October 2011 Baby Bus... PART 4

[happymummytobe]

A new thread for the bus!

Good luck cupoftea - hope oit all goes well, let us know when the first baby of October group is here! Exciting!!

GroovyRach - hope all goes well at the hospital, I was freaking out day before yesterday but am fine now as had lots of stretching movements yesterday. It is a never ending worry tho! Will be thinking of you today!

36+6 today, officially full term from tomorrow yipeeeeeeee

Leo is this your first? Just asking as you were talking about emotional feeling after birth, and I just want to warn you that it's perfectly normal not to get that (not to put a dampner on nice positive chat today) but I didn't get it with DS I knew he was my baby and wanted to protect him look after him etc but didn't really get that "rush of love" thing everyone talks of. I felt like a terrible mother at the time because of it. But I know I'm quite an emotionally guarded person and just diet expect it to be that way.

Just wanted to let all the first timers know it doesn't always happen like that and it's still ok if it doesn't

you are right edward thats why i put - for most people- in brackets. there are those who dont have the birth they expect and can get very down about it, or there is those that have a very difficult time in labour who probably dont feel like its the magical either. or they may even get post natal depression. fingers crossed that everything goes the way everyone wants it to and everyone is happy at the end. xxx

Edward I didn't have it either - I'd die for DS but at the beginning I couldn't relate him to me and the baby that was inside me. He was my baby, but I didnt have any big rush of love. I do wonder if these two will be different because I know how much I love DS now.

Anyone else gone completely irrational and overprotective of current children. Am petrified DS will be hurt he's just gone out with mum and dad and I'm sat here hoping they don't crash!!!!! So silly!!

So went to nursery with DS today and was asked to chat to his key worker who said she's spoken to the Hv and want to get DS assessed and in the system because he isn't settling in nursery (today was his third session) as he gets very upset they think this may be because he isn't expressing himself in other ways. Apparently it takes three months to process and get them into SLC sessions. On the one hand i want the help to be there in three months if he is still having problems but on the other there is no way on earth I'm letting him be assessed at nursery where he is uncomfortable and scared as that won't be helpful at all. Even if they do it at home he'slikely to be different around them and with the twins coming. So meeting Hv on Monday to discuss how we proceed.

Anyway I pushed to stay with him today and he was fine. cried at first until he realised I was staying then played with playdough, outside and even went over and interacted with teachers and children. Not lots but some and they kept saying how much happier he was. So I really think it's the separation thing he's struggling with and have agreed that for the next 6 weeks someone (me, mum or my sister) will accompany him and sit in the background so he knows we are there to help him settle and gradually work our way out of the room.

And now I'm joining the worry warts on here as these lo's are being very quiet so I'm off for a check up at day assessment at 2! Am also going to get urine checked and discuss pain etc.

Hope everyone is enjoying the surprisingly sunny day xxx

I have to say, for me personally it grew quite quickly but I can really understand how people get post natal depression after birth. I was very, very lonely after ds was born and felt like I'd lost my sense of self but thankfully i had a great support system in my family that kept me sane!

sassy thanks for the list! I'll be making a copy of that. Iv not got any overnight bags as such, just one of those mini suitcases. Do u think that's ok to take all stuff to hospital in? Will pack babies stuff in changing bag. Seems silly (and waste of money!) to buy a bag just for hospital.

So I'm not long home from hospital. Scan looked completely fine and consultant went through notes after and was happy so I was sent home with no need to go back until I'm in labour! She said that baby is laying in a bit of an awkward position so it could be to blame for lack of movement. Either that or she is very squished now!!

I was thinking back the other day to all the ups and downs of the last 9 months. The feeling I had from the day I expected my period (this baby was no way planned, a happy accident shall we say!), the gut feeling I had that I was pregnant and then the denial I went into for 4 days before I finally caved and bought a test. It was funny tho, every day a new symptom would appear and I would think oh f**k lol. The way I smiled with tears in my eyes when all 3 of the tests came up + within seconds. No doubt about it!! Then the joy of telling family and friends. But best of all was def the private scan I had at 9wks4 just to confirm as my NHS one wouldn't be till I was 15wks3! Watching that baby wriggling her arms and legs about was the most surreal moment in my life!

