Nov 2011 - Feathering our nests and buying baby vests

[PamSco]

Taking liberties again as there are only 5 posts to go on old thread. Hope everyone is well this morning!

Just checking in on new thread! will catch up with all news tonight....how is there 3 pages already!!!

Kate Because we're awesome, that why! :O

Don't feel very awesome at the mo :(

Just left work early with a massive severe pain across tummy. Thought it was a gallstone attack but it didn't feel like compression but expansion. Drove home yelping in pain got in and managed to erm purge both ends pretty violently. Even in the worse ms I never vomited that much.

Been lying down 30 mins with Glee tummy feels a bit better. Hohum I'll give myself an hour of self pity.

oh pam you poor thing, could it be a stomach bug?? just put your feet up and rest.

Pam, that sounds terrible, hope you feel better soon!!!

Cookie, tell your inlaws to get stuffed, you said you didnt want to have visitors for the first week and they are coming anyway, so dont put yourself out for them, I suspect I might have the same issues with both my folks and inlaws but I shall put them all straight if they do turn up and if they think I'm running around after them they are going to be very mistaken!!!

Poppet, hope you are feeling better soon, can only mirror what everyone else has said, try not to be too hard on yourself, your daughter will love you whatever.

Caz, glad you are feeling happier, once you get into your 33rd week am sure you'll be able to be more positive about everything.

Not much going on here, got a puncture on my way home and can report that although I can change a tyre no probs on my own there are still some white knights out there who will stop and try to help if they can, very handy for when I needed someone stronger to tighten up my wheel nuts on the spare wheel :)

Know thisn

Know this isn't very PMA of me but I just wanted to ask some opinions. How much can people take before they decide it would be better to be on your own? I honestly don't think I can take much more of OH and I. Probs too much to go into and a lot of it is niggly silly stuff but it's pertinent to day to day life and I'm just running out of the ability to cope! There has gotta be more to life than this surely? :-(

Voodoo,

have you talked to him about things? Was this going on before you got pregnant? If it's started after you got pregnant then he might just be freaked out about things and talking about it all might help? Why did you both get together in the first place, sometimes it might help just focussing on the positive things in your relationship and talking together about how you can make things better too. Had a big shouty match with DH yesterday about lots of things which are making us stressed out and although was upset, it did help to get us talking and clear the air on a couple of things we didnt really realise were worrying us.

voodoo i'm sorry you're still having problems as well. Does your OH know how serious you feel about it? Does he recognise there's a problem?? Is he willing to discuss it?

He isn't willing to talk. I'm literally at the end of my tether with it all and the dc's are picking up on it. I honestly wish he would leave for a few days. My ds is now hating school and has the attitude of Kevin the teenager with a rare old amount of aggression to gO with it! Honestly I am questioning what I am doing. I think OH and I were in trouble before I found out i was pg and then of course that blew everything else out the water. It hasn't g

It hasn't got better. Sorry posting on phone and sent it too early. I'm sorry for self absorbed posts. Really struggling today.

Cookie, I hate to go against the grain, but I'd see him. I'd see him if he was willing to come to the house, and I would be getting OH to stipulate when that was an that he can stay for one hour or something, but if he was willing to play your tune, I would make that compromise. When my son was born, we planned to have two weeks to bond. As it transpired, my parents were in the house helping with some DIY and they offered to leave as had been planned and we asked them to stay - they stayed about 36 hours after the birth and I swear my mum may have saved my sons life by being awake when I fell asleep. And then my partners mum came down for a few days in the second week of paterntiy leave - like you say - it didnt seem fair for one set of grandparents to see him and not the other - but they came to US and they did what they could to help with cooking and, well, just cooking come to think of it. And actually the joy of sharing him with the other people who were going to love him was fantastic. We did make sure we had about eight or nine days just us though. We're lucky the grandparents can all respect our desires even if they dont like them, but I guess we try to respect theirs as well. Hence I wold make the compromise - like someone else said, perhaps make rules - one hour visiting between these times, on this day, and by the way, we might be upstairs breastfeeding or sleeping in which case, you'll just have to entertain yourselves and wait. And imparting those rules is something your other half can do.
Voodoo, I am so sorry things are that bad for you at the momment. It keeps reminding me of that statistic about how much domestic violence starts during pregnancy, I cant recall what the statistic is, but I remember that it happens a lot. So I would echo what someone else said - think about whether this started before the pregnancy or might be because of all the difficult stuff the pregnancy brings up for you and your partner. He might just not know how the hell to deal with his feelings, let alone changes in yours. That said, if it aint working, it aint working. Is it worth persevering for the sake of having an extra set of hands once the baby comes (that is meant as a genuine question, not a rhetorical one) or would everyone, baby included, be ultimately happier if you were separated? Its a daft time to make rash decisions, but you dont sound very rash - it been going on a while.
Pam, I hope you feel better. Sounds alarmingly buggy to me. Scared witless of stomach bugs.
Cant believe I have seven more weeks of work left. Been on holiday for one week, fist day back and felt like I must surely need to finish work this week.

