November 2011. Bumps, kicks and less feeling sick.

[Missyraines]

Thought I'd take the plunge and go for it.

dirge i find next maternity quite good, not toooo expensive and they also go up to my mahoosive size (size 8 )

hey chip hows you?

Hi guys, going to have a little bit of a rant if thats ok? I am trying to soak up the pma vibes but after a ridiculous appointment today I am not feeling them!

Went to the consultant appt at the hospital I want to deliver in, long story short the registrar with no warning says 'yes well you can't deliver here'. I asked why and got some half assed spiel about BMI and my age. So I asked again to have it further explained and said that I had been told that there was a possibility I would be ok to deliver here. She firmly said no. I said I was not happy, let a tear fall and lo nd behold the consultant is summoned. He feels that really as my BMI is so borderline that he would prefer to monitor and make a decision at 36 weeks about where I can go. So now I have 3 extra scans on top of the 20week one on the 20th June, 5 extra appointments and 2 more mw ones. I also have to take aspirin every day and be monitored for ANY changes. Baby and I are actually fine, heartbeat good, bp fine, water fine and so on! I was really upset by the way that this registrar was with me, glad that I am able to speak up when I feel like I need to and sure that there will be more to come..... I totally appreciate the fact that they don't want to be sued (as the consultant pointed out) and that this is to ensure that I have a healthy baby and healthy me but it is still upsetting. They suggested I could have ante natal care at one hospital, deliver at another and then be returned for post natal. WTF. I have had to go in to work and put a long list of appointments in the calendar.

Sorry for the rant am just really disheartened by today :(

Sorry I havent read the previous pages from the last time I posted but I shall catch up when I am home from work and after a soak in the bath and a nice cold juice!

Hope everyone is ok.

oh voodoo thats awful. They are very risk averse but without you showing actual problems I don't get what the problem is. I have a friend who was told her weight was a factor in what birth she'd get and she told them to get lost and insisted on a homebirth, which she got and found very empowering. I'm not saying have your baby at home but perhaps don't accept their first answer.

Where are they suggesting you go? Their suggestion on the hospital-combo is ridiculous and stressful. Sending you these (((hugs)))

voodoo what a bunch of twats. Good on you for sticking u for self but really suggesting you pinging between hospitals like a tennis ball is ridiculous. They must know that.

Enjoy your cold juice and two fingers up to their twattery. Perhaps if you dig heels in what you want will be possible.

chip thanks and you've reminded me of a PMA. Reading mumsnet book lady night in bed after getting it from library and who popped up in it but the sage words of chipmonkey! Pleasesayitsyoupleasesayitsyoupleasesayitsyou

Thanks dirge and folic, sorry for the rant but thanks for your support!

Feel really miserable, like this is going to be a battle rather than a joy! My mw put my height down incorrectly which although not the reason my bmi is too high, it is a factor. I asked the consultant and the registrar what they would suggest I do to lower it and they said [drumroll] NOTHING! just make sure I don't put on any weight that isnt baby related.... erm ok then.

The consultant, I felt, was nearly supportive and obviously they could see how distressed I was.

There are 3 hospitals I live between, the one I went to today is where my two other were born and is close to my parents, my own house and the dc's dad's house so is ideal for childcare/support. The next nearest is a very good and well known hospital but can take an hour to get to in traffic and the parking is dire and isn't ideal for the sort of delivery I thought I wanted and the third is quite a distance away. I cannot understand why they suggested transferring between hospitals for ante- and post - natal, the inference was that I would be staying in overnight etc! I am normally fit and well and just feel that this is a bit like overkill! However my mw has said I am to go and see her and she will have a look at what they have written and see what sense she can make of it. There is nothing 'wrong' with any of the hospitals but after two previous births and a desire to want a less medicalised birth than I feel I had last time (simply cos I was too young/underconfident to speak up in the past) this isnt what I was hoping for at all! I totally accept the need for monitoring etc but still, it felt very much like this was a process that was going to be 'done' rather than participated in.

