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Nov 2011 - Feathering our nests and buying baby vests

999 replies

PamSco · 11/09/2011 08:15

Taking liberties again Grin as there are only 5 posts to go on old thread. Hope everyone is well this morning!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Poppet45 · 11/09/2011 21:36

Hi all, so glad I found you even if I feel like a total fraud on a third trimester thread. Us only having done 10 days of it :( I can't believe I've even been pregnant recently, it's all just faded away, I don't have my baby with me, my body isn't actually that wrecked because I never got hugiferous, am sleeping on my front, eating funky cheese, my scar doesn't even hurt anymore it's just so surreal. And I feel like Willow's paying the costs for me getting away lightly.
Mentally I'm finding it tough going, trying to be at home for my 2yo son, pumping for 40 minutes a time, every two hours, ten times a day, then somehow getting to the hospital, about 10 miles away to see my daughter when i don't drive. Oh and then all the usual domestic things too. My husband is doing so much, bedtime and morning as I can't lift DS out of his cot, bathtime, then lots of housey stuff because every hour and 20 minutes or so I'm off pumping milk again. But he can't understand why mentally I'm not up for organising stuff. I actually feel a bit like I'm grieving for my lost few months with just me and my girl. So I'm focussing on bfing to make sure we have happy times to come. My supply isn't quite where it needs to be (although its heaps more than Willow needs right now) but it isn't at the hallowed 750ml a day that's considered easy to maintain. I'm at about 630 or so but gaining every day. So I'm pumping at midnigth and 4 for an hour at a time. Which doesn't mean much sleep. It's so hard and I just want time to speed up (something I'm sure Caz could agree with). Today I woke up with a head cold and sore throat so didn't see my darling daughter at all. I daren't risk passing on a bug, having heard about the boy in the cot nearby - who was born a week later and a pound heavier, and who got a collapsed lung after picking up a common garden cold type virus. That's two days we've spent apart in her life - yet I'd never been seperated from j for as much as a night in the first two years of his life. Not til I had Willow in fact. M'eh I sound like a misery. On the plus side my wee girl is now a hefty 2lb 12 oz, up from her birth weight of 2lb 4, and the post birth dip to 2lb 1. But I want her home so much. I wonder what these weeks apart in a plastic cot will mean for her emotionally when she's older and our bond. I so want to bf her like her brother because I feel our final treasured months of bonding pre birth were cut short. And I want that special link back, and bf is the nicest way i ever found of doing it with J.
Finally Caz my lovely don't fret about Xander's size. Sometimes boys are just big, and normally it means they're super super healthy, and not necessarily something wrong. I've had a 9lber and a 2lber, and the 9lber was just awesome. So much easier to change and carry, you don't feel terrified of breaking them... although they do start to give you serious backache once they're out. Hugs and positive thoughts to all mums to be and the other new mum, and a teeny tiny cuddle for Sylvie-Rose.

juststarting · 11/09/2011 22:58

Poppet, thanks for the update on how you're doing. It sounds like life is hard at the momment, trying to balance everyone's needs in the family. Of course Willow isnt paying for you having got off easily! For a start, you've hardly got off easily! And even if you cant breastfeed exclusively, you'll be able to do some. My supply was low with my son for ages, because he was really struggling to feed, and no one told me to pump to get my supply up as I think they all just thought I would be best off giving up. I didnt give up, and I paid a heavy price for it with a massive breast abscess, but in the end, despite my supply being very slow to get started, we breastfed till he was 14 months. Is there any kind of timeline about when you might expect her to be able to feed or to come home even? As for her emotional development, sure, I am a great believer in these early experiences, but look at the experience you are giving her - yes, she's not having the kind of contact you might have hoped but she's going to know as she grows up what you went through for her and how you fought this little battle together, and she's going to have a sense of her and her mummy being strong. You'll be able to give her that belief in herself as well as all the love she needs.
I hope the cold passes quickly. Perhaps its natures way of forcing a little break on you. You may as well use it that way anyway.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 11/09/2011 23:04

Bookmarking.

chipmonkey · 11/09/2011 23:36

Poppet >

Now, listen to me! Your supply sounds like it is exactly where it ought to be and remember I have done this twice! I had ds3 at 32 weeks, I lost a lot of blood at the time and my obs then refused a transfusion for me. My haemogloblin levels at that time were 5.5

This time I got a transfusion and my haemoglobin levels were 8.8 which is not great but better than they were on ds3.