voodoo don't apologise, that's what we're here for, good and bad to support each other. Is there anywhere for him to go for a few days? friend or relative nearby? only you can decide whether it's worth working for, but remember it's difficult to fight for a relationship on your own, if he's not interested in fighting for it then that tells you something.

Thanks for being so lovely, lovely ladies. I can't tell you all how reassuring it is to have first hand accounts from mums of preemies and indeed preemies themselves that it can all work out in the end. It's a tough old road though. today's been a back day for Willow, recently she's been off her c-pap (breathing help thingie) for as long as six and once 11 hours on the trot, today they didn't take her off at all). Still her breathing and O2 saturation got much calmer today while I was singing to her (a lullaby I noticed she liked in utero when I was singing DS off to sleep at bedtime). Our big news is tomorrow DS is trying out a childminders sob which if he likes it he'll be off to three mornings a week so I can catch up on sleep and DH can try to return to work part time. Wish my lovely gorgeous boy lots of luck for a fun time tomorrow. Oh god I hope he likes it. Although its breaking my heart.
Voodoo I'm so sorry to hear of your strife with DH. I think you have a lot of thinking to do and I hope you can find your way out of this situation in as positive way as is possible. Unfortunately I think it's something you'll have to weigh up on your own. But you can find a way to be happy, you can. Good luck.
Chipmonkey and others with gratefully received BFing advice. I think the reason I'm spending so long expressing is because I'm doing it by hand. So there's no way I can work out that I could double pump. Believe it or not I get so much more this way than by either the hospital pump or our one at home (which weirdly I got tonnes out of for DS) because with both of those my supply drops after say five minutes and I have to unhook it all and massage then put it back on. What I do is express one side for say five minutes then swap over and do the other for five and then repeat. With much nipple twiddling and boob stroking too to get the milk flowing. Fingers crossed I'll hit 700ml tonight if I can express 60ml each from the last two expressions tonight, up from 675 yesterday. My lactation consultant said a good stable supply is 750-900 so we're getting there - really close in fact. And as she said Willow's likely to want to feed 10 times a day when she's super tiny so it's not bad practice. I do think my supply started from a very low level indeed. My first expression took 20 painstaking minutes to get 0.2ml - no that's not a typo (!) I didn't realise how awful that was, as bless them the mws and nurses never let on and smiled positively, and so we've built up and built up to where I can get up to 100ml in a single expression. Even now I only get a nice flow for 5 minutes or so, then the rest is slower and slower til it's literally squeezing out drop by drop. It's sheer mental effort not to give up, I try not to panic and take each empty squeeze as an order for more milk tomorrow, oh and sod's law that the most productive expressions are the midnight and 4am ones! I guess this explains why I'm not a leaker - speaking of which does anyone want an unused box of breast pads for their hospital bag??
Cookie oh my lovely, what is it about a newborn baby that turns even the most normal of our parents into stroppy toddlers? I swear they become totally irrational, and these babyboomers of ours are particularly high maintenance. FWIW I have a different view of visitors who are coming to help you out, from those coming to visit to hold the baby and generally enjoy themselves at the expense of your hospitality. Anyone that visits brings a meal, and they wash up before they go at the very least. If they're coming to use you as some sort of weird familial visitor attraction - sod that. I'd say no way to your DH taking the baby off on a day trip if you're trying to BF, what will he do if DC suddenly announces that they need feeding right now and he's at the other end of town. If I were FIL I'd reconsider, but I doubt he's got that level of self awareness. Good luck.
Hmmm another epic post. Sorry.

