October 2011 Baby Bus ... part 3

[elgoldenflower]

A place for all the mums due in October 2011

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LittlePebble I've been in a similar situation and have had similar meltdowns:
My mum died when I was young and I'm very close to my cousin (who lives abroad) and lately closer to my aunt. A couple of years ago my aunt said she'd like to be there for me when I have a baby and do whatever she can as I don't have a mum, my cousin also said her mum (my aunt) would be there for me.

I told them both we were trying to conceive (our first) and then told them my ecstatic news that we had a BFP. My aunt was lovely initially then went a bit weird which freaked me out a bit as I have a bit of an 'orphan complex' that people like to pick me up as a project then drop me.

Anyway a couple of weeks later my cousin told me she was pregnant with her 3rd and hadn't told anyone she was trying, she's due about a week before me. I was and am really pleased for her (and loving sharing the process with her) but immediately aware that my aunt would think there'd be a decision to make between who to be with. I had no wish to be the un-chosen one and tbh wasn't sure we'd want her around for the birth etc in reality as she's a bit stressy at times, there then followed a few weeks of my aunt being weird with me until I confronted her and told her she should be with my cousin as she's her daughter and just be happy for me and DP rather than everything being weird.

Despite the honest talk, she's still being strange and going over her reasons for making her decision and I often get distraughtly upset after I talk to her, feeling like I'm opening myself up to being rejected again (all very hormonal and leftover feelings from childhood). DP is very understanding and sympathetic and keeps reminding me that we're going to be a family and will find our way through everything and that there are plenty of friends and his mum who'll be there for us without the mixed feelings.

Sorry to ramble on with my complicated situation but I just wanted to sympathise, I spoke to the MW about it and said I felt that I needed to process, grieve over and accept all my leftover family issues (which I've sorted out 90% of) before baby comes and motherhood begins. She agreed and told me to avoid people who keep upsetting me as I didn't need it. I know it's different as it's your mum but I feel that if I work at putting a boundary between me and my aunt I don't have to get caught in the drama. After all, we're grown ups and about to be mummies and have our own new families, all of which we can share with people who want to share our happy time with us, sod the rest!

Rebelwithoutababy you wear the badge and people actually take notice of it? What line on the tube do you get on? Seriously, I wore mine daily and nobody took any notice!! I hate the Victoria Line haha!

EdwardorEric I'm doing an OU Course as I can work alongside it. It works better for me and although it does take a bit longer that way!

Hope you're all well and not feeling tired and sleepy!!

I'm in Scotland so fees are paid through SAAS, the expense is living expenses really, I'm in a call Centre right now am literally qualified for nothing, earnings are rubbish and just need more money,
I was thinking of doing dentistry as that's a v.good salary but need to find out if there's access courses etc,

I originally thought of midwifery think I would really enjoy that but salary isn't good (about the same as I'm earning now)

I really like the idea of teaching, but would need to go to uni for that too afaik?!

Any other career ideas, my options are still well and truly open

littlepebble & elgoldenflower
sorry to hear about the hard time your both having, don't really have any advice but didn't want to leave the posts unanswered,
When you have your babies you won't care who is/isn't there you'll be too busy marvelling at the beautiful baby you've made!
((hugs))

little pebble and elgoldenflower
Completely sympathise with you both. I'm sure you'll both have the support you need when it comes to it, but I know how tough it can be to feel ignored or second best. Absolutely agree with edwardoreric - things will look different when your babies are here and everyone will fall in love with them!

I'm having a really tought day - huge event to oversee at work (8am - midnight) and I have a big essay to finish today too. Have hidden in a meeting room for a bit, but am struggling.

Also have some pains in my tummy which are scaring me. I started to feel the baby move about 10 days ago and earlier this week he/she was moving lots but now things are a bit more faint. It's so hard to know if I'm being over dramatic and worrying over nothing! My hospital is just down the road from work and I'm tempted to call to see if they can scan me. Again, is that over-dramatic?!

The other thing on my mind is that I'm flying to Turkey on Saturday and I'm nervous about flying while pregnant (anyone got any advice?) and about being in a different country if anything goes wrong.

Oh dear. What I ACTUALLY feel like doing is going and hiding in the country for a few weeks

On the up-side, I finish work in 3 weeks. But that's because I'm part-time (because I'm studying during the rest of my week) and my salary isn't enough for me to go back to work after the baby is born. Childcare would cost way more than I earn. So I won't get any maternity pay (eek!).

