The PESH in a manger

[LadyGoneGaga]

No booze for our heads,
No clubbing, no Class A's,
No more pants of red

The midwives in the hossie,
Looked down where we lay,
A bunch of old, evil hags,
Fucked on Gas and A.

Ho, ho, ho you bunch of Hoes.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April.
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8.
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24.
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29.
AlpinePony, boy, born 1 July.
Carrots, boy, born July.
IggyPiggy, girl, born July.
Cosmosis, boy, born Sept 5.
Backinthebox, boy, born Sept 7.
Skatergrrrl, girl, born Sept 10.
VAG, boy, born Oct 2.
Silversky, boy, born Nov 1
SomethingSuitablyWitty, girl born Nov 2
okiecokie, girl, born Nov 12
Honeymoo, boy, born Nov 11
ReginaMonologue, boy, born Nov 13

UPDIFFED

maswera, can't possibly be having a baybee next week, due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not, due 22 Jan
ChoChoSan, "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb", due 31 Jan
CluckyKate, hatching an egg, due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science, due February 24
Muser, blooming at last, due February 27
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole, completely out of witty things to add, due April 8
Scorpette, now carrying a RL baby in addition to Clothilda and the squid, due 18th May.
Laurielou, the unmarried hussy with the "surprise" diff, due 31 May (ish)
Rocketleaf, no longer jealous of morning sickness, due 1 June.
Twinkle Toes, supergluing her fanjo shut, due 23 June.
LadyGoneGaga, Compulsive Stick pisser, due 28 July

I'm writing all this down, FC. I am an insomniac who wakes at the slightest thing, so I'm going to have to consider what sleeping option gives ME some quality of sleep otherwise I'll be neither use nor ornament to anyone. Good tips about the not linking feeds to sleeping - am going to check out the Baby Whisperer on Amazon, cheers

Fab find with the drucks there, Muse. Hope tomorrow is a chunder-free zone

I vomited seductively into my hands without warning yesterday after taking my omeprazole. Everything but the pill came up, so I was both relieved and impressed. Not to mention stinky and mucky

'Neither use nor ornament' I love that phrase!! Tracey Hogg wrote the Baby Whisperer.

Sick in your hands. Gross for you, but easier to clean up I s'pose...! I'm weirdly impressed!!

I think it all depends oh what your personality as a parent is too. Those that like routine prefer Baby Whisperer and Gina Ford et al, whereas I find a routine stresses me out so I avoided stuff that told me I should do stuff at a certain time like the plague. Anything that made me feel guilty had to go - I think that should be the rule of thumb with any book - you will always know your baby best and if what a stranger in a book says flies in the face of what you know your baybee needs then ditch it.

I think things like the dreamfeed (from BW) are an excellent idea and if I ever get my second babybee I'll definitely try that one out. I think that there are tips that work in all of the books but babybees and their parents are individuals so there isn't a one size fits all book out there - ooh maybe I should write one and become a mumpreneur.

Get writing, Boo!

I dunno what type of parent I'll be. Idealistically, I veer towards the more lentil-weaving side of things, ie baby-wearing, baby sign language and so on, but am going to play it by ear and do what works for us. Until your book comes along, obviously

FC, it was more out of necessity than anything else. Was sat at my laptop and had about 2 seconds to work out how not to shower the screen. As a seasoned lifetime easy-spewer, I am the mistress of finding something to heave into at a moment's notice (once in my brother's bobble hat - a proud moment!*).

*No, he didn't then put it back on. Despite my best attempts to get him to

You will find your own way of doing things Scorps and you will be fab. I think reading a variety of things when pregnant to prepare for the reality of having the baybee in your life can be useful as long as you don't take anything as gospel. For example for every Mum that doesn't want to feed to sleep, you will find another, like my good self, who actively chose to do that until baybee learns to self settle in their own time (as he did). Each approach is equally as valid.

:o at stealth vom, and bobble hat sibling cruelty.

I'm going to put this out there because it may be a little controversial.

You can do whatever the fuck you like with regards to routine/non-routine - you don't even need to buy a book. This is your baby, not a GCSE Chemistry experiment where you're supposed to follow a list of instructions. You do not need to answer to anyone, not even your best friend or mother.

not listen to your mother? Mine would never forgive me

Seriously, I suppose you're right ski. But I as a newbie & control freak I love routine & instructions etc. Being free & easy makes me, well uneasy

However I have surprised myself by thinking I'm not going to make any hard & fast rules yet as I'd only be upset if I didn't follow them when Mini Loz is here.

In other news I have my Downs screening blood test & appointment with consultant this afternoon to discuss how fucked up my back really is & whether I need to be consultant lead or I can be left to the MW. Any other back suffers out there with words of wisdom? All thoughts welcome.........