On ds3, the first time I pumped I got 80 ml. This was with an Avent hand pump.
On dd, with my Avent duo ( hospital grade) the first time I pumped I got 2 ml. I was horrified. I thought something had gone very wrong and was blaming the donor blood.

However I did keep pumping and now am up to 800ml or so. It was only when another Mum in the NICU who had had her baby at 29 weeks said that her midwife friend had told her that we make as much milk as our prem babies are likely to need. A 27 or 28 weeker is not going to need as much milk as a 32 weeker and I'm sure Willow is probably taking less than a third of your 600ml?

Do you have to pump for 40 minutes? I am asking because if double pumping I pump for around 11 minutes and if single pumping I pump for 22 minutes. If you are emptying your breasts each time are are basically pumping nothing for 20 minutes after emptying, I wonder whether you are actually overdoing it because it is sooooooo time consuming! I basically pump each breast till it appears that nothing more is coming out, then do a bit of breast compression which is pretty much just grabbing the breast at the back near the base and pushing it forward into the pump. This always causes more milk to come out. When it appears empty again, then I am done and I don't keep pumping.

I also find that when I have put Sylvie-Rose to the breast, that although she can't latch on and can't actually do much, that I always find that I pump more afterwards.

Do feel free to ignore me if it goes against advice you have been given!Grin

On the other thing, I do feel cheated at not being pregnant any more, even though it was the toughest of my five pregnancies. I only got to wear my Tiffany-Rose dress once, to SIL's wedding. I was supposed to get to wear it for going out to restaurants! When I go into the hospital to see my baby, there are loads of pregnant women ( it is a maternity hospital!) and I keep thinking "That should still be me" And I look at my baby and think that at 32 weeks corrected, she ought to be so much bigger but that she has been cheated of that extra growth you only get in the womb.

It is hard but we have to keep telling ourselvies "This too shall pass" and look forward to the day our little girls come home!

MooseyMoo · 12/09/2011 07:14

Oh poppet, want to give you a hug. When I was expressing I was told to pump until the milk stops, then do other breast, when that one is emptied go back to first breast and pump for five more mins, back to other breast for 5mins then stop. At most took 30mins I think.

I found this technic brilliant and soul saving as pumping at 3am was a killer for me. I had a medela pump and was v good. Apart from 1st time I tried and accidentally had it on max!

Thanks to pam for new there and folic for name.

Keep waking at 6.30am for no reason. I'm awake before DD which is unheard of!

I have a confession, am totally addicted to eBay at mo. Buying clothes for DD for winter as she will be next size up soon. Have been buying only gap and next as know their sizing well. Anyone else do this?

32 weeks now - where is the time going? Have to say autumn is my fav month. Love casseroles and steam puddings Grin and snuggly warm jumpers.

Ziggimajiggi · 12/09/2011 07:42

Heeeellllooo!

Well smug that I found the new thread after being a horrendously lax member of the ante-natal club for the last month (at least). Blush

CONGRATULATIONS to our two mammas. :) Fingers crossed for both of you and your beautiful babies. Lots of love to all of your families.

My excuses:

Things have been mental here - loft conversion, new kitchen, a million and one cakes everywhere and anaemia - which I didn't realise that I had until I had a wee funny turn and went to the midwife. Just thought I was tired. Ha ha.

Will catch up on all the missed news today - sorry guys.