Sorry for the veeeeery long post xx

Your being part-time shouldn't make any difference to whether or not you get maternity pay, happymummy - at least, I don't think so. SMP is worked out on the basis of your salary, whatever hours you do. But is it because you're finishing this far before your due date?

Well I don't earn enough to go back to work after the baby is born (childcare would cost more than I earn) and I feel bad taking maternity pay if I'm not going back. Is that crazy?! I think I'll qualify for maternity allowance which is about the same as smp. I work for a very small charity - if my job was more corporate I would re-think :-)

Happymummy if you don't qualify for SMP you get Mat Allowance, which is the same. Your midwife can give you the details to let you know your entitlements, or it is on the government website (google Maternity Allowance). You might also qualify for other financial support, so make sure you get everything you are entitled to!!

Re: the pains and movements, I have been having similar, but have been reading up (I have got "What to Expect when you're Expecting" which is very good although a bit American) and the stretching pains are all normal: it's called Round Ligament Pain and is just the ligaments that support our uterus stretching as baby grows. The movements will be irregular at this early stage, and we don't need to monitor them properly until about 28 weeks: because baby is still quite small, if he/she is facing backwards for example, you might not feel anything, etc. etc. Basically I think there is nothing to worry about, but I also think that if you are at all worried, that is what your MW is there for and I am all for just ringing with any concerns...(as a medical person myself, I always prefer patients to let me know their concerns, even if it's just so I can reassure them: that's my job!!)

Pebble and goldenflower so sorry to hear your stories, but this is your family now, and I agree with your MW: keep away from any toxic influences and enjoy this wonderful time with people who really do care and support you and who you can rely on...
xx to all

oooh, or have a look at this www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/work/maternity-paternity-adoption-leave-and-pay/what-maternity-pay-will-i-get,10187,FP.html

Thanks rebel - very comforting re the pains! And thanks for the link too!

Thanks for your support people, lovely as always. Especially the thought of not caring about all this stupid stuff when we have our new LO to be amazed by.

LittlePebble Hope you're doing ok

Thanks guys - elgoldenflower especially - so nice to know it's not just me feeling a bit vulnerable. Strange how creating a new family can bring up so many issues with the old one! I'm very lucky that my DP is really supportive and I love the idea that we are creating our own new family.

Happymummytobe I've also had lots of pains recently and been reassured by MW that it is all normal. If you're worried you haven't felt the baby - try eating some carrot cake - made my little bean jump around like nobody's business the other night (sugar rush maybe? Is that bad? )

xx

little pebble My LO has been kicking away since lunchtime to reassure me! Clever little thing
I saw my MW and all is fine. She heard the heartbeat and checked me over and it seem like it's round ligament pain as rebel suggested. Ouch, but phew!
xx

It seems funny that we all start getting the same twinges etc at the same time (although I know it's to be expected because we are all at the same stage). DH read that it was more stretching too and we can also expect possible dizziness and sore boobs again. Lovely !

Does anyone else have issues with people telling them their bump is really getting big, showing now blah blah - I am sure it is just me being weird and I know my tum is getting big for a good reason but I still feel as though people are just commenting on weight gain as if I had had too many cakes Nc saying it in front of other people and I DONT like it!

DH got a Doppler thingy delivered today so checked and baby Porge - as known in our house, was still there :)

Heh, Cheshire, maybe because I'm a worrier, I find it really comforting when people notice my bump and comment that it's getting bigger. It makes me think that things are OK.

How often do people feel their LO and for how long? I get maybe three twinges a day and they last a few seconds to maybe a minute. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it too much at this stage but, like I said: worrier!

confused I think your friend would be fine with a med reg locum in july and august but september might be tough. I 'm working till beginning of Oct but my EdD is 30th oct. It depends on how busy the on calls are and how big the hospital. I'm planning to give up on call at beginning of august as my on calls are crazy and involve spending all day on my feet in theatre.

Thought I could feel bump moving last night even told my sister. Turns out it was trapped wind after all

mpops although I only started feeling LO yesterday it was 3 separate times over the day, and also lasted about a minute.. I'm actually looking forward to the kicks as am a worrier like you, and think I will feel a lot happier when I am feeling LO more regularly!