I threw the baby whisperer in a skip

I was much happier after that. And once I started ignoring people who told me what my baby 'should' be doing.

He was a lousy sleeper. For a very long time. But I did things in the only way that made sense to me, and he has come out alright in the end. And seems very secure which is nice :)

I know lots of people have found lots of bits of books helpful, but the only one I read made me feel like a failure because we just didn't 'fit'. And I personally found her really patronising. Hence the skip....

I don't think people should feel bad about finding help in books though!!! It's different for everyone.

Gina Ford can kiss my arse though (just my very 'umble opinion :))

Good luck muse and lorry. Off for more wonk-fixing in a mo, will check in later...

I agree with you princess & pony, you just have to go with what works for you. I am generally quite a selfish person and like things my way, and I DO love a nice plan, so routines and lists work for me, but at the and of the day, no child is going to remember what you did or didn't do, just that their parents loved them and were happy. I was a BIG believer in the dream feed, but that is because I'm normally and owl sort of sleeper anyway, and the FC is a lark. Whatever works for y, use it I say and don't let anyone make you feel guilty, life is tough enough!!

A quick question, does your brother still stand close to you whilst wearing headgear score??!!

loz, good luck with your tests today. I had terrible back ache at the start of my second trimester, but it does gradually fade. I found that some yoga help led, learning how to use your core muscles at the bottom of your stomach helped support it, and gradually my back got stronger.

Sorry, I've been reading on my phone for the last few days (access in work denied again) and had thought of loads of comments, but cant remember everything I was going to say so sorry if I miss anyone.

Actually glad you said the ski but I think different things work for different people as boo said. If reading loads and cherry picking the advice that applies, or following one books advice to the letter works for you then great. Personally I am in the winging it camp, mainly because I find reading none fiction VERY boring, the only thing I can cope with reading regarding pregnancy is my phone apps as it gives it me in easily digestible pieces. Boo perhaps you could write one of those instead of a book? :o What worries me is that people keep telling me what a great mum I'm going to be and I can't think of anything to support this opinion, I suppose they are just saying it, but its a bit odd. I am one of those people who generally avoids doing things I don't know I am going to be good at and having a baby is completely undiscovered country, I suppose I'd better start reading up about what to do with it soon.

muse good luck with 2nd round of GT testing, hope this is less vom inducing.

mas VERY cute baby bag, i am going to print and give to MIL :o

lozzer i have my triple text on monday, loads of luck with yours today. I am a bit worried about my back too, thought it was fully recovered from disk ishoos last winter but has started twinging on the other side in the same place, keeping quiet about it for now the "lalallalala"

score I am thinking cot next to the bed to, mainly because I'm also a very light sleeper and move about a lot and constantly nick all the covers, so I think i would probably end up kneeing babilino out of the bed completely!! Although I do really like the sound of co-sleeping. I think I am just going to see what happens. If I have the cot next to the bed then I have the option to keep him in with me or not I suppose.

Oh gawd, now I feel even more under-prepared... I have had the open-mind approach to parenting methods, ie was thinking I'll give something a try and if it doesn't work, will try something else, or will mix & match between a few to find the best way for us. However the big downside to this is I haven't read a single word of any parenting book (or even own one). Dammit - I haven't even read the childbirth section of my pregnancy book. And now I'm starting to panic......

DONT PANIC! mas you and I can sit happily in the winging it corner trying to feed our 3 week old babies cornflakes and putting nappies on their heads :o

Thursday clearly busy day at clinic. I've been sat here since 8.30 waiting to be seen. I want food. Hurry up people. Hopefully I'm next.

mas I have not read a parenting book and have no clue about what to do. I was planning on winging it along with you and rocker.

Muse good luck, hope the appointment is a success today then you can eat what you fancy.

Mas do not panic. Your plan of not having a strict plan sounds like the best plan of all! I've quickly looked at the childbirth section of my book & quite frankly think its over-rated . Stick to reading Hello! instead.

Just found out another of my colleagues is diffed. About 4 weeks behind me. I'm waiting the arrival of our manager so I can watch his head explode. I have the popcorn at the ready............

Oh, & "so you're eating again" charmer has just said that he can understand why people don't want to emply wimminz. I know its his heavy handed attempt at humour, but may I just shout CUNT!

Mas I did the same. Got home from hospital and it suddenly dawned on me I only had the faintest idea of what to do with an actual baby as hadn't thought past the birth yet! We winged it too. He didn't die. Necessity is the Mother of invention.

