have taken your advice Aethel and texted this morning saying our door is still open, please come meet your grandson - but no reply

Mmm - when we got married I wanted both of us to change our names but DH wasn't keen, so he uses his name and I use mine. Agreement was children would use both with his name first. Somehow this is arrogant, spiteful, shows I look down on their family and have ended their familial line!! I wonder if I was ever seen as anything more than a vessel for a future male heir . The phrase "rejected your birthright" was used. I would say someone has been watching too much downtown abbey if it wasnt our own lives! Having done some googling DH thinks his F may be NPD...

Oh and back to pregnancy stuff, I am wearing size 16 under bump maternity jeans (I'm a size 12) pulled up over the section scar, or pyjama bottoms. Tops I'm just wearing stretchy scoop neck t-shirts that pull down far enough but I'm not shy about exposure so this may not work for others! I have ordered 2 nursing bras from nursingbra-shop.co.uk - can recommend them, their customer service is excellent, and they have lovely styles as well as underwire bras which the MW told me are fine as long as they sit off the breast entirely. They also expedited my shipping for free to make sure I got them before Christmas!

Waving my first postnatal pompoms for Darcie and figgy, we're all thinking about you and cheering you on!

Congrats sorelip our babies have the same birthday

mopsy I'm having exactly the same issues as you with the breastfeeding. Latch seems OK most of the time (just hurts for the first 10 seconds or so) but nipples starting to get red and cracked despite lashings of lansinoh. Also mini Pully keeps falling asleep while feeding, won't wake but then cries when detached, hmmm not sure what to do.

Just out of interest mopsy how often are you feeding at the mo?

tinsel am shocked at your FIL's behaviour. As Oi says, he needs one of hawther's haddocks ASAP.

Final question on episiotomy stitches - mine have been sore but fine all week. Today one particular area really hurts and am a little worried an infection might be starting. Seeing MW tomorrow but in meantime can anyone advise anything? Perhaps putting tea tree directly on the area? Any advice would be fab

Thanks tinsel for the nursing bra website, off to investigate now!

So do our babies Pully!! Feeding bit random, no pattern yet. yest only every 6 hrs but more during night.

Ah really mopsy?! I didn't know! 19 December was a busy day

pully it sounds like you need the YouTube videos on breast compression, which will keep Mini-pully actively feeding for longer.

Tinsel How horrible of your FIL? agree with aethel's sensible suggestion.

Congratulations Sorelip!

Mmm for sections, I have yoga pants as well as black stretchy bottoms from primark which tie at the waist. They are quite high waisted.

Hawthers good luck with the sweep!

Pains today worse than usual still every 10 mins though. What is going on? Why don't they just kick off? arrrggggghhhhhh poor dd has been watching tv all day as I just try to manage them.

Happy yule everyone

Hope's cold is better and she has not stoped feeding since last night.

HV has been and Hope is now 9lb - so put on 6oz in a week even with a cold

I told hv about the info/DPA being handed out and that i was going to write a lettter of complient to her boss after xmas and i told her what i though of it. She said she will look into it

The family support worker is no longer involved but will help out with Air's homework so once a month visite til Feb

HV also said i was doing better then they thought i would with me having PND last time i feel insulted.

Thank you for the offer Mmm of looking over the letter

tyel this is definitely your fil's problem not yours. It is your family (you and your DH's) and it is your decision what names your child has. Sympathise greatly as have a rubbish FIL as well. He is also well into the family stuff but conveniently forgets the fact he left DMIL to raise 4 children under the age of 10 on her own having moved her to the other end of the country whilst he was off knobbing numerous other women. He has professed a desire to meet DS but has actually only done so once. We've decided that DS doesn't need someone like that in his life. Extreme I know but he is a twat! Anyway just to let you know you are not alone and haddocks available on request.

Sorry Hope was sick on me before i finished posting

Darcie and Figgy - good luck with the induction and i hope you meet your LO very soon.

Hawthers - good luck with the sweep

Mmm - sorry your little boy has cpox, its really hard when they are ill and you can't help. I hope he gets better soon and gets to meet the new baby.

Sorelip - Congrats on the birth of your baby

MsB - enjoy the party

Tinsel - Your FIL is being very silly and i hope he comes around soon or he will miss out on so much

Fasam - I hope things kick off for you soon

Have a good weekend and a happy xmas everyone xx

kri5ty so sorry to hear you are having a tough time. The first few weeks are really tough with the sleep deprivation and recovering from birth plus you sound like you've had an horrific time. Not sure this will help but having struggled with DS' early months (he was in NICU) i've realised that there are some things you can't make ok and you shouldn't feel like you have to feel ok about something so horrendous. Plus re bonding you have a lifetime to do that. I couldn't hold DS for a week after he was born and we have the closest bond now. Look after yourself and please try to ignore the Hollywood vision of how things 'should' be - it drove me mad thinking about what I 'missed' out on whereas it would have been better to think about what I had. Anyway we're all here and will pass no judgements so please continue to talk to us if it helps. H x

Well, I had my 38 week check today (am 39+2, got out of sync) and my next check isn't til 41 weeks due to clash with New Year. Nice midwife agreed to check me to see if things were going anywhere (esp as i won't get a sweep til 41 weeks if nothing happens). She said "labour is really not imminent!" as my cervix is soft and starting to thin but only 1cm ie not remotely near onset!

So it looks like a Stilton-free Chrimbo for me. Well, at least I know (bollocks, I have a petit Reblochon and a lump of Chaorce in the fridge awaiting my attentions, with a BBE date of 12th Jan...) come on, baby!!!

kri5ty sorry meant to say earlier that I'm sorry too that you had such a bad birth experience, it sounds like you're managing really well and the thread ladies are giving you excellent advice.

fusam fingers crossed things get moving for you soon

air good news about hope's weight gain and stay strong against that HV, I can't believe how she is treating you.

Thanks mrsb for the advice about compression, have had a go and it made a little difference. To be honest i'm feeling quite down about BF. I've checked mini Pully's latch and it seems fine but she is feeding every hour, but just for 5-10 minutes and then falling asleep, but wakes up and cries if DP takes her or I move. Its exhausting! Not sure if I'm actually producing enough as I can't seem to get anything through hand expressing either . Not to worry, I appreciate BF is hard and will speak to MW tomorrow,