The PESH deli: Beware the Peshes of March

[Medee]

BESH BAYBEES

dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13
Maswera, boy, born Dec 24
PollyPoo, girl, born Jan 5
MrsFC, boy, born Jan 7
ChoChoSan, girl, born 6 Feb
Ginhag, boy born 11 Feb
Muser, girl, born 15 Feb
CluckyKate, boy, born 18 Feb

UPDIFFED

Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Medee, freaking out at being second on the list, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, thinking of displaying her enorma-bump at freak shows, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
TwinkleToes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 20 June.
Orchid, hoping for a zen like child, due 1st July
Ginfox, loving the new mega-boobs, due 12th July.
LadyGoneGaga, Has lost her waist, due 24 July
Ivegotmrbitey, Marmite is a lovely name for a baybee, due 27th July.
Milanomum, showing it off, due Aug 6th
Owlbooty, still can't stop belching, due 7th August
Ocarina, there's a what in there?! due late August
Mountie, too shy to shine, due Autumn

That is a top tip! And I am pleased that all the PJs that I am now too fat for will have some use!

My triple test results are due today, I'm not sure if they come in the post or over the phone or by carrier pigeon from the medieval prenatal clinic What are people's experiences?

My friend had her baybee boy yesterday, he came three weeks early and is clearly a thoughtful little soul becasue his mother was on crutches with horrendous SPD and is already feeling much better! Due to scrambled egg for brains I can't think what to get them as a present, has anyone got any ideas? I thought now that I had more empathy with mothers and babies I would have a clue but sadly not!

Housework "vouchers". Doing the Tesco run. Handing over meals that just need to be popped in the oven. She'll have all the baby stuff she needs - what she'll really need is someone to walk the dog/bleach the bog/get her 1lb of fruit pastilles (orange ones removed). Everyone offers to help with the baby - nobody offers to help with the household!

Thanks ski! I am going to make her a pie as I am not to be trusted around sweets and may steal her dog.

Pony wise words. My mum is talking about what to get us, "household vouchers" sound marvellous.

I'm having a mini meltdown - pliz someone to apply violence. Bug is moving around & I'm feeling the magical 10 moves a day. BUT, s/he doesn't seem as active as s/he has done. Is this OK? I understand Bug is going to have some days more active than others & if s/he will be anything like his/her parents they'll be a lazy arse anyway. But the feelings seem more fluttery again than kicky. I told you I was going menkal.

In non-baybee news I feel I have to share & bond over this experience. We have a phantom shitter in the office. Yep. Full story - yesterday a female colleague asked me to go to the ladies with her - I thought something was wrong & she needed another female ear. Anyhoo, she began talking about the "mess" in the toilets. I stopped & asked if I needed a strong stomach, as I've been feeling a bit sicky the past few days. She said no. Bitch lied. Some skanky mare had smeared shit on the walls . I promptly went into next clean cubicle & hurled. It has now all been cleaned, but cubicle stinks of bleach . I don't like this super-hero sense of smell I've developed.

Now, I know this doesn't really bode well for when I'm confronted with baybee poo, but I think my baybee poo will smell of roses be easier to deal with than some fucking retard adult smearing their shit up the walls.

As you were.............

I don't fucking believe this! Just had a call from the clinic apologising because I had my triple test too early so they haven't done it. I said I was 15+5 on the day of the test, the midwife went back through my notes and agreed it was the right day and would ring the central clinic in Cardiff. So I now don't know when I am going to get the result, if they still even have my sample! And I have missed the window to get it done again now if they have lost it. And I'm supposed to trust these people to deliver my baby???????

Sorry, slightly hysterical here!

laurie That's fucking horrible. :( We had a phantom pisser, you know, a "hovverer" - i.e., someone who pisses everywhere except in the bowl, then waltzes off - in fact I printed up a shirty notice up asking "men not to use the ladies" because I assumed it was a bloke! Anyway... one of the girls was off sick for 6 weeks and during that time not one teeny tiny drop of wee! F'kin' grim. I am now one of only two women on my floor - don't have that problem anymore! As for baby poo - I can honestly say I couldn't even smell Bear's until he was a few months old.

As far as home help goes - the Dutch provide an "afterbirth care service" - I had someone come to my place for 6 days to clean, make me coffees & food. And... when I had a teeny tiny lochia problem (!), they popped me in the shower, cleaned me, got me in to bed where I cried + fell asleep and when I woke up the washing had been done and the bathroom was spotless. That is the kind of help you need. Plus someone who can go to the supermarket for you - unless of course you have a man who knows an aubergine from a Fray Bentos pie.

bitey Deep breaths. If the test were to reveal something nasty - would it change the outcome of this pregnancy? What I mean is - would you terminate for Downs? I think a lot of people have the tests without considering the implications of the tests. Personally I chose not to have the tests because I knew I wouldn't terminate and I didn't need the worry of the rest of my pregnancy filled with fear and worry. I'm an ostrich me!

