Hi, all! I haven't yet looked to see how muhc I've got to catch up on, but bet it's pages and pages! [later note: oh, yes, it was]
Lots of cramps and contractions here, making it difficult to sleep (I did a forced-shutdown last night and rebooted myself as a non-contracting body so I could get some sleep, then didn't wake till 10:10am - ABSOLUTELY ACE), but all of that has had its effect, and I've just had a show! It feels like "finally" even though today is actually my due date. I didn't get to this point last time, though, and am glad I didn't as it's bloody uncomfortable. I have much sympathy for all of you who have gone over.
I'm now catching up backwards, so forgive the funny order of things:
Poor figgy, that cold and discomfort sound horrible. I hope the curry helps with your cold as well as the labour. Will it be nasal-passage-openingly spicy?
Hohohomouse, don't think of the friends and relatives as being "well-meaning" - think of them as boring or nagging; that way, you will be able to kill them without raising your blood pressure too much!
aethelfleda, that is a lovely position. I think it's also called "Tiger in the Tree", if that helps other people to find it and find out more about it.
BTW, was it you who did that impressive nesting cleaning, or your DF's girlfriend?
If she gets stroppy about cleaning again, you can put her off with talk of the clinical benefit (for analysis of your state) of being in charge of your own environment and doing the cleaning yourself. See how much guff you can talk about your environmental needs before she is itching to call you crazy! 
It sounds as though she needs a good wind-up, to distract her from winding you up.
Congratulations on your arrival, msbaublestwinkle, and well done for dealing with the "extra" weight - that's a healthy baby, but heavy for you!
Very sorry to hear about the colic (or whatever it turns out to be - colic seems to be so little understood), kri5tykringle. Poor baby. 
LittleMissHumbuggery, hopefully the delousing will be interpreted by your body as nesting! You can save the platinum fund for getting the cleaning done after you give birth (when cleaning no longer has any clinical benefit WHATSOEVER).
Tinselperion, just write all this stuff down, and you can have fun with it later - for now, though, it's not so fun. I don't supppose it's possible to just not talk to her, and tell her why? Such tactlessness is pretty bloody unkind, especially with you worried about the hospital and being away from DH...
YBR, oooh, that sounds nasty and uncomfortable. Do keep getting someone to check the stitches. There were three of us that I know of in my first antenatal group (of about 12) who had problems with stitches, and either ended up being "re-done" or needing to (that later was me - I had a crap referral, which wasted time, so now I hope to sort it after DC2). If it gets serious for you, there's a long-running series of threads on MN about postnatal injuries, which might help? I think it's in Pregnancy.
Sparklywine, what's all this guilty fleeing? We love outside visitors! It makes us feel less isolated, and, given the amount of posting we do - which we ourselves can't keep up with - it's exceedingly welcome effort from an outsider!
Falalalalababy, please don't be upset about "wasted effort" and epidurals and so on. Things are going to go all over the place, and the important thing is to get our babies delivered without damaging them, or us! Sorry that sounds a bit scary and brutal, but we are talking about a process which is integrated with all the systems in our bodies, so just as positive holistic experiences are possible (body and mind united, etc.), negative holistic experiences are also possible, and in those vulnerable circumstances, we look to our fellow human beings, and to practices which were invented by the wit of humanity, to help us. If you are worried that epidural-covered labour disconnects you from something you hoped you would experience, would it help to see it as benefiting from a collaborative medical process which has developed over years? I hope it doesn't sound as though I am blindly cheerleading for medical intervention. It has its place, just as positively holistic methods do.
Mind you, I am rather shocked at MissRee's being told to book-the-induction-on-the-basis-that-the-hospital-is-busy. That seems to be rather blatant self-interest, not very encouraging! For the record, when I went for my last MW appointment, I was asking about when the induction might take place (if I went over), whether holiday shifts might mean its happening sooner rather than later. The MWs told me that they stuck to clinical guidelines, rather than working by shift patterns. That was their experience of PCTs in north Kent/London.
Congratulations, ThePippy! That was fast! No wonder you have not been able to update for a while - that's quite a speedy birth to recover from! It's lovely to hear about your DD's acceptance, too. No-one wants their first baby to feel dethroned... I've been telling DS (3.7) that he is still my first baby, and he seems happy with that so far, but of course we won't know until she comes. Stories about accepting Terrible Two-year-olds give me hope! (being a "threenager" has its own problems, too!) 
Sorelip, mine disappeared completely after the false alarm on Monday/Tuesday, then have been pissing me about for the latter part of this week, eventually culminating in a show this lunchtime, so you never know! Glad you are enjoying the respite, though! 
Honey, Rocco is lovely and squashy! In that first pic, is he skin to skin? He seems quite a alert, but I bet he went happily to sleep soon after, having found you again after his birth!
fusam, the Human Washing Machine! That's impressive, and actually brings back memories: DS did his big turn (from breech to head down) when I was walking round the Chinese Terracotta Warriors exhibition at the British Museum - a heaving bump in the middle of the very silent stone figures was a strange juxtaposition. Your water-turning infant sounds much more sensible!
Oi - any progress?
bennybenbear, when's your induction?