voodoo As much as I think relationships deserve second chances bla bla bla - you need to be assertive here. Do what's good for you and for the kids. Don't keep him around just because you feel you have to. I stayed with an abusive partner because I thought I'd never get anything better - and had to forcibly leave him in the end. I actually had to move across the country overnight to get away from him.
Even if he's not physically abusive, you need to make sure you're not under stress, or that your children aren't being stressed out by him.
I know it's hard. And only you can decide when enough is enough.

BIG hugs, too, because if I could make it up, I'd offer a coffee and chat.

Thanks gang. Sorry, there are way more important things ongoing than my wreck of a lovelife! I just feel so so sad that I can even begin to suspect I've let myself, the dc's and the baby down by messing up. I'm utterly terrified of having to start all over again and do it on my own. I'd have no car, that seems like such a massive drama in the scheme of things! But I genuinely have doubts that we can make this work and of course like most women I know I entirely blame myself. Not entirely sure how it can have gone so wrong x

Poppet I bet he will love the childminder! Will there be other children there?

Also, I'm sure Willow will be back off that CPAP in no time. They all have off days, I know Sylvie-Rose did but gradually it does get better and she is completely off the CPAP now.

Voodoo I think if a dp is not helpful and supportive when you are pregnant, then when are they going to be? He is shutting down just when you need him most. I know it can be a stressful time for dads, but this is where couples need to hang in there together and be there for each other.

If there's stuff you don't want to talk about here, would you consider posting under a namechange in Relationships? Sometimes it can help to get it all out there and figure out whether it is worth salvaging or whether you need to cut your losses and get out.

Well, my day took a bit of a down turn today. dd is on four hourly feeds. I had been putting her to the breast every day and she seemed to be kind of getting the hang of it. Today they gave her a bottle at 9 am. For her 1pm feed, she was just not interested and seemed to just want to sleep. She didn't latch on well. The nurses said the bottle had tired her out and gave her that feed by tube. At 5 pm we tried again and she didn't latch properly either.[sad[ Then we tried the bottle again and she took about half of it. I was so upset that she could take so much from the bottle and not latch on from me.

Thing is, I am probably over-reacting as ds3 took EBM from a bottle in SCBU and still ended up fully bf but I still felt so undermined and the worst thing is that one of the conditions for her coming home is that she is off the tube and taking feeds by breast or bottle. As I am only there for two feeds a day, it will mostly be bottle and I am afraid that she will never latch properly. And the nurses seem to think I should be really pleased that she is taking bottle feeds when it is just breaking my heart.

Oh well hopefully tomorrow will be better. PMA!

folic we have stopped SWI here... maybe once in a blue moon. Its so awkward... very frustrating, esp since sex drive has come back since week a lot. DH is worried about squishing the baby.

caz glad the scan went well and that you have a DVD to watch now. Very . Chubby babies are usually a good thing so unless your GP is concerned then I would be happy he is a little chubster. I'm hoping for one myself:) Considering DH is 'big boned' we'll know where it came from.

poppet sorry to hear that you are having a tough time but considering all you are going through you are coping really well. Just take it one day at a time and hopefully everyday will be a bit easier than the last (esp when Willow gets to come home - do they have a estimation of when that will be yet?)

voodoo would OH be up for counselling? I'm a huge fan (has worked for me) and sometimes just having a mediator helps out tons, but getting the man there is not easy sometimes... or ever. Don't blame yourself!! It takes two

Quick questions... Anyone else hearing clicking from their bump? Had this with DD and nothing wrong with her, just sounds

For 2nd plus timers: are you finding baby can move ally more this time around? DD was wriggling (Mexican wave) at this point, 32 wks, but this baby is still kicking and major movement. Suppose it's because my stomach muscles are stretched.

Ha yes! Clicking. At 1st I thought I was going mad! I know there's an explanation.....