Btw, when people offer to "help with the baby" what they actually mean is hold the baby. Not gather up all the soiled whites and stick them on a hot wash!

Alps I'm moving! That afterbirth care service sounds amaze. Unlike your phantom pisser - what is wrong with people?

Bitey Bloody nightmare! No advice here I'm afraid. Is there any to give, if the numpties have messed up & you've missed the window? Alps is right though - would the test have changed your PG? You may not be able to answer this to yourself - I'm one of the people Alps mentions who had the test without seriously thinking about what I'd do if the outcome wasn't great. I mean, I tried to think but simply just couldn't imagine. I'm in Cardiff if you need violence applied anywhere.

test

mmm, I usually write my posts offline, then C+P them in when online. Except doing that takes me back to the Topics page when I hit post. Except if I just type.

so, gist of what I wanted to say. Pie good, results fuck-up, not good. Mingers in communal toilets also not good.

I don't know about the termination ski but I prefer to know as much as I can about these things. More a control freak than an ostrich! This is just the latest mistake from the clinic, they've cocked up everything they have to do with my care.

I was thinking about going to my second nearest midwife led centre but it's an hour away instead of half an hour and if there are problems (and there have been for all my immediate female relatives) I would then need to go to a hospital another half hour away. It could mean I end up having my baby three counties away.

Sorry for hysteria, I just can't understand how the clinic can keep making these mistakes! It's basic admin really.

And breathe!

loz am no expert on moving but the baybee book says there is less dancing around as they get bigger and have less room to manouvere?

Very sorry about your phantom shitter too, I always wonder who does that and why? And what possessed your colleague to take a differ to inspect it???

we have a phantom shitter who leaves huge menacing floaty ones but no toilet paper

yikes at these toilet abusers, one of the pluses of WFH. seriously who the hell smears shit everywhere?

bitey that is really really shit, i think you should make another complaint. But pony does talk a lot of sense, it would depnd what you are going to do with the info. I didn't have the nuchal fold test in the end for this very reason as i knew i wouldn't terminate. I didn't see the point of paying for bad news when i preferred to convince myself it would not be bad. (positive thinking) We didn't even get the triple test results back, as they work on a no news is good news policy up here. I went for those because they were free and i did at least think forewarned is fore armed like yourself. But if it had been a less than positive result its still not conclusive. I have a friend of a friend who was told categorically she would have a downs baby and she turned out not to be. Of course all of this doesn't help your situation when you have been through the test and they have fucked it up. I hope you can get it resolved but all I am saying is if you can't then try not to let that worry you over much. You baby will be perfect!

loz sprout alternates between the fluttery movements i like to think of as tap dancing and proper punches i like to think of as kung fu kicks. she went through a change a week or so ago, and i get much less of the tap dancing on my bladder (thank god) and its higher up and therefore feels less strong sort of gentler although i can now see it much more, i think its because it's not on such a sensitive part of me. MY theory is that she's just changing position and practicing loads of different movements and depending which way she is facing it might feel less strong. As long as I can feel movement everyday i am not too worried!

Wow, seems there are a few phantom toilet nutters out there. How odd.

Bitey Don't apologise for the hysteria, I'd imagine part of it is sheer frustration too. If you have serious doubts re the competency of the hospital, maybe it would be better to transfer your care. At least one point where you can hopefully put your mind at rest.

Talking of putting minds at rest, thanks Rocket for your baybee moving antics. I know all movement is good movement, but I think I was so amused by the bigger kicks (or Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks as Mr Loz thinks of them) that these little flutters aren't the same. My tummy sometimes just goes really hard & I assume this is when Bug is moving around & getting comfy. I could sit & watch / feel my tummy all day

I also stoopidly watched Masterchef last night, where they had to use an egg in their dish. I'm now at the stage where if I don't have a runny poached egg soon I may die

God I love poached eggs

I am a bit slack on the egg front because I buy them from the supermarket where they are immunised against salmonella. I'm not just cracking them open and eating them (Why did I just say that? BOAK) but do have boiled eggs that you stick soldiers in. I'm not sure that it is a good thing to do but I did just decide not to eat my last peanut M&M after it rolled under the computer table and got coated in cat hair I am still thinking about rinsing it so I'm not all bad.

Have calmed down, possibly related to the peanut M&Ms and am just going to wait and see what they say this afternoon. Unless they haven't rung by 3.15 in which case I shall resume hyperventilating and wailing.

i could too lozenge I particularly love when i am texting or reading and my hands are resting on my bump, and it all starts bouncing around. I expect this novelty to wear off once i start to get REALLY big (or maybe not)

Glad the M&Ms are having a calming effect bitey but I still think you should have words.

My daddy just came round with a box of alcohol free beer and freshly made loaf of bread to cheer me up love him!