Missed you all
Have a great day
xxx
Ziggi

Ziggimajiggi · 12/09/2011 07:42

p.s. awfully addicted to ebay at the moment!

cookie9 · 12/09/2011 08:35

Advice needed.

Ok I may be turning I to pregzilla but this has kept me awake for most of the night.

Although I like my pils they do expect dh and I to run after them. My parents are v supportive with practical things like housework and DIY and despite being less well off financially have also given us cash to help buy baby things. They have also offered to babysit for us. I don't feel particulary relaxed around pils and couldn't breast feed infront of them.

I want to be fair to the grandparents so suggested that we have no visitors for first week to let us bond with baby and hopefully for me to get used to breast feeding. Have just found out fil has booked flights just before due date and leaving 5 days after due date. Mil and he are divorced but I imagine she will also want to see the baby if fil is getting to. I now have an image of being just out of hospital in pain and trying to breast feed with expectations that I will head into town with baby to let them see him. Could give baby to dh to take without me but don't think this is great if baby needs feeding. Fil doesn't even like children that much and I know would never babysit for us. Mil has already said she won't babysit but might play with the baby for a bit during the day no doubt whilst I make her tea.

Seriously thinking about pushing for Induction at 39 weeks so at least would have some time to recover although really wanted to try to go into labour naturally as induction likely to lead to assisted delivery.

Sorry for long post just tired and emotional.

Caliphora · 12/09/2011 09:00

cookie Hum... Did he even ask before he booked the tickets? Don't do ANYTHING you don't want to. You don't have to. Foot down time.

It's lovely if he's booked it to see you, but if he's not consulted you, he can't expect you to jump around to his whistle.

I've lived far too long with grrrrrrrr-inducing pils, and have a very low tolerance for taking the p**s.
Someone else will come on here and write a nice balanced, sensible approach to the dilemma.

I say "Sod'em, it's your rules all the way".

Caliphora · 12/09/2011 09:02

Also - "...with expectations that I will head into town with baby to let them see him" - WTF?

If he wants to see you, he comes to you.

PamSco · 12/09/2011 09:24

Cookie As a balanced rational logical [some say boring] type I utterly and heartily agree with Cali - your rules.

Can I also suggest also take a leap of confidence and if you do let fil in please get your wabs out feed to your heart's content. It can be a sure fire of way of chasing people out the house Grin

(Sorrry I should know this) is this dc your first? Chances are you'll be late so fingers crossed he'd been and gone. Induction does add risk to labour and birth, it is only resorted to if there is a bigger risk to going full term. As you say it will increase the need for intervention which in turn means longer recovery time so would defeat your objective.

As Cali says - foot down time.

Ziggi Yaaaaay good to to see you. Since you are my EDD buddy I was starting to panic Wink Hope you are happy with the work so far.

All ok here, pelvis starting to hurt all the time and I just had a hissy fit because I keep dropping the soap (his shower gel is competing for space on the soap dish) and as of this week I can no longer bend in the shower. Serious drama here obviously!

FInally - be still slates, windows and doors - no more rattling!!!

HAve a good Monday all.

OP posts:
voodoomunkee · 12/09/2011 09:25

I am afraid I may offer slightly balanced only! I would be saying to OH that HE had to fix this, not me. I would make it clear that you do not know how you are going to feel and therefore are unable to commit to any decisions AT ALL. Thereby FIL is welcome to continue with plans on the proviso that he is totally aware that you reserve the right to point blank refuse to start running around to someone elses tune! MIL much the same - don't make plans with them. What always makes me wonder is how different was it for pil really? Did they have to put up with housefulls? Honestly I would really put your foot down as you wont get this time back. I know I need to make some plans as I am not good at hiding in the house, I will need to get out even if it is just to ASDA etc but that is me! Doesnt mean it is right for everyone else! Not sure how constructive ive been reading this back but hopefully even if it is just confirming to you that you arent being overly hormonal!