My anomaly scan has come through for next Monday (19+3). Very happy as we go on hols after that so thought my scan wouldnt be until after 22 weeks! Just want to know everything's ok before the holiday.

rebel you mentioned your DH was undecided about finding out the sex, whereas you wanted to know.. Well we are in a similar situation in that DP does not want to know, and I do.. I respect his wish to have the 'surprise', but I feel it's really important to me to make everything seem more real, and knowing whether I'm going to be a mum to a daughter or a son just makes sense to me. My current plan is to find out the sex myself (after sending DP out of the scan room), and then not telling anyone at all. I've told both sets of parents, etc that I will not be telling them the sex, as I do believe DP should be the 2nd person to find out the sex of his child. Only problem is I have to control my big mouth for the next 4 months, and not let it unintentionally slip out! Does anyone think I am mad, or have any better ideas?

I feel quite a bit of movement from LO usually when im sitting down and relaxed. It had a dance off the other night in the bath and last night in bed. Im 17+3 with my 2nd and are having definite movements DP has started to feel it a little bit

Mpops - re movement, what you feel is totally dependent on whether you are doing other stuff (eg work, cooking, Mumsnet). You don't feel so much if you are concentrating on other things. I remember with DD even at nearly full term when there is no mistaking it as you are getting whacked, I just didn't really feel her much at work, because I was focussed elsewhere. I used to suddenly think "OMG, DD isn't moving!" and as soon as you focus, you start feeling them.

With this one I only really notice the little prods at night when I lie down in bed, or if I sit down and gulp a big glass of very cold juice in one go (s/he always moves then - think the cold is a shock!)

Its a very gradual thing - but I've noticed it changing from little bubbles and pops from about 15 weeks to now being a definite little prod on my body, still low down, just above bikini line. I assume its the baby (if not something very odd is going on in there!)

mpops I only feel my LO at night ...as I think thats when he/she is awake..ahhhh! or when I've eaten a big meal! The other day I was in agony because I think the LO tucked itself under my ribs ...I cannot describe the pain! But I wouldn't worry if you don't feel your little one frequently as they are still small enough that you won't feel every movement they make..!

o and Cheshire no I hate it...I feel like people are calling me fat or something..but its definitely me being paranoid..they are just happy to see the baby is growing etc! I also hate it when people touch my bump ...especially people I don't know that well..I like my personal space...and noone would think of touching me before..so why now!!

Cheshire, I don't feel like people are calling me fat, but I do feel really odd about people making observations about it in the office. I'm not discussing my pregnancy at work any more than I have to, partly because of my colleague's recent mc and partly because I just prefer to be private about it! So when someone starts remarking on the state of my belly, it feels like they're popping the protective bubble I've set up around all that. Does that make sense?

Leo4, no-one's done any bump touching yet, but for the same reason, I think there might be a bit of hand-swatting!

Morning all. Just wanted to post to say hi really as I feel like I haven't posted in ages.... Have been keeping up with everyones messages and is lovely to hear how Ur all getting on!!! Am 17 weeks today and def started feeling bump move around yesterday...had felt a couple of pokes and prods before but was never sure, but this was def the real deal!!! How exciting!!! Scans not till the 14th June so feel like we have ages to wait. Although I did get to hear the heartbeat at my last midwife appt so that was lovely and reassuring! Plus I got to actually see my midwife as she is now bak from sick leave and she is great, much nicer than the first one I saw. Had my downs blood test results back yesterday too and our result was something like 1/7500 which the midwife assured me if pretty low risk so happy days, was slightly worried as husband had a brother who was born with trisomy 17 and sadly died a 6 days old!! Feel like I am finally starting to relax now!!! Although I wouldn't say I'm enjoying this pregnancy any where near as much as my last, seems much harder this time round!!! Xxxx

anyone started thinking of names yet?
i just thought of my boys name (although not run past DH yet)

was starting to panic as had a girls name for 3years now and already used fave boys name.

i'm going with Mhairi jane for a girl
or Matthew James for a boy

and have just noticed how similar they are

Morning everyone- we're all getting really pregnant now!

I had my 20 week scan yesterday (I'm 21 weeks), everything was perfect and all the measurements bang on the 50th centile, so I feel I can start to relax now.

Has anyone else not had any of the screening tests? We didn't have them as we knew it wouldn't change our decisions anyway but I was still worrying about the 20 week scan as it might have picked something up.

And we found out we're having a girl, which was a surprise as we'd both had a feeling it was a boy!

I'm getting serious kicks now too, my whole stomach jumps with some of the bigger ones, you can see it through my clothes! Baby kept kicking the ultrasound probe during the scan. :-)