But then the sickness started. It was awful. Ended up in hospital twice through dehydration as I just couldn't keep anything down. Lasted till about 16 wks then stopped. One part of pregnancy I certainly won't ever want to experience again!!

So now, it's the finally few weeks and I'm just so excited to meet my little girly. I hate waiting on things so the suspense is starting to get to me!! Hurry up baby!!!!!

37+5

im at wanting to assess him because he isnt settling in after 3 sessions! what they assessing him for exactly? it takes me longer rhan 3 days to settle in a new job.

I was shocked too - it's a cogs assessment basically a full assessment of his speech, language and understanding like a cognitive one. Up until now we'd always spoken about giving him 6-8 weeks to settle so was a bit put out at first x

Groovy - so glad scam was ok xx small suitcase should be fine id think xx

bb just to add, I also worked in a nursery for 5 years, no way would you expect a child of any age to be settled after just a few sessions!! Some kids take to nursery from day one and others a little longer. It's part of the whole learning curve, but to be talking about assessments etc so early on is a bit crazy imo! Can you speak with the manager and voice your concerns? Sounds a good idea though that for nxt few weeks, someone will always stay with ds. Once he is settled in, he will really enjoy nursery. I think kids get so much from it

sorry bb3 i dont mean that as tell me your business, it was more a rhetorical question. just ignore me, i have a healthy cynicism for 'professionals' esp those that work with children. like i said i did child psychology at uni and ive taught childcare in college. its a bit of a quandry teaching to a curriculum you dont always agree with.
an example of said cynicism is: i got sent on a separation course a few weeks ago by the family court judge even though ive been separated from chloes dad for 10 years. and it was run by 2 girls who dont even have kids!!!!!!! what are they going to know apart from what they've read in a textbook- i ask you.
by the way my ex is totally unreasonable, inflexible and just downright weird. chloe was refusing to go cos of the nasty things he had been saying about his parents, me, her stepdad (dp) and even the twins and that was why she recommended it. dont want you all to think im some mum who plays the kids off, doesnt let him see her etc, cos that couldnt be farther than the truth. he' s always had contact unfortunately

soundofherwings it is nice to know that someone else is in the same situation as me, i'm getting used to most of the contractions now, but of course i still worry

bb3 assessed after 3 sessions??? that's crazy, we wait at least a term at my school before starting to worry. he's still so little!

cupoftea baby must be here by now, can't wait to hear the details!

i love hearing everyone's good points about pregnancy and birth. i was starting to feel a bit down about all the stress of the last few days and all the contractions, then I started reading the hypnotherapy book last night. It's really nice to read about how natural it is for our bodies and how positive of an experience labour can be. So I'm feeling a lot happier about everything today. And everyday closer to 37 weeks also makes me happy!
36 + 1

sassy I'd happily tell you don't worry thanks groovy to be honest I think it's the owner that's pushing it, the day to day manager and his key worker seem much more relaxed about it but seem to be pushing it through anyway.

I wouldn't mind as much but I was the one that initially bought it up as an issue with them before DS started and discussed the plan I had with the Hv - and everyone seemed to be in agreement that we needed to give him time to settle, time for the twins to arrive. Time for his confidence to grow but yet it all seems to be being pushed out of my hands (but yet not as they are discussing everything with me but after it's done iyswim). I feel like I have no control over it!

sassy why did you have to go on it? Do they think you're stopping her seeing him? Sorry im so nosey! But can see why it bothered you so much! It's that's whole thing about being made to do downright without all the factors being considered ad all parties etc.