alicat10 · 12/09/2011 09:28

Cookie this is a really tricky one and so many of us have similar issues - especially harder if it involves flights and a stay rather than a drive over. My own mother (and father) came down on the day I had my cs last time against my strict instructions as there was no way they were going to see me but to be fair on them I think it was more about wanting to be near if something should happen to their little girl during surgery rather than a race to see baby. Sorry I can't remember your medical stuff but are you def going to have had this baby by 5 days over? Could be a wasted trip otherwise. I have always let family visit me in hospital (limited by visiting hours!) and then told them to leave us alone for a couple of weeks but all mine are no more than a couple of hours away.

Anyway if its not right for you, your OH has to sort as its his parents and the early time is about you, him and little one. And definitely meeting should be on your terms and therefore likely your house, your time. On the posiitve side, most babies sleep a lot that first week so in some ways it is an easier time to receive guests as if they're not feeding the're sleeping. On BF, I was worried at first but then adopted an if you have a problem you leave the room policy and just got on with it - I always used a button through shirt (often DH's) so I could basically shove baby under it and not flash at all.

bumpandisaacsmum · 12/09/2011 09:34

Just a quick one as on phone, will do proper post later!!

hugs poppet, it must be so difficult but it sounds as if you arre doing a fantastic job for little Willow; hope your cold goes quick so you can visit

chip yay for Sylvie, sounds as though she doing really well x

cookie I agree with Cali; don't feel forced to do anything you don't want to do. If you have agreed no visitors for the first week stick to your guns - it is your baby & your family. I wouldn't ask for induction to suit your in-laws as it can lead to interventions you don't necessarily need & a due date is only estimated so there is no certainty baby would be born on time. If you want time to recover, get BFing established & used to being a family then insist on it. Your OH can go meet your FiL with pics of baby but don't feel pressured to join him or for him to take baby (not meaning to tell you what to do but my opinion on what I would do -will jump off soap box now)

busyboysmum · 12/09/2011 09:48

Hi all

Just thought I'd share this with you - my friend in NZ posted it on facebook today:

nz.entertainment.yahoo.com/video/watch/26548622/

I am amazed all that jiggling about didn't send her into labour!!

Hope all are well - my anaemia is getting better now I'm on the iron but I'm still very tired.

CazandBelle · 12/09/2011 09:54

poppet I can definitely relate to wanting time to speed up! sending love, you are doing a great job xx

cookie I agree with cali too...

Its so difficult to know what to do about potential visitors isn't it. I'm absolutely dreading a deluge. I'm also going to have to work very hard at treating the gparents fairly, because I know I won't mind my Mum and Dad being around a bit more but really don't want DH's parents in our faces...

Not sure whether to just say anyone and everyone can visit during visiting hours at he hospital, there are 2 hours a day that only Dads can be there so we should still get family time then, then insist on 5 days with no visitors at home so we can settle in properly...

or whether to have an open house day at home and say if you want to visit this is the day you do it and get it over and done with in one go at home... or to just see how it goes and get DH to get rid of people after an hour...

I need to decide on a tactic and stick to it I reckon... I think I'm favouring open hospital visits then 5 days clear at home after that... (apart from my parents, but then I may get sick of the sight of them aswell!)

oh and thanks for all the support yesterday ladies. I'm feeling much better in myself again today. xx

PamSco · 12/09/2011 10:40

cookie all my bluff an bluster does cover the fact that I have the same situation with my mum. Mil lives a 20 minute walk away and is very sensitive to our feelings, but my mum - well that's a different matter.

She is an 8 hour drive or a 14 hour 3 or 4 changes train journey away. She has been insisting she'll be in the room with me and I have sensitively said no to that so she thinks that means she will be sitting on the door like a rock steady crew!

I really would like my mum to be there about 3 days or so after The Boy arrives when I have settled as she tends to take over and tell me what to do which does not fit with my fiercely independent control freak nature.