Mid wife has rung again, the tests have all been done they just need to recalibrate them with the correct dates. They will ring again this afternoon or tomorrow morning with the results, she said the people in Cardiff are slowing things now. Loz pliz can you kick everyone in Cardiff in the backside? Sorry to be so indiscriminately violent but I am not sure where in Cardiff they are hiding. Actually you can probably not kick mrLoz unless he works in differs blood testing, or you may just want to. Will have words tomorrow after test results back. They really are crap!

PS I am drinking a glass of tonic with ice and a slice of lime and pretending it is gin. It is having a very soothing placebo effect

PS Dad. I am a grown up honest! I think I have spent too long calling FHD daddy to the cat!

This is what I tried to post earlier...

Bitey Pie sounds good!

My usual gifts are clothes in a bigger size than newborn/0-3 or books ? several of my friend?s kids have the beginnings of their first libraries from me (classics taking them up to say age 5: Hungry Caterpillar, Winne the Pooh, something by the Ahlbergs, a soft or bath book for the earliest stages.) More than once I have been told I am the only person to give this gift. It might not be immediately practical, and I may well change my mind on the suitability of this in the next weeks, but I like being the Auntie who gives books. You might want to think of something for the parents too ? food hamper, or the like.

Bitey, am gld they're going to sort your results out after all. The point is not whether someone would abort due to bad news or not, just that they should do their bloody (pun intended) job properly

Re: phantom shitters - I used to work in an art gallery that was above the main public library (huge building). We had an installation space which seemed to act as a beacon to freaks as we had to get security in most weeks to deal with people shitting, pissing or indulging in various sex acts in there At least 70% of them were middle or upper class and over 50. And there was a spate of grossness where people were picking up the CDs on loan, walking round the library with them, shitting into the cases, closing them, then leaving them on the stairs, etc., so that people would pick them up and get a delightful surprise upon opening them. When they caught the culprits, it was a couple of posh twin sisters in their 40s, both with high-powered jobs. Wrongness.

Yesterday I started feeling kicking/movement in more than one place simultaneously and feeling like The Lad was shuddering, which I take to mean he's turning over. V groovy Sometimes he doesn't seem to move for ages and I get worried but hey, babies in utero need a kip and a chillax just like everyone out of the womb do too. Although he's not move much since this morning, eeeek!

I was stood rubbing my bump, feeling knackered in the supermarket earlier and a woman said 'I remember that feeling!' and gave me a grin and a wink, which was really lovely. Better than the old biddies who look at my stomach, then my ringless left hand and then frown!

some people are such mingers.

Oh Bitey, MrLoz doesn't work in blood dept but I'll kick him anyway just for the fun of it. I hope they don't make you wait too much longer for test results. It doesn't instill confidence in the system, does it? Love the sound of your dad BTW. If he fancies a round trip to drop some more bread off..........sounds yummy.

Scorps you win the phantom shitter stories - that is insane .

Seems to be a random day for toilets. I was in a meeting this morning where someone conference called in coz they were on sick. I'm not sure they knew they were on speakerphone when they announced they were ringing from the loo, then flushed the toilet for good measure! FFS, I seem to be surrounded by loons.

Scorps that's a much nicer story about lady winking at you. I feel I may have offended some random differ in M&S at lunchtime. She was proudly pushing a gorgeous little girl, & announcing to what looked like her mum & Nan that she gained 4 stone 10lb during diffment. I couldn't stop myself yelling "Yikes! Don't say that I'm only 26 weeks!". Not very nice of me, was it? . She looked fab now, I have to say.

I do wonder if today has been some kind of crazy nightmare..........

ooh, have just noticed MNHQ took out the question mark at PollyPoo's BB's birthdate. Hurrah for MNHQ!

Blimey Scorpetta, you do live an exciting life. I've worked in the NHS for 15 yrs and have never come across such strange toilet behaviour as you describe.

I stand/sit rubbing my belly whenever I get the chance, which prompts (mostly fat) people to remark on how "you don't even have a bump yet". But I do, and it feels fab even if it is small. Am becoming quite comfortable with Lulu-style outbursts of blunt honesty, then blaming it on the hormones. Brilliant plus side of diffment.

Big up MNHQ. The devils in the detail.

I always swore to myself I wouldn't be one of those belly rubbing differs as i found it a bit annoying, but I just can't HELP myself. Plus I hadn't accounted for the itching.

Foxy, I am a renown nutter magnet (how d'ya think I found the BESH on here*? ). The CD-shitting Sisters were possibly some of the least weird people I've come across in my working life

I love rubbing my belly :) Sometimes The Lad kicks where my hand is moving - swear he thinks it's a game!

Well done MNHQ.

Oh, forget to mention: Medee, you're top of the list!

*Actually, I was recruited, which says a lot about other people's nutter magnets...