At hospital now strapped up listening to the heartbeats which is nice. Hopefully wot be here too long as it's very quiet! X

Thanks monkey they kept saying his behaviour is linked to his inability to speak and seeing. As he spent the last two sessions sobbing his heart out I can only assume they mean that and it was proven today that is more about separation than speech. They just all kept saying how much happier he was (duh). Anyway I'm going to film him at home with us so they can see the difference in him x

no bb3 they sent a caffcass officer around to my house to interview chloe about it. there are lots of things my daughter doesnt do well, but expressing herself isnt one of them!
you only have to spend 10mins with him to know he is not normal. i read the relationship threads a lot and im coming to the conclusion that he has a personality disorder. we've been in and out of court for 9 years and ive never once took him to court or stopped him from seeing her. he is a control freak, who wants to be told EVERYTHING. i refuse to be drawn and tell him NOTHING. its the only way to live. he would just want more and more and more. he was violent and abusive and pinned me to the bed by the neck when i told him i was leaving. i sneaked out one day and spent years repairing myself. i met dp 13months later and he helped enormously. despite only being 21 at the time. my self esteem was non exsistant and i stuttered. i still shake and get nervous when i go into new situations. but inside im stronger than i look. he wouldnt last a week with me now!

hope your trace goes well. jacob was always on, cos he just didnt move. isobel would fall off every few mins cos she wouldnt keep still!

bb3 That really sounds like they're jumping the gun. Yes, there's a long waiting list for assessments, but your DS has only been to 3 sessions, how can they make a judgement so quickly!?
Most of the time for SALT referrals unless a child has really really obvious difficulties and is showing no sign of improvement they they adopt a wait and see attitude until they hit 4. You said earlier that your DS was improving slightly and beginning to speak in certain situations so I'd really push for them to give him a few weeks to settle. You're right, they won't get a true assessment of his skills in a place he's not comfortable.

If they're really determined I'd pull the pregnancy card and say if they put the referral in now then they'll be assessing when your new babies are just a couple of months old and you'd rather DS had more time to adjust to them before introducing more new things.

I also bonded immediately with DD, but couldn't quite beleive she was mine. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to pick her up when we were waiting to be moved up to the ward. :o
I was very lucky when I got home, DH is a SAHD so he was around for the full 9 months I was off. Even so I still found it very hard at times and can understand people easily slipping into post-natal depression. It can be such a scary isolation period of your life. MN was a great help though. :) So if you're feeling low come on here and have a rant and we can all put the world to rights together. :o

Thinking of all of you with non-wriggly LO. I think mine is doing it for everyone's. Now as well as objecting to how I lay at night, it's also objecting to the hacking cough I've developed.

we are all talking about how lovely it is to get dc's and im sat here thinking i wish mine would bugger off! i have crappy heatburn as usual, but there is no milk and no gaviscon left. i decided to see -just as an experiment- to see if dp's caramel icecream might work as it has milk in it and i had to abandon the idea as both babies were practicaly on my head trying to get at it. even gave them a banana between them to give me a few minutes but they came straight back, and now im sat here and i swear the bloody ice cream is talking to me! dp is home soon and i need to eat it by then, or ive lost my chance. ha.

I am still amazed at the movement of this one, often crossing from uncomfortable to outright painful. If DD and Nigel had been reversed I would have been beside myself, would often have a day without feeling movement from her and never really had big kicks.

I'm finding the transition back to SAHM harder than having ML the first time around (then again I was part time after a 6 weeks). I think it's becuase I'm unemployed rather than have a job to go back to. If I get a job here, then it's likely that DH won't go back to SAHD (unless I get a exceptionally well paid job). If we move then he probably will but hopefully we'll move somewhere that is cheaper to live.