My only consolation is that she doesn't have a driving licence!

OP posts:
Staceroo · 12/09/2011 10:43

Just I think that's some very sensible advice about not worrying... though I am slightly worried about your childminder Confused

never I actually had a bottle of schwepps water in front of me while reading your post! Unfortunately my local pool isn't listed, but there is one 15 miles away, so may suggest this to DH one night this week!

poppet I cant begin to imagine what goes through your head everyday, but I can tell for sure that you love Willow and care for her so much. The pumping you're doing is all for her, and you seem to be sacrificing a lot. You may not realise it yet as you spend so little time together, but this will all be building that bind. She is going to more so so special because of how much the two of you have to go through to get through the next few weeks/months. It will all be sooo worth it!

cookie I agree woth cali! My difficult one will be DH's grandma. But I've told him she's not seeing the baby until my mum has been able to get down to visit. and if she turns up at the door, DH will tell her me and baby are asleep or some other excuse as to why she can't come in! Grin

Caliphora · 12/09/2011 11:14

Cookie Oh, I'm not as crazy as I sound! Wink
I've got the opposite problem, actually - we've asked DP's dad to come up from Swansea to see us in the week after, as my mother is here all the way from Sweden, and it would be nice for everyone to meet, but he's refusing point blank at the moment. He's a kidney patient, and thinks the baby may give him something, or vice versa (to be perfectly honest, he lives in utter squalor, "How clean is your house" style, so anything he's afraid of catching from a newborn is probably living all over his house anyway... I've said to DP that I won't bring the baby to the house unless it's cleaned professionally). It's heart breaking for DP - and I can't rage about it to him, because I know it upsets him. His mum died when he was 13, too, so his dad is the only one who can give him the emotional support he deserves.

Bah, I'm going to go nap - all this early morning malark is making me tired!

chipmonkey · 12/09/2011 12:33

Also meant to add, Poppet that my other preemie, ds3 seems to have been totally unaffected by his start in life. He has the biggest personality in our house and possibly has a closer bond with me than the other boys. I did bf him for 2.8 yrs , mainly because he refused bottles and cups but also I think I wanted to compensate for not carrying him to term.

Also, do bear in mind that she is not supposed to be out and about, and getting cuddles etc, she should be in the womb and while the incubator is not perfect, it actually does a good job of keeping her warm, fed and oxygenated. I think so long as these needs are met, our babies will be happy with their lot. And the nurses will be extra nice to her when you're not there and will make a point of chatting to her.

KellyKettle · 12/09/2011 13:54

Hello everyone!

Marking my space and just going back to read the new thread (thanks Pam!).

Been for chiropractic treatment this morning for my, apparently, dodgy, misaligned pelvis. Has anyone ever had chiro? AGONY!

Will update later Smile

voodoomunkee · 12/09/2011 13:56

Chip and Poppet you two are fabby mummies. I think both your dd's are tremendously lucky to have mummies like you as well as your other dc's. Always feel like I am superficial whining about back ache or twitchy aching legs when I know that in a few weeks it will be gone when you two have already gone through the most traumatic and stressful time and are still coming back to chat, update and be supportive! Sorry, random love in moment!

I am starting to feel like I am carrying a great deal of weight about and this HUGE bump. Been so lucky in that didnt have too much MS, only have aching legs and sleeplessness so feel that its about time I had my fair share eh! Also feel like am carrying less stress around knowing OH is going to have money coming in which will at least replace my salary whilst I am on ML. Financially things were looking pretty bleak but on adding everything up I reckon we will be ok. It is a good feeling and not one that I have experienced in a good long while. I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to maybe relax a bit.