Sorry for the long posts, it seems to be becoming a tradition of mine!

hello all, just wanted to drop by, have also been lurking recently as not a fat lot to say and also have been distracted by the stresses of organising 2 weddings, moving house, letting our flat, too much on at work etc. etc.

big love to pamsco - too much trauma all round and hoping you feel better v soon and to everyone else who has been having MIL difficulties (with which I completely empathise) and feeling crap .....

folic excellent use of the word 'twattery' - we have word of the day at work, i shall make it my mission to use this tomorrow

my PMA for the day is as follows:

I have a huuge bowl of grapes, raspberries and creme fraiche waiting for me
My DP has organised some lovely things for my 9 year old godson who is having some tough custody battle issues
In 10 days I will be married, and in 16 days I will have a house with a garden for the first time in 3 years
I had an amazing pregnancy massage this morning and have booked for the next two weeks until we move
My first order from mothercare (drip feeding so as not to face a huge bill) arrived and is soooooo cute

Thats it from me I think - 20 week scan next week to look forward to all

waves to everyone

Folic if I'm in the book, that's the first I heard of it! Was my username attached to the quote? Wondering wtf I said now!

ooh what's this book?

Hello - can I join you? I'm due on 12 November with my first baby.

Apart from some storm in a teacup worries in my first trimester I have been largely symptom free so far (very lucky at pushing 35) and even managing to walk three or four miles a day.

However....I have had an incredibly stressful time personally as my Mum just got diagnosed with an incurable cancer this week following brain surgery. She's OK at the moment, but it isn't exactly easy to copy with. So I've found it a bit hard to join in with the pregnancy thing in some ways - I can relate to the antenatal depression worries mentioned above although in my case I am not depressed, just concerned about what the massive stress of my family life might do to my poor little unborn baby. Hence the walking....I figure it must help some of the cortisol to charge out of me. I start yoga in a fortnight for exactly the same reason.

Reading this thread I can see that many people have their concerns though - life isn't simple is it?

Anyway I'm now determined to make pregnancy more real - at 17 and a half weeks it is flying by - and wanted to say hello ;)

And whats this stats list?
Sorry to those of you in such horrible pain. I am sporting another whacking bad headache, making me feel very nauseous. Thankfully my MIL was coming down to stay for a few days today so is here to help out with my son whilst his shrieks and squeaks are causing me physical pain. Not cool. Also, Voodoo, dont let yourself get too wound up about it. I like to think of what we want for our births, what we try and plan, as nothing more than an aspiration. Who knows how its going to go in the end. I lok back on my birth and rationally, it was tough because its was LOOOOOONG, but actually I had a home birth with minimal interference and no drugs and it should have been exactly what I wanted but my mental attitude went all wrong, I got scared shitless and it was awful. This time, I'm going to work on my mind and the thing thats going to set the scene for whether my birth is a postive experience or not.

Poppet, we dont really have anyone local either - I am hoping that a grandparent will be able to come and stay, but obviously because babies can arrive within quite a time margin, it may be hard to be sure of someone being here - my parents have to book flights etc and my partner's mum has a hefty train ride. Niether can be here very quickly, and my son does not cope well with childcarers, certainly its never been tried over night. He's only let my partner put him to bed instead of me a handful of times. I guess we'll hope a grandparent is here, and in the interim we may have to ask his old nanny or new childminder to be back up. Maybe now's the time to start getting him better aquainted with the neighbours! Having said all that about pma and the birth, I cant imagine doing it without my partner there! But then, I'm the kind of person who would ultimately choose to pretty much do everything except shit with my partner there if it was an option. And even my boundaries there have slackened somewhat since giving birth with him. Where privacy was a neccessity, its now a preference!

So, its not PMA, but its funny. My son has learnt to say no. I know that doesnt SOUND funny, but I am guessing those of you who have been here before me are aware of just HOW much it transpires he doesnt want to do now he knows how to say so!

Hello Crazy, welcome :) Sorry to hear about your mum, I hope you are 'coping' as best you can. I can't begin to imagine how difficult and saddening this situation must be.

As for joining the thread etc then draw up a chair and hop right in with the rest of us!

You are due 4 days after me, I have just gone 18+1.

voodoo glad you stuck up for yourself. Keep trying and maybe closer to the date they will be more reasonable (when they see you are doing fine). Maybe get midewife who listens - if possible.

poppet glad DH listened to you about MIL!