35+6 (still no consultant appt)

oh and i didn't really 'feel the love' until 6 months when I realised for the first time on the bus home from work I was looking forward to seeing her.

sassy so even though DD doesn't want to does she still have to see him? I find the whole access thing very confusing. He sounds like a nightmare!

bilblio I do agree especially as we are only 1.5 weeks into the term. I think I'm going to be quite firm with the Hv on Monday and say that I want us all to agree a plan and stick to it as it's not fair on DS to keep moving goal posts. His understanding is brilliant and he communicates in different ways like today he wanted to leave nursery (we left 30 mins early) he grabbed my hand took me to his bag and then led me to every gate to get to the car (there's three in a kind of zig zag pattern) - he knows the way out after three sessions. I think The thing that bothers me most is that everyone seems to say the right thing to my face, we need time to let him settle, he is still very young, blah blah but then are pushing things forward without discussing with me first and them bombarding me with it with a teary DS on my lap asking if I'm ok with it - well what can you say really? I was quite good today and did say I didn't want it pushed until he was settled but I was just a bit thrown!

Trace all fine twin two as always doing salsa as soon as they're attached and twin one hiding quietly trying not to be heard. But off home now yay xxx

Sassy now I can't stop thinking about caramel ice cream! :)

I have not minded being pregnant really, I know some people hate it. So far though I would say I would do it again, although let's wait to get Porgey out and review the situation then .

The only bad thing I have started thinking very recently is that because I am getting near the end I am worried about still having a crinkly ass and thighs after baby is born (I mean like ages after)!

Also I don't think Porgey is turning up anytime soon then because it's been busy all day so if the theory is that they go quiet once preparing for birth I have a good while to wait yet. I would prefer it to stay in October and absolutely want to get passed next Thursday when the mw comes to assess us for home birth. She said if it's born before then it will have to be hospital.

cheshire ha. i prefer chocolate but i ate mine last weekend! ive managed to have a few more spoonfuls whilst making babies dinner. dp should be home in the next hour and he is calling at the chippy, so im saving myself for that.
umph, hes just rung and is stuck in traffic. he might not be back before it closes.....damn.
i know what you mean about the crinkly ass and legs! i weigh exactly 5 stones more now (chips and ice cream prob not helping!) than i did in dec 2009, when i got pregnant with twins. i remember wearing these gorgeous size 10 black silk shorts for my birthday do in oct and now i dont think they would go past my knees thighs. boo.

bb3 no, they werent going to make her. they said she was old enough now to make her own mind up. but they wanted to act as go betweens and get him to change and her to state what she wanted from him, that would make her change her mind and visit him. she has been going again for the last month. so far so good.

I was thinking a friday night treat of co-op donuts and some fizzy pop. Rock n roll

BB3 having discussions like that in front of your DS really isn't going to help matters. Poor lad. Definitely put your foot down and tell the nursery staff to spend some time getting to know him before making hasty judgements. He sounds like his understanding and communication is great, he's just not ready to speak yet.
Glad the twins are behaving though.

I really enjoyed pregnancy last time, but not so much this time. Mainly because of the SPD, but I've also been more worried this time, I'm just older, wiser and more aware of what can go wrong.
Some bits have been better, heartburn hasn't been as bad (so far.) I've also loved DD's reaction to my growing bump, she sings and talks to it, and gives it hugs, meaning I get twice as many hugs. :) I expect I'll miss the fidgetting. It took ages to get used to having a still baby after having DD, however I will enjoy being able to fall asleep in any position I want without having to wait an hour for it to get comfortable. :)

I keep forgetting, but 34+5

BB3 Sounds like you are doing everything right with your ds. He needs much more time to settle and it annoys me to think that anyone is stressing you (or him!) out over this!

I have loved: the scans, feeling the baby move (from little bubbles to proper kicks and now lots of stretches!), telling people I'm pregnancy, buying baby things, feeling incredibly grateful for the baby, my dsd's enthusiasm for "our baby" and being able to eat cake, cake and more cake!

I have not loved: not being able to eat my favourite soft/blue cheeses, not being able to lick the cake bowl (ah, it's the small things...), feeling nautious and exhausted in the first trimester, feeling enormous and exhausted in the last few weeks, being asked A LOT about my birth plans, not wearing normal clothes, wearing the same pair of silver converse for the last 10 weeks cos they fit and are comfy and my swollen foot and ankle!

Wow. That was an interesting exercise!