Everyone take care out there today, its canny windy!

alicat10 · 12/09/2011 13:57

Poppet you are doing the most amazing job - I remember my brief stint with a baby in NICU and I think it has been a defining time in my life - and it was my first and only 5 mins down the road - I distinctly remember being amazed at the Mummies (and Daddies) who were juggling the demands and emotions with trying to keep some sense of normality for their LOs at home so don't be too hard on yourself. And having 1 NICU, 1 non NICU baby I would say that although the path to get there is different the bond is ultimately as strong. I was a lot less confident with DS and having got him home didn't want to let him out of my arms let alone out of my sight but that's just natural - your bond with each of your children is subtly different but no less powerful in my experience. And DS started school today, a happy and confident if rather little chap with a big personality - I don't think him having been in NICU shaped his personality any more than being firstborn to an anxious Mummy. And sounds like you're doing amazingly well with milk - I remember too well those lonely nights sat downstairs pumping while my baby slept in hospital - I never got to anything like 600ml per day (though sounds like I was given duff advice re who often etc) - treat yourself to extra chocolate, custard and fennel tea :-)

KellyKettle · 12/09/2011 14:19

Poppet I'm sending you (((hugs))) because I don't know what else to add that hasn't been added. I can add my own anecdote which is that I was born at 30 weeks in the 70s and am quite normal, healthy etc. I was home 8 weeks later I think and my mum returned to work when I was 10 weeks (so full term). Many people comment on how well adjusted I am considering which I have always found amusing - people have preconceptions for how early babies turn out. Obviously you've not met me, you'll have to take my word for it that I am fairly normal (DH would disagree though) Smile.

Caz how are you feeling today? Your scan sounds gorgeous and FWIW I think its perfectly normal to feel the way you do this week. I think we're supposed to worry in pregnancy to some extent - it's what motivates us to get life in order for thet new arrival (which is why so many people go DIY crazy when pregnant - I have every time!). That's only my theory though.

I think when you've experienced something in pregnancy or birth which was especially traumatic or distressing then that's what you're more likely to focus on next time - no matter how high or low the risk.

When I miscarried I spent days praying I wasn't going to lose the baby, worrying, lying awake thinking "Am I? Aren't I?" and what happened still happened. Worrying didn't help me so I vowed to me more chilled out this time. Of course, when I started spotting at 6 weeks I went back to worrying and praying and lying awake. Now that I am almost 34 weeks I am worrying about having another posterior labour - hence the trip to the chiro. Most women wouldn't go to the trouble I have in this pregnancy to avoid a back-to-back baby - why would they? I realise its my reaction to events past and it's normal.

Hopefully this will pass for you too and you'll probably move onto something else - we all do but please know that it's normal. No one is blase about the health of their baby are they?

Gosh I really waffle, don't I? No other news here really. I have put on loads of weight in a week. I bought some size 10 trousers from H&Mama and can't get my thighs in. So I have gone from an 8-12. I haven't been weighing myself but I recall your body will put down fat stores in the last trimester (something I read last week).

And on the topic of sex, DH and I attempted it at the weekend which is the first time since POS that I have been slightly interested. DD woke 3 times and we gave up and watched Xfactor with a pack of Doritos, some salsa and a bottle of Gaviscon (for me). Grin

cep · 12/09/2011 15:35

cookie i agree with the others if you've already specified when you wanted visitors and your fil has arranged this visit anyway then sod him. And even if you do feel guilty generous enough to let him visit he can come to you, and your dh can make him a drink. I certainly would not go out to town, the only time i left the house with ds was to go to tesco's to pick up bits i needed which was nice to get out of the house, but i was a mess i certainly wouldn't have felt up to meeting people in town.

poppet you are doing the best you can and that is enough for both dd and ds, don't feel like you are letting either of them down because you are not. If you start blaming yourself for things you will feel a lot worse. lighten up on yourself a bit don't worry about housework and stuff cause that is not important. I'm glad she's doing so well.

chip Same to you lovey i'm glad she's getting on so well.

i need to start looking at ebay more, i know i need stuff but just haven't gotten round to it yet.

sorry another quick message i'm just so tired at the moment.