Want to listen to some Zappa now lady :o

I've got an appointment through for a Gallbladder scan, which is good, not til 30th of Dec. I am not allowed to eat for SIX HOURS before hand, so no food from from 11 am, do they not know I am diffed and need to eat every 2 hours or so!!! Plus appointment is at 5 pm so if I get the scan any where near that time I'll eat my hat (I probably actually will by that point) Its so weird that the routine for a hospital scan is so completely different to a natal scan. I am going to have to wear a hospital gown and everything, its bloody stupid. Bah. Oh well.

WFH today as the M62 is closed do to mass pile up, hope no one was hurt. The roads are really treacherous so decided not to bother.

muse hope they hurry up.

loz TWUNT seems to be in order imo.

Got seen just after posting. It's been 20 mins, bit longer, no puking. Anti-vom pills seem to be doing the trick.

mas I hadn't read the "childbirth" bit either - but then I was rushed in to hospital at 36 weeks!

Hi all, sorry for not name checking but am on phone sat in Costa in Tesco before mustering up the energy to go home.

Scorps you can have my copy of the baby whisperer if you like. It's either that or it goes on the fire! O was a hungry boy that defied all attempts to establish any routine etc. I tried the pick up, put down thing but it just resulted in hours of trying to get him to sleep versus a 5 min spurt on the boob and off he'd go without any fuss. I soon learnt who was boss and felt entirely liberated when I let things happen as he dictated. Life became far easier for us all!! My mum couldn't understand why I even tried, and despite me suggesting she didn't know anything (even given her extensive childcare experience) she was right. Every baby is different and some like routine, but I think those are the babies that do it naturally anyway rather than having it imposed.

Anyway, like I say it's free to a good home if anyone wants it. I won't be reading it again.

We tried "pick up, put down" . Three exhausted nights later gave it up as a bad job. MiniG traumatised for days

I wanna just play it by ear and find my own way of what works, which is what I'm like about everything already. Have spent a lifetime with people thinking I'm deeply eccentric anyway, so I don't see why I should change now I don't feel guilty if I don't conform to how books say I should be doing things because they can fuck right off.

Having said that, I like that there are books out there that might help if you turn to them if you're stumped over a particular thorny issue. Orcs, you can lend/bung me that book when I see ya soon and I'll see if I like what it's saying, if that's cool :)

Everyone doing it their own way also includes people following routines and ideas in books. So long as baby is healthy, happy and secure is what matters. No particular way is better.

BTW, I foolishly read the labour section of my pg books when I was only 6 wks. I've been sat staring in horror at a spot in the distance ever since, really. Very. Bad. Idea.

Muse, glad the evil brew is staying down so far. Hope the results come back negatory (do you get them today or have to wait?).

Rocket, glad you've got a date sorted but grrr about not being able to eat for so long and the scan being so late in the day. Hopefully, you can make up for it the next day (ie New Year's Eve)

Lozza, please murder that cunt for the whole of ESHdom by forcing a Bounty pack down his idiotic throat At the very least, 'accidentally' spill a huge mugful of hot coffee/tea all over his groin. Hope your boss enjoys their Xmas surprise, tee hee.

And finally - my brother 'was' a little shit and me puking in his bobble hat was nothing compared to his evil antics He was a monster with an angelface

PS I think I'm far too soppy to be able to follow rules in books anyway. Rod, own back, etc.

I survived! Think I'll get the results when I have my midwife appointment next week. It's one of those "the hospital will only call you if there's a problem, otherwise wait for midwife" deals.

I feel a bit rubbish now. Like I could sleep for the rest of the day. Have had food and everything.

How is Muse - that nasty drink still staying down?

You do right, Scorps. I think half the beating up myself I did was because I thought MiniG should be doing this or that. Took me ages to realise that all babies have their own personalities and what one likes, another will hate. If you like ideas/books the No cry sleep solution is a good alternative approach to GF and BW. I think I have it downloaded as a pdf somewhere so could share if anyone wants it.

Having probs with MiniG's dad at the mo. MiniG gets on great with his Dad, he has him one weekend in three, one weekend "off" and then the other weekend we do half and half. But obv he misses him. MiniG hates speaking on the phone at the mo. Gets angry when I make him and shouts "No, don't want to speak to Daddy, Go 'way, Daddy". Ex-P is understandably hurt and upset about this but feels it must be my fault. This pisses me right off because I am always very supportive of their relationship, never slag him off in front of MiniG, try to encourage him to phone him etc. Ex-P has suggested counselling. I think he's two years old and just doesn't like speaking on the phone right now. Not sure how counselling would in any way be appropriate. I think he may have some anger towards his Dad but it's not like he can talk it out is it? How would you handle it?

I think part of this is Ex-P feeling insecure because MrG now living with us full time and MiniG does love him to bits. But he still obv loves his Dad too but you can't get a 2 year old to expppress that and to be honest I think he needs to HTFU a little bit and be the adult.