Hello crazyhead sorry to hear about all the family stress. Can't imagine how you are coping with it all. Good for you for walking and keeping the stress level down!

dirge I wear my pre-maternity slacks undone with a bella band (works really well) then I just bought maternity tops which come down low. I refuse to buy work trousers:) but we'll see

Just, yeah I want to get my head right, just feel like am in a little bit of control over whats happening - totally appreciate and have have experienced how easy it is for things to go not according to plan but am older and wiser so really hoping I can be in a better state this time round and not be stuck to a bed, not having a clue what was happening to me!

I remember well my dc's discovering the word no and also the word why. Ah hours of erm fun!

Hope your headache eases a bit, good that you have your mil staying to help out a bit!

Wish i hadn't bothered with mw appointment as had 3.5 hour wait. Mw said had to see doc with no explanation why so got stressed about that. Mw took 1.5 hours to see me and then it was if I was a major inconvenience to her. When eve tually saw the doc they didn't know why I was told to see them. Then told they want to induce me on due date. By that time was in pain and really tired so didn't argue. They can't make me go to hospital to be induced. Reason given is my age but really want to go into labour naturally although would consider sweep. Doc immediately went on about drip which means stuck in bed and most likely epidural. Happy to do anything for health of baby but not induction for the sake of it.

voodoo - honestly, what they term 'high-risk' is so random and flimsy. My friend had her BMI written down wrongly at one early midwife appointment in her last pg, tipping her into an overly high weight category, and the hospital simply refused to subsequently change it/acknowledge the mistake, therefore saying she wasn't a candidate for the birth centre. She had a load of other issues with her pg (which did at least exist) and it just bugged her so much that this ridiculous mistake dogged her for the rest of the pregnancy.

I thought I'd be termed 'red flag' for needing support/counselling/watched for mental health with the stuff with my mum, but when I told the midwife about it, she said 'oh, well everything else is fine though is it dear?' as though I'd told her I'd gone off the flavour of chocolate or something like that. To be fair, I am doing OK, but it seems to mean that antenatal categorisation is a ludicrously blunt instrument! Just a smattering of common sense would be nice ;)

Ooh hope I didn't imagine it.

Welcome crazy. I am sorry that you have had such sad news coincide with the pregnancy. It is a devestating diagnosis, hopefully you and your family will recieve support in rl.

voodoo sorry to hear that you had such an awful appointment today, the registrar sounds downright awful and not what you need :( Look at the positives:

• you managed to change a "NO" to a "possible - wait & see"; next step is to change from "wait and see" to "yes"
• you get to see baby 3 more times I know that it is not the outcome you wanted but you may still be able to have the birth you want. Take some time out and relax. Thinking of you x x

waves to dirge and cep
cep I like the idea of updating the stats with the colour of the baby, would be easier to keep track.
dirge good luck with scan tomorrow x

cookie sorry you too have had a bad appt. It is silly the MW didnt say why she wanted you to see GP - not helpful. They cannot force you to be induced if you do not want to be but I would research into it a bit to make a more informed choice. Around me they will induce from due date if you want it to but if not they will sweep, they will try to persuade you more once 2week overdue - this is when I would consider induction!!

poppet and juststarting I dont have anyone particularly local either which was one element of requesting a home birth. At least with a HB my DP can be around but can also look after DS until my mum gets here!! I know my DP won't be there at the point of birth anyway so am happy to know that DP and DS are nearby (though DS may choose to be with me!!!)

Voodoo I'm in exactly the same boat. I am just under the bmi that gets refered to fat girl clinic the Metabolic Unit. I was asked if I was happy to attend, and they reconfirm this with me at each appt as it really isn't compulsory. I go for the extra scans.

Since I've lost a stone and a half due to gallbladder nonsense I now don't fall into their category but they haven't kicked me out. What I have found is that initially the nutritionist and consultant treated me as if I was educationally sub-normal. So when she (the consultant) called me Mrs XXXXXX I replied, I think you will find that is Dr XXXXXXXX. She flapped like a sail. Tee Hee

Hi Crazyhead love the name given your last post! Tough time for you and your family on top of pregnancy, all the best to you! I'm the 12th Nov as well :)

cookie I don't like the arrogance of the quacks saying you are going to need inducing! Ask to see their crystal balls next time :) If anyone pushes that with me I'd tell them not to worry as I'll be drinking raspberry leaf tea with Gin and shagging like knives.

lk thanks for the big love, needed it today hohum, as soon as I took the blasted codeine I was eating a lb of grapes and granary bread like I hadn't eaten in a week!