Just bookmarking a spot on our new thread. I have been keeping up with goings on an was shocked to hear of two baby's here already. FX they are doing well.

I've had a GTT test and am fine but they discovered a cyst on my right ovary at a 28 week scan. I had one on my left but that seems to have disappeared. I've another scan in 3 weeks on 4th Oct to keep an eye on it. Plus my consultant gave me iron tablets.

So far I've we've only bought 2 sleepsuits, 2 bodysuits, a towel, 6 tommie tipee bottles and steriliser, a box of 88 nappies (costco) and a hat and a bib. Gulp. I'm very very aware how much more I need and only have 10 weeks until my due date! I'm kind of holding out for NCT nearly new sales but missed one on Sat as I've a horrible cold and had to work until 0100 that day too so stayed in bed! There are some on 15 & 16 Oct so I've booked that weekend off. One of them is in Ascot so I'm hoping for lots of top notch stuff for pennies!

Can I just ask who is going for a moses basket? I think we are but would appriciate all you guru's advice esp from 2,3,4,5,6 timers! It's all so alien to me as I've never even held a newborn before. Poor kid.

voodoo Could writing him a letter/email be of any use? If he's not willing to talk it may be enough to break the ice.

Moosey I found my second moved a lot more than my first, bump 4 has been my quietest so far though. Each one is so different .

Missyraines Tried a moses basket with my first, but in the early weeks it was just too much pain to bend down to lift him out (I have cranky hips at the best of times, giving birth seems to wreck them for quite a while) so we co-sleep. I know a lot of people love them though so if you like them, try seeing if you can borrow one.

We've only just pulled out the baby clothes from under the bed and bought a new nursing pillow - seem so behind compared to most of you! We're currently focusing on re-doing the house though to make things easier now and when the baby comes. First step is redoing the kids room(s). Now it's one bedroom and one playroom as my elder two didn't want to sleep apart - by the end of the week my eldest will have his own room, girls will be sharing bunk bed, and the playroom stuff will be divided between them (this is mostly being done as there is no more room for any of their toys!!). My eldest keeps saying "if the new baby is a boy, he's going to sleep in my room when he's bigger, right?", he's more excited about having another boy to share his room with than having his own room.

How are others doing on names? We've got it down to three for each sex, but I swing wildly between them from moment to moment.

I'm so at everyone who gets 28 week scans!

Had another 3 hours in labour ward yesterday as my feet swelled up to elephant size literally before my eyes, and I'd been feeling sick the whole day - MW said to go in to get BP done. Naturally it's all fine, but I've been told to keep my feet up and pay attention to any changes.
They had to abandon the CTG after an hour as Sprout was too excited - she kept kicking the monitor and doing full body rolls, so they couldn't get a reliable HB out of her - but the registrar came in and said "I can hear that baby kicking from the other end of the ward - she's very strong!". They puzzled together the few moments of heartbeat they'd been able to read, and were happy with what they saw.
DP slept through the deafening noise of her shenanigans, but I'm so pleased she seems to be growing fine and healthy in there.

Missy I'm a first timer, so can't say I have experience with it, but we've decided not to get a moses basket - all my friends with kids said "Oh, we got one, waste of money as we then had to buy a cot bed after 6 months" - so we're getting a 0-3 year cot bed instead. I think it's more down to personal taste and budget, tbh.

Not Just - we finally buckled and accepted that she's an Abigail - DP couldn't stop calling her that, and just couldn't get his head around other names. Which meant I got to pick the middle name, which is Isis (after the river she was conceived on... :o).

Thanks Cali and Notjust. I've just ordered our travel system. Went for the icandy peach in blackjack and a red maxicosi cabriofix carseat. I now looking online to buy the breathable mattress as that says it's suitable for overnight sleeping so at least we'll have that while we decide about this bloomin' moses basket.

RE the 28 week scan, don't be as we were really disappointed. Yes you get to see baby, but as they are so big it's in 3 parts. Head, body then legs. You really can't see it as a whole baby like you do at the 20 week scan. And we didn't get any prints. They measured junior and they are 3lb 4oz atm. The consultant casually said "looks like it'll be an 8lb baby!" and gulp. I prefer feeling junior move as that is more real to me. So you are really not missing out.