Ooooh Dirge 20 week scan, exciting. Hope it goes well.

Big hugs Folic hope you are feeling better this evening. Get yourself in a quiet place with your fave music and let it all go, deep breathing coould help. Well it makes me hyperventilate a bit so I get light headed - bit like being drunk :) Fabby!

Oops big old post there soz!

Had an extra appt with my MW today, she was really helpful and supportive.
As it's only been a couple of weeks since I saw the other MW she didn't do any of the normal antenatl checks which meant I was able to spend time talking things through with her. After listening to baby (hb of 157 - we did do that one :) ) she told me to relax about worrying about the effects of the stress on the baby as baby sounded very happy in there - this did help a little but for me feeling stressed = feeling guilty = feeling more stressed continuous cirlce difficult to break

Talked a lot about my anxiousness and feeling low; didn't realise quite how obsessed I have become about routine & things being done/as they should be until I was chatting to MW about it - it is almost as if I panic if something is not correct whereas normally I'm such a laid back adaptable person. It did make me realise how my mental health hasn't improved despite my physical health being better (more energy, less sickness).

Not once did the MW make me feel as though I was being rediculus (even though I felt half of what I was saying sounded it) but rather she told me how I was brave hate that word for being able to acknowledge and talk about things.

I still need to see the GP regularly and MW wants me to follow the 1st time mums appt schedule so she can keep a closer eye on me. Both GP and MW have suggested medication but trying to outweigh risks & benefits = me struggling with guilt. MW is going to get more info from people she knows and phone me with suggestions on ways to go forward :)

sorry about self-obsessed post

On a PMA note: no tears or anxiousness today - !st good day this week :O

Ah thank you bump, crazy and pam! I do feel so much better now having had a snooze and thought through things and yes I am pleased that I see the baby 3 more times, unexpectedly heard the heartbeat and turned a negative to a middle of the road! Just going to see what happens!

Cookie, I wonder if we have just hit a day of having ridiculous appointments today?

Pam, I did giggle re the 'dr xxxx' bit!

Also am really [hmmm] about taking the asprin prescribed, especially when the pharmacy said 'oh did the dr who prescribed this know you were pg'! My answer was 'I hope so as I was in the antenatal clinic!'.

Ah well. Masters interview tomorrow so need to regroup and concentrate on that!

Bumpandisaacsmum that's great news about the lack of tears and anxiety today. I've had depression and anxiety in the past and I know how hard it can be to bear. Sounds like you're doing your bloody best to cope with it all. I hope you feel even better as the week goes on, as it sounds like you're due a lucky break or two. I hear you on the homebirth thing, I only thought I'd have DS as a hospital birth then future wee ones would be at home but having come that close to bleeding to death well frankly I know I want to be near cross matched blood and a HDU again, just in case. If the bleed hadn't happened I know I'd want to be at home for future births as I found the pain more bearable than I thought I would. I think I'd be okay for parts of labour without DH as i do go into myself when labouring anyway, although he was bloody brilliant last time. I just think if I can't get care sorted for DS I'll be worrying about him and it would be worse than me missing DH. DS is also a huge fan of the word 'no'.

Oh and cookie I can't believe they'd want to induce you just because of your age!!! If you really are that over the hill - joke - surely they want to do all they can to ensure a nice, easy, gentle labour? I'm getting more and more worried about my consultant's appt hearing all these stories of ridiculous jobsworthness.

Hi all. There seems to be a lot of people that are having problems with mw and hospitals. I am so naive I didn't know that we had choices. I thought it was either home or hospital. I think I'd best have a chat with mw at appt next week.

I'm so rubbish with this baby lark.

My thoughts and pma are with all who are having a mare right now.

Voodoo = I (and I think Caz as well) are on aspirin - its low dose (75mg) and I think large molecular so I think that means it doesn't cross the placenta. It is a recgnised treatment in pg for people who've had previous pre-